"Okay, is everyone ready?" asked Tony, then answering his own question before they could respond. "Of course you are, the system always automatically fills your hand. Okay, let's see what the next question is." Tony read the new card, and smiled a little bit. "What's the next Happy Meal® toy?"
"This won't end well," said Steve, selecting his card.
Soon, all the cards were in, and Tony was looking at them happily. "Okay, what have you got for me," he said, looking at the first card. "The next Happy Meal® toy is…Canadian Netflix."
"Yeah, they replace the interdimensional beings in Stranger Things with a really pissed off moose," said Clint. "And Eleven's actually a bear."
"And the kids are actually a hockey team, right?" asked Tony. "Okay, next Happy Meal® toy is… carpet bombing ISIS."
"Eh, they had it coming," said Natasha.
"I don't get it, what did an Egyptian goddess do to deserve that?" asked Thor.
"Not that one buddy," said Tony, looking at the next card. "Next card is…okay, who did that?"
"Read it," said Bruce.
"A crusty sock that oddly smells like mashed potatoes," said Tony.
"Why are people storing mashed potatoes in a sock?" asked Steve. "Or is this one of those sex things I don't understand?"
"It's a sex thing," said Natasha. "Do you want me to explain it, or…"
"I'm starting to think it's better to stay ignorant about this stuff," said Steve, settling in his seat.
"Okay, next potential toy is…hip hop jewels," said Tony. "You know those are actually called bling, right?"
"You are hardly black enough to be allowed to say that," said Clint. "Though I'm guessing that if you opened a McDonald's, that would be the toy with the meal."
"…I mean, I could probably afford it," said Tony. "Okay, last one is… Judge Judy. Yeah, I'm sure kids will love a small claims judge as a toy."
"She can make rulings when the kids are fighting over their toys," said Natasha.
"As a father, I approve of this idea," said Clint.
"But as a horrible human being, I'm giving kids the crusty sock," said Tony.
"HA! I have my second point," said Thor. "From you, no less Stark."
"Okay, maybe I should give it to…" started Tony.
"Too late, no take-backsies," said Bruce, leaning over and awarding Thor his point. "Okay, my turn." Bruce looked at his screen, and smiled widely. "Oh man, this one's so appropriate for us. Your question is: I think they are running out of superheroes now that they've introduced the Human _."
"Okay, let's see who our new Avenger is," said Steve, looking for a card to play.
Soon, Bruce had all his answers in. "Okay, who is our next Avengers?" he asked. "Is it…a Puerto Rican Minotaur from the Bronx Man?"
"He sounds like someone I should have met by now if he were Avenger worthy," said Thor.
"How about Rehab Man?" asked Bruce.
"Did Amy Winehouse get a sex change?" asked Tony.
"Jesus Christ Tony, she's dead," said Bruce. "Anyway, we also have Spouting Off Man."
"I think you mean Tony," said Clint.
"I'll take that as a compliment," said Tony.
"It's not. It really isn't," said Bruce. "Anyway, next up we have A Tiny Horse Man."
"Arch Nemesis to the Puerto Rican Minotaur?" asked Steve.
"I think the Puerto Rican Minotaur would crush the Tiny Horse Man," said Bruce. "Anyway, our last suggestion is UNICEF Losers Man. Those poor kids."
"Yeah, I know. They're not even getting money from a good charity," said Tony. "But anyway Bruce, who's your winner?"
"Honestly?" said Bruce. "I really like the idea of a Puerto Rican minotaur as a superhero. I'm giving it to that."
"Thank you," said Tony, getting his second point of the game. "High Voltage, you're up."
"Okay mortals, what keeps me up at night?" asked Thor. "Seriously? First I'm crying myself to sleep, now I'm kept up all night. Will this game make up its mind?"
"Luck of the draw, buddy," said Tony, looking for a good card to pick.
Soon, the answers were in, and Thor began to read them. "Okay, 48 hour labour keeps me up at night," he said.
"Ouch, that would," said Clint.
"It's times like this I'm glad I can't have kids," said Natasha.
"Next up, we have a big hot fire that's burning everybody," said Thor. "Who let Surtur out so he could do that?"
"You?" asked Bruce.
"…shut up," said Thor. "Next, we have a piñata full of scorpions. Now THAT sounds like fun."
"For the scorpions maybe," said Bruce. "For the guy who breaks it, not so much."
"Post-sex funk keeps me up at night," said Thor. "Hell yeah it does."
"Please spare us the thought of you procreating," said Natasha.
"And finally, robots with human faces keep me up at night," said Thor. "Ultron was pretty horrifying."
"I think Vision might take offence to that comment," said Tony. "But anyway, what's your choice?"
"Hmm…" thought Thor out loud. "I think I like the piñata full of scorpions is the most horrifying. And also something Loki might do to me."
"Wait, I actually got a point?" asked Steve. "Wow, thanks."
"My pleasure, Captain Rogers," said Thor. "Now, what's your question for us?"
Steve read the card, and immediately began laughing. "Those of us here against our will, we're about to get revenge," he said with a wicked grin. "My question is: Tony was enjoying _ with his intern when the office door opened and his boss came in."
"Joke's on you Cap, my name's on the building," said Tony. "Therefore I am the…"
"Pepper," said Clint, causing Tony to immediately shut up and gulp in concern.
