What had they done?

What had they done?

What the hell had they done?

Yu submerged his entire head under the bath water, holding his breath until his lungs threatened to burst. It wasn't until the dizzying heat forced him back up that he broke through the surface.

What insane idea had caught them in the heat of the moment to let them think that was a good idea? What had they been thinking? Where had Yu's voice of reason been? Where had his logic been, period? He clamped his eyes shut as his fingers dug into his tangled, soaked hair, pulling until the pain was a blinding white light behind his eyes.

Okay, so... the first step was processing what had led up to it all.

Yosuke wasn't supposed to be that forward. He wasn't supposed to welcome Yu so easily in his arms—comfort with words, fine, but that? Kiss him? Admit his love? And... And...

He was going to have to admit to himself what had just happened last night.

His composure had been completely lost. He'd still felt raw after his 'Shadow'; he'd wanted to feel Yosuke hold him and shush him and reassure him that they were still friends and that nothing had changed. Instead, they'd...

They'd crossed that line so easily it was frightening.

They'd skipped straight past slow and steady and plunged headfirst into... into...

When he closed his eyes, all he saw was Yosuke's gentle smile as he leaned over him. Even surrounded by the purposefully scalding water, all he felt were Yosuke's hands and body all over him. No matter how much he'd scrubbed, Yosuke's scent was burned into his skin, mingling with the steam.

The love and want he felt for Yosuke was practically suffocating. Still, it wasn't enough to fully bury his anxiety.

Yosuke's emotional formula was well-known to him. This had been Yu's own fatal error. He'd had multiple chances to stop his friend, but he'd failed. What was worse was that he'd actively fought against the logical part of his mind.

His skin felt sensitive like he was still coming down from the night before. He brushed his fingertips against his neck and shivered, with a tingling longing left in their wake. Despite every contrary thought he'd just had, he wanted nothing more than to crawl back under the covers with Yosuke and go even further. He'd never felt this way in his life; he'd never desired anyone. Even when he was just working through his feelings for Yosuke, any sexual thought had been absent. Truthfully, he'd briefly wondered if he lacked the capacity for sexual desire. It hadn't upset him then, but was tearing him apart now. His limbs began to tremble, courtesy of the ever-present anxiety, and he knew this signaled the end of his memories. That was enough. He couldn't hide away from it any longer.

He stepped out of the water and grabbed a towel off the stand. As he began to dry off, he looked towards the mirror mounted next to him. Yu paused and wiped the condensation away, seeing his reflection more clearly now.

He looked the same.

Not that he should look any different, but he certainly felt it. His thumb traced along the faint marks Yosuke had left scattered across his collarbone and neck. He couldn't fight his pleased smile. Yosuke always made Yu an awful negotiator with his generally infallible self-control.

He slipped clothes on, and took comfort in the fact that Yosuke's parents never came home the previous night. At least he was able to avoid what would have been an awkward morning conversation with them. Not that what was coming wouldn't be on par, or worse.

The walk back to Yosuke's room felt like ages as he purposefully took the slowest steps possible. What if he opened the door and Yosuke immediately started in with reasons why they had to forget the entire thing had ever happened? Yu felt that the fact that his chances were higher than zero was a sign that they should have waited.

His hand held the doorknob tightly, knowing that this was the first time he'd see Yosuke awake since it'd all happened. He tried to brace his heart for the rejection, for the regret that would roll off Yosuke, but most of all, to just accept that last night was probably his singular night with the person he loved. His thoughts spilled over with the argument that it'd have been so much easier to have never felt anything at all.

…

But as he opened the door, there was only a remarkably warm smile to greet him.

"Morning, partner."

Yu's lips parted in astonishment.

The look on Yosuke's face and the tone of his voice radiated pure affection.

There sat his best friend, with the craziest bedhead Yu'd ever seen, clothes wrinkled and disheveled, shoulders lazily drooping, and a face that was flushed from just having woken up.

He was perfect.

Yu took every detail in. He was seeing past whatever had been the Yosuke of before. This Yosuke was separate. He couldn't explain it even to himself; this was just a feeling of difference. The only answer might be that this was just how one perceived a lover and not just a friend.

Yosuke stood up from the futon, trying not to trip as he stepped over the haphazardly thrown covers. As he crossed the room, Yu felt his body tense in anticipation for something to go horribly wrong. This wasn't how things were supposed to play out.

Yosuke must have sensed his worry and raised a hand to Yu's cheek. "Yu? Are you alright?" His voice was unusually soft and gentle.

Yu's defenses were shredded. The leader had discovered last night that he was far from in command when it came to these moments. He nodded his head, bringing a relieved sigh from Yosuke.

"Good."

He wanted to kiss him.

He wanted to feel him all over again.

His mind wouldn't quiet down, and to avoid seeing Yosuke's loving eyes, he closed his own. He focused on the feel of Yosuke's skin against his cheek, the heat he could still feel radiating from the closeness of their bodies. He leaned into Yosuke's hand, still unable to say anything back to him. His silence was more of a loss on what to say versus the usual, conscious choice.

