"Okay, everyone refilled their hands?" asked Tony. "Great let's move on to the next question." Tony watched as the next question appeared on his screen, and read it out. "As everyone knows, after shooting Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth jumped onto the stage and yelled '_.'"
"Hey, can we do what we did with Thor's last question?" asked Bruce. "None of my cards really make sense when it's worded like that."
"Same here," said Thor.
"Yeah, none of mine really work either," said Clint.
"Alright, majority rules," said Tony. "Play something, I'll change it so that it works better."
"Great, that makes my cards...slightly funnier," said Bruce, picking his answer.
Once all answers were in, Tony began reading them. "As everyone knows, after shooting Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth jumped onto the stage and yelled 'I farted at the principal,'" said Tony.
"If by farted you mean shot, then I guess," said Steve.
"As everyone knows, after shooting Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth jumped onto the stage and yelled 'I'm going back to Whore Island,'" read Tony. "Celebrating a successful assassination, I guess?"
"So, ah, where would this Whore Island be located?" asked Thor.
"THOR!" yelled Natasha, glaring at him.
"Hey, me and Jane are broken up," said Thor. "Why can't I have some fun?"
"Yeah Nat, chill out and let him get some action," said Tony, earning him a death stare from Natasha. "Now, for our next contestant: As everyone knows, after shooting Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth jumped onto the stage and yelled 'I'm going on tour as a Guitar Hero® champ.'"
"Back in my day, people could play actual instruments to make music," said Steve.
"Yeah, and they were also fighting Nazis. Things change," said Clint. "Though I do agree that we need more actual musicians in today's music."
"Your kids listen to too much of that manufactured pop crap?" asked Bruce.
"You have no idea," said Clint.
"As fascinating as that is," said Tony. "Our next answer: As everyone knows, after shooting Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth jumped onto the stage and yelled 'pussy hats'."
"You're not gonna try and change that one?" asked Thor.
"What to?" asked Tony. "Besides, maybe he was calling the people in the theatre that."
"Why would he call people cat hats?" asked Steve.
"How can you have fought actual Nazis and still be so innocent?" asked Tony. "Okay, last answer: As everyone knows, after shooting Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth jumped onto the stage and yelled 'I'm taxing that ass like the IRS.'"
"Not until you get back to Whore Island you're not," said Bruce. "So Tony, what are you picking?"
"You just said it, Whore Island," said Tony. "Seems like the thing to do after killing a political leader."
"Don't let Donald Trump hear you say that," said Steve. "He might just do that after what he did to Iran."
"We get it, the man's a dickhead," said Tony. "Now, who played Whore Island?"
"That would be me," said Clint. "Okay Bruce, you're up."
"Okay, here goes," said Bruce, as the card appeared on the screen. "I am not allowed to use my computer unless I _ first. Okay, before we go any further, because I know my cards would be grammatically incorrect for this question, does anyone need me to change the wording of their card to make it work?" Everyone else raised their hands. "Okay, done."
"Mine just needs something at the end removed," said Tony. "Just saying."
"I'll see what that means..." started Bruce, before realising that everyone's answers were in. "Right now, apparently." Bruce looked at the first card and started reading. "I am not allowed to use my computer unless I call mom because it's just really hard and I miss her and I don't know anyone here first."
"That's not Tony's that needs you to remove everything after 'call mom', is it?" asked Natasha.
"Nope, that one's not mine," said Tony.
"Okay, that's left as is then," said Bruce. "I am not allowed to use my computer unless I cough into a vagina first. That's an...interesting fetish."
"I just...I can't understand why anyone would want someone to do that to them," said Steve.
"They might not want you to do it," said Thor. "Me on the other hand..."
"Don't wanna hear it," said Bruce. "Okay, next up we have this: I am not allowed to use my computer unless I bake nut-free, gluten-free, vegan cupcakes at 2 AM first."
"That just sounds horrible," said Tony. "You've literally removed all the good shit."
"Indeed," said Bruce. "Next, we have: I am not allowed to use my computer unless I eliminate liberal bias first." Bruce looked down at the text at the bottom of the card. "It says here this card takes out the card to the left of the player who played it."
"That's why I said to ignore the part at the end," said Tony. "If you want to. I don't care if you don't."
"HEY!" yelled Thor. "I'm on your left."
"And there's a problem with that?" asked Tony. Thor glared at him, but did nothing.
"Don't worry buddy, I won't be ignoring any cards," said Bruce. "If only because I hate that the card has a picture of a certain douchebag on it."
"That's President Douchebag to you," said Steve.
"Right, right," said Bruce. "Anyway, the last one is: I am not allowed to use my computer unless I win the Charter School lottery first."
"Wow, your mum is pretty strict," said Tony. "Okay, who takes it?"
"Oh God..." said Bruce. "I think I have to go with coughing into a vagina."
"YES!" yelled Thor. "Three more until I win."
