"How long has it been?" Dib pulled his finger out of his mouth to realize that his teeth had made indents in the skin.
"Three minutes since the last time you asked."
"And is there-"
"Will you stop that?" Zim snapped, claws dug into the blankets. He'd stripped off his gloves, but tugged his boots back on after removing his leggings. Dib had no idea why, but that wasn't really important right now. What was important was the fact that his body was ready for birth, but the baby apparently just wasn't moving. "You're making me twitchy! I don't want to be twitchy!"
Yes, okay, it had only been half an hour and apparently it took much longer than that most of the time, but Dib's nerves were frayed like a loose cable, and the sweat dripping down Zim's cheeks coupled with the sickly-sweet smell of whatever was in the liquid coming out of him was making Dib's head spin.
Dib turned, boots squeaking on the tile. He was still in his lab coat, (he didn't want to risk something if he went to go change) and he rubbed at the scratches on his face, glad that they'd at least stopped bleeding. Of course, the one night they needed him was the one night he should have been glued to Zim's side. They knew she'd be coming any time, but no, the stupid plant zombie virus just had to ripen at the worst possible time. Simmons could deal with the remaining damage, the computer had sent a message to Dib's phone ( 'Zim's in labor, figured you'd want to know' ) and he'd nearly torn up a four-block radius looking for his idiot of a boyfriend who couldn't understand 'stay still' if his life depended on it.
He was here now, and they'd be fine. It was fine.
"Gah! Who put this… this… tightening rack in my gutmeats?" Zim gritted his teeth, and his boots twitched, toes probably curling inside of them.
"She's trying to come out." Dib kept chewing on his finger until he tasted copper. He pulled a pair of medical gloves out his lab coat pocket, snapping them on. Then, he crossed his arms, the coat whipping around as he paced. "Do you have any painkillers?"
"Ah, yes! Second shelf over there." Zim pointed and Dib hurried over, throwing it open to see- a piece of paper.
Zim, replace these later. Love, Zim! :p
Dib crumpled the paper in his fist, sucking in a deep breath through his teeth. "Okay, so no painkillers."
"Why not?"
"You used them and forgot to restock. Unless you want me to go get-"
"No!" Zim sat up with wide eyes. "Computer, lock the doors!"
They snapped shut, and Dib hopped up on the table next to Zim. "Let's hope I don't have to pee before this is over. I don't think you want to clean up that, it's gross, trust me-"
"I can- nggh- get this over with quickly!" Zim gave a thumbs up before his face twisted. "Oh, she's a strong one…"
"Just take deep breaths," Dib encouraged, reaching for Zim's hand and giving it a squeeze. "You'll be fine. Worst comes to worst, I can cut her out and haul you over to recharge."
"You aren't going to touch me!" Zim's chest heaved up and down. "It only hurts now and then, I'm doing fine!"
"Those are the contractions, I'd imagine. You're pushing on them, right?"
"I need to push? I thought she was crawling out."
Dib used his free hand to slap his forehead. "Isn't your body telling you that? That's how the baby gets out, they crawl and you push!"
"Ooooh, I thought it was just regular pain!" Zim brightened, setting a hand on top of his stomach curve to push down before Dib smacked it away.
"From the inside- using your muscles, Zim."
"I knew that!" He stuck his tongue out at him before settling back on the blankets. "This will be over in no time!"
It was not over in no time.
In fact, hours and hours later, the only difference was Zim had become drenched in sweat and nearly every bone in Dib's hand had been broken because of how tightly Zim squeezed, on top of the fact that he had dropped his opened travel tissue packet. Zim's stomach had definitely shifted a little, and the computer had confirmed that she had moved and was making her way down, but it was quite possibly the longest hours of Dib's life. Zim's too, considering how the bragging about how well this was going to go had shifted to yelling at her to get out of him already. At least Dib had remembered to set up his older video camera that could record for a few hours, but he was pretty sure any footage would be ruined by having to tweak the volume because of all that yelling.
