"Okay, Round 3 people," said Tony. "Let's see what we've got first up." Tony looked at the black card and smiled. "This should be fun. According to Trump, he's strongly into God and religion. But only sort of into _."
"That pussy grab card from the micropenis question would have been perfect here," said Bruce, getting himself another glare from Tony.
Once all the cards were in, Tony began reading. "According to Trump, he's strongly into God and religion. But only sort of into an 89-year-old woman with time and gravity-affected breast implants jumping rope. I'd probably knock a decade or six off that."
"Nah, I can see him being into that," said Clint.
"Pretty sure he told a couple of fourteen year olds that if they were a few years old, he'd be dating them, but whatever," said Tony. "Anyway, according to Trump, he's strongly into God and religion. But only sort of into anal sex at least twice a week. Okay, apparently Melania Trump isn't good at anal. Could have gone a long time without knowing that, but whatever."
"Maybe she's the one fucking him in the butt?" suggested Natasha.
"That is an image NOBODY needed," said Tony. "Next up: according to Trump, he's strongly into God and religion. But only sort of into mocking soldiers. You hear that Rogers? Our president hates you."
"To be fair, I'm not particularly fond of him either," said Steve.
"What were Bucky's activation words again? Maybe we can get him to take care of it," said Bruce.
"I second this idea," said Natasha.
"Third," said Clint.
"You do realise that's treason, right?" asked Steve.
"You can't say you haven't thought of it," said Bruce.
"Did I say I disagreed?" asked Steve, causing everyone to stare at him.
"I like this rebelliousness Captain," said Thor with glee.
"Let this be a lesson to our leader: don't annoy the man who kicked Nazi ass and survived being frozen for seventy years," said Tony. "Okay, next up: according to Trump, he's strongly into God and religion. But only sort of into a really, really good spanking."
"I guess if he's not a fan of anal, spanking probably not his thing either," said Clint.
"And finally: according to Trump, he's strongly into God and religion. But only sort of into the Second Amendment People. I guess the NRA haven't paid up lately."
"Or he's only kinda into stopping kids getting shot at school," said Steve. "Both are equally likely with that asshole."
"Honestly though, I think the thing he's only kind of into out of those suggestions is the 89 year old lady," said Tony. "I think he'd be looking at her like 'hmm, you're old, but I like your tits.'"
"Wow, I am kicking your asses at this game," said Natasha, taking the lead.
"Alright, my turn," said Bruce, reading his card. "Okay, this one's for the Star Wars fans. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to _."
"You really call the prequels Star Wars films?" asked Tony, looking for an answer for the question.
"Better than the sequels," said Bruce. "Seriously, what the fuck was with Snoke's death?"
Soon, the cards were in, and Bruce began reading. "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to ethnic cleansing. Well, you're not wrong," he said.
"I literally fought a war because of that," said Steve.
"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to re-enlisting in a whore house," read Bruce. "I'd have thought that's the opposite of hating people, but then again, when's the last time I got to do that?"
"Really? You and Romanoff haven't played hide the zucchini yet?" asked Tony.
"Stark, come on, Hulk would tear Natasha in half," said Thor.
"You don't think I could take Hulk?" asked Natasha.
"…Oh Christ, that's an image I didn't need," said Clint.
"Should I read the next card to try and get that image out of your head?" asked Bruce.
"It won't be a better image, it'll just be different," said Clint.
Bruce looks at the next card, and just nods. "You're right," he said. "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to scatting, and not the singing kind."
"Yep, that's what I was afraid of," said Clint. "It got rid of the Nat/Hulk image, but not in a good way."
"Excellent," said Bruce. "I see that as an absolute win. Next up, we have fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to whisper-fighting in the kitchen. Oh God, I know all about that."
"Your father was a dick?" asked Tony.
"That obvious, huh?" asked Bruce.
"I grew up with one. I know how to spot them," said Tony.
"I met your dad, and he seemed like a nice guy," said Steve.
"That's because he idolised you," said Tony. "He knew everything about you, including that your real birthday is April 3rd, not the fourth of July like you claim."
"Wow, and here I thought Bucky was the only living person to know that," said Steve.
"Well that's a twist," said Bruce. "But now, for the final answer: fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to the world's first border roof. A Donald Trump initiative?"
"And the Kree will pay for it," said Natasha mockingly.
"Oh, I'm sure that will go down well," said Thor. "Okay Banner, who wins?"
