Jack

I open the door to find Matt standing there.

"Hi Matt, I didn't know you were over here. Shouldn't you be at Nikki's?" I comment.

"I've been thinking about me and Nikki." He answers, coming straight6 to the point, though I still can't see what the point is."

"Well, come in." I offer, steeping back to allow him entrance to my untidy flat. "Shouldn't you be having this conversation with your- with Nikki?" I add, still unwilling to voice the fact that they are in a relationship, despite having nothing against Matt. He's a decent man and he's good for her, but I still wish it was me. My hesitation to call her his girlfriend does not go unnoticed.

"I thought I should discuss the situation with you first, Jack." He explains, following me over to the sofa.

There is a situation apparently.

"How can I help?" I sound like a shop assistant in Tesco's now, but I don't know what else to say.

"You love her, don't you?"

Whatever I was expecting, it wasn't that. Suddenly, to me, my thread-bare carpet seems to be the most interesting thing in my flat. "I've always loved her." I mutter in confirmation. "But she loves you."

"She loves you too." He states.

"She used to, I think, but after Mexico-" I stop short, unable to admit to myself that I ruined any chance I might have had of a relationship with her.

"She still does, mate." He tells me in his strong American accent. We're mates now – that's nice. He gives my shoulder a light tap. "She just doesn't know it yet." He all the way from American to tell me that Nikki loves me without knowing it – seriously? "Or maybe she does" He adds with a shrug. "Maybe she's just afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of losing you" He reasons. "If something happened to me, she'd be upset – devastated even, but she'd cope because she's got you, but if something happened to you – I don't think she could cope with that."

"She won't lose me." I retort, entirely unsure of where this going.

"Good." He answers and we lapse into silence.

This isn't going anywhere. I'm glad I didn't offer him a cup of tea now. I just want him to leave. Did he really come all this way to rub my nose in it? I'm about to rail at him with any words I can think of, when he starts again.

"You're probably wondering why I wanted to have this conversation."

"Yes!" I exclaim, before I can stop myself.

He sighs. "Sorry, Jack. I'm not explaining myself very well."

I want to tell him he is not explaining himself at all, but I bite my tongue and let him continue.

"I do have another point." He carries on. I wish he would make it, but he pauses and takes a deep breath, as though he is about to go under water. "Even if Nikki and I didn't have jobs in different countries-" to my chagrin, he stops and starts again. I dig my nails into the sofa. "I know that Nikki loves me and she would move to America to be with me, if she didn't love her job so much." He explains, adding more salt to the wound. "But she wouldn't be happy." He continues. "The truth of the matter is that she doesn't want to live in America – and I don't want to live in England. We are not going to go anywhere. He finishes.

Finally. My relief at him making the point is short-lived as I realise where this is going. He's going to break up with her. Nikki will be distraught.

"Not if you're here." He comments, making me realise that I said the last sentence out loud. Oh heck.

"Why have you told me first?" I ask.

He hesitates. "Without wanting to sound patronising," He begins slowly, "Nikki has told me in the past that you often blame yourself for things." He answers. "I wanted you to know that I've realised our relationship will not go anywhere in the long-term, even though we love each other. Nikki will realise that too in time and she will realise that you are the one who is here for her. I am not breaking up with her because of you."

"When are you going to tell her?"

"I'm going over there now" he responds. "I think it's better done. " He reasons."I'm going to try to explain the way I have to you."

I hope he does a better job. We walk back to the door.

"I'll try to explain better though" he adds with a nervous chuckle. "She might be around here later."

"Well I'm not going anywhere." I retort. "Are you going to tell her you've spoken to me?"

"Yes." He nods. "It was my decision to talk to you first and the last thing I want is her to be upset with you."

I hope she's not. I shut the door behind him and run my hand through my hair. I fell so restless now. I don't know what to do with myself and start pacing up and down in front of the sofa, before heading over to my punch bag hung in the corner. I let off steam, awaiting a phone call, text or visit from an upset Nikki. At the present time, I fail to see any benefit from Matt's conversation, but I will do anything I can to make this better for Nikki.