Dib also did, in fact, really have to pee. Whoever talked about the 'magic of birth' could shove it up their ass.
He'd pulled out his phone to use as a timer. "Anything yet?"
"Of course- sssss!" Dib hit the button.
"Okay, three minutes between them now. She's got to be close. Toogle says that the closer they are, the closer the actual birth is." The table was set for Zim's height, so he had to crouch to get a good look. "It definitely looks wider than it did a while ago."
"Can't you just reach in and pull her out?" Zim grunted, claws shredding through the blanket like it was paper.
"I doubt my arm would fit."
"Grab the Pak, this is a big one," Zim said as he gritted his teeth, making the face that Dib was pretty sure meant he was pushing. Dib walked over to the table, lifting up the tiny Pak and examining it.
"What if she's too big for it?"
"It will work until I can make a new one," Zim said, holding out his hand before curling the fingers in a 'gimme' motion.
Dib held it protectively. "I'll hold it."
"Your fat meaty fingers will crush the delicate machinery!"
Dib lifted his free hand, squinting at it. "They're not f-" He shook his head. "Wait, this is stupid. We'll pop it on when-"
"I want to see it now! " Zim's claws dug so far into the blankets that they scraped the table, making a sickly SHING noise that drove a shiver up Dib's spine.
"Fine, just be careful with- gah!" Dib stepped on the dropped tissues and slipped, the Pak flying out of his hands. Zim grabbed it, slapping his hand down to keep from dropping it.
There was a crunch, and they both stared at Zim's hand in silence for a moment before Zim started screaming and Dib sprung to his feet.
"WHY DID YOU THROW IT AT ME LIKE A PROJECTILE-"
"I TRIPPED!"
"WHAT IF SHE COMES OUT AND SHE NEEDS IT AND WE DON'T HAVE IT AND EVERYTHING IS AWFUL AND-
"I DON'T-" Dib dug his fingernails into his palm to try and ground himself. "We'll- we'll figure out something. Is it completely crushed?"
Zim lifted his hand, squinting. "The shell is crumpled but it took most of the damage. It's still not going to work!"
Dib crossed the few steps between them, holding out his hands, and Zim reluctantly allowed him to brush the Pak pieces into his palm. Dib held them up in front of his glasses.
"We can- probably fix it if there are any remaining parts from the old attempts." Zim cleared his throat, and Dib's gaze shifted to him. "What?"
"I- may have used some of the parts in the crib."
"Oh. Well, there's a chance she won't need a Pak, right? She's natural-born and all."
"I- gah!" Zim dug into the blankets again, and Dib ran over to set the pieces on the table before returning to his side.
"Is the pain any worse? Are you pushing? Can you feel movement?"
"Just get her out! Yes, yes, I can feel it coming, now can you do something useful and pull? "
"I'm not reaching in- oh, I see something!" Dib crouched down- there was definitely a shape there. "Just keep pushing whenever the next contraction comes."
"This is your big head's fault, Dib-mate!" Zim snapped, and Dib reached into his pocket to pull out a pair of gloves, snapping them on.
"Oh, we're not having this conversation right now. And for the record, all babies have big heads, proportionally!" Dib set his hands carefully between Zim's legs. "Ready when you are."
"I've been- " Zim slipped into cussing in irken as his entire body shuddered. Dib gnawed on his lower lip as he got the first look at her. She had a few bits of black hair and antennae pressed flat against her head, and was kind of slimy with pink goo, but that was normal for babies, right? Maybe not pink, but goo in general.
It took another twenty minutes to get her all of the way out, by which time Zim had insulted every ancestor Dib had ever had as well as the concept of natural childbirth itself.
By two-thirty in the morning of the eighth, she was wailing with a set of pipes that absolutely cemented her as Zim's daughter, and Dib had never seen anything as incredible in his life. He dried her off with a towel as Zim slumped back in the blankets to get a few minutes of rest, satisfied by the screaming that she was alright. He'd insisted on looking at her first, though, and Dib cleaned her up within Zim's sight.