"Yu."

His eyes slowly opened.

Yosuke's face was nervous and tinged pink. "Can I kiss you?"

His breath faltered for a moment, but he managed to give a slight nod. His friend gave a shy grin and met his lips. It felt smooth. It felt natural. It didn't feel like a kiss shared the morning after the first. This felt like a lifetime of love interwoven with thoughtful consideration. There was no possible way this was a kiss new lovers shared.

Yosuke's hand moved away briefly only to return at the hem of Yu's shirt, dipping under the fabric and massaging the tense muscles of his back. Yu found that all he could do was stand there, arms at his side with his hands twisted up into fists. Still, his mouth played against Yosuke's; his tongue traced circles against the other's lips before deepening the kiss. His body began to grow hot, the same fog drowning his reason as it had the night before. He tried to remind himself through the occluding thoughts that he couldn't let himself get caught up in the moment this time.

Yosuke didn't seem as sure—or, at least, he seemed sure in another way. His fingers splayed across Yu's back before curving around to his chest, trailing down his ribs and pressing his thumbs against Yu's hip bones. The leader forgot his reserved nature and let a weak moan escape into Yosuke's throat, a jolt of pleasure going through his spine. His friend took it as a cue to carefully press Yu against the nearby wall, his tongue invading deeper yet before breaking away to taste the still damp skin of Yu's neck.

Yu was already back on the edge of losing himself. It was just as easy—if not easier—than it had been the night before. Maybe it was because he now knew just how good Yosuke could make him feel, maybe it was because he now knew just how complete he felt with Yosuke surrounding him, but whatever the reason, saying no was an abandoned notion. His muscles stopped resisting. His hands slackened at his sides. He let his body catch fire. He allowed Yosuke's mouth and hands to move freely all while silently pleading for him to go further.

But his friend pulled back, cold air invading the warmth that had enveloped them. Yu hadn't noticed how heavily he'd been breathing until he opened his eyes and saw Yosuke's serious face. It brought his logical thought back with it.

"We should probably wait," his friend suggested, breath just as short, and not seeming to believe in his own statement.

Yu certainly didn't. "Why?"

"We have to leave soon." Yosuke's face was a mixture of bother and simply trying to rein himself back in.

In Yu's mind, waiting was risky; it was dangerous. Waiting implied the chance for Yosuke to second-guess himself.

"I'm going to go take a bath, alright? I'll be right back," Yosuke said, hesitantly stepping away and grabbing a set of clothes for himself. "Just relax while you can." He was trying to keep it together for Yu. It wasn't like Yu didn't hear the trembling in his friend's voice.

When Yosuke left the room, Yu collapsed back onto the couch, trying to calm the need boiling beneath his skin. He'd wanted this with Yosuke, but he still wasn't convinced they hadn't gone too fast. He didn't regret it, just worried about it. Were they only being this reckless because everything had happened so quickly? His thoughts returned to last night, wanting to remember the way Yosuke's eyes had torn through him. He felt like he should be embarrassed with how open he'd been, that there should be shame somewhere, but he found none.

He thought to what his 'Shadow' had said, about not being able to give himself over completely to another person—to trust them implicitly. After everything that had just happened, he didn't see how he couldn't trust Yosuke just as much—if not more—than before. Then again, he was still worried Yosuke would realize everything and panic... Maybe he needed to let his own surge of emotions calm down as well.

That being decided, it wasn't like Yu wasn't over the damn moon. It was nice to forget for a few hours, to not have to feel paranoid or alone. It was strange, but the void his Personas left, stung a little less. He knew that was temporary; he wasn't so naïve that he didn't realize this giddiness would fade. Reality would come surging back to haunt him; what happened wouldn't change that his 'Shadow' was still here, and his Personas weren't.

But it was okay to forget for a few more minutes.

His eyes closed.

Just a few.

Yu allowed himself those handful of minutes and no more. He got up, made a quick breakfast for the pair, and actually managed a few bites. Of course, Yosuke rambled on about how amazing the food was, but still apologized for making him cook for them.

"It's fine," Yu replied, unable to keep eye contact. "I actually like it."

"Like what? Cooking?"

His face was burning. "...Taking care of you."

"Oh."

His friend hadn't sounded dismissive, just embarrassed. As much as Yu felt the same nervousness, he was excited to tell Yosuke these things. If they had more time, he wanted to ask a dozen questions, tell Yosuke more of what he felt, because last night had been a flurry of so much, that words really didn't have a place in it.

"Well... Thank you," Yosuke said with a hint of happiness, all while poking at his food.

A lot wasn't being addressed. He knew he should probably ask if Yosuke was aware that last night and this morning had even happened, but the other part of him was afraid to say anything and scare him away. It was unbelievable how well Yosuke was taking things. He wanted to know why, and what the trigger of it all had been, but he couldn't—perhaps, shouldn't—ask. However, this heavy air between them wouldn't do, so that was his only option.

