Dib buttoned up Nebula's onesie. It was the third time he'd buttoned it in the last fifteen minutes, but she seemed to want to be naked more than he wanted her to be clothed, and the snaps were unfortunately too easy for her baby hands to manage. Apparently one less finger than usual for infants wasn't much of a hindrance. She didn't mind the sunglasses borrowed from one of Gir's dolls, at least- it was the best disguise of her eyes he could manage that wouldn't hurt her. At least the antennae only needed a hat.
The onesie was also too big for her. He should have realized a hybrid of a human and a smeet that was half the size of a human was going to turn out small- right now he was dealing with it by rubber-banding the extra fabric so she wasn't swimming in it. They'd get her some premie clothes soon, and she'd grow into the normal ones. Hopefully. Man, he hoped she wasn't going to be a baby for like six years, that would suck.
"Come on, Dad's going to be seeing you soon." She made a noise that sounded kind of like a kitten got rolled up with an alarm clock, kicking out on the blanket. "You don't need to get changed again, do you? That was like… ten minutes ago." She kept kicking, and Dib sighed, pulling out the stuffed bee. Her eyes widened and she immediately made grabby-hands for it, and as soon as he set it down, she wrapped her arms around it. Well, she couldn't unsnap herself if she was holding it, so that was good at least.
"Are we going?" Zim walked in, wig and contacts already on as he stretched, doing lunges in the living room.
"We are now. She kept trying to go commando." Dib did up his own buttons, lab coat thoroughly cleaned of any birth goo and zombie plant remains.
"I thought human babies weren't drafted into the military immediately like smeets are." Zim raised an eyebrow.
"It also means not wanting to wear underwear. Or clothes, in this case." Dib picked her up and set her in the car seat, patting his pockets to be sure the extra bottles were in them. "Dad'll be waiting for us in his lab on the top floor."
Zim was already out the door, climbing into Dib's car. Had he forgotten to lock it, or- oh, Zim had taken the keys. She was perfectly happy with her bee as Dib set the carrier down and buckled it in, and Zim grinned.
"I told you she'd like the bee."
"She likes the dragonfly too, I just grabbed the bee first."
"She likes the bee better."
"It's bigger, that's the only reason."
"Bigger is better!" Zim clicked the seatbelt in the front seat as Dib turned the key.
"Good thing I still like some things on the smaller side," Dib playfully ruffled Zim's wig but got a growl in response. He lifted his hands. "Kidding, kidding."
"Just drive, Dib-human. This car stinks of the filth of so many years of you."
"Hey, it's served me well!" Dib protested. "This car has seen me through countless expeditions, and carried multiple containers with ectoplasm! That's what the smell probably is. You'd never think ectoplasm would have a stench, but some of the undead leeches off into their essence."
"Hmmph." Zim settled back, turning to look at the car seat. "You're sure she's secure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. The seatbelt's on." Dib turned the key and the car sputtered to life. "It takes five minutes to get to the lab in the car anyway."
"Maybe I should go check."
"Do you want to sit in the back?" Draping an arm over the center console, Dib turned to look at Zim, who was already unbuckling himself and crawling into the back. "Okay, you do. Just put the seatbelt on back there and we can go."
Zim did, and Dib pulled out, heading down the street. In the backseat, he could hear Zim making the noises that indicated he was pulling faces at Nebula Twix, and her gurgly giggles cemented it. Luckily, Zim's antics kept her distracted all the way there, and six minutes later, he was parked in the lot and straightening his collar. Zim had lifted her out of the car seat, snapping the baby carrier over his chest before setting her in it. She was smiling at nothing now, letting out wet giggles at the side of the car.
"Hey, Dib!" Dib looked up. Who was that? She was in another coat, but- oh, Anne, right. They worked together for like a week once. "Who dragged you into babysitting?"
"This is Nebula. She's my-" The word caught in his throat. "My daughter."
"Didn't you just-" She shook her head. "Congratulations. And that's- Zam, right?"
"Zim!" Zim declared, indignant. Anne laughed.
"Oh, that's on me. Dib never shut up about you. When we were working on the wiring together, it was Zim this and Zim that."
"Anne…" Dib grabbed Zim's wrist to drag him inside, but glancing back he could see the wide grin spreading across pink teeth. Great.
"Talking to your dad? Good luck on catching him!"
"I've got an appointment! Don't you have something to do?"
"Yes sir, Mr. Membrane!" She gave him a mock salute before starting to laugh, turning to lock her car as Dib pulled Zim into the building.
"Never shut up about me, eh?"
Dib could feel the tips of his ears boiling. "Oh, hush. It's not like you don't talk about me."
"I don't blame you, I'm sure there's a lot to talk about." Okay, his chest was definitely puffed up a bit, even though it was hard to tell with the baby carrier. Zim was carrying the bee since it didn't fit in with the baby, and Nebula was definitely looking around, eyes wide behind the glasses. She couldn't really move her head yet, but her fingers kept twitching and she was making excited cooing noises.
