"Okay, back to me," said Tony. "Let's see if one of our leaders can take the win before we come back to me."
"Of course I will," boasted Thor.
"Bring it on," said Clint.
"Okay, here goes," said Tony. "I can hardly recognize my country anymore; everywhere you look, _."
"Oh, this should be good," said Steve, picking his card.
Once all the answers were in, Tony started reading. "I can hardly recognize my country anymore; everywhere you look, the Daily Mail."
"What's worse is they're only reporting Brexit," said Natasha.
"Ooh boy, first we attack the president every other hand, now we're bringing THAT into this?" asked Bruce.
"Moving on before we start more of a political shitstorm," said Tony. "I can hardly recognize my country anymore; everywhere you look, flip charts, so many damn flip charts."
"Maybe you've just been in too many board meetings," said Steve.
"That's why I let Pepper deal with that stuff," said Tony. "Anyway, I can hardly recognize my country anymore; everywhere you look, imaginary amigos."
"Great, now the president has to deal with fake Mexicans getting past the wall," said Bruce.
"They're probably the ones he claims are criminals," said Natasha. "Statistically speaking, whites commit more crimes than Hispanics."
"Statistically speaking, I'm pretty sure the president commits more crimes than Hispanics," said Tony. "Anyway, next answer: I can hardly recognize my country anymore; everywhere you look, Jack Parow. I have no idea who the fuck that is."
"He's like, a rapper or something," said Clint. "I don't know, the kids mentioned him once or twice. I just assume he's something like that."
"That was probably one of you getting rid of a crap card," said Tony. "Alright last one: I can hardly recognize my country anymore; everywhere you look, tango shoes."
"What's so un-American about dancing?" asked Thor.
"The fact that tango is Argentinian," said Steve. "Honestly, who wants anything to do with them?"
"Wow Rogers, unexpected hate for Argentina," said Tony. "Though I suppose if they're hiding Nazis like people say, understandable. Anyway, who had imaginary amigos?"
"That would be me," said Steve.
"Congratulations, you're level with me," said Tony. "Okay Banner, what have you got for us?"
"It's not delivery. It's _," said Bruce.
Tony looked at his cards, and almost immediately started laughing. "I have a card to play here, but it's such a stupid answer," he said.
"Is it funny?" asked Bruce.
"Kinda," said Tony.
"Play it then," said Bruce. "Maybe then you won't lose to Cap."
"I heard that," said Steve.
Soon, all the cards, were in, and Bruce began reading them. "It's not delivery. It's Hot Sister Thursdays at the Lackland BX," said Bruce. "So guys, who's up for a road trip?" Tony, Thor, and Clint raised their hands.
"You guys are pigs," said Natasha.
"Okay, before Natasha punches us," said Bruce. "It's not delivery. It's package delivery." Bruce looked up at Tony. "Is that what you were talking about?"
"Maybe," said Tony in a tone that suggested it was.
"I see what you mean now," said Bruce. "Okay, next up: It's not delivery. It's projectile fart."
"If you point it at someone it could count as a delivery," said Thor.
"That's just...disgusting," said Clint.
"Next answer," said Bruce. "It's not delivery. It's receiving the eucharist in hand."
"It depends if the priest brings it to you or not," said Steve.
"Aren't you supposed to come up and get it yourself?" asked Natasha.
"Apparently being a World War II hero means he doesn't need to get his own communion," said Tony.
"Hey, who got the tesseract away from the Nazis?" asked Steve. "That's right, me."
"And we all pretend to be grateful to it," said Tony, getting a glare from Steve. "Okay Banner, what's the last one?"
"It's not delivery. It's some dick," said Bruce.
"False, that can be delivered," said Tony. "Right into the..."
"You will stop talking right now," said Natasha. "Okay Bruce, who wins?"
"I know it's stupid," said Bruce. "But I have to go with Tony's package delivery."
"I need to apologise, I don't mind," said Tony, receiving his point. "Okay, let's see what the Asgardian of the Galaxy has for us."
"My one's nice and short," said Thor. "Jesus is _."
"Now remember, he's a god, so he probably knows Jesus and can verify how accurate our answers are," said Tony.
"Stark, he's A god, not THE god," said Steve, picking his card.
Once Thor had all the responses, he began reading them. "Jesus is breaking diplomatic ties with California," read Thor.