Steve could hardly contain his excitement as each of the others put in their answers. "This is going to be great," he said. "Okay, first up we have this: Tony was enjoying being up and coming with his intern when the office door opened and his boss came in. Pretty sure he's already at the top of his field, but…"
"No Steve," said Natasha. "I think they mean he was…"
"It's a sex thing, isn't it?" asked Steve. Natasha just nodded in response. "Okay, moving on. Tony was enjoying a Donald Trump pussy grab with his intern when the office door opened and his boss came in."
"Yep, there it is," said Tony. "The first one wasn't so bad, but I knew someone would have something bad."
"I've got three more answers Tony," said Steve. "And I'm guessing this Facebook friend-purging answer was you trying to make yourself look not so bad."
"…I mean, Pepper's more likely to catch me doing that than the other things," said Tony.
"Okay, next up we have…" started Steve, before reading and bursting out laughing. The others stared at him as he tried to compose himself, but Steve was struggling. "Jesus Christ, I haven't seen the last one, but I think this one might be a winner."
"Well now you HAVE to read it," said Bruce.
"I'll try," said Steve, wiping away a tear. "Tony was enjoying a mi *snorts* micropenis so small, it forced the *laughs* Planck length to be redefined by several orders of magnitude with his intern *uncontrollable giggling* when the office door opened and his boss came in." Steve managed to get the whole thing out before eventually cracking and bursting out laughing again. Followed by the other four Avengers. Tony just glared at all of them, middle fingers up.
"Holy crap," wheezed Natasha, trying to settle down. "I think Scott had to shrink between the atoms to find it."
"I don't care if I lose this round, that one was brilliant," said Clint.
"Still, I suppose I should read the last one, just in case it's better," said Steve, finally settling down. "Let's see…roofying her just for some god damn peace and quiet? Yeah, no, micropenis wins."
"I knew it," said Thor, accepting his point.
"Wait a minute, isn't Parker Stark's intern? Or is the Spider-Man not as much of a man as we thought?" asked Clint, bringing on another round of laughter.
"Everything bad about today just went away," said Bruce.
"Fuck all of you," said Tony, clearly unhappy about the last round.
"Okay, enough about Tony's micropenis," said Natasha. "We have a game to play, and it's my turn." Natasha read her card, then frowned. "Huh, okay, I'm assuming this is supposed to be a reference to something, but I have no idea what."
"Read it out, maybe one of us knows," said Bruce.
"Okay, try this," said Natasha. "What the hell?! They added a 6/6 with flying, trample and _." Natasha looked around, and was met with only blank stares until Clint suddenly seemed to remember something.
"I think it's a Magic: The Gathering thing," he said. "My kids have been playing it a bit lately, and I've sort of picked up some of the lingo."
"Okay," said Natasha. "Well, feel free to use this as a 'get rid of your crap card' round." A couple of minutes later, all the answers were in. "Well, not expecting much from this, but here goes. 'What the hell?! They added a 6/6 with flying, trample and brawling in French.'"
"And here I was thinking they were cheese eating surrender monkeys," said Tony.
"What the hell?! They added a 6/6 with flying, trample and a murder in the making," said Natasha. "What the hell?! They added a 6/6 with flying, trample and one thousand Slim Jims."
"At least it brings snacks," said Steve.
"What the hell?! They added a 6/6 with flying, trample and a sprinkle of the finest crystal meth on the eyeballs," continued Natasha. "Honestly, I think we're all gonna need that after this game."
"Really Romanoff? You hate my company that much?" asked Tony.
"No, but some of these cards, I think I need something to make me forget it," said Natasha. "Now, the final one is 'What the hell?! They added a 6/6 with flying, trample and tilt the playing field!" Natasha looked carefully at it, and saw something else written on it. "This one says you can play a second white card."
"Don't care, I just wanted to get rid of that card," said Bruce. "I've had it since the start, and I'm sick of looking at Trump's stupid face."
"Fair enough," said Natasha. "I'm awarding this one to crystal meth."
"Thank you," said Clint. "And now, let's wrap this up." Clint looked at the black card on his screen, and read it out for the group. "You know what's, like, really funny when you think about it? _."
"Isn't that pretty much the point of the game?" asked Bruce.
"But now you get to make something horrible funny," said Tony.
"I was afraid you'd say that," sighed Bruce, selecting his card.
As soon as all the cards were in, Clint started reading them. "So, what are you guys saying is really funny?" he asked, looking at the first card. "Cockblocking baby cries, apparently. As someone who has experienced them, no they're not."
"It's funny for the rest of us because we can laugh at you for suffering it," said Tony.
"Screw you Stark," said Clint, looking at the next one. "Getting hammered on vanilla extract is funny for one of you. Sounds like a delicious way to get smashed."
"I was there the last time you did that," reminded Natasha. "I'll never forget the things you did to your bow."
"Worth it," said Clint, looking at the next card. "A Pukana?"
"Matata?" asked Tony.
"Whatever," sighed Clint, moving on. "Ruining a surprise party on purpose. That's not funny, that's just being an asshole."
"The guy who does it probably thinks it's funny," suggested Tony.
"Probably because they're an asshole," said Steve.
"And finally," said Clint, looking at the last card. "Some douchebag yelling 'More Cowbell' is supposed to be funny."
"It's probably the same guy that ruined the surprise party," said Bruce. "So, who are you gonna pick?"
"The vanilla extract, of course," said Clint. "That sounds like fun."
"And now I'm on three points," said Natasha.
"Yep, Widow and Thor are on three each," said Tony. "Me and Barton are on two, and Cap and Banner are on one. The game continues."