"Hmm…tough choice," said Bruce. "I think I'll go with the border roof though, because I definitely see Trump doing that soon, even though the Chitauri got here through a wormhole."
"Hell yeah," said Thor. "Don't relax yet Romanoff, I'm not letting you get away that easily."
"Bring it on, big guy," said Natasha. "Your turn."
"Alright then," said Thor, looking at his card. "Once you go _ you should probably seek medical attention."
"Well, at least it's not about you sleeping," said Clint.
Soon, Thor had his answers, and began reading. "Once you go being forever chased by your shadow you should probably seek medical attention."
"So Peter Pan had a medical condition?" asked Bruce.
"No, his shadow kept running away from him," said Clint. "Though I'd be concerned about the forever stuck in a twelve year old body thing if I were him."
"He seemed to be okay with it," said Tony. "He just liked messing with Hook the whole time…and getting his hand cut off. Man, what a little shit."
"Hardcore. We should bring him to the Avengers," said Thor.
"No, see, he's…" started Tony, before being cut off by Thor continuing the game.
"Once you go hiking up a hillside covered in bear semen yelling 'I'm the queen of the forest!' you should probably seek medical attention," read Thor.
"Holy crap," said Clint. "What the fuck were you doing with Yogi and Boo-Boo?"
"Well, if Cindy's not gonna put out…" started Natasha.
"Please stop that train of thought now," said Tony. "Goldilocks, please continue before she says anything."
"Once you go licking the bathroom floor you should probably seek medical attention," read Thor.
"Yes, you definitely should," said Clint. "Especially if it's a public one. It's like people don't even aim unless they're at home."
"Of course not," said Tony. "At home they have to clean it. In public, it's not their problem."
"You mortals are fucking disgusting," said Thor. "Anyway, once you go screaming like a maniac you should probably seek medical attention."
"If you're screaming like a maniac, you've probably done something painful enough to get that reaction," said Steve.
"Or you're just a maniac," said Tony. "Last one, what is it?"
"Once you go tripping balls you should probably seek medical attention," said Thor. "Guess it depends what you're on though."
"Enough of anything could get that reaction," said Bruce. "Alright, which one do you like?"
"Hmm…" Thor thought out loud. "I think…licking the bathroom floor."
"Wow, I'm not in last place anymore," said Steve, getting his second point. "Alright, my turn." Steve looked at his card and sighed. "Okay, anyone that says autism for this one is automatically disqualified. Despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary, some people still believe that vaccines cause _."
"Good to see you're a pro-vaxxer Captain," said Bruce.
"I lived in a time when vaccines weren't available and those diseases were killing people left and right," said Steve. "Of course I support them."
"Puny mortals with your diseases," mocked Thor under his breath, picking his answer.
Once Steve had all the white cards, he began reading. "Despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary, some people still believe that vaccines cause babies born addicted to prescription pain meds," he said. "Okay, why?"
"Obviously someone didn't want that baby and tried to overdose it out," said Tony.
"Jesus Christ Tony," said Bruce, shaking his head.
"Next one," said Steve, cutting off everyone else before the conversation got worse. "Despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary, some people still believe that vaccines cause being blind but having super strength but having Alzheimer's Disease by being invisible. Sounds like Daredevil in his old age."
"Drax must have taught him how to turn invisible," said Tony. "Pretty sure that wasn't one of his original powers."
"Despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary, some people still believe that vaccines cause falling asleep on fire watch," read Steve. "Vaccines don't make you that drowsy, do they?"
"You're also supposed to get them as a kid," said Natasha. "Although I've heard of some people getting them at eighteen to spite their anti-vax parents. Why haven't you got them if you're for them?"
"Because my super-soldier serum pretty much stops me from getting sick. Like, ever," said Steve. "But good on those kids, their parents are idiots." Steve then turned back to the cards. "Despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary, some people still believe that vaccines cause Morgan Freeman's voice."
"NO! Spread that rumour," said Bruce. "Who wouldn't want a voice like his?"
"You're right," said Steve. "Anyone who's hearing this, I was wrong. Vaccines do cause you to have a voice like Morgan Freeman's."
"Who the hell would be listening to this?" asked Natasha. "We're in a locked room inside one of the most secure facilities on the planet."
"I wouldn't rule out Stark broadcasting this on the internet somehow," said Steve.