"Welcome to Membrane Labs," Dib said, mostly for Nebula's benefit since Zim had been there before, even though she was a baby who didn't even know words yet. (She could only learn if she was talked at, right?) Zim lifted one of her arms, making her wave.
"She says hello," he informed Dib as they headed for the elevator. The elevator that was across the lobby, with enough time to turn every head in the place. Yeah, the boss's son bringing a baby to work was definitely going to fuel the rumor mills for a while. Why did he think this was a better idea than having Dad come home? Oh yeah, he'd never be able to take off work for a visit to actually matter. Joy.
Dib tried to tug down his hair, but it kept bouncing up, and he heard a lab tech snickering. It wasn't like everyone hadn't already seen them anyway- even if he buttoned the coat all the way up, he'd look more like Dad, not less. Maybe one day he'd shave his head. Although he did like the hair spike because it looked cool, in the lab it just meant even the newbies knew exactly who he was.
He slammed his fist into the elevator button once they entered it, and Zim turned to look at him. "You seem stressed. Your father-unit was pleased we were having her, no?"
"I'm not that worried about Dad. It's that humans usually don't have kids at 18 nowadays- especially not the sons of famous scientists."
"Since when does 'usually' apply to you?" Zim bounced her a little. "Nothing about you is usual, that's why you're better than the rest of these worms. I care what they think about me only so far as it compromises my security, you shouldn't at all- except for when they attack you, but-"
"-But that hasn't happened in at least six months," Dib finished. "I get the point."
"Besides, isn't she what you wanted?" Zim raised an eyebrow, and Dib tugged at the collar. Was it hot in here, or was it just him?
"Yeah, she's- honestly, I was expecting worse. She's great."
"What's the problem, then? People stare at you all the time."
"It- it just is." Something new, with judgment layered heavy- Zim looking like a kid probably didn't help either. What weirdo dragged a kid into work with a baby?
Zim tried to cross his arms under the carrier, but it was too awkward, so he dropped them. "You're terrible at explaining things."
"I am not! This one's just-" The door opened and Zim breezed past him.
"Good morning!" Zim practically chirped.
Geez, how was the alien better at this than he was?
"Good, you're here! And how's the little one that made me a grandfather?" Goggles practically shone in the light from the lab as he turned to give Zim his attention.
"She's amazing, if messy." Zim beamed. "But I expected no less."
"That's the spirit- strive for perfection!" At that, his lab coat squeaked when he knelt down. "And what is her name?"
"Nebula. Nebula Twix," Dib said, staring straight ahead as his dad brushed his gloves over her head. She wrinkled her nose, sticking her tongue out.
"Nebula?"
"Mhm."
"I can think of worse names. It has a ring to it, there's a Star somewhere in the lab. Perhaps she could be an astronomer!"
Dib let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "That would be neat- we can take her to see the stars someday."
"Always with your head in space, son. Hopefully, hers will be looking at the stars themselves, not what might be hiding between them." He stood back up, head tilted down just enough that Dib's fingers curled around the fabric of his lab coat, grasping it tightly. He looked forward to when they were the same height- cloning did have some advantages, like knowing he'd still grow a few inches. "Are you taking notes on her development?"
Dib nodded. "A few, but things are kind of hectic right now. Thanks for the folder, by the way- it's been pretty helpful so far."
He nodded. "I knew it would be. You did a home birth, I believe?"
"Mhm. It went well enough."
"Except for Dib breaking the life-support-" Zim grumbled before Dib elbowed him.
"She's fine. She's mostly fine. But Zim's allergic to a lot of stuff, so can I use the machine on the fourth floor to see what she is so I don't feed her poison?"
"Alright, your handprint will unlock it." The professor tapped his chin. "Rather small, isn't she?"
"She is."
"Be sure to feed her well."
"We will, don't worry. She's our responsibility," Dib said, and his father's goggles moved just enough that Dib could tell that he was smiling.
"You're handling this well."
"I'm just trying not to kill her, honestly," Dib admitted, freezing when that got him a slap on the shoulder.
"That's the exact attitude I had with you! Of course, I knew that I would do fine because I always do what I put my mind to, but trying not to kill you and your sister was much more difficult than I'd anticipated! I did well enough, though- you're standing here now, are you not?"
"Yeah, I am."
"And so am I!" Zim chipped in.
"Yes, how did you do with birth?" He crouched back down, and Zim just huffed.
"It was terrible! But I survived-"
"Clearly."
"-And here she is, and look at her! The spitting image of us!"
"She certainly has our family nose..." He prodded it, and she sneezed in response. "Don't be unsanitary on my gloves, I need these!" He stood up, stripping them off, and Dib heard the hydraulics whirr as he went to replace them.
"We're going to go test the allergies see you later bye!"
"What?" Zim stared up at him. "We were having a conversation!"
"He'll ask about her hair and eyes if we stay, and I need time to think of a better excuse for them or he'll want to do tests."
