'Today will be better,' Yu thought. He almost felt like it just had to be.
He pressed the button to light up his watch and grimaced. 5:03 AM. Last night had been hell. He'd managed maybe—what, two hours? That sounded like a decent guess. His Shadow had talked his ear off for what felt like an eternity, and it wasn't until he practically suffocated himself in Yosuke's pillow that his tormentor had given up the fight. Well, at least in the form of leaning over him. Yu had almost snapped and woke Yosuke up, but he persevered because he knew the TV that day was going to take a toll on the sickly teen. Not to mention, what was he going to tell Yosuke? Because he'd want to know what the Shadow was saying—or whatever the hell passed for a Shadow these days. Yu wasn't so sure that he even knew. Why was his so special?
It didn't matter.
It was time to get up.
He rolled himself up to a sitting position, not used to losing so much sleep. It'd been this way, and until they got rid of his Shadow, it'd continue. Even with Yosuke having helped, he managed four or five hours on a good day since it all started.
He decided to get ready first and also decided that he'd help Yosuke's mother and father by starting the coffee. Yu was used to getting up early, and his biological clock always stayed constant even during breaks. More often than not, he'd be the one starting the coffee for Yosuke's parents out of courtesy. He made standing up a three step process with how achy his body was starting to feel. It wasn't sickness, just fatigue. He hoped that the TV would be easier than before since the Goddess' defeat, because not having Personas was probably going to be a nightmare.
He ruffled his own hair to the side in an attempt to look a little neater so he didn't terrify Yosuke's parents if they came in the kitchen. No sense in looking like a grumpy monster when he hadn't even greeted Yosuke's father yet. The teen shuffled through the various cabinets to get everything together because—of course—he was awake before anyone else. The machine was still the same, the Hanamura family still had the same mugs and they still used the same brand coffee. It kind of pleased Yu that he could remember the routines of those around him. As he prepped everything for the family, he thought about what he'd be making for Nanako and his uncle—
Oh, right.
He pulled his phone from his pocket and texted his uncle, knowing the older man would be awake. That might have been startling to show up without notifying them. Dojima had insisted that Yu keep his house key, but it still felt rude.
"Morning, Narukami," a gruff voice called from behind the teen.
"Good morning, Mr. Hanamura," Yu greeted politely, turning to face him with a small smile.
Yosuke's father joined Yu at the counter, already grabbing for his cup. "Thanks for making coffee."
The teen nodded. "Thank you for allowing me to stay for the week."
"It's fine. You clean up after yourself and you're going to help out. Maybe you could teach Yosuke a thing or two about responsibility."
It stung to hear him talk about Yosuke even though he knew it was more of an indirect compliment towards Yu than anything. Yu had to admit, Yosuke's parents really liked him—they told him multiple times that Yosuke was lucky to have him as a best friend (not that Yu didn't feel equally as lucky for Yosuke). It just hurt because he knew all of the problems on the horizon.
Still, he dodged. "Were you needing us this afternoon?"
The older man took a sip of his coffee, but didn't answer right away.
Yu stood there as casually as he could manage, but he was hoping that it'd be the following day since their friends would be meeting later that afternoon. However, he couldn't exactly say no.
"I think we're scheduled pretty heavily today, but I may need you guys sometime this week. You can ask those friends of yours if they want to help. Satonaka still helps out," he finally responded.
A wave of relief did wonders to wake Yu up and he smiled once more. "Of course. I don't think many of them would mind."
"That one kid that stayed with us is a good worker, but he can only work so long before he gets distracted. It's good when Yosuke is around so he can keep him grounded."
Ah, Teddie. "I'm glad he's doing well. I'll make sure to tell Yosuke when he wakes up about this week."
Be polite.
Don't show any weakness.
He had to remind himself that even though this was a losing battle, he wouldn't give Yosuke's father an ounce of ammunition to use against him. He hoped that Yosuke would return his feelings—although that seemed unlikely—but his father was going to be Yu's biggest opponent. It was almost like a game, because Yu wanted this man to think he was a great person, and then only have the fact that Yu was male to use in his argument. It wasn't the most healthy or ethical thing to do, it wouldn't even mean things would change in the end, but it was as close to victory as Yu would get.
"Thanks again for the coffee. I'm going to get ready and head out," he finished, setting his cup in the sink. "Tell Yosuke I said to call me later on."
Yu's stomach did a flip. "Yes, sir."
The man walked out of the kitchen and Yu waited Yosuke's mother. She always followed.
"Yu, good morning. Did you sleep well?"
Right on time.
"Good morning, Mrs. Hanamura. I did, thank you." He was sure he looked like a mess, but she wasn't actually 'concerned'. Yosuke's mother was a person that was more about appearing polite than sincere. Honestly, that disconnect was welcomed from time to time.
She took her own mug and inhaled deeply. "Oh, thank you for the coffee. You always make it so well."
"I appreciate that. Thank you." He checked off a mental list to make sure he was appearing as ideal a person as he could. Yu might have thought Yosuke's mother was distant, but he was also guilty of doing the same. It was hard to respect people who made life difficult for the one he loved. Sure, Yosuke didn't want or need for a thing, but emotional support couldn't be bought. Yu was well-versed in that painful truth.
She took a sip and set it back down. "Will you two be meeting up with your friends?"
The teen nodded. "Yes, after I see my uncle and cousin this morning."
"That'll be nice. I hope you two will enjoy it." Her pleasant tone was clearly forced. She was so robotic with him it was almost nauseating.
He had no choice but to return the same tone; however, he was much better at delivering it. "It'll be nice to be back in Inaba with everyone. Thank you again for letting me stay this week."
"Not at all. I'm thankful Yosuke has such a responsible friend and role model. I'm just sorry you'll have to return back to the city."
If only she knew.
What? That you want to corrupt him?
...
His Shadow.
Even in his mind he couldn't get peace and quiet. He thought things might be better since he was back in Inaba, in Yosuke's house, but it seemed to be getting progressively worse. Even after his Shadow had disappeared from sight last night, there was incessant berating in his mind. He'd been very thankful for that pillow.
You need to just get your team together and let them see the real you. Better to get this over with so you can go back to being all alone. There was a lot less risk back then.
He ignored the chatter in his head and focused back on the tired woman in front of him. "I'm thankful to have Yosuke as a friend as well. It'll be hard leaving everyone again."
"I'm glad to hear that you two have gotten so close... Actually, Yu, I—" She paused and looked down at her coffee. "Never mind, I'm sorry." Her voice had been almost solemn, void of faux politeness. It was the most genuine she'd sounded, at least with Yu. She might have liked him as a person well enough, but she'd never mentioned anything like this. It piqued his interest.
"Yes, Mrs. Hanamura?"
Yosuke's mother gave a weak smile, but didn't meet Yu's eyes. "I... I was always so afraid that Yosuke would have a difficult time making friends... People tended to take advantage of him because he'd go out of his way to do them favors, expecting nothing in return. You're the only one I've ever met that seems to want what's best for him. His studies improved, he does more than sit in his room and listen to music... To lock himself away..." She looked up, her eyes misty. "I've never had a chance to tell you, but... thank you... Thank you for helping Yosuke."
Yu didn't know what to say or how to react. Was this the same woman he'd interacted with in the past? The same woman he'd talked with thirty seconds ago? It was so unexpected to hear this in a kitchen at five in the morning; then again, they'd never really been alone before, so maybe that had something to do with it.
She laughed softly. "I'm sorry if that was out of line. Just, as his mother, it means a great deal to me."
It was all the truth, Yu could clearly read that. Maybe Yosuke's mother didn't know how to properly communicate with her son, maybe she was just lost on what to do for a teenage boy that also didn't know what to do with his parents. Yu knew his own mother certainly hadn't understood him, but she was trying now. So, maybe, Mrs. Hanamura was trying to do the same.
