A nice, fun one with some angst at the end because of Lucifer feels.
Episode Twelve – Criss Angel is A Douche Bag
Ella seemed to have forgiven him for calling her fave a serial killer yesterday, which was a good thing, although her mood wasn't exactly the best. Still, at least she had decided to show up to watch this episode with him.
The first thing that jumped out at him was the title, which had him snickering. "So, I'm guessing Criss Angel is a douche bag. Douche bag, not a douchebag. Why is it two words instead of just one?"
Okay maybe he was trying to warm Ella back up after a day of the cold shoulder, and it seemed to be working because she grinned at him.
"Maybe they'd get into trouble writing it down as one word."
"What, calling someone a Douche is fine, calling someone a bag is fine, calling someone both one after the other is great, but smooshing the two together is just not allowed?"
"Television land. It's a weird and scary place. Who knows how their minds work?"
He gave her that one, grinning and nodding to her words. "That is true. Okay, let's watch what this douche bag will do."
He pushed play on tonight's episode and hoped he wouldn't be ran out of his home after a fit of temper from the usually so excitable Ella.
He stopped it when the three old guys all called the guy on stage a douchebag together for his utterly ridiculous act to laugh. "Okay, if that is Criss Angel, then oh yeah, he's a douchebag. It's a magic show bro, not a disco party for you to hog the lights. Though there is nothing wrong with guy-liner. It makes me look fabulous."
And that seemed to do it, Ella laughed at his side and seemed to loosen up a bit. "Holy shit, I know, right? I'd prefer to watch the old guy doing card tricks than an entitled ass thinking he owns the stage and everyone should bend to his will."
Lucifer grinned at that. "There are times when owning a stage is good. But only if it is a solo act and no one else is involved, and a magician always needs an apprentice. Or they should have one. It's a time honoured tradition that should be kept. In which case, she should also share the lights. I doubt this guy would ever share with anyone."
"Hah, remember the time in Vegas and we put on that show? You only joined the dancers to sing down there with them after you had established them as definitely part of the act, while you mainly stayed at the piano. And it was fun. Hard, but fun."
He grinned. "I do like to put on a show, but the dancers should be equally rewarded for their work."
She nodded. "Yep, glad we agree. Push play."
He pushed play, with a grin on his face.
He oohed when the drunk asshole of a magician at the bar died while Jay got out in time and performed his trick. Which must have failed because of the dead guy. "This looks to be a fun episode. Witches?"
Ella frowned. "You know, I think it's actually just magic. But real that one of the guys got their hands on, but I don't really remember."
He raised an eyebrow. "You don't remember?"
She shrugged. "Believe it or not, I actually don't remember everything that goes on in this show. And while this episode is fun, it was pretty forgettable. I didn't even remember it existed until I saw the title, but remembered it was about magicians."
He grinned. "Huh, should be just as fun for you remembering then, as it is for me watching it now. It has me intrigued and we haven't even seen the Winchester boys yet."
She rolled her eyes in his direction. "Dude, just turn it back on."
He did so at her word.
He stopped it again. "Ooh, Someone taking Tarot cards to a literal meaning? This guy drops dead from 10 stab wounds and there's the ten of swords. Nice. So, it is magic tricks being turned on others through a true magic device. It's a proper tarot set with real magic."
Ella brightened. "Oh yeah, I remember this now. The magic cards. I don't remember if they're cursed or just there to turn magic tricks onto someone else if they go deadly."
He grinned. "Either way this is fun to speculate about."
He pushed play again, wanting to see where this episode goes. He liked the fun ones.
He laughed at everyone calling this kid a douchebag. Because he clearly is one. He wondered if he was the one that would die that night. Someone was going to take the death meant for Jay.
He paused it again when The Chief came on screen so he could bury his face in his hands and laugh. "Oh holy shit, I am in love with these old magicians! They're great! They totally got Dean into a BDSM gay club. Oh, oh please say he stays! This is precious!" He quickly pushed play once he had stopped laughing so hard and had his say, just to see.