"That's understandable," said Clint. "It's kind of an unholy place these days anyway."
"Jesus is the good idea fairy," said Thor.
"I guess that's not wrong," said Steve. "I mean, the bible does give some good advice on how to live."
"That's not what..." started Natasha.
"Let's just let him have that one," said Tony. "We've broken his innocence enough today."
"Jesus is praising the sun," said Thor.
"I feel like Jesus shouldn't be praising the sun god Ra," said Bruce.
"Jesus is a special snowflake," said Thor.
"Wow, here I was thinking that right-wing assholes who try to hide behind the bible like the 'good Christians' they are would actually LIKE Jesus," said Tony.
"Aren't you a right wing supporter?" asked Clint.
"I don't pretend to be a good Christian," said Tony.
"Last answer," said Thor. "Jesus is trying to explain the Trinity."
"These days people probably just assume he's talking about The Matrix," said Bruce. "So Thor, who takes it?"
"Hmm..." said Thor. "I do like the idea of him breaking ties with California, so I'll go with that. Knowing him, he probably wants to."
"HA! Told you he knew him," said Tony. "Okay, who had that one?"
"That would be me," said Bruce. "Steve, you're up."
Steve looks at his prompt card, and sighs. "Great, it's something Tony probably would expect me to say anyway," he said.
"Not necessarily," said Tony.
Steve sighed again and read it. "Give me liberty or give me _!" he said.
"You're right, I would expect you to say that, Mr. Patriot," said Tony.
"I thought that was Rhodey's name. At least temporarily," said Bruce.
Once all the answers were in, Steve began reading them. "Give me liberty or give me a bong rip so massive it restores justice to the kingdom!" he said. "I'm not sure how to feel about this."
"Hey, it restored justice didn't it?" asked Natasha.
"Yeah, but it's illegal," said Steve.
"Depends on your state," said Tony.
"You better not be talking about state of mind," said Steve, which Tony replied to with a grin, leaving Steve to wonder what he meant by it. "Okay, next answer: Give me liberty or give me donuts."
"That's a win-win situation right there," said Thor. "Though I have a feeling they'll give you the donuts since they're cheaper."
"Probably shouldn't be compromising my beliefs for them then," said Steve. "Anyway, next answer: Give me liberty or give me freedom, mother fu...Yeah, I'm not reading that."
"Yes you are," said Tony.
"You can't make me," said Steve.
"I kinda can," said Tony. "JARVIS, take some audio clips of Captain Rogers and edit them together so it sounds like he's reading the card."
"Yes sir," said JARVIS, as a machine whirring started up. A few seconds later, it stopped, and a poorly edited version of Steve started talking.
"Give me liberty or give me freedom, mother fucker! Do you speak it?!" said the computerised Steve voice, much to the amusement of the other Avengers.
"I hate you," said Steve to a smirking Tony. "Well, since I'm doomed to read these cards no matter what, let's continue: Give me liberty or give me hormonal changes."
"Why Steve, I didn't know you were going through menopause," said Natasha.
"I REALLY hate you guys right now," sighed Steve. "Okay, last one: Give me liberty or give me portion-controlling."
"Or you could just eat like a king," said Thor. "Hey, wait, I already do."
"Not when I'm through with you," said Clint.
"I'm sorry, which of us can lift Mjolnir?" asked Thor.
"By the time we're done with this game, no-one," said Tony. "Alright Cap, who takes it?"
"Because it's the one that made me hate you the least, donuts wins," said Steve. "Who had that?"
"You know what I was saying about being a king?" asked Clint, a smug look on his face.
"Shut. The fuck. Up," said Thor between gritted teeth.
"Look at it this way," said Bruce. "If you get the next two in a row, you win. He only has one chance before we go around again."
"You're right," said Thor, suddenly more interested. "Romanoff, what's your question? I need to crush a hawk."
"Bring it," said Clint.
"Okay, here goes," said Natasha. "Ancient Chinese proverb says: _ is just _ without _. You get to draw an extra two cards each, and then you play three."
"Oh God, it's hard enough picking one horrible card sometimes," said Steve. "Now you expect us to find three?"
"What's wrong? You don't think you'll have anything good?" asked Tony.
"Honestly? I hope not," said Steve.
Once all the cards were in, Natasha began reading them. "Ancient Chinese proverb says: a demonstration of who really wears the pants in this family is just the world's worst human being without sharts," she read.