"Not at all. That... that actually means... Thank you." He felt out of place, like he wasn't equipped to handle such a serious conversation. It wasn't anything extraordinary, it was just Yosuke's mother thanking him, but he'd declared war on them before they'd even made a move. As much as he disliked Yosuke's parents for what they'd done, it almost reminded him of his uncle. They also had a disconnect from their child, but that didn't mean they didn't love him...
Suddenly, he felt very small. Had he been that naïve again?
"Please continue to care for him. I understand you'll both be graduating soon, and now live apart, but I hope you continue to be good friends."
He'd happily accept the full weight of that, whether it just be friendship or, perhaps, love. If she was so thankful already, would Yosuke's mother truly reject them as a couple? Could she accept them with time? Did he at least stand a chance with her? It'd be easier if at least one parent was on their side. Why was he thinking about it like it'd already happened? Yosuke's opinion was the first factor in the equation.
"I don't think that'll ever change. We've been through quite a bit," Yu explained, moving to make Yosuke some tea for his no doubt sore throat. After all, soon he'd have to wake his best friend up.
She let out a relieved sigh. "I'm happy to hear it... I suppose I should get ready as well. Thank you again, Yu. You're always welcome here."
His back was to her for another moment, needing that second to collect himself. It was going to be so hard to have heard her kind words when he was about to betray that trust she'd imagined between them. Regardless of Yosuke's answer, things would be complicated for some time.
He turned. "I greatly appreciate it. Have a good day, Mrs. Hanamura."
A moment later, the teen was alone once more. To his surprise, the Shadow had finally quieted down, but his own thoughts weren't full positivity.
"My own thoughts... Heh," he whispered, remembering that the Shadow was him, so that theory couldn't work. Yu had a sad, worn out smile.
Today would be better, if only for a few hours.
"Partner, you are awesome. Thank you so much," Yosuke said through a cracking voice, trying to sip on his tea. He sounded ridiculous and pathetically adorable.
"You're very welcome. Although, I think you should hold off on the thanks since we have a long day ahead. I did wake you up at 5:30, after all."
His friend yawned and flipped his phone open with his free hand. "Damn. I take it all back."
Yu smiled and checked his own phone. "My uncle says it's fine to go over."
"Yeah, duh. Like he could say no. Even if he wanted to, I don't even want to think of how Nanako would react," Yosuke replied with a lazy grin.
Yu felt his ears burn when he noticed how nice that smile looked on him. "That's true, I suppose."
"Well, go take a bath. I'll try to wake up so I don't pass out and drown," his friend insisted, rolling his shoulders a few times.
"Do you feel better? Besides fatigue, I mean."
"Yeah, that soup should be sold as a cure-all. My throat hurts, but that's only because it's almost healed up. I think my body just feels stiff from my crap sleep schedule."
The leader nodded. "We'll go to bed earlier tonight."
Yosuke was quiet for a moment before ruffling his hair and looking away awkwardly. "Maybe... I mean, there's a lot to do today."
What were the odds that Yosuke would be too tired after the TV to have that 'talk'?
"Oh, and Yu, don't think I'm forgetting about the stuff you and I are talking about after we meet up with the group. Not happening." His face was smug when he finished.
"Are you in my head again?"
"Nope, you're just that easy to read."
Yu felt the blood creep from his ears to his cheeks. "If that's true... maybe we don't need to have the conversation."
Yosuke wouldn't guess, and Yu didn't want him to, so why was he saying this stuff before thinking? Was he... flirting? No way. He didn't do that...
Did he?
His friend's face was a mixture of a few things Yu couldn't place. "I don't know about that. There's a lot of things it could be, or none of what I'm thinking. I have a few guesses lined up... but I really doubt I'm right."
His heart was pounding, he became acutely aware of how erratic his breathing was. He really shouldn't say what he knew he was about—
"What are they? What do you think I'm going to say?" His voice was shaky, his nerves were frazzled and his whole body was trembling. Was he really in that much of a hurry? He should be prioritizing his Shadow and Personas, so why was this at the forefront? Wouldn't that make the mission that much more complicated? This did not make strategic sense. His emotions were running the show, and what was worse was that this was not the time to be having this particular conversation.
Yosuke leaned his elbows on his knees and looked back between the couch and Yu about a dozen times. "It can't be about your Shadow or Personas or Adachi, we've covered those. I doubt it's school or your parents... If it was about what your Shadow might say I think we'd have already talked about it... Either you are involved in something sketchy or..."
Yu swallowed. "Or?"
His best friend sat there for a minute or two before groaning and covering his face. "I don't know, it's stupid—beyond dumb. I feel crazy for thinking about all this."
"I don't..." Yu paused. "This is on par with my Personas, Yosuke. So, no... it's not going to be stupid... Far from it."
What was he doing!? Why couldn't he control his own words? This time, the logical part of him was crying out for him to be silent.
Unexpectedly, Yosuke looked at him with a pained expression. "I think... that's what I'm afraid of."
He blinked and tilted his head. "Wait... what?"
Yosuke's face darkened. "Because... I think it's about me."
He could almost laugh if it wouldn't have made the situation that much more confusing. He just wanted to fast forward to after his Shadow and Personas and right to the rejection or limbo or whatever was waiting for their friendship. Yu knew what needed to take precedent, because if he wasn't mentally healthy then things were only going to get worse... But that was almost impossibly hard when his first priority was always Yosuke. If he thought he was going to fall to pieces a week ago, now he felt like they would be pounded into dust. His Personas left a void that he could manage, if just barely, but Yosuke... He couldn't even remember what 'before' felt like.
Yu gave a half-smile. "It's not any one thing. It's most likely not what you think."
He'd hoped that'd be dismissive enough to halt Yosuke's questioning, not that he could blame his friend since he'd been the one to start it. However, Yosuke manage squeeze his heart one final time.
"Just... You still see me as your partner... right? Did last week... No, did I ruin us?"
His self-control faltered, like it seemed to do so often recently, and he wrapped Yosuke up tightly in his arms. "Nothing has changed—don't even think that." It was rushed, panicked. Did Yu really express himself so poorly? Was he ever going to be able to properly show Yosuke how much he meant?
His partner's face was caught in the crook of his neck and he felt the warm air of a relieved sigh escape and spread across his skin. It was hard to fight back shivers. Yosuke didn't say anything—there wasn't much to say to that. He also didn't hold Yu back like he had at the shrine, but that was understandable. Still, Yu had hoped for it.
The leader released his hold, trying to enjoy the warmth for even just a few more seconds. "I'm sorry if I led you to think that. I wish you'd have told me you were concerned."
"It seemed like a bad time considering you were explaining your Shadow and everything else. Be kinda selfish even for me."
Yu's lips parted, debating on whether or not he should say anything more. He decided the risk was worth it. Today might be the last time he'd get the chance to show Yosuke any affection.
"You can be as selfish as you want, Yosuke."
His partner let out a muted chuckle. "You say that now, but I dunno how long even your obscene amount of patience can tolerate me."
The momentum of the conversation was now completely separated from his logic. "You really have no idea, do you? Am I really that terrible at proving it to you?"
Yosuke's brow narrowed in confusion. "What?"
But like in an infuriating drama, another interruption occurred.
Yosuke's mother opened the door, not even sparing a knock. "Boys, we're leaving."
Yosuke jumped, clearly startled. "Oh, yeah, see you guys tonight."
She sighed. "Try to wake up and not put too much on Yu. He is your visitor."
The leader smiled. "It's no trouble. Have a good day, Mrs. Hanamura."
Yu was so thankful she'd opened the door. He was going to have to reign himself in.
They were left alone, but before Yosuke could even ask again, Yu grabbed a set of clothes. "I'll go get ready."
"Partner, wait—"
Yu held the doorknob, knuckles white, and closed his eyes. "Not right now... please. We'll talk tonight."
Usually, that was enough, Yosuke would simply drop it. Of course, he'd pick today to be different.
He grabbed the back of Yu's shirt and pulled him back to face him. "Wait. We can talk tonight—fine. All I want to know is if I'm going to hear it from you or your Shadow."