The first thing was that she was tiny. Were all babies this tiny? Of course, she was smaller than a human baby, but he couldn't imagine how minuscule irken smeets had to be, if she was twice the size of one. Her hair was wispy but definitely black, and the left antenna was shorter than the right. The right one had a different end than Zim's, curving down with the tip sticking back up, but the left simply ended with a pointed-down tip- it must have gotten squashed or something. It twisted Dib's stomach- hopefully, there wouldn't be any problems.
Her skin was tinted a sickly green, more like decomposing flesh than irken or human. Dib swallowed, but her breathing seemed to be even when he placed a hand to her kind of chubby chest, so that was probably just how their skin colors mixed, right? Besides, the lighting in the lab was always weird. Her mouth was gummy with no teeth yet, but her vocal cords were functioning perfectly. He was going to need hearing aids by his twenties, between her and Zim.
She had four fingers and three toes, which he kind of expected, as well as a nose but no ears. That made sense, if she had antennae, but it was still strange to run his fingers along the sides of her head and just feel smooth skin.
Her eyes… they were Zim's through and through, deep ruby with the color filling the sclera. Did irkens even have sclera if they only had one color? Under the lab's lights and mixed with the way everything on her slightly shimmered from the sticky goo she'd been coated in, she was like a section of space stolen into the little room and it took his breath away. The water blurring his vision didn't help as he wiped it away with his sleeve, shifting her to one arm. She was so small...
"Let me see her!" Zim's voice was a bit cracked from screaming so much over the past few hours, but not as much as probably could be expected- it was Zim, after all. Dib walked over, carefully depositing her in Zim's arms. She had looked tiny when he'd been holding her, but next to Zim, she was huge- it was a wonder Zim had managed to even make it to the store last night, honestly. "Hello there, smeet…" Zim's antennae were low, and his eyes were surprisingly bright for as much pain as he had to be in.
Man, Dib was glad he wasn't the one who had to carry a baby twice the size it was supposed to be. He could tell from how Zim held her that he'd already decided it was worth it, running a hand over her head.
"Her antenna…"
"Considering how messy this kind of thing can be, it's a miracle it's all that's wrong." Dib pointed out, leaning on the table as Zim carefully stroked the short one.
"She'll be fine," Zim decided. "One of mine doesn't work sometimes, but I've managed to do perfectly well for myself."
"Yeah… or we can figure out some kind of hearing aid thing if it's a problem." Dib tilted his head. "I had an idea, for a name."
"So did I." Zim scrubbed at his eyes with the heel of his palm.
She began crying again, and Zim stuck a finger in her mouth. She started sucking on it, seemingly content for the moment.
"Okay, what's yours? And if it's some variation on-"
"Twix."
"What?"
"Twix. I want it to be Twix."
"Are you- are you serious?" Dib raised an eyebrow, and Zim growled.
"Yes, I am. She chose it for herself because that was what I wanted so badly, and it's a perfect irken name. What did you want?"
"Nebula. It's her eyes, and- she just looks like it to me." Dib set a hand on her stomach, and she squirmed a bit before grabbing his finger. All of her fingers didn't even fit around one of his. "See? She likes it too!"
"Humans have two names, no?"
"Some of them do, yeah. You want to just take the middle name?"
"I want the first one!" Zim protested.
"The middle one is the one that was used to protect against curses since you could keep it a secret."
Zim considered that for a moment. "But she'd know?"
"Yeah, she'd know. We would too."
"I will take the secret name, then! Nebula is… acceptable, as a first name, for now. But she'll decide which one she likes better!"
Dib smiled as she yawned around Zim's finger before going back to sucking on it. "Hey there, little Nebula Twix. You're going to be great, aren't you?"
She just squeezed at his finger again. He took that as a yes.