He frowned and paused it again shortly after. "Wait...did Dean stay and enjoy the delights of the Chief or did he not? I mean, he was obviously gone for a while. Ooh and there is trouble in paradise for Sam. Not into the demon blood much right now. And I still don't know how that is supposed to up his abilities. He must have been born with them, they can't just magically appear for no reason."
Ella grinned. "Big spoilers, Lucifer. Not telling."
He pouted and pushed play.
He grinned as the douchebag kid did end up dead by the rope. "What card was used for this? Fool card?"
She grinned. "Wait and see. Because I don't remember specific cards."
He did wait until the card was revealed and paused. "Ooh, Hanged Man, hah, of course. Well, he was hanged, so taken to the literal name, but not what the card means."
Ella laughed. "I don't think the actual meaning means much. It's a magic deck of tarot cards to be taken literally."
He frowned at the screen. "Wait...what would happen if the death card was used? Would they be stripped of all skin down to their skeleton? Wow, what a way to go. Ew. And ow."
Ella shuddered at the imagery. "Thanks a lot for that imagine in my head, Lucifer."
He grinned at her. "On happier news, at least Dean is talking to Sam like a person this episode. And with the life they lead, I am amazed they got to 14 seasons. Because yeah, they should be dying young. Wait, does this mean Dean made it to 40? Huh."
"Well, he was 26 first season, so yeah."
"Good for him." He pushed play, because it also means it was likely Sam wouldn't reach 40.
He laughed as Jay got out of the ropes and disappeared. He really liked Jay.
He frowned. "Wait, what? How did he live and get young? That...resurrection? What card did he use to grow young again."
"Shh, just watch."
He didn't turn it off for the rest of the episode, which ended on such a downer note he felt sad about it. He switched off the television and stared at the screen.
"It's weird."
Ella looked up him, confused. "What's weird?"
"How short your lives are. Weird and sad. And I just realised that I've never actually had human friends before. You're all going to grow old and die and I'm not. I'm going to go on and live and stay young, because it was the way I was made. No magic, just plain natural immortal lifespan."
She stared at him. "Wow, Lucifer, deep."
He grinned at her. "Shut up. I've only ever really dealt with death in...well weird ways. A brother I killed to save mortal lives. And of course, all the already dead souls I could stomach in Hell. Death is not a natural part of an angel's life. Unless you're Azrael, and even then it's just a job to her. I have no frame of reference until one of you dies."
Ella was suddenly hugging his arm. "Aww. Well, for what it's worth, us humans? We grow up and learn about death pretty early in life. Through a pet, or a relative or friend. Accident or age. We all die. That's what's natural to us. We fear death but we also know to not die would be wrong. It's why the witches and humans who do things to stay young or immortalize themselves, both in this show and every other show and book and everything else under the sun that has it, are considered the bad guys."
He nodded at that one, then let out a sigh. "Just so you know, I hate Mondays."
She laughed at the sudden switch in conversation. "Dude, everyone hates Mondays."
He sighed and shook his head. "Slow club night, Mondays. I am going to go drink the bar in Lux."
She hugged him harder than she had been before letting go. "Well, have fun with that. I am going to go home and read Harry Potter."
He blinked. "Huh, of course. Voldemort."
She grinned. "Yep. Point taken. Go and think. I'll see you tomorrow."
With that she got up and left.
It took him a half hour before he got up off the couch to go down to Lux.
This show was going to make him think of things that aren't very pleasant and natural for him.
Life with humans was going to hurt. A lot. But he wouldn't give up his friends for anything.
Headcanon - Dean totally stayed for a fun session with The Chief. Yes, I see Dean as Bi. Also with many kinks.
Headcanon - Even working with dead bodies for a hobby, Lucifer doesn't actually understand how death truly affects other people. The death of Uriel hurt the entire celestial family and not one of them knows how to deal with it.