This time Yu actually did laugh. "No, absolutely not. Besides, if my Shadow were to say it, I'd still be denying it."
"It's not like your Shadow is any kind of normal. I didn't want to hear the words be twisted," he argued, not pleased that Yu was laughing.
"Fair enough, but I don't think there's going to be too much to worry about. I like to think I'm the most honest with you."
Yosuke didn't answer, but it was most likely because there wasn't a positive response there. Yu didn't miss that his friend still blamed himself for not answering the phone, but it probably wouldn't have mattered in the end anyway.
Oh? You don't think so?
He didn't. At least, he didn't think it would have made a difference.
"I'll be back soon. Try to finish your tea... I hope it's still warm."
Yosuke nodded and grabbed for his drink, remaining quiet. Yu took that as his cue to leave and did so.
He'd never been one to let his mind wander in the bath, plus they had places to be, so it lasted a relatively short period of time. He insisted Yosuke take his time since he was still healing, but the other teen had been just as quick. They were ready in minutes and it didn't take long to arrive at the Dojima residence.
"You have everything ready? She's going to attack you the moment she realizes you're at the door."
Yu's hand hovered just above the wooden door before pausing to set everything on the ground next to the pair. "Good thinking."
A two knock succession and the muffled patter of feet could be heard shortly thereafter. Dojima must have cracked because Nanako pulled the door to the side and immediately clung to Yu's waist.
"Big bro! You're here!"
Yu separated for just a moment to kneel down to her level and embrace her. "I am. I'm happy to see you, Nanako."
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Yosuke smiling at the tiny ball of happiness hugging Yu tighter than one little human should be able to. Unsurprisingly, Nanako didn't plan on releasing him, so Yu opted to pick her up and carry her inside instead. Yosuke followed along with the groceries and set them down on the kitchen table that was rarely used.
"Are you guys making breakfast?" Nanako inquired, still clinging to Yu's neck but peeking at the bags.
Yosuke grinned. "This guy is, I'm just here for moral support. I'll leave it to you to be the sous-chef, Nanako-chan."
Her eyes brightened and she wiggled out of Yu's grip. "Yeah! I wanna help!"
Yu laughed and went to move her stool to be next to him at the counter. "We'll still let Yosuke cut everything, okay?"
She nodded and started sorting through the groceries. "Rice omelettes! Yay! I started the rice when Dad told me you were coming." His adoptive sister starting organizing piles on the table while humming cheerfully.
"You weren't kidding about being early," Dojima called from the hall, joining them in the kitchen. "Good to see you're back. Hey, Hanamura."
Yu hadn't been this happy since he left Inaba. The three most important people to him were all gathered in a room and he couldn't think of too many things that could beat this moment.
"I'm glad to be back, Uncle."
They didn't hug, that wasn't in either person's nature, but their mutual respect was more understood than shown.
"I'll make you some coffee. Even you could afford to drink some after your trip. You definitely didn't get being a morning person from our side of the family."
Nanako walked next to Yosuke next and tugged on his hand, gesturing for him to crouch next to her. Yu raised an eyebrow when she whispered in his ear and he nodded several times. He was used to his friends—especially Yosuke—planning random surprises, but Nanako was rarely in on them.
"Yes?" he asked, not hiding his suspicion.
His friend looked up with the most forced, mock surprise possible. "Huh? Oh, nothing. You gonna start cooking? We're starving."
His sister giggled and went to join Yu's side. He didn't push it since it seemed to be something Nanako wanted to keep secret, but it felt weird to have Yosuke in on something he wasn't. Then again, Yosuke was the one to always be the group planner. Yu didn't think most of their activities would have happened without Yosuke's organizing.
Dojima made Yu coffee and even offered Yosuke some, which he politely declined. Even after last year's events, Yosuke was still a little wary of Yu's uncle since they were 'arrested' following Yosuke's less than thought out sword fiasco. Dojima didn't seem to even remember it, or at least he had far more respect for the teen than Yosuke gave him credit for. Yu assumed the latter.
The meal prep went about as well as it usually did. Yu was methodical even with simple recipes, Nanako was quite helpful despite her young age and Yosuke was an expert with a knife at this point. When neither Nanako or Dojima were paying attention, he flipped the knives in the air to reference his kunai and made Yu roll his eyes. The leader felt it was grossly irresponsible given his clumsy nature.
"It's done! Wow, it looks amazing!" Nanako cheered, her amazement never subdued, or fake, when it came to anything her brother did.
Yu knew that it wasn't a typical breakfast food, but Nanako loved them, so he couldn't exactly make something less than one of her favorites. Yosuke smiled and paused after every bite, looking like the past two days were the first time he'd had a decent meal since Yu left. Even Dojima was silently enjoying having a home cooked meal he could take the time to enjoy.
"What are you doing today, Big bro?"
His heart sank somewhat knowing where he was going was not a place she could follow. "Junes to meet with everyone. Yosuke and I have to work afterwards, but you're free to go with us for a bit."
His sister shook her head. "I have piano lessons this afternoon."
"Piano?" Yu was taken aback.
Dojima rubbed the back of his neck ."Yeah, she asked, so..."
Nanako flashed a bright smile. "Mom was a piano teacher. I want to play what she played for Dad!"
His uncle laughed. "I didn't know how I'd feel, but she wants to learn, so I need to move past it."
Yosuke grinned. "You'll have to play for all of us sometime, Nanako-chan."
"Mm!"
Yu felt at peace watching Yosuke and Nanako interact. He knew that if anything were to happen, he'd do whatever he could to provide for the little girl next to his best friend. He didn't particularly want children, but Nanako was the exception if it needed to be. No matter what future he theorized for himself, the option of needing to care for Nanako was always in mind. It was morbid to think about, but Dojima was hardly in the safest line of work. Yu knew he could never let her be alone.
"Yu? You alright?" Yosuke asked, waving a hand in front of his face.
The leader blinked. "Sorry. I'm fine."
"Big bro, are you studying for entrance exams? Dad says that you guys have to apply for colleges this year."
Yu nodded. "We do. Our exams aren't for a while, but we have to start studying early."
Yosuke grumbled, "Yeah, but I'm sure you started last year."
"No, I haven't started, actually."
The three looked almost shocked.
Dojima opened his mouth first, "Does my sister know that?"
The leader shrugged. "Mom doesn't really ask about my studies."
Yosuke crossed his arms and frowned. "That's out of character for you. You were all about studying last year even with all the stuff going on."
"Perhaps, but I think my father would select a cram school for me if he even suspected I wasn't taking things seriously. Right now he doesn't seem to think he'll need to take that step if my grades remain high." Yu didn't want to come off as pretentious by saying that the school he attended was one of the top schools in the country. Although he struggled for the first week after returning from Inaba, things were back to normal. He was guilty of shutting himself away and studying nonstop just before exams, but his methods had improved due to the previous year since he also had to allot time for the investigation.
Nanako recovered quickly. "You're a genius so I bet you could go to any college!"
"No, I'll have to study very hard. You have to study in school no matter what," he reminded her, glad for the praise, but was not about to mislead her.
"Oh, okay. Do you guys have career sheets to fill out?" she continued.
"We do, but I think some people are putting it off. Right, Yosuke?" His eyes were full of playful judgment as he stared his best friend down.
Yosuke glared. "I don't see how I can know exactly what I want."
"Chie and Yukiko filled theirs' out."
"Pfft, yeah but come on. You can't compare me to them. Chie wants to be a cop and Yukiko decided to inherit the inn. Pretty black and white for them, don't you think?"
Nanako giggled. "Yosuke, you should be a detective like Dad."
"Nooo, no chance."
Dojima laughed. "You could always spend a day with me to see how it all works. No serious case stuff, but it'd give you an idea."
Yosuke's face was mixed with uncertainty of how to respond and pure terror. "Thank you, but I'm still going to say it's not for me."
"I think you have a lot of options. The idea is to write down what you like so your teacher can advise you," Yu explained. "It's not—"
"What about you, fearless leader? What are your plans?" Yosuke asked with a clear indication that he was done being questioned.
