WITHOUT YOU
AUTHOR:
I have noticed there isn't many NANA fanfictions online so I figured I'd share this one shot drabble I wrote for my own benefit. Sorry in advance for the angsty sentiment. I'd love to write a NANA multi-chapter story too, but I don't think there is much of a demand for one? If you would love me to do a multi-chapter sequel to this one-shot please let me know in a review.
Hey Nana, do you remember that feeling you had when you first realized you were still in love with Ren? That's how I'm feeling right now with Nobuo. I'm awful, I know.
Sighing Nana stared teary eyed back at Ren's memorial, his handsome face eternalised in the frame before her; it had been roughly a week since she last visited this very room, so much happened that day. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the overwhelming sense of relief and happiness that burned within her as she recalled Nobuo's words that day; his voice was so assertive and captivating.
After everything she had done and all the time that had elapsed since she lay crying in her bed that night breaking his heart, his feelings remained strong and unwavering; it was the stuff of fairytales. Eyes trembling, Nana traced her hands across her perfectly rounded belly; how was it that she had found herself in a loveless marriage when someone as pure and true as Nobuo was still there always waiting, always hoping?
Nana's chest constricted as she bit down on her quivering lower lip, the more she thought about it, the more heartbroken she felt. If only there was a way to turn back time and change the decision she made back then, there had to be another option she hadn't considered. She never wanted to choose Takumi, she wanted to escape him but doing that at the expense of ruining Nobuo's life with the burden of a baby or the weight of an abortion on his mind was not an option; she loved him too much to let him do that over her mistake. Back then she thought that making the decision she did made her the worst person on the planet, but alas here she was still making decisions that hurt those around her.
It was unquestionably cruel what she had done the week prior, allowing Nobuo to see a glimpse of what lay within her heart; if he truly knew how she felt, how deeply she loved him and why she made the decision she did, there was no way in hell he would ever let her go again. His recent declaration of love and emotion in his eyes as he spoke in that instance was proof enough of that. What did I ever do to deserve Nobuo? When he wrapped his arms around me it was as if the whole world stopped, my heart rate went through the roof but at the same time it felt as if time stopped and that we were in a completely different plane of existence.
I don't even know what to do at this point, if I leave him our child will be without her father, but if I stay; she pauses, hot tears rushing down her cheeks, thin alabaster hands flicking up to cover her eyes as she felt a wave of emotion wash over her. If I stay I might as well die right here and now, I can't imagine living a life without love or respect for the rest of my life. I don't want that for myself or my child. Lips quivering, her hands slid from her distraught visage to her shoulders; gently hugging her own figure, hot tears still spilling from her eyes as she felt her heart shattering. "What am I doing," she whimpers between sobs, her chest rising and falling rapidly as her anxiety got the better of her; "I need to stop thinking about him. He's happy and he has Asami, end of story. I'm just going to ruin that if I let him see any more than he has already, if I did I will never forgive myself."
I'm shameless, coming back to this place and focusing on my own dilemmas; but Nana is my priority right now. I need to protect her no matter what, she notes silently, honey orbs trembling as she slowly retracted her hands, forcing herself to take a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. "Sorry Ren, you didn't need to see that," she whispers, her voice cracking slightly; fingertips brushing tears from the apples of her tear stained cheeks as she sat there. "I won't let you or anyone else down, not ever again."
I'm sorry Nana, I'm a foolish woman. I should've been focusing on you when you needed me, but yet again I slipped up and followed my misdirected heart. But at the moment it's not about me, there's plenty of time for that. Right now, I just need to focus on keeping your heart safe until you're ready to share it again.