Zim nodded. "Oh, yes! Yes, we're going now!"
"I'll see you later, then! Best of luck, I'll email you your new assignments soon!"
"Right, right. C'mon, Zim."
"I'm coming, I'm coming." Zim gave a stilted wave before heading towards the elevator. "That went well, before you pulled us away."
"Short and sweet is better with Dad, he gets into lectures if we're in the same room too long." Dib took a deep breath. "You still okay? You haven't walked around a lot the last few days."
"I'm fine," Zim waved his hand. "I've withstood much more than this."
"I'll carry her, at least." Dib held out his arms, but Zim protectively hugged both the carrier and the baby.
"I told you, we're fine."
"I'll have to hold her to let it test her anyway. You let me carry her before."
"But that wasn't here, that was at the base!" Zim argued.
"Zim, I'm not going to let anything happen to her."
"You won't intend to, but then you'll get distracted-"
"Is that a bee in the corner?"
"Where?" Zim's head whipped around, eyes wide, and Dib clicked the carrier open, lifting it over Zim's head and settling it on around his own chest. Zim turned back to him. "Hey!"
"I can't believe you fell for that." Dib grinned as the elevator door opened, and Zim crossed his arms, training his eyes directly on the carrier as it started wiggling and whimpering. "No, nonono don't cry-"
"She likes me better, just let me carry her."
"I just moved her too fast." Dib ran his fingers over her cheeks before feeling in his pockets. Pacifier, pacifier- oh, the bottles! He popped one in her mouth and she started sucking, content. She kicked out a little at his stomach as he turned to grin at Zim. "See? I can handle it."
"You're not completely incompetent," Zim muttered as they turned the corner- luckily, this level had far fewer people, mostly used for storage space and a few machines that still had the bugs to work out. They wove their way through the mess with Dib in the lead to what looked like a popcorn bowl set over a chair.
"Alright, I just need a little blood or saliva sample and it should be good to go."
"And it won't record anything?"
"Anything it analyzes just comes right back out the printer over there. See?" Dib pointed. "It doesn't keep any records for anyone except Gaz and I."
"So I could find a weakness of-?"
"Gaz isn't allergic to anything. I'm not really either. I don't like pollen, I guess, but it's not too- anyway." Dib cleared his throat, setting her down on the chair and taking the half-finished bottle away so she wouldn't drop it on herself. He tried to scan his hand, realized it was the hand that had the pinky fingerprint completely erased during the fairy incident six months back, switched to the other, and then it opened to reveal the sample tray.
"You said saliva or blood?"
"Blood works better, but I don't want her crying." Dib lifted her up. "C'mon, spit in the little tray." She looked up at him, and he pulled the sunglasses off. "It's not that hard. Look, do what I do." He stuck his tongue out, and she copied him. He braced her head before turning her over, and a few droplets of baby drool hit the tray. It retracted, beginning to scan as Dib laid her back down on the chair. She wriggled around, reaching her arms up, but when Zim tried to grab her, Dib held him back. "It'll just take a minute."
"She's going to cry! Do you want her to cry?"
"Do you want to do this again?" Dib countered. "We can pick her up as soon as it's done." A green light flashed over the chair and Nebula started to wail. Zim glared at Dib, reaching in to-
"Scan complete!" A calm female voice toned just before Zim's fingers brushed the light, and he snatched her up, dropping the stuffed bee in the process and glaring at Dib.
"Really, that was-"
"Necessary. We won't have to do it again," Dib said, checking the screens- and feeling his stomach twist. "Oh, boy."
"What? What is it?" Zim hurried over, before sucking in a breath through his teeth.
INSUFFICIENT DATA- SUBJECT IS UNIDENTIFIED SPECIMEN. Remember, the machine is meant for humans, not raccoons, Todd.
"Great. Trial and error it is," Dib groaned, forehead thunking against the cool metal of the machine.
"She isn't a raccoon, what was that for?" Zim tapped his chin.
"That message means she's alien enough that it can't tell us what she's allergic to," Dib said. "We're just going to have to be careful."
Zim looked down at her. "But she isn't-"
Dib pinched the bridge of his nose. "Her not being human is all that matters."
"So- no allergy list?"
"No allergy list," Dib confirmed. She curled her fingers into a fist, blinking behind the glasses, and he raised the bottle again. Tiny muddy green fingers reached for it, and Zim snatched it, pressing it to her lips again. She started drinking again, her foot pressing against Zim's arm, and Dib sighed, brushing his fingers over her hair. "At least we're doing this together." He knelt down to pick up the bee, squeezing it like a stress ball.
"Yes, there is that," Zim agreed. "Between you and I, she'll be the best blend of humans and irkens there's ever been!"
"She's the only blend of humans and irkens there's ever been." Still, Dib smiled when she pulled away from the bottle. He pulled the sunglasses off, and she blinked up at him before giving a gummy smile back.
They'd make it through this.
Somehow, through everything, they always did.