Yu knew his friend hating being put on the spot, so he relieved him. "I'm not sure. My father wants me to study medicine and work at the hospital with him, but I don't know if that's the best line of work for me to pursue."
"What do you want, big bro?"
"Studying psychology seems interesting, maybe becoming a professor or researcher. I haven't pinpointed a specialization, but it's a direction," he answered, enjoying discussing the topic. He could hardly speak openly about this in front of his parents.
"You'd be awesome at any of those things," Yosuke reassured, always so proud of Yu even when he may not of deserved quite so much praise.
Nanako agreed, "You could do anything!"
Suddenly, he became self-conscious and decided to change the subject. "Nanako, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"Hmm, I dunno. Maybe I can work with you!" she said, practically beaming at the idea. How could Yu ever say no?
It was a great morning. Dojima talked about what progress the case had made—a disappointing amount, but progress the same—and about what he and Nanako had been up to. Nanako gushed about school and her friends, Yu narrowing his eyes with every mention of a single boy she'd never talked about in the past. Yosuke had to constantly nudge him when he started to have too sore of a face. Before Yu even realized it, it was time for them to head out.
"Will you come by tomorrow?" Nanako asked, too innocent for Yu to deny her.
"Of course. Do you have lessons?"
She shook her head. "Nope."
Yosuke chimed in, "Then let's get everyone together and do something. Sound good, Nanako-chan?"
"Will Rise-chan be there too!?"
"Yup. She'll be glad to see you," Yosuke answered, unable to hide his own happiness at the sight of Nanako's smile.
The little girl hugged both teens before they all parted ways for the day. Even Dojima saw them off until they were out of sight, which spoke for how much he'd changed in just a year. Yu found his mood had done a complete flip now that he'd seen his cousin and uncle. The walk to Junes was quiet besides the world around them, and Yu appreciated that the two could just walk in silence and feel at ease. He imagined that was a rarity among even people who'd known each other their whole lives.
Once they arrived at their destination, Yosuke finally spoke, "How you feeling, partner? Nanako was even happier than I thought she'd be."
The leader took a deep breath. "I feel like I have the courage to face everyone. I'm glad you suggested this."
"Heh, you're a wreck if you don't know if she's okay. Gotta have a clear head to deal with the rest of it," his friend confessed, but Yu knew it wasn't quite that simple.
"Thank you. It was nice to forget for a few hours. Have you heard from the others?"
Yosuke nodded. "They're all there, kind of confused that they weren't meeting you at the station, but that was easy enough to deflect."
He'd be a mess if it hadn't been for Nanako and her bright smile. Explaining his Shadow and lack of Personas was going to be more than difficult, but talking about his future reminded him that he had one after all this. It would probably be dangerous, even with the TV having shifted to an ideal world, but his goal was more clear than ever.
Yosuke laid a hand on Yu's shoulder. "Alright, door's about to open. You ready?"
Yu stared at the elevator door, knowing they were almost to the roof. "As ready as I'll ever be."
"I got your back."
He chuckled, never having doubted it in the first place. "I know."
The piercing sun of the day broke through the growing crack in the door and Yu barely had a moment to process what came next.
"SENSEI!"
"SENPAI!"
In seconds, both Rise and Teddie latched on to his respective sides, knocking Yosuke against the elevator wall.
"Dammit, Ted! Watch out!" Yosuke growled, rubbing the back of his head. "Let the guy get off the elevator first, geez."
Yu saw the others in the distance, giving him an appropriate amount of personal space. He could understand Teddie's excitement, but Rise had just seen him. Then again, she was overly excitable.
"Guys, give the dude some room to breathe," Chie said, grabbing the pair and yanking them back. "Seriously, the door is gonna close on them."
Despite the outburst, everyone was laughing as Yu and Yosuke finally got to walk with everyone to their retired secret headquarters. Yu was so glad to see his team and tried to answer all of their questions about his well-being as quickly as he could manage. Even the more restrained Yukiko and Naoto were chattier than usual. The leader managed a few questions about Kanji's glasses and Teddie's height, but he skipped over Naoto's more feminine appearance. He was just happy to see her growing more comfortable in her own skin.
"Sensei! I can't bear-lieve you're back! We gotta go do something—Ooo! Ooo! Let's get Nana-chan and get topsicles and go to the beach and—"
"Ted. Seriously," Yosuke snapped. "Can you let Yu have two seconds to answer?"
Yu laughed. "I'm sure she'd love that." He might have been the only one, but he secretly loved Teddie's dumb puns.
Kanji spoke up, "Senpai, what're we doin' this week, anyway? Everyone's free."
"Yeah, dummy over there said you had something to talk to us about," Chie followed.
Give it to them to finish with pleasantries and get right to the point for once. Oh well, it was for the best, he supposed. "Yes, I do."
"Is everything okay, Senpai?" Naoto asked, the entire mood of the table shifting to a concerned one.
Yu reflexively looked to Yosuke for help, but his friend just had a sad smile. His partner was right.
This was up to him.
So, he began with as calm a tone as he could manage, "Unfortunately, I can't say it is... Honestly, I've thought about the best way to approach telling everyone, but I'm still not certain of how."
"Just say it," Kanji blatantly stated, his trademark bluntness welcome. "If it's a problem we better start solvin' it."
Yu tried again, "About a week ago... I started to see what I think is my Shadow."
A few gasps escaped, but no one interrupted.
He continued, "And the other day, I received this." Just like the previous year, he took Adachi's letter from his pocket and set it in the center of the table. Naoto was the one to pick it up and skim it for only a moment before even she couldn't hide her shock.
"This is... Adachi sent this?"
More surprise from the group.
"What!? How!?" Rise.
"The hell does he want!?" Kanji.
"Seriously! Who the hell does that monster think he is?" Chie.
Perhaps the most perceptive thus far, Yukiko asked, "But... how?"
Yu answered, "I'm not sure."
Naoto had finished the letter at that point. "Apparently, his stipulations for telling Senpai how he found his address lie with a visit to the prison."
"Which is not happening," Yosuke finally said, not giving anyone the option otherwise.
The detective nodded in agreement. "Yes, I don't believe that's the wisest course. Adachi is clearly trying to manipulate us."
She proceeded to read the letter to the table, each of them showing every available emotion on the negative end of the spectrum. Yu found that hearing the letter read made it harder to stomach.
But there was one more thing to cover before this went any further. "I know there's a lot to be said, but..." He froze up. Somehow his Personas were the hardest topic to admit. It was the thing his team depended on, the constant that hadn't ever been a concern.
"Sensei, if you're seeing your Shadow... What about your Personas?" Teddie asked, worry on his face. Yu knew that he was well aware of the answer, because even with their impossible abilities, the basic mechanics still existed. Teddie might have understood them better than the others.
"They disappeared after the letter," he responded simply, a sad smile present to show some kind of strength.
Rise covered her mouth. "Senpai... no..." In fact, everyone's expressions were that of disbelief.
Yosuke picked up again, a no-nonsense look on his face. "Teddie, is the TV still the same?"
"Uh, y-yeah. It was the same this morning."
"We may not be able to do much today, but I think that we should see what happens when we bring Yu into the TV. We have to think of a way to get his Shadow to materialize for us."
Naoto cocked her head. "For us?"
Yu nodded. "I'm seeing Him as though He's real. He somehow attacked me last week, but I couldn't find a trace of bruising or any other indicator."
Chie's gaped. "In OUR world? How!?"
The leader shrugged. "I have no idea. No amount of talking makes Him quiet, but ignoring Him doesn't help either. I've tried to listen to what He has to say, but accepting what is said also changes nothing. I'm not sure if He's even a Shadow."
"It seems like accepting the truth would make Him go away," Naoto stated, confused that the circumstances were different this time. "And how were you able to see Him and retain your Personas? They might have disappeared, but the two can't—or rather, shouldn't—exist simultaneously."
