At a month since it had started growing, Dib walked into his house with an armful of groceries and nearly had a heart attack. Zim was sitting on the arm of the couch, but that wasn't what made him scramble for the alien.

No, it was the fact that Zim was chugging something with a poison sticker on the front.

"Zim, what the fuck?"

Zim wiped his arm over his mouth. "What, did you want some?"

"No- how aren't you foaming at the mouth right now?" Dib pried the bottle out of his hands.

"Psssh, I've had this before. I just added a sugar cube to it." Dib squinted- there was indeed a half-melted cube of sugar bobbing at the top of the liquid.

"Chloride? Did you go rummaging around under the sink?"

Zim picked at his teeth with a claw. "My supplies took too long to get here this month, and you owe me. You're lucky I've grown a tolerance to earth-slushies from the place down the street, or I would have raided your fridge for foods earlier"

"I can't believe you," Dib said in disbelief. "This isn't food. If I drank this I would probably die. And you throw up when you have milk. Or anything, really. How did you even figure out you can drink this?"

Zim shrugged. "Gir, of course. He'll eat anything, and shoved it at me once. It smelled good."

Dib screwed the cap on over the top of the chloride. "At this point I'm tempted to just move in with you for the next few months. You could have killed the kid!"

"If I can handle it, they can." Zim waved a hand flippantly.

"You don't know that!" Dib's heart was still beating like someone had started a drum solo in his chest. "Look, if you aren't going to eat human foods, will you at least not eat things that could kill a human? Until it develops more, it could be enough human that could hurt it really badly."

"It's mine, it's stronger than anything you can imagine." Zim cupped a hand over his stomach, now big enough to make a small but visible bump in his uniform. "And considering how much you've survived, your bigheadedness will keep it from dying of something stupid."

"I- ugh!" Dib flopped down on the couch. "Why couldn't I have just met a nice paranormal investigator and had dates where we hunted ghosts or something?"

"You're saying you don't want me anymore?" Zim narrowed his eyes. "You're the luckiest human on the planet, to be as close to a member of a superior race as you are."

"You don't get it. If you make one really wrong move, it could die. And you just started drinking something that could kill me , never mind a baby. You have to avoid things that could hurt you or humans!"

"If you think it's so easy, you raise it in your guts!" Zim pulled his knees up to his chest.

"I can't do that, even if you could move it I don't have any place to put it!" Dib tugged at his hair. "And if I did and we did do that then Dad would freak and I'd be taken in by the government and they'd do experiments on the baby and I'd never see you or Gaz again, and then they'd probably take you too, and-" Zim slapped a pillow over Dib's face, shutting him up long enough for him to start breathing again. "Okay, maybe I'm a little more panicked than I thought, but just seeing you drinking poison-"

"It's not poison to me. I'd prefer to keep myself healthy, as hard as Earth makes it to do that!" Zim shook a fist at the sky.

"Yeah, but it's still poison to humans."

"Yes, yes, you said that. I'll avoid kool-ride from now on."

"If you get cravings for something you haven't seen me or Gaz eat before, ask me first." Dib said. "Okay?"

"I've been on this planet for years, I know-"

Dib grabbed Zim's face, forcing him to meet his eyes. "I want you to promise."

"Eh?"

"Promise on your Tallest."

"I can't do that!"

"Then you're not leaving my sight until you do. I want to hear it. I know you lie, but you won't lie if it's on them."

Zim gave an exaggerated sigh. "I promise, on the Almighty Tallests, I won't eat anything I haven't seen you stuff you face with. Happy?"

"Not as much as I'd like to be, but a little bit." Dib pulled out his phone. "It's been a month, I'm making another log."

Zim smoothed down his uniform shirt before nodding. "Fine, fine."

Dib flicked the video on. "Hey! Log three. It's been a month. I'm not sure if it is still going to be the four month estimate, but Zim's checked and it's still growing steadily. He's showing now even when his shirt is down, but it's not really obvious unless you're looking for it. He just kind of looks a little chubby. Ow!" Zim had elbowed him at that. "What? It's true."

"It isn't fat, it's your dumb genes making it too big." Zim said. "I want that on the record- Dib's bigness making it heavy."

"It's going to get heavier. You're just used to being really skinny. Anyways, visual. Zim, pull up your shirt."

"I don't want to now. You called me fat."

Dib sighed. "Don't you want a good show of progress? You can't do a good experiment without notes."

Zim mumbled something in irken but reluctantly tugged the shirt up. The bump was more obvious now, curving from the bottom of his torso to a few inches below where nipples would be on a human. It sort of looked like there was a shallow bowl settled under his skin.

"Alright, that's good. So far he's dealt with nausea, fever, and cravings, but nothing he didn't eat already. At least not yet… although I walked in on him drinking chloride a little bit ago. He's lucky I won't slap him right now."

"Hey!"

"Anyways, that's all for now. End of month one, Dib out."