So far today, Zim had already checked on the chicken-cow experiment, (with disappointingly less cannibalism since he'd last looked- he'd planned to simply clone the strongest one that was left) had paced around in the lab for ten minutes, and had captured the neighbor boy in a brief attempt to figure out if he could turn his fingernails into poisoned claws since he was always scratching things and could cause some damage that way. (He just immediately scratched himself and passed out, which wasn't much use at all. It was kind of funny, though.)

His pak legs still weren't working, which was mostly annoying when he had to crawl on top of things. He didn't realize just how often he used them until they were cut off.

"You're getting an extra month's grounding. I'll make it a real one, and bury you in the backyard for the first few days." He tugged his uniform shirt down. It was starting to ride up a little. Not enough to show any skin, but any change was still… odd.

"Oooh, it'll be a groundhog mole baby!" Gir grinned, head poking out from behind the couch.

"No, it's irken and human." Zim said. "Get out of there, you'll collect dustbunnies, and I can't handle another infestation right now. We're out of carrots."

"Aww, I liked those. They were fluffy." Gir pulled himself out with a pop. "And tasty."

"You'll eat anything that you can get your little hands on, won't you?" Zim raised an eye, and Gir shrugged.

"Maybe… but the whole world's good!"

"Riiiiight." Zim had started pacing on the living room floor instead. "Where is he?"

"Who?"

"The Dib. He should be out of his work by now." Zim's boots made tiny squeaks as he turned on his heels. "You don't think he's gotten himself killed, do you?"

"I'unno." Gir tilted his head.

"That would be just like him, to go off and get himself killed and then expect me to do all the hard work. Dumb human." Zim arched his back inwards, hearing a small 'crack' as something in his spine reset. "And then- and then- oh, I was going to call the Tallests!" He looked around. "Hmm… Gir, do you have anything lying around I could use to cover my abdomen?"

"I've gotta stash from the Krazy Taco bathroom."

Zim winced. "Anything else?"

"Nope. And those are mine!" Gir hugged himself as if to protect them from where he stood.

"I need something, go grab one." Zim said. "And disinfect it first! Hmm… unless… computer, has the Dib left any clothes around here lately?"

"He left a work shirt here yesterday."

"That'll work. Bring it to me! But disinfect that too. I don't want any of his Dib-germs lingering on it."

Gir sighed in relief at not having to disturb his stash of stolen goods.

"Awww, you wanna wear Dibby? Like a weddin' ring, but bigger, and sweatier!"

"No, no, it's just… marginally cleaner than whatever smell-encrusted filth you have in your pile."

"It's real dirty…" Gir said almost dreamily.

"I'm sure it is." Zim crossed his arms, tapping his foot. "Unless… do you think I could get away with this?" He looked down at his abdomen. "I don't want them thinking I've gone soft… how noticeable is it?"

Gir walked over, examining Zim's midsection with an inquisitive 'hmmmm'ing noise before giving it a probing poke.

"You've got car rubber in there," Gir said decisively. "Gonna need a seatbelt for the baby."

"Great," Zim grumbled. "Computer, hurry up!"

"I'm going, geez. Lighten up." A minute later, the shirt was chucked at Zim's face. He gave it a cautious sniff. It smelled sort of like the pleasant fruit of the disinfectant, and sort of like Dib.

The familiar smell made his antennae lower a bit in relaxation, two seconds before he tossed the shirt away. "Gah! What was that?"

"Don't ask me."

Zim nudged at the shirt with the tip of his boot. "Dib must have poisoned it, making me feel all gooey…" He grabbed a wadded up blanket, tying it around his waist. "There, that works! Computer, contact the Tallests."

"Contacting the Tallests!"

Gir wiggled into the couch, metal butt waggling in the air for a moment before turning around with the cushion on top of his head.

The image flickered unto the screen- Purple was trying to make a pyramid out of fries, while Red was talking at one of the pilots.

"Greetings, my Tallests!"

"Seriously?" Purple's fry-tower half-collapsed. He looked up at Zim. "Just get it over with, what is it now?"

"I've managed to create a fascinating hybrid between two earth animals that could help invaders grow their own food! Well, it was mostly for me because my shipments of supplies always take forever, but they're starting to all eat each other! Isn't that great?" Zim grinned.

"Yeah, yeah, great." Red said, looking up. "Was there anything else?"

"Eh…. of course! I've managed to grow more of a tolerance to several Earth foods, so it is possible for us to use some of the resources here!" His grin widened, but a feeling of molten glass started to churn in his lower spooch. Something was… off.

"Right." Purple picked up one of the fallen fries and bit into it. "Good for you. Now, maybe if I use the big one…?"

"And I've managed to get the Dib to hand over valuable technology to help in discovering…." Zim cleared his throat, chest tight. "Discovering weaknesses. Impressive, n-no?"

"Mhm." Red had his arms crossed, tapping an index finger against his sleeve armor with a soda dripping from being tilted in his other hand.

Zim opened his mouth to continue on with an assurance that he was fine despite the sadly long absence between calls when his belly rebelled violently against the idea. He tried to lock his legs to stay standing, but it only helped him stay up for a few extra seconds before he fell to his knees. "J-just a moment my T-hrrrk!" Thick, slimy vomit burned at his throat and splattered his hands as he tried to cover his mouth, hitting the floor with a nasty slapping sound. It was disgustingly warm.

"Oh, ew!" Zim wasn't entirely sure which Tallest had said it. Maybe Purple? "Cut the feed, that's disgusting!"

There was a fuzzy static sound from the tv moments later, but it was laid under the ringing in his antennae. His whole body felt too hot and too cold at the same time. He managed to pull himself up to his knees, both arms wrapping around himself as if he could hug the sick feeling away.

"You want that cleaned up?" The computer was proactive in asking for once. Zim nodded.

"Get rid of it…"

"Oh, boy!" Gir jumped off the couch, but Zim grabbed him by an arm.

"If you try and eat that, I'm throwing up inside your head."

Gir clapped at that, but it faltered when Zim weakly narrowed his eyes at him. "Oh. Bad?"

"Yes, bad. Go mop it up, and get Minimoose."

Gir ran off, and Zim pulled himself up unto the couch.

That… could have gone better.

A/N: Okay, so I've... completely forgot to keep updating here, oops. I'm up to chapter 24 on ao3, but I figured I shouldn't dump all of them at once. Anyways, I'm going to probably be running a contest for this fic! There's two categories, chapter art (which is just art for a specific chapter) and 'inspired by the fic'. My tumblr's kind of blown up with a ton of ideas branching off the fic, and with a bunch of fanart for future aus, alternate timeline aus, ect. Anything that's got some basis from the fic but isn't from a specific chapter counts- and fic would count too! The prizes are colored art (my tumblr is shadowofthelamp and it's under tagged / shadow+sketches) or a 800-1000 word request One winner for each category, and depending on number of entries runner-ups will get a sketch! The writing prize just follows the rules of my commissions. I'll decide on end-dates later. Hope you're enjoying the fic!