"I wondered the same thing. In fact, Izanagi was even more active while the Shadow was present. I woke up the following morning to nothing. There was no tapering."
Rise looked to Yosuke. "Should Teddie and I go in the TV first to scan the area?"
"I don't know if it'll work if Yu is out here."
They sat in silence for a minute or so, all of them trying to think of what they needed to do. Yu felt more guilty by the second, knowing they would be trying even harder knowing it was him at stake.
His best friend spoke up, "Okay, I think Teddie and Rise should still do a scan. Even if we can't see a difference, maybe they can tell one. Who knows, it might go back to what it looked like before, but I don't think we should rush this."
Naoto agreed, "Yosuke-Senpai is right. It doesn't appear like there's any deadline other than the end of Golden Week, so we should just explore the bare minimum today. Plus, we have no idea how being in the TV will impact Yu-Senpai."
The two navigators stood up. "Don't worry, Sensei! We'll fix you up in no time!"
Yu smiled. "Thank you. Be safe, you two."
They took their leave and left the others to continue formulating a plan. Chie, Yukiko and Kanji let the other three do most of the talking, but it was really Yosuke and Naoto that put most of it together.
"So if we do run into the Shadow, or any Shadow, our battle formation stays the same?" Yosuke asked.
"I believe that's the wisest choice. Yukiko-Senpai, Teddie and I should offer support while you, Kanji and Chie-Senpai remain in the vanguard. I suspect we'll need more healing without Yu-Senpai's Personas available. I'll do my best if I need to swap places, but my range will have more of an advantage in this position."
"I hate to interrupt, but we ain't got our weapons. I can use whatever, but you guys are gonna need to get somethin'," Kanji stated.
Chie chimed in, "Leave that to Yukiko and me. We'll go talk to Daidara and see what he's got. We can stop by the store and get some medicine and stuff just in case."
Yu at least insisted they take the money he still had saved for the team, and although they complained, they couldn't argue they were going to need the best of the best.
Yosuke continued, "That's one problem solved, but we still need to see how Yu is going to handle being in there. I doubt his Shadow will show up if he's not there, but even when we saved people quickly it still knocked them down for weeks."
"It is true that Yu-Senpai will have to face his Shadow, but I'm also not sure how being reintroduced to so many Personas at once will affect him. It's possible nothing will change, but we can't be sure."
Their leader wasn't sure what to say so he leaned back in his chair and felt about as helpless as he figured he would be. Kanji tried to make small talk with him, but it was difficult to focus on anything outside of their immediate problem. Yosuke and Naoto had a decent plan together by the time the others arrived.
Rise looked unexpectedly disturbed. "It's still like a beautiful paradise."
Teddie frowned. "Nothing was any different."
What a strange situation to be in when good news was possibly very bad news.
Chie and Yukiko passed out the supplies, but the blonde had a big grin on her face at the end.
"Well, I managed to get all our old gear back. Turns out Daidara kept it for us." She set a duffle bag on the table. "Not that I gave up those kick ass shoes in the first place, but you guys should find all your stuff in pristine condition."
Kanji laughed. "Leave it to the old guy to know more than us."
They decided to wait to distribute the weapons until they entered the TV. Yosuke was, of course, the one to scout to see if the electronics' department was clear, and after a few diversions, they all stood in front of the TV they'd entered so many times. Yu stared at the same picture that scrolled across the screen, and knew that he shouldn't, but he still reached his hand forward to satisfy the question he knew the answer to. Sure enough, his fingertips pressed against a solid surface. He withdrew his hand and let out a disappointed sigh. No one said a thing.
His best friend grabbed onto his shoulder to comfort him. "Yu and I will go first, just in case it takes him being in first to set everything up," he explained, with no one seeming to disagree. Chie took Yosuke's weapons out to give to him just in case they ran into resistance. After he hid them away in his pocket, he looked to Yu with a gentle smile. "You ready, partner?"
Yu closed his eyes, giving himself a moment to prepare. What would he find? What would his mind create if it created anything at all? What if nothing changed and he'd simply have to live with his Shadow? Without his Personas... His life would never get to be normal...
But the way Yosuke's fingers squeezed his shoulder and nudged him forward ever so slightly helped him remember he wasn't alone in this. Like Yosuke had said, his friends didn't falter—didn't even pause when they found out. Yu was priority one, their own well-being second. He still didn't know how to feel about their selflessness, but he did know that it would be pointless to argue.
"Yes. Let's do this."
Yosuke's other hand reached out and went through the screen effortlessly. The weight of what he was about to encounter grew just a bit as they stepped in and the tingling sensation of the TV spread through Yu's body. The familiar boxes rushed past them, the feeling of free falling surrounded him, but he knew that they'd need to be ready to get their footing secured. However, it wasn't the hard surface of a platform that greeted them, but the give of soft earth beneath their feet.
Yosuke gripped Yu's shirt to make sure he kept his balance, but his stare of disbelief matched Yu's. Blue skies, warm sunlight and a gorgeous sweeping landscape surrounded them. It was identical to what they'd seen after they defeated the Goddess, with one glaringly obvious exception.
"What the hell..."
All the greenery, crystal clear water and expansive blue sky transitioned to stark white nothingness.
As soon as Yu saw the white void, it felt like he received a swift blow to the chest. He gasped for air and clutched his throat, sinking to the ground with a panicked Yosuke following him.
"Yu! Yu, what's wrong!?" he cried, doing his best to hold up his friend.
He couldn't answer, he could barely see the ground beneath him as his vision blurred out of focus until everything went black. His muscles were on fire and it felt like his blood was boiling, but he couldn't move an inch. His mind fractured as his body's systems kicked in to pull him out of the shock. He could hear muffled voices around him, but couldn't discern anything over the pumping of his own heart.
...
Except Him.
Took you long enough to show up.
In the darkness, He was there. Perhaps not physically, but Yu knew he was present.
I'm not going to let you run away.
His voice sounded dangerous.
You will listen to me today.
Yu tried to respond with even a single thought, but couldn't manage.
So, get the hell up and find me.
After that, air flooded his lungs and his vision returned to him. Yosuke's face was the first thing to come into focus.
"Yu! Hey, hey can you hear me? You don't have to answer, just blink twice if you can."
The leader began to cough violently, but managed to nod. He'd somehow ended up on his back, and as he fought to sit up, Yosuke's hands were what held him steady. The others had joined them somewhere along the way, and although they were all talking in unison, Yu could at least understand their individual voices now.
Yosuke never moved an inch. "Rise, get him some water," he ordered, the girl jumping to the task immediately.
One of his hands remained on Yu's back to support him while the other took the water bottle from Rise and gave it to Yu. The leader's own hands was shaking far too much to grip the bottle, but Yosuke took over in moments, his fingers laying over Yu's and guiding them as he tried to drink. Yu's head was swimming and he couldn't isolate one coherent thought. His Shadow, He was definitely here—He had to be.
One minute in and he was already drained. "The Shadow... there..." With a trembling arm he pointed to the white expanse.
Yosuke took his partner's arm and moved it down. "Shh, shh, hey just take it easy. We know what's here, we'll try again tomo—"
Teddie let out a startled cry, "G-g-g-g-guys! The exit! It's gone! I can't make one!"
Yu didn't even try to look, having figured that was what his Shadow meant. Was he going to be able to do this in one day? He wasn't even sure how he was going to stand.
"Dammit! What the hell is going on!?" Kanji yelled, walking around the nearby scenery and checking every place he could.
Naoto stepped in. "This is probably Yu-Senpai's Shadow trapping us."
Yu gave a weak nod. "He... He said he wasn't... going to let... me leave."
Yosuke didn't seem the least bit concerned about anything else. "Yu, stop talking. Catch your breath."
"No... I have to... get up," he argued, but didn't have to strength to even budge.
Rise, who was crouched next to him, stood up. "Senpai, I'll scan ahead to see what I can find out, so get some rest. This will take a little bit," the main navigator reassured.