"Is it too late to remove his answer with my card?" asked Tony.
"Sorry Tony," said Bruce, giving Thor his seventh point. "It's looking like he's gonna take it."
"Well, he can't win the next round," said Tony. "Time to catch him."
"Okay mortals, listen up," said Thor. "_ melts in your mouth, not in your hand."
"This is gonna get really disturbing for anyone who doesn't have a food card," said Natasha. "Or anyone who has a food card but chooses to play something else."
Once the cards were in, Thor started reading. "A baby pigeon melts in your mouth, not in your hand."
"As I was saying before..." said Natasha.
"I'm sure pigeon is edible," said Tony. "I mean, I wouldn't know, because I can afford actual food, but still..."
"Next offering," said Thor. "Bullfrogs melt in your mouth, not in your hand."
"I didn't think any of us were French," said Clint.
"Nat's Russian, that's kinda close," said Bruce.
"Not really, no," said Natasha.
"Alright, next," said Thor. "Delicious dog food melts in your mouth, not in your hand."
"Again, I wouldn't know the taste of it, but I'm sure some poor sap would love that stuff," said Tony. "It even says it's delicious."
"Possibly Bucky would know the taste," said Bruce. "I mean, the Wakandans are calling him the White Wolf."
"I'm sure he's really happy about why you're calling him that," said Steve.
"Just saying," said Bruce.
"Next up," said Thor. "Kibbles 'n Bits™ melts in your mouth, not in your hand."
"Isn't that the same thing as the last answer?" asked Clint.
"Or is Kibble not delicious?" asked Tony.
"Alright last up," said Thor. "My dead son's baseball glove melts in your mouth, not in your hand."
"I'm not touching that one," said Tony. "Especially if Clint was the one to play it."
"I might have," said Clint in a way that hinted he had.
"Okay, that's disturbing," said Bruce. "Thor, who wins?"
"You all suck," said Thor. "But the baseball glove sucks least."
"Yeah, it was me," said Clint.
"Dude, seriously?" asked Steve.
"Hey, gotta go for the win," said Clint. "And as of now, I'm tied in second with Tony."
"He's right, well played," said Tony. "Cap, you're up."
"Brought to you by Bud Light®, the Official Beer of _," said Steve. "I shudder to think what you'll make them promote."
"Trust me, you should be afraid," said Natasha, playing her card.
"Oh, you're going horrible too?" asked Tony, playing his.
"Same here," said Thor as he played his.
"Yep, this is gonna go as badly as I thought it would," said Steve, as the last two cards came in. "Alright, let's see what you've got for me." Steve read the first one, and sighed. "Well, not as bad as I was thinking, but by no means great. Brought to you by Bud Light®, the Official Beer of a chiropractor that flunked out of med school."
"Did he flunk out before or after he got sponsored by Bud Light?" asked Bruce.
"Or is it because of Bud Light?" asked Clint.
"Next up," said Steve. "Brought to you by Bud Light®, the Official Beer of the deformed."
"Might be how they got deformed in the first place," said Tony.
"Jesus Christ Tony," said Natasha.
"Prove me wrong," said Tony.
"And with that horrible thought, let's move on," said Steve. "Brought to you by Bud Light®, the Official Beer of irritable bowel syndrome."
"Could be how you got that in the first place," said Clint.
"We are really trashing Bud Light today," said Thor. "Are they that bad?"
"It's essentially watered down horse piss," said Tony.
"And you know the taste of watered down horse piss because...?" inquired Thor.
"Steve, next card," said Tony quickly.
"As fascinating as that story might be," said Steve. "I'm guessing I might have at least one more horrible answer to get through, and I want to get past it as quickly as possible." Steve looked at the answer, and read it out. "Brought to you by Bud Light®, the Official Beer of a lifetime of internalized guilt."
"Possibly by the inventor for creating it in the first place," said Tony.
"Shut up, or we'll make you tell the horse piss story," said Natasha.
"I'm shutting up," said Tony.
"Okay, last one," said Steve. "Brought to you by Bud Light®, the Official Beer of sex dolls that look ashamed. Jesus Christ, why did I have to read that sentence?"
"Tony, what did you do to those sex dolls?" asked Clint.
"Hey, I can't talk, remember?" said Tony.
"And remember, he's rich and successful," said Thor. "They probably sunk so low that they slept with Banner."
"Well, at least I'm getting some," said Bruce, putting his hands behind his head. "So Steve, who wins?"
"Hold on, I just need to get the image of you having sex out of my mind," said Steve, pausing for a minute or so. "Okay, done. Sex dolls, you win."
"Tied for second again," said Natasha, taking her point. "Guess we still have another round after this then."
"No matter how many rounds we play, I'll win in the end," said Thor. "I'm just letting you think you have a chance."
