Zim dragged himself up by tugging at Dib's arms in one fluid motion, before gripping the collar of his shirt in an iron first and staring down at him, feet planted firmly on top of Dib's thighs.

"You! You did this!"

"It sounds like you did it to yourself," Dib said, shoving Zim off him on instinct, but that just tightened the irken's grip, nearly clunking their heads together as Dib was tugged forward by his own force. "I didn't know you could even do that!"

"Your body shouldn't be compatible with mine, then!" Zim pushed Dib back and hopped off his lap, beginning to pace.

"I can't control that, how genetically similar could irkens and humans even be?" Dib watched Zim who was going in circles. By the tenth turn, his boots were practically radiating static electricity.

"This is- this is- argh!"

"How long do we have?" Dib had hugged his knees to his chest- Zim's couch had been too small for him for years, but he'd long since grown used to it. Now, though, it felt like the walls were closing in on them.

"Smeetery records say that it can take about four Earth-months." The computer said.

"But if it's half-human, who knows? Babies take nine months." Dib said. "Man, I know there used to be talk of alien hybrids on a lot of forums, but never thought I'd see one that wasn't just painted green or made out of a dented baby doll. Or thought that I'd be a dad to one. Okay, maybe I did a few times, but that was more scientific curiosity, and that was before we started going out-"

"Shut your cake-hole, Zim needs to think!" Zim snapped. He had a finger bent over his mouth, and his Pak was glowing slightly.

"Do you want it?" Dib asked. "If it's only been a few days, if you don't, you can probably-"

"Yes, yes, that's possible." Zim waved a hand. "Computer! How large are human smeets?"

There was a bit of whirring as the computer looked it up. "Between five and nine pounds."

Dib hissed in a breath through his teeth- Zim was only about four feet tall and eighty pounds. He'd always kind of wondered about that, honestly- he was skinny but heavier than an average human at that size. "Are irken babies smaller?"

"They're usually about two pounds. Let's hope it leans irken or Master's going to have one hell of a backache." The Computer said.

"It will be irken, it's mine." Zim said, scratching idly at his stomach. He finally plopped back down on the couch next to Dib, tugging his uniform shirt up. He looked… exactly the same as he had a week ago. Zim gave his stomach a poke.

"Hmm… I see nothing. Computer!"

"It's only a few days old. You won't see anything for at least another week." The computer half-sighed.

"So there's really a kid in there…" Dib leaned forward, trying to detect any kind of curve in Zim's abdomen, but all he saw was smooth skin. Stupid alien healing factor- Dib's own torso was scattered with years of scars, mostly from fights with Zim. Zim, meanwhile, had started staring at him.

"Dib."

"Yeah?" Dib looked up, meeting Zim's eyes.

"You are tall, are you not?"

Dib blinked. "Yeah, I'm six three. You know that."

"So any child of yours would be tall as well, correct?"

"Probably? Gaz is five eight, but I had an aunt that was seven feet, so I figure it runs-"

Zim's face split into a grin, tugging his shirt back down. "And any offspring of mine would have my amazingness!"

Dib scratched at the base of Zim's antenna, right where he knew it felt best. "It'd be as annoying as you, I'm sure," he said affectionately. Zim batted loosely at Dib's wrist, but allowed him to continue his petting.

"Then it's decided!" Zim's antenna twitched. "Your tallness and not-dumbness mean this could be an excellent experiment on the compatibility of humans and irkens without the average disgusting worm-monkey poisoning my results. After seven years on this filthy dirtball, a few months is nothing. I could make an army of slaves with irken greatness and human… human…"

"Tenacity?" Dib suggested, bemused. Five years ago he would have jumped on Zim for a comment like that, but now he knew Zim probably just wanted an excuse. His disgust for anything on or near his body he didn't want… well, if he'd even stopped to consider keeping it, his mind had already been made up. It was almost sweet- to know he liked Dib enough to not want to just rip the thing out and toss it to Gir to destroy.

"Eh, there are no tents in human genes, I've checked for that. Gir is terrible at camping anyhow." Zim said. "Took Computer a week to get all the beans out from the med bay."

"We're doing this." Dib leaned back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. "Holy shit."

"Hey, I'll be doing most of it!" Zim jumped between Dib's sprawled legs, palms planting on the top of the couch to stare Dib in the face. "And I expect you to be my slave for the time being, it's only fair since it's your rotten blood that did this."

Dib grinned up at him. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'll help. It's the first alien pregnancy I've seen first-hand, it's research gold. You coming attached is the just the nasty side-effect."

When Zim swiped at his face, he just laughed.