He couldn't fight that. With his inhibitions basically nonexistent, he laid against Yosuke fully now. The other teen shifted to be seated and used his other hand to remove his headphones and let Yu rest between his neck and shoulder. He couldn't remember having ever been this exhausted in his life. He'd pushed the team to rescue Nanako in one day, and that'd been a dangerous call then. That felt like a cakewalk compared to what had just hit him.
Rise tried for almost half an hour before her Persona disappeared. "It's no good."
Not the news the group wanted to hear.
She continued, "I can almost detect something, but it's too faint and moves every time I get close... I think we're going to have to go there." She looked to the empty horizon.
Yu hadn't moved away from Yosuke, but he felt at least strong enough to stand. He began to push up on the ground and his friend looped his arm around his waist to keep him steady. Yu had known this was the only option anyway. "Then we'll go."
The group agreed, all of them getting their equipment ready while Yosuke found a way to hold the leader up and make Yu put his weight on him while they walked. The goal seemed so far away as they walked, but Yukiko made an unsettling observation.
"Is it just me, or is it coming towards us?"
They stopped and watched as the white bled more and more through the blue and covered the ground. Sure enough, it was spreading.
"Be prepared for anything when we reach it. There's no telling what will happen," Naoto cautioned.
After the initial pause, they continued to move. Yosuke asked Yu every few minutes if he was okay, but Yu could only manage a nod. He had to conserve what energy he could. Yosuke was doing most of the work while they were moving, and Yu wasn't sure how the other teen wasn't even winded. Hills, valleys, rocky terrain—it didn't matter. He supposed his partner was too worried about him to be worried about himself.
When there was only a brief section between them and the void, they formed a line next to one another.
"Get ready," Chie said, moving closer to Yukiko and taking her friend's hand.
It overtook their position quickly, forcing all of them to brace themselves for...
Nothing.
Nothing happened except they now stood on solid 'nothing'.
Rise sprang into action and summoned Kouzeon. "Guys, there's definitely a structure here."
"How?" Naoto asked, looking around her. "There aren't any defined walls—not even a shadow projecting on the ground."
Kanji nodded. "Yeah, I can't even finda door."
Teddie walked to the middle of the team. "We have to think about Sensei. What would Sensei make?"
Even Yu wasn't sure what he was looking at. Was the world just broken now? It was possible since they had defeated those who shaped it.
Chie pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. "This is impossible. Everyone else had a pretty obvious dungeon thing. What can we do with a whole lotta nothing?"
"Perhaps we should think about how our own related to who we are?" Yukiko offered.
Kanji started, "I mean, they were pretty... uh..."
"Grandiose," Naoto finished with a bitter voice.
"Mine was a club. I mean... it was more 'adult' than I feel fits me, but I understood why in the end," Rise began. "It was in what our Shadows told us, right?"
Chie groaned, "But Teddie, Yosuke and I didn't even get one. What does that mean?"
"That you weren't thrown into the TV," the detective answered bluntly. "If you were, I'm sure you and Yosuke-Senpai would have created your own. Teddie might be the only exception."
"Speaking of," Chie scoffed. "You're being awfully quiet, Yosuke. Feel like contributing, here?"
Yu's second-in-command appeared to be deep in thought and ignored the blonde.
"Hello? Yosuke? Anyone in there?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
Everyone watched as Yosuke adjusted Yu to allow them both to walk. He still didn't answer, but he did hold an arm out with his fingers extended. He walked several steps, both to the left and right. The group looked thoroughly confused until oranges ripples finally rebounded from his fingertips.
"Whoa! Look at that!" Chie cried as they all stared in awe as the color traveled along a now obvious corridor.
Naoto was stunned. "Yosuke-Senpai, how did you figure that out?"
Yu was even shocked by what he was seeing, and it was something his head supposedly created.
"Just a guess," Yosuke answered.
Yu didn't buy it for a second.
But everyone else seemed to and began moving their own hands against the walls.
Blue, red, green, pink, indigo and yellow spread from his friends' hands and flooded every corner.
"Amazing," the idol whispered, tracing her fingers in different directions.
Yu's eyes focused on Yosuke, searching his face for the truth, but his friend's expression was blank. It almost seemed like he was avoiding Yu's gaze, but the leader could hardly ask with the group around.
"Then this is how we'll find our way through the maze," Naoto concluded, now focusing on the next part of their on-the-fly plan. "We need to find Senpai's Shadow and leave as quickly as possible. We should try the same approach as before. This might be a single-level or it might have multiple floors. If we can pinpoint the Shadow, or even detect Him, perhaps that will offer us some clue."
"Okay, I'll look for it," Rise proclaimed, Kouzeon surrounding her moments later.
The others still felt along the walls, not seeming to tire of seeing the rainbow effect that followed. Yosuke remained Yu's support, but he didn't join the group. Yu took the opportunity with everyone distracted to discreetly talk to him.
"How did you know?" he asked in a low voice.
A chuckle vibrated against Yu's side. "I took a shot at a hunch. Turns out it just happened to be right."
"Maybe elaborate?"
"I dunno. Thought about the others and their mind... dungeon... things. Tried to think about what it all meant to them in the end. I thought about what you've told me and took it literally, I guess. I had no clue it was going to do that, but I figured it was up to us to find the entrance, or whatever."
Yu remained lost. "I still don't understand."
Yosuke lowered his voice further. "You told me you depend on us, right? That you get your strength from us. As corny as it sounds, everyone else gets their strength differently—by realizing more about ourselves. Not to say we do anything alone, but you have your Wild Card thing. I still don't really understand it all, but you made it clear that you only get stronger the closer your bonds are. We would find their dungeons by learning about them, and that's what I would have said about you to find yours. So, that's why I thought it was up to us." He finally looked at his partner with an affectionate smile. "That it had to be us."
No one, besides Yu, ever gave Yosuke the credit he deserved for figuring out so much of what happened around them. Then again, of course it'd be Yosuke who got it before even Yu did.
"I wish I could understand how you see things so clearly. Maybe Nanako was right, maybe detective would be a good choice," Yu only half-joked.
"Didn't I tell you in the beginning? I'm an ideas man. I'm too abstract when I think to be logical like you or Naoto. I guess you can keep me around for when you need a crazy theory," he finished with a wink.
"I'll keep you around regardless."
They shared a short laugh and Yu's spirits lifted a bit. At least Yosuke was still doing what he did best.
"Got it!" Rise cheered, the team quickly gathering around her. "The Shadow seems to be pretty close, actually. I don't know if that means it's a trap, but I'm only getting one reading."
"Alright, enough talkin', let's go save Senpai," Kanji demanded, having kept his calm surprisingly well thus far. "Which way we headin'?
Now the navigator frowned. "Well, that's the weird part. It seems like the Shadow is straight ahead."
"Hmm, you're right, it does sound like it might be a trap," Naoto commented. "We should keep our guard up. There aren't even other Shadows around."
Teddie spoke up, "Shadows existed because of the human world, so maybe that's why."
All the talking in the world wasn't going to get them out of the TV any faster, unless it was with Yu's Shadow. They all knew it, and they all dreaded it. The leader knew how brutal the words might be, but he'd accept them and himself. He refused to put his team in any more danger.
They started walking down the corridor with only a few of the teens touching the walls. Even with the colors adding some semblance of structure, it was incredibly overwhelming to be surrounded by 'nothing'. Yu couldn't remember having ever felt so uneasy over just a location. What was this place? Or rather, why did it look so empty? Not just empty, but... was there even a word for just how hollow it felt? Yukiko got a castle, Kanji had a bathhouse, Rise had a club, Naoto had a laboratory, with Nanako it'd been how she saw heaven to be—even Mitsuo had a dungeon reminiscent of a video game. What did his say about him? Was he really so vacant of a person? Was that what this meant?
Their exploration concluded rather quickly as they reached the end and the walls and ceiling rose to an inconceivable height.
"It's here," Rise stated, summoning her Persona one final time.