"Nope. Why would this go on the internet? It's not that interesting," said Tony.
"Oh, okay," said Steve, turning his attention to the last card. "Despite overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary, some people still believe that vaccines cause stained motel pillows."
"To those anti-vaxxers that Steve thinks are watching this," said Tony. "That comment is false. Those stains come from the autism leaking out of your child's head."
"As a parent, I'd be really concerned if something started leaking out of my child's head," said Clint.
"That would be pretty alarming," said Steve. "As for my choice…first up, I don't want to lead people to believe vaccines don't cause Morgan Freeman's voice, so that's out."
"That's fair," said Clint.
"As for the others…screw it, the Daredevil one," said Steve.
"Wow, finally got a second point," said Bruce. "Alright Nat, you're up."
Natasha read her card and looked at Clint. "You might have an advantage here Barton," she said, before looking at her card again. "The best reason to get a babysitter."
"Because the kids are beings little shits and we need a break from their bullshit?" asked Clint. "Oh, wait, I don't have that card."
"If any of you have a card that says that, please give it to Clint so he can play it," said Natasha. No-one reacted. "Okay, proceed." Once all the cards were in, Natasha began reading out the answers. "The ability to embarrass a teen anytime, anywhere is a good reason to get a babysitter."
"Well, considering that teenagers think they know how to handle themselves, they probably think having a babysitter's just plain embarrassing," said Bruce.
"Or they think they should be the ones babysitting," said Tony. "Wasn't there a book series about that?"
"I'm pretty sure no-one under the age of about twenty even remembers that series," said Clint.
"Indeed," said Natasha. "Now, who wants to explain why bathing naked in a moonlit grove was a good reason to get a babysitter?"
"Because you don't want the kids looking at your dick?" asked Tony.
"I think someone didn't have any good cards to play," said Thor. "It's not my card by the way. I had something halfway decent."
"Was it going to the Bluebird to see indie rock band Nippless Cage?" asked Natasha. Thor stayed silent. "Thought so."
"National Treasure 3: The Search for Ben's Nipples," said Tony.
"God damn it Tony," said Natasha, shaking her head. "Next up, we have a happy woman with a shit-covered cock as a reason to get a babysitter."
"…I mean, it's a reason," said Steve. "I wouldn't say it's the best reason, or even a good reason, but it's a reason."
"And finally," said Natasha. "The lascivious pleasing of a lute is a good reason to get a babysitter."
"I mean, it sounds seductive," said Tony. "Alright, who's it gonna be?"
"Hmm…" pondered Natasha. "Nippless Cage is about the only one that makes sense, so…"
"YES!" cheered Thor loudly. "In the lead now."
"Wow, didn't expect Thor would do this well," said Bruce.
"I'll try not to pick his answer then," said Clint, as his black card appeared on the screen. "Oh, come the fuck on."
"Read it," said Tony.
Clint sighed heavily. "I fucking hate you Tony," he said under his breath, then read the question. "When I breastfeed I'm thinking of _." Before he'd even finished the question, the others were already laughing at him. "Shut up Tony, you have a micropenis."
"Fuck you Barton," replied Tony, picking his card.
Once all the answers were in, Clint began reading them out. "When I breastfeed I'm thinking of extra rations for my little girl," he said.
"Guess you're preparing for a long feeding this time," said Steve.
"Shut up, I want to get these over as soon as possible," said Clint, looking at the next card. "When I breastfeed I'm thinking of Jeff Price."
"The coach at Lynn University?" asked Tony. "Well, to each their own I guess."
"When I breastfeed I'm thinking of start sucking!" said Clint, ignoring Tony.
"Maybe the baby's not hungry?" quipped Bruce.
"When I breastfeed I'm thinking of useless, yerk-toting, frisbee-chucking cheeba-monkeys," said Clint, again ignoring anyone who spoke.
"Hey, I remember that movie," said Bruce. "PCU, right?"
"When I breastfeed I'm thinking of wedding reception hook-ups," said Clint, relieved to be finished reading the answers.
"Okay Barton, what are you thinking when you breastfeed?" asked Tony. "We need to know what to mock you for."
"Honestly, you all suck," said Clint. "But I'm going with the Cheeba monkeys because…I don't know, I hated it the least."
"Thank you," said Tony. "So, Thor's in first, Nat's in second, I'm in third, and everyone else is last."