"Keep thinking it, blondie," said Natasha. "In the meantime, your next question is: I can't believe my teacher gave me _ to do over school vacation."
"Yeah, it is pretty cruel giving kids homework on vacation," said Clint. "It's not like adults have to work on vacation, but you're making kids do it?"
"Didn't they prove homework was pointless to begin with?" asked Tony. "Pretty sure there was a study that proved that."
"Wow, I'd have thought a nerd like you would have been all for homework," said Bruce.
"Who are you calling nerd, nerd?" asked Tony.
"Guys, focus," said Natasha. "You've got a question to answer."
"We already answered, Nat," said Tony, pointing out that they'd already answered while they were talking.
"Congratulations, you guys are probably the first men who can multi-task," said Natasha, looking at the first answer. "I can't believe my teacher gave me crowdfunded genocide to do over school vacation."
"You're teacher isn't Hitler by any chance, is he?" asked Steve. "That guy was an asshole."
"I gathered as much from history books," said Tony. "Hearing it from a guy who probably punched him in the face only confirms it."
"He had it coming," said Natasha, looking at the next card. "I can't believe my teacher gave me destroying the evidence to do over school vacation."
"But if the evidence is destroyed, how will the teacher know it's done?" asked Thor.
"By the evidence no longer existing, obviously," said Tony.
"At least it sounds like a fun assignment," said Natasha. "Now, next answer: I can't believe my teacher gave me faking a pregnancy to do over school vacation."
"I thought that was an impossibility with you," said Steve.
"Quiet, you," said Natasha. "Next: I can't believe my teacher gave me German dungeon porn to do over school vacation. Jesus Christ, that just...no."
"Best. Teacher. Ever," said Tony.
"And now I think I know what the horse piss story was about," said Natasha. "And now, let's get that horrifying image out of our heads with the last answer: I can't believe my teacher gave me side straddle hops to do over school vacation."
"Well, fitness is important," said Steve.
"Yeah, but what kind of gym teacher assigns homework?" asked Clint.
"An evil one, that's who," said Bruce.
"Evil?" asked Thor. "Shall we take up arms and..."
"No, not that evil," said Tony. "Well, maybe they are, but they're not an Avengers level threat."
"Aww, you're no fun," said Thor, pouting. "Well Romanoff, what's your answer?"
"I hate that I'm saying this," said Natasha. "But German dungeon porn was pretty funny."
"FUCK YES!" yelled Thor.
"Now I really hate that I'm saying it," said Natasha, giving him the point. "Alright Barton, what have you got for us?"
Clint read his card, and smirked menacingly. "Okay, since he's getting a bit cocky," he said, before reading his card out loud. "Thor has been spending all his money at the local fetish bar that specializes in _."
The others all started laughing, as Thor glared at Clint across the table. "Fuck you, you wannabe Legolas," said Thor, before checking his cards.
"Okay Bruce, Steve, Nat, make sure to play your most humiliating card," said Tony.
"Way ahead of you, Tony," said Bruce. "As long as you're bringing your A-Game too."
"You know it buddy," said Tony, picking his card. "We just need to take him down a notch or two."
"Sounds like this is going to be a fun round," said Clint, seeing that all the answers were in. "Okay, first up: Thor has been spending all his money at the local fetish bar that specializes in farting during a rim job."
"Off to a fantastic start," said Tony. "So Point Break, are you the farter or the farted on?"
"I'll fart on you if you don't shut up," said Thor.
"Thor has been spending all his money at the local fetish bar that specializes in finding pubes in your toothpaste," said Clint.
"Just...why? Why would anyone be into that?" asked Natasha.
"I can Google it if you want," said Tony, pulling out his phone.
"Please don't," said Natasha.
"I'll save you Nat," said Clint, reading the next answer. "Thor has been spending all his money at the local fetish bar that specializes in girls who shouldn't go wild."
"That's...much worse," said Natasha.
"Tony, phone down, we don't need that image," said Steve.
"I just want to see the type of girls Thor's into," said Tony.
"No, you don't," said Clint. "In fact, why don't you Google this one: Thor has been spending all his money at the local fetish bar that specializes in Rosie O'Donnell's dick."
Tony threw his phone on the ground. "Great, now that's burned into my brain," he said, disgusted.
"It's burned into all our brains Tony," said Bruce.
"And lastly," said Clint. "Thor has been spending all his money at the local fetish bar that specializes in waiting till marriage."
"Great, so you're not getting any until the time until you don't get any," said Tony. "It's essentially torture."
"But now, the big question," said Bruce. "Which answer do you..."
"The Rosie O'Donnell one, obviously," said Clint.
"Nice," said Bruce, collecting his point. "So Thor still leads, Tony, Clint, and Nat are tied for second, then it's me, then Steve in last."
"That's okay with me," said Steve, turning to face Thor. "You okay big guy?"
"Urge to kill, rising," said Thor through gritted teeth.