They formed a small circle and Naoto cleared her throat. "Senpai." She looked directly in Yu's eyes. "You've heard what everyone's Shadows had to say, and we know that their words are warped, amplified versions of how one feels inside. I believe I can speak for everyone when I say that whatever your Shadow has to say, don't worry about how it will appear to us."
It was true that he'd been there for all the confessions, and he hadn't judged a single person for the darker parts of themselves, but this time he knew it'd be different. The others had talked about their insecurities with themselves, but rarely about those around them. Yu knew most of what his Shadow had to say would be about his friends. He'd tried to accept every single thing that the Shadow had thrown at him, very rarely snapping back. However, there was so much more his had to say than the other Shadows, and he hadn't even met his in person yet—not in a true, physical form.
Yosuke squeezed the arm he held of Yu's and grinned. "It's not supposed to be pretty. If it was, we would have accepted it a lot more easily. Besides, you told me that everyone has something like that inside of them. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner you get your Personas back. Nothing is gonna change between us just because your Shadow might have some crap to say."
The leader didn't know how to answer.
"And if we gotta kick Its ass, then we'll kick Its ass," Kanji reassured in his own way.
Yu shook his head. "Hopefully it won't come to that."
Chie began to stretch out her legs and bounced up with a little more excitement than was necessary. "Buuut, we'll be ready if it does! It feels like it's been ages since we've fought. I'm kinda"—Yukiko grabbed her friend's wrist—"...Er—I'm ready. Yeah."
Yosuke rolled his eyes. "If Chie is done, is everyone ready?"
The group gave a determined nod and Teddie put in his hand in the center.
"Just like bear-fore!"
Yukiko started snickering and Chie shook her head. "At least it's not after the battle. We got the timing right this time."
Even though Yosuke knew Chie's comment had been a jab at him, he kept quiet and soon everyone placed their hands on Teddie's, no one seriously minding the bear's antics. Yu's hand fell on top and the group turned to smile at him. They didn't say anything this time, just lifted their arms up enthusiastically and started laughing at the silliness of it all. By the end, even Yu had joined them.
But there was no more time left, and they had to meet with the Shadow. As they gathered their things and wits, the somehow oppressive nature of the void that surrounded them, weighed down. They couldn't see Him, but Yu could sense his Shadow was near, and just before Rise was about to summon Kouzeon, He appeared.
It was instantaneous—far faster than anything Yu had ever witnessed. He stood there, no dark aura like the others, just the same face as Yu, save the sinister, yellow eyes. The team was taken aback at the sheer speed at which He'd emerged and sprang into defensive positions.
But He didn't move. He had a blank expression that still managed to make Yu's skin crawl.
"He might look different, but He's definitely Senpai's Shadow," Rise guaranteed.
Everything had built up to this moment, and honestly, Yu was just exhausted from it. The hallucinations, night terrors, pain and anger—they would end here. There was worry and fear still churning inside him, but he'd be damned if being a coward kept him from seeing this through. He was getting his Personas back. He was taking his life back.
He motioned carefully for Yosuke to release him, and although his partner looked reluctant to do so, he abided by Yu's wishes. At first, Yu swayed to try and catch his balance, but he was standing straight by the end. He couldn't hide his weariness from the Shadow, but he wasn't about to have the worst 'conversation' of his life looking helpless.
"I'm here," Yu proclaimed, keeping his face as equally emotionless.
The Shadow was silent, simply staring at his reflection.
Yu gave it a moment, knowing his Shadow had been violent thus far, but he couldn't be certain things would be the same face-to-face. Hopefully they wouldn't be. "Say what you have to." He was ready to accept and move on. No need for a grand battle. He knew he had demons.
His Shadow showed a smile full of pity. "Didn't I tell you in the beginning? Surely by now you see your situation is different."
The leader's stoicism didn't waver. "Then what do I need to do?"
"Listen," the Shadow explained simply.
Yu stood there and waited, there was nothing else left to do or say. The others were behind him, but kept the distance their leader had put between them. He might have relied on his friends in all other battles, but this was his fight, just like the conversation with their Shadows had been their own. This is what it had all been building up to, right? The two of them finally meeting and seeing who was the stronger one.
His Shadow began in an unusually calm tone, "I've said a great of things to you, but you aren't truly hearing them for what they are. You think if you can just go through the motions that it will be enough, but just because you're familiar with the formula, it doesn't excuse false sincerity. You don't have the luxury your friends had with their Shadows. Your deadline is far sooner than you realize."
Yu narrowed his brows in confusion. A deadline? Something was very off here.
"I had no choice but to see you outside of this realm. You continued to avoid your own truth. On the surface you lead others to believe you are a rather simple person, but that's far from the reality of it. You crave that attention you receive from others, you want them to need you. You do a fantastic job of convincing them otherwise, but your assistance is hardly selfless. It's taken you nearly two decades to matter to someone, and you had a limited time available in Inaba. You can hardly act surprised when they stopped seeking you out after you fixed them. Isn't that how it always goes for you? Your usefulness ends and you're thrown to the side. Family or friends—it doesn't matter."
"It's true that I'm much worse at trusting in my friends. One year isn't enough time to change a lifetime of engrained beliefs. However, I won't make an excuse for it. It's the real reason why I didn't trust any of my own troubles to them. It's safer to listen versus explain myself," Yu said, delivering his first response. However, he found his Shadow was disturbingly reserved even when comparing Him to the other Shadows. How had He changed from His violent self to this?
"Exactly, you can hardly trust them to understand how your mind works. They have a surprisingly skewed view of the real you, that you're not quite the model of rectitude you made yourself out to be. After all, what would they say about Adachi? That you secretly met with him despite your friends' wishes—despite promising you wouldn't—because you believed you had enough of a connection that you could make him reconsider. You never even told them what happened during the actual conversation out of annoyance that you'd have explain yourself."
"I didn't tell them. I never planned to. Even I found it morbid that I could look down the barrel of a gun and not flinch."
"One that fired."
He could hear muted sounds of surprise from his team, but he was going to let them know the truth.
"Which was why I questioned my own mental health. I thought there must be something wrong with me if a bullet could brush my ear and I never lost eye contact. It felt like it'd be more trouble for me to have my friends see that side of me."
"Then you were caught. In fact, you were almost mad at Yosuke for catching you, but more mad that you'd let yourself be so open with a person that they could predict you in some way. Being an enigma had always been appealing to you, despite you also wanting the opposite. Then when he was so accepting and merely hurt that you hadn't trusted them enough, you were furious. You wanted him to pressure you into telling the truth, despite the fact that you didn't want to explain. After all, Yosuke is your best friend. You might not have told him a thing, but you were so infuriated that he hadn't even tried."
The first mention of Yosuke. It wasn't pleasant, but Yu knew that this might be brought up.
"I did convince myself that I was mad at myself and not him. I didn't want to think about how childish the truth was. It was hardly fair to be upset with him because he respected me enough to give me a choice. I didn't see it as that, I saw it as he was making the situation more about my trust in them."
The Shadow's eyes narrowed slightly. "You were also scared he knew you saw yourself in Adachi."
This was one subject he'd almost outright rejected the day he'd received the letter from Adachi. He felt more prepared this time, but it was one thing he really wished his friends didn't have to hear.
"I don't like to see our similarities, but I can't deny that we share many," Yu said it like it left a bitter taste in his mouth. "I was upset that he was the one person who didn't seem to open up to me. I felt like a child trying to talk to him, and I wanted him to see me as something more than a kid. I could tell he felt rejected and that part of him wanted to be rejected, and I was guilty of the same thing. Sometimes..."
He didn't want to say this next part. He didn't want his friends to hear it.
He really didn't want Yosuke to hear it.
"Yes?" The Shadow, of course, wouldn't allow delay.
"Sometimes, I wondered if I was more like him than the others. That with a few changes in my circumstances, I could have been closer friends with him."
But he'd made his first mistake. His Shadow didn't miss it.
"Not closer. You wondered if he'd have been your closest friend."
