"Okay lady and gents," said Tony. "We have a 40% chance of ending the game right here, right now. Let's go." The black card appeared on Tony's screen, and he read it out. "Who will be the next President?"
"You mean, once Trump gets impeached?" asked Steve.
"Nah, he got acquitted," said Clint. "We'll have to wait for the election to get rid of him."
"So close," muttered Steve, picking out his answer.
Soon, the cards were in, and Tony began reading them out. "Our first candidate for the next president is..." said Tony. "The combined fat from all of the Kardashian's liposuction procedures. Makes sense, since Kanye said he wanted to run for president."
"Are you implying Kanye is made entirely of excess Kardashian fat?" asked Natasha.
"Are you implying he isn't?" asked Tony. "Anyway, next candidate is...a moist towelette."
"Well, it's about as fragile as the current president," said Bruce.
"Indeed it is," said Tony. "Okay, next candidate: The Tickle King."
"Pretty sure presidents are supposed to be elected, not monarchs," said Steve.
"Hey, once he's president, he can just change things so we run on a monarchy," said Tony. "Now, next candidate: Women in yoghurt adverts. I definitely support that."
"You're fucking disgusting," said Natasha, clearly appalled.
"Yeah Tony, they're not topless and wrestling in yoghurt," said Clint. "Though that would definitely help sell more."
"Why are all men pigs?" asked Natasha. "Except you Steve, you I still respect."
"The game's obviously not corrupting him enough," said Tony. "Though I guess we should have figured that out from his refusal to say 'fuck' last round."
"Shut up, micropenis," said Steve, getting a glare from Tony.
"Okay, last candidate," said Tony, looking at the card. "Xenophobia. So I guess Trumpster Fire is running in this election."
"Indeed he is," said Bruce. "But does he win?"
"Fuck no," said Tony. "The women in yoghurt adverts do, just in case they actually do decide to wrestle."
"That was mine," said Steve, before noticing the look Natasha was giving him.
"I take it back, all men ARE pigs," said Natasha.
"I knew we were corrupting him," said Tony. "Bruce, whatcha got for us?"
"Next on Nine's Wide World of Sports: The World Championship of _," read Bruce. "Keep in mind, I know nothing about sports, so anything you answer with could be real and I would never know."
"Okay, if anyone has a card that says Quidditch, now's the time to play it," said Tony. "The nerd will be happy you informed him of its existence."
"Do you really think that exists?" asked Thor.
"Why not?" asked Tony. "After all, that Mr. Strange guy is a thing."
"I thought he was a doctor," said Natasha.
"Probably," said Tony, going back to looking for a card to play.
Once the answers were in, Bruce started reading them. "Next on Nine's Wide World of Sports: The World Championship of making sweet love to a specimen cup," read Bruce. "Since when is porn a sport?"
"And what time is it on?" asked Tony.
"I'm telling Pepper," said Natasha.
"Next on Nine's Wide World of Sports: The World Championship of market manipulation," said Bruce. "I feel like you as a businessman would be good at that one."
"Three time gold medallist," said Tony.
"Wait, what?" asked Steve. Tony just grinned in response.
"Okay, next answer," said Bruce. "Next on Nine's Wide World of Sports: The World Championship of mechanized infantry."
"Again, three time gold medallist," said Tony.
"I hate you right now," said Clint.
"Why? Because you never went to the Olympics for archery?" asked Tony, smirking. Clint simply flipped him off in response.
"Next answer," said Bruce. "Next on Nine's Wide World of Sports: The World Championship of route clearance."
"Do you have three gold medals in being a bulldozer?" asked Natasha.
"I could probably arrange to make it so," said Tony.
"Okay, and finally," said Bruce. "Next on Nine's Wide World of Sports: The World Championship of saying 'I love you' with puppy dog eyes."
"Boo, too sweet and innocent for this game," said Tony. "Steve, play a better card."
"Wasn't me," said Steve.
"To be honest though," said Bruce. "Because I like the idea of trying to convince people that you love them, I'm going to say that last one wins."
In response, Thor raised Mjolnir above his head and cheered in triumph. "FUCK YES!" he bellowed, a bolt of lightning crashing behind him. "BOW DOWN, MORTAL BITCHES!"
"God damn it," muttered Bruce.
"I don't think he's going to," said Tony.
"Well, that was fun," said Clint. "We should do this again some ti..." Before he could finish his sentence, a very angry Nick Fury slammed the door open.
"What the fuck are you guys doing?!" demanded the director. "Ultron's planning to destroy Sokovia, and you're just sitting here play games?"
"Director..." said Natasha.
"But nothing. Get your shit, and get the fuck out there," said Fury. The Avengers very quickly started grabbing their stuff, and running out the door. "Dumb motherfuckers," he muttered, closing the door to the room.
Author's note: Well, guess that ended on a bit of an anti-climax. Sorry. But that's it for this fic. If you guys want to see more people playing Cards Against Humanity, feel free to vote on the poll on my profile to let me know. Or vote for one of the other fics on the list. Or just ignore it, I don't care. Speaking of the poll, according to it, my next fics will be The Marauders, so expect that to start either the end of this month or early next month. As for future Cards fics, let me know who should play next (they don't have to be Marvel characters). I'll probably do a Justice League one at some point, I'm also considering a Yu-Gi-Oh one, but if you want me to use characters from a different fandom, let me know. Until next time guys...