January 10
Rosemary couldn't focus on a word Pastor Frank said. Not one single word. Actually, it was quite the miracle she was able to pull herself together after reading such startling news earlier this morning. Oh sure, she'd had the idea to feign illness, but with her pregnancy, it would cause Lee major concern. He'd schedule numerous extra visits to Doc Carson and he'd wait on her hand and foot, never daring to leave her side. He would probably even confine her to bed rest. Imagine that! Her? Sitting confined to a bed all day and night? No, thank you. That would be pure torture. So instead of promptly diving under the covers on the bed, she had: dried her tears, pulled herself together, and put a smile on her face. Although, if one were to look closely, they would realize her smile didn't quite reach her eyes.
So, here she sat in the Hope Valley church service, the anxious thoughts riddling her mind, distracting her from the words flowing forth from the podium this Sunday morning. Lee, sensing her mood, looked over and gave her a concerned look. If someone were to notice she wasn't quite up to her usual self, it would be him. He had peppered her with questions this morning after finding her dawdling in the bedroom. She was able to fight most of them off with the excuse of pregnancy fatigue. He had swallowed her answer then, but now, with concern brimming over from his eyes, she knew he was in tune with her a bit too much. She mustered together a smile, which seemed to relieve him a bit. He reached over and gently captured her hand, pulling it close to his chest. She inched closer to him. His presence really was soothing, bringing a bit of calm into her chaos. She took a deep, lingering breath, filling all of her lungs with this smidgen of peace and again tried to focus on the preaching. But, the words of the telegram kept sweeping around in her mind, driving her to distraction.
"Dearest Rosemary,
I have found you at last, darling. Who knew you would be hiding up in a small, insignificant mountain town? I heard you had aspirations, but, now— Hope Valley? I'm sure there must be some explanation. Good thing I am coming to set things aright. I plan to arrive the first of February, dependent on weather and traveling conditions, of course. Please send a car with plenty of room for my traveling accessories as I will be staying a mere month.
Harriet Avery Richman"
What was she to do? The woman, the one who knew her secret, was coming to town in just a matter of weeks! It was going to cause everything to spiral out of control. But not if she could help it. She could keep the secret silent if she was able to meet the stagecoach before it arrived in town. She would send the woman back before a dozen words had been spoken. She would say,
"You are not wanted here. You aren't allowed to waltz into my life."
She wouldn't hesitate, wouldn't care if the woman was crushed. She wouldn't even wait to hear an explanation. All those years, she wanted an explanation. Now, she just wanted this terrible nightmare to fade back into the shadows were it had stayed all her life.
She sighed. Her course of action was decided. Why didn't she feel a sense of relief?
Lee's hand pulled her to her feet for the benediction and closing song. A flush heated her cheeks. Another week and another sermon she hadn't quite heard. Oh the words had burned her ears but had yet to fall on her heart, perhaps because of those tall, impenetrable walls composed around it.
Lee held the hymnbook out for the both of them, and cleared his throat. Pastor Frank hummed the starting tune for today's closing tune. The words of the song reached out and comforted her weary and weathered heart:
"What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.
Leaning, leaning,
Safe and secure from all alarms:
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the Everlasting Arms."
She couldn't help it. Her thirsty heart soaked up the words of the song. Could she actually find comfort and peace in His arms? Just moments ago, she gathered a measure of comfort from her husband's presence next to her, but what this song spoke of was even stronger. Could God actually be her shelter, her safety in the midst of danger? For Him to be that for her, she would have to stop blocking Him out. What would it feel like to let Him in? She'd forgotten what it was like to be honest, real, genuine. But what if God, what if He could look past all that and accept her? What would it feel like to let those walls crumble down? It was downright scary thinking this way. She shuddered. But the longing to be real, to be loved, to be accepted for who she was, was growing larger moment by moment.