Yu couldn't see Yosuke, but there was no doubt it stung him.
"Fair enough. However, I didn't think that once I learned about the real him. I didn't even feel that in a regretful way, just as an observation of what-if."
"The what-if of: what if he hadn't been the criminal he really was? You both are two sides of the same coin. What if you, the savior of so many you knew, could have saved him? It'd be easy to be friends with someone who you didn't have to fear would judge you. He was more messed up than you, so how could he cast stones? You wouldn't have to be proper with him, he could see things like this and think nothing of it. Your friends may say they understand, but you know they're going to judge you—it's a normal human reaction. With Adachi, there'd never be a worry."
The leader took a deep breath. "Even if I think that's easier, that doesn't mean he'd have been a true friend, and even I know easy on paper doesn't equate to easy in real life."
The Shadow's expression darkened.
"A true friend. Do you have one of those?"
A trap. Shadows never asked questions. There'd never be a need. Yu closed his eyes and steadied himself. He wanted to say it, not let his Shadow be the one to do it and risk His distorted words being what Yosuke heard.
Because this was about Yosuke. So much of his own crazy intertwined with his friendship with Yosuke.
"I thought... I did."
A wicked smile twisted up the Shadow's face. "Past tense?"
Yu thought back to that morning and how Yosuke had asked if he'd ruined them. He'd told him no. He believed it was a no. Ruined was too strong a word, but no breach of trust ever left a friendship unscathed.
Not even theirs.
"I stand by my statement."
The Shadow was annoyed. "A vague statement that doesn't expand on any portion of the truth. Hiding behind a pretend acceptance won't keep you from hearing it. I know what you're thinking, and you can't fake something to protect Yosuke."
Yu heard Yosuke's sharp intake of air at hearing his name. His best friend had probably been bracing for this.
"He promised to be there for you. When had you ever really needed him since December? When had you even needed him before? You didn't ask for his help the night Nanako died, but you made a point to ask this time. You practically begged. You thought that maybe you could put your trust in someone you cared about more than anyone else. Maybe being predictable to this one person was okay. After all, he actually wanted to ask about you and your life. There was more to your conversations than just fixing his problems. Then he failed you and for just a moment, you regretted that you cared in the first place."
Yu's voice was more abrasive this time. "In a moment of anger I thought that. I'm not infallible."
"Do you deny that you don't know if you can ever truly rely on him?"
He was beginning to see why people claimed their Shadow wasn't them. It seemed so effortless on the outside looking in.
"...No, I don't."
"A genuine response," the Shadow said in a pleased tone. "Your trust is so hard to gain, so why couldn't he see that? Because he was so swept up with some girl? With his own problems? Is everyone in your life so selfish? Did he ever really care at all? Do any of them?"
This was beginning to wear on him. He didn't even want to imagine the expressions of the friends behind him. "I know they do, but I know I judge the way people treat me more harshly than they deserve. I can't compare them to the impossible standards I set just because I'm the one afraid to trust them."
"Yes, but you find it easier to trust them with your worthless life than with your own thoughts and feelings."
"To me, they are very different things."
"But the point is that you don't want them to be. You want to trust your team as teammates and friends. You find it easy to accept that you consider them close friends despite them knowing next to nothing about you, but not Yosuke. You made one exception—the first exception ever, and he failed you. His betrayal hurt worse than anything thus far. You put all your faith in him—faith you wouldn't even place in your own family. Especially not your family."
He'd been afraid of the focus on Yosuke. He cared about the others, but it was similar to how Chie's Shadow had talked about Yukiko. At least Yukiko hadn't been there to witness it.
"Again, it wasn't—"
"Stop speaking in past tense," the Shadow warned.
"Fine. I'm not handling it well. I still want to trust him, but I don't know how."
"That's because your biggest fear is being abandoned by them. Being forgotten like you'd never mattered to them like they'll continue mattering to you. You know you're own nature, but you don't see them feeling the same. Despite evidence of the contrary, you don't believe in unbreakable bonds. It'd be easier to lock them all away, even if it meant sacrificing how they felt about it."
He wanted to say it wasn't right, that it was his Shadow bending the truth to fit His perverse narrative.
But he couldn't.
"I do. I don't want anyone to move on with their life. I don't feel like they can keep our team together without me there."
"Because what's the point in being special if it doesn't matter in the end," his Shadow repeated, using those same words he had in their first meeting.
There wasn't a place for Yu to say anything back. He was stuck.
The Shadow was not. "A leader, you are not. You like the idea of it, you'd easily sacrifice yourself to protect those around you, but that doesn't equate to a good leader. It doesn't even really mean all that much considering how little you value your own life. You can make calls in battle, but you need to lead and control your friends on and off the battlefield. It's the only way you can trust they won't hurt you. That they won't move on. Without being needed, you become irrelevant. You don't want new friends. There's so much work to be put into it, and you could never go through an ordeal comparable to what you went through with your team. It was an immense test of courage you took together, and nothing could ever feel real with someone else. You want to be miserable in the city if you can't leave it, and you want them to worry about your loneliness because that way they would feel guilty if they began to forget you. Intentional or not, you are a manipulator, not their leader or friend.
"The attention and praise thrown your way is an addiction. Their thankful words are your preferred drug, with the only substitution being their silent admiration. It's different than before Inaba, and now you need them, there's no rehabilitation for this. You have to keep seeking out their troubles and needs." His face twisted up in unexpected pain. "Because you'd sell your soul to simply feel anything at all."
He was aching to his core hearing the words. How horrible of a person was he? Did he really just see his friends as an out from his everyday troubles? Did he rely on them solely to feel human? Did he really just go through the motions for seventeen years? How much darkness was left inside him?
But he knew what he had to do.
"...You're right," Yu replied in a wounded voice. "But I also know it's wrong. I can't be there to feel better for myself, I have to be the person they need."
"You can't mimic the same desire you had last year. You have to want to change yourself."
For all of the harsh truths, why was his Shadow so incredibly calm? Where was the rage from before? This was a near polar opposite to how he'd been in the past.
It grinned. "You should be focusing on yourself, not trying to figure the situation out."
Sharing the same mind—he just kept forgetting. It didn't stop him from asking, "I just don't understand. Why are you so different? Who, or what, have I been seeing?" There was no possible way these were the same Shadows... right?
"I told you, you have a deadline," He repeated, voice absent of malice, simply pity in both tone and expression. "You're living on borrowed time, Yu."
...
Wait.
'Yu'?
When did a Shadow ever call someone their own name? Not referencing their name, but like they were addressing another person during conversation. Something was very wrong here.
"What are you?" Yu asked.
"Your Shadow," He answered bluntly.
"Shadows don't talk like this, they don't reference someone like a total stranger," he argued back.
"You're not typical. A typical Shadow holds a single Persona, while you house many," It elaborated. "I'll say it once more, your situation is not the same."
But how did He know that? Yu had never thought about the differences and there'd be no need to deny something like that in order for his Shadow to say it. And how did that make any sense in reference to why he called Yu by name? The leader's calmness was fading.
"Then why haven't you disappeared? Why don't I have my Personas back? What else is left to be said?" His voice grew louder and more agitated with every question.
"Nothing."
Near fury took over. "Then where are They!? What's left for me to do!?"
The Shadow frowned as a light began to bloom behind Him, the familiar black and red portal appearing. His form began to dissolve into the stark white surrounding Him, but not before He looked behind Yu. Yu knew the gaze was focused on his friends.
"Listen."
Author's note: Welp, Yu finally meets his Shadow. That was a long chapter, I know. According to Word, 13,573 words long, to be exact. I thought about dividing it up, but it's just one of those chapters that ended up crazy long because I didn't see a good cut off for Yu. Honestly, I wanted to add more, but OMG 13.5K WAS ENOUGH. To avoid confusion, this is chapter 11 and it'll continue from there instead of doing a weird numbering thing since I did Yosuke's version last 'chapter'.
Thank you to everyone for everything! It means the world to me! C: