"Okay, so, we've got anywhere between four and nine months for this thing to grow." Dib had crossed his legs, arms settled in the hole between them and palms pressing couch cushion. "Luckily, since we've graduated, we don't have to worry about missing any skool, or anyone getting curious when you start looking fat."
Zim scoffed. "Zim won't-"
"Zim, you're growing something inside your body. You're going to gain some weight." Dib pinched his cheek like he was a cute child, earning himself a hiss and a furious swipe that only ended with Zim's claw getting tangled in Dib's sleeve. It took a good thirty seconds to free it, and Zim mumbled to himself in Irken as he tugged at his glove.
"Fine, fine. What else?" Zim drummed his fingers on his leg.
"The symptoms for humans are… uh…" Dib had to think for a moment. "Nausea after a bit, I think? Mood swings, which I am not looking forward to having to deal with considering how insufferable you can get normally," (a comment that got him a 'hey!' and another shove) "And cravings, which could be interesting considering how you normally react to human food. We'll have to see on that one."
"I see why they moved things to smeeteries." Zim narrowed his eyes. "This seems so inefficient."
"Hey, this way it's however the dice fall instead of programming something into the DNA. You can have surprises. Besides, that didn't always work- they never expected you, did they?"
Zim flashed a toothy smirk at Dib. "Of course not- no one could predict me!"
"See? Some variety is fun. Besides, I'm a direct clone of my dad but we're pretty different." Dib shrugged. "Genetic diversity ensures that some with different adaptations will survive in crisis."
"But only using the best DNA of the most successful ensures that our race will continue to be the best." Zim argued.
"Come on, I thought you loved chaos." Dib nudged him. "It'll still be our kid no matter what. Besides, your body would pick the best stuff to share, right? I dunno if your Pak can actually do that, but if it could, it totally would."
"It will- I accept no less!" Zim hopped off the couch. "I'm getting popcorn. You want that disgusting cheesy mess, no?"
"Yeah, as long as Gir didn't get into it. He slobbers over everything,"Dib called out as Zim started rummaging around in the cabinets. He used his Pak legs to get to the top shelf, pulling out a pair of bags.
Dib pulled his phone out of his pocket, flipping through to the camera. "Alright. Hey, future Dib, welcome back! This is day one of-"
"What are you doing?" Zim dropped the popcorn on Dib's head, staring at the small screen.
"I'm starting a log, so we can keep track of progress." He turned the camera up to show Zim better, and Zim smacked it into Dib's lap, the phone turning off.
"You will not use your record-y thing to show anyone my true form!" Dib grabbed the phone and held it protectively against his chest.
"Relax, I'm not going to show anyone. This is for my personal notes. Besides, if it's like an experiment, you're going to want records, right? Half the city has seen you out of disguise by now anyways."
Zim glared at him, and Dib threw up his arms.
"Okay, go grab your disguise, happy?"
Zim stretched an arm out to the end table, sticking out his tongue a bit as he adjusted his wig and contacts. For the hundredth time, Dib wondered if he ever replaced them- they were the same slightly-translucent white and purple as ever, and you could see the pink underneath if you squinted. Zim gave a thumbs up, and Dib started another video.
"Hey, future Dib, and future Zim if you start bugging me about sharing the footage. This is day… well, it's one for us, but when did the thing actually start growing?" Dib looked up.
"Three days ago." The computer said.
"Okay, day three, then." Dib moved the camera to include Zim, who flashed it a bright grin. "So far Zim looks the same as usual. We just found out about half an hour ago. Irken gestation takes about four months and humans take about nine, so we'll see which of us it's more like when we figure out how fast it's growing."
"Which will be me. It's mine, after all, the Dib just started this by having such sweet bloodmeats."
Dib elbowed Zim in the chest. "No, you started this by being such a biter. You're lucky I like wearing coats that cover them up, asshole."
Zim snickered. "You should be honored to be marked by an irken elite."
"And you should be honored that I keep lending you money so you can make rent and buy Gir food, you brat." Dib rolled his eyes. "Anyways, Zim, pull your shirt up a little just so we can have a visual."
Zim stuck out his tongue before doing just that, only showing his lower stomach.
"Note the lack of a bellybutton, and defined hip-bones despite being weirdly muscular-" Zim yanked his shirt back down, jabbing Dib with a pointy elbow, who coughed. "Okay, okay, geez. Anyways, that's all I've got for now, but I'll try to update often with what happens. Dib out."
Zim immediately removed the wig, pulling out the contacts and setting them both back on the end table before grabbing his popcorn.
"If you're done looking at your own dumb face, I wanna watch a movie."
Dib tucked the camera away. "Alright, as long as you don't start clinging to me when you get scared. I've still got the marks from the scary clown one."
"Why would anyone make that?" Zim shuddered. "And invaders do not cling!"
Dib tugged up his sleeve and raised an eyebrow, three small circular marks clearly dug into his skin. Zim laughed nervously. "Eheh… it was to keepyou from being scared! You humans make those movies to frighten yourselves, no?"
Dib grabbed the remote and adjusted his bag of cheesy popcorn on his lap. "Whatever makes you feel better." He flipped through the channels until he found one that looked promising.
It turned out to be horrible, but Zim's commentary made the experience worth it anyways.