"Well, I always knew the Chinese had some interesting sayings, but that's just...wow," said Tony.
"And I've still got four to go," said Natasha. "Like this one. Ancient Chinese proverb says: overpowering your father is just making superhero movies for a living without being forced to dissect your beloved pet."
"To be fair, how many of us had to, in some way, overcome what our father did to us?" asked Tony, raising his hand. As he did so, Bruce, Thor, and Natasha also raised their hands. "Exactly."
"Okay, how many of you ended up dissecting your pets?" asked Steve. No-one raised their hands. "Exactly."
"Alright, next one," said Natasha. "Ancient Chinese proverb says: a SEAL platoon twerking to trap music is just getting peed on without Scarlett Johansson. God, I hate her."
"Really? What's wrong with her?" asked Bruce.
"Really Bruce? Have you not seen Lucy or Ghost in the Shell?" asked Natasha. "And don't even get me started on Home Alone 3 and The Jungle Book."
"I don't know, she's in some superhero movie in a couple of months that looks pretty cool," said Tony.
"Meh, she'll probably suck in that too," said Natasha. "Okay, next one: Ancient Chinese proverb says: Squadron culture is just believing your recruiter when he told you SEALs would offer you a chance to switch your rate in boot camp without army regulations. Well, at least they're all kind of related."
"So was the superhero one until the dissecting the pet part," said Clint. "Seriously, what's up with that?"
"Maybe someone's brother could have tricked you into doing it?" suggested Thor.
"Only yours would be that evil," said Tony.
"...fair point," said Thor.
"Alright, last one," said Natasha. "Ancient Chinese proverb says: Yogurt that turned furry in the fridge is just using revenge porn to teach your dog not to piss on the carpet without Selena Gomez. Okay, seriously guys? She's like, sixteen isn't she?"
"Actually, I think she's one of those Disney stars that everyone just assumes is still a teenager," said Clint.
"I'm just gonna assume you played that then," said Natasha.
"What? No, I didn't..." started Clint.
"So, let's see: Selena's out, ScorJo's out..." began Natasha.
"That's the one I actually played," muttered Clint.
"You know what? The superhero one wins because it's almost true," said Natasha.
"I'M BACK!" roared Thor, collecting his point.
"Ooh, that's unfortunate," said Tony. "Two players poised to win, and one's about to have their turn as Card Czar. Pick your winner carefully Clint."
"Alright, pressure's on Thor," said Clint. "Let's see how you go with this question: I'm glad one of us remembered. That could've been _."
"Oh God, this is one of those ones where most cards are kind of useless," said Bruce.
"Yeah, and I'm not sure that I can fix it so that it makes grammatical sense," said Clint. "Just...do your best, hopefully it'll all work out."
"Yeah, it just won't be funny," muttered Tony.
After a minute or so, all answers were in, and Clint started reading. "I'm glad one of us remembered. That could've been $300 worth of vanilla yogurt."
"As if that's a bad thing," said Tony.
"I'm glad one of us remembered. That could've been a baby bath shaped like a uterus," said Clint.
"Why? Why would you buy something like that?" asked Steve.
"To remind it where it came from?" asked Natasha. "I don't know, I'm not a mother."
"I'm glad one of us remembered. That could've been premature ejaculation," said Clint.
"No man would be pleased at stopping before reaching..." started Thor.
"If it's anything under a minute, yes they would," said Tony.
"I'm glad one of us remembered. That could've been a surprise crumbed fish," said Clint.
"The best kind of crumbed fish," said Bruce.
"And finally," said Clint. "I'm glad one of us remembered. That could've been a weak grasp on reality."
"Who's been playing with the Aether?" asked Thor. "Okay Barton, just pick my card so we can end this game."
"The winner is...hmmm..." considered Clint. "You know what? I like the idea that someone forgot the decimal and nearly charged $300 for yoghurt. That wins."
"Thank...wait a minute," said Thor. "That wasn't mine."
"I'll take that," said Bruce. "I guess the game continues." Thor just glared at him.
"So, Thor and Clint are a point from victory," said Tony. "Then it's me on seven, Bruce and Steve on six, and somehow Widow's in last despite her early lead."
"I'm biding my time," said Natasha.
"Might want to stop biding, you're about to lose," said Tony.