"Yosuke... Can I ask you a question?"

The other teen had a knowing smile. "Sure, I guess. What's up?"

He didn't like having already been figured out. "How are... You seem very at ease. I guess I don't understand why."

"To be honest, I don't really get it either," Yosuke answered, a look of contemplation on his face. "I figured I'd be freaking out at least a little, but I just feel... really, really happy right now." He leaned on the table and put his chin in his hand. "What about you? You seem not okay."

Yu shook his head. "No, I'm just..."

What? Ecstatic? Overjoyed? Elated? In love and loved back? Was that an emotion? Love was an emotion, so surely that kind of applied—

"You're?"

"Scared."

That wasn't the response he was sure Yosuke was wanting, but it was the truer answer. He was mind-numbingly thrilled that Yosuke loved him, that last night had happened, that this morning was the follow-up, but something was just... off. Perhaps not wrong, but certainly not normal.

His friend had a worried expression. "Scared? Of what?"

Of what, indeed. In truth, there was quite a bit mulling around in his mind, but he subdued it for now. He needed to focus on the immediate.

"You do..." The fire raging on his face, neck and ears wouldn't calm. "You do remember last night, don't you?"

Yosuke adjusted in his seat, moving to rest against the back of his chair. The color of his face matched Yu's. "I mean... yeah. I definitely remember everything."

"So, you realize just how quickly we... Well..."

It was becoming more and more clear they had really rushed into things. If they couldn't even talk about what had happened, then they weren't prepared for it.

Yosuke let a nervous chuckle slip out. "Partner, if you're scared I regret it, I don't. It's pretty damn embarrassing to talk about, but I think that's a given."

Or maybe couples did get anxious talking about it if they just started...

Dating?

Were they dating?

What were they?

Yu fought to keep eye contact. How was Yosuke managing this so well? "What does this make us, though?" Because he didn't see Yosuke liking the label of 'boyfriends'. Yu didn't care what they were, as long as Yosuke acknowledged the romantic aspect of it.

"I figured just... partners? Like before?"

Yu had an unsure expression.

Yosuke realized his mistake immediately and threw both hands up. "Wait! I mean like—um, well... Not like just friends? You're still my best friend, but it's not just that? I see you as..." He let out a heavy breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, can we both agree we're basically emotionally illiterate? Neither of us can really argue that, so let's just…" He briefly trailed off, looking to another corner of the room before back to Yu with a pensive stare. "I love you, and that just makes us together, right?"

Yu finally smiled. "...Right."

"Yu..." Yosuke let out another unsure sigh. "I don't know how to be... lovey dovey, or anything. Don't expect me to be any good at that stuff." It'd been said with a laugh, but Yu could tell he was being serious. However, he felt like Yosuke would probably be amazing at it. He was too thoughtful and too good of a planner not to be.

"I don't mind," Yu assured with a gentle voice.

Yosuke's face was still red. "Yeah, I figured you'd say that... I'm just not good with presents or holidays and stuff. So... don't do anything like that for me either, alright?"

"No promises."

Another sigh. "I figured you'd say that, too."

Yu didn't want to leave yet. He wanted to keep talking. He knew they didn't have much longer, and then there would be no talking about this for the rest of the day—possibly the night. These questions had to matter; they had to be important.

"Yosuke..." But then he froze on them. The whole situation seemed like a landmine ready to go off with one misstep.

"Yeah?"

It was the calm demeanor that was throwing him off-kilter the most. Yosuke's expression was so understanding before the words had even been said. Yu's 'Shadow' might have said he didn't like being predictable, but maybe it was more that he didn't like not having the ability to catch someone off guard. It didn't take long to realize that Yosuke—at least as his lover—was the exception. The leader might have felt that way when they were simply friends, but last night Yu had been like a different person. He'd wanted to let go. It'd been the first time he'd ever turned over control of himself in any capacity. The notion of not even having to think should have terrified him, but he hadn't felt panicked, or even nervous. He'd just felt... whole. Whole even without Personas or answers.

"I'm trying to piece everything together. It just seems as though, given what my 'Shadow' said, you'd have felt more distance between us. What made you..." He shifted in his seat for a moment before finishing in a much quieter voice, "Kiss me?"

Yosuke shrugged, but was no longer fidgeting. "I guess... I got to hear the truth. I got the answers I'd been wanting. Then, I saw you there, completely broken-down, and all I wanted was for you to feel okay again. I think I was just hoping that what you needed was the same thing I did."

"I don't think I understand," Yu replied, trying desperately to not make Yosuke repeat himself and waste even more time.

"I really don't know how else to explain it. The night before, I realized that all of what I'd been thinking and feeling for the past few months basically added up to me loving you." His gaze fell to the table. "I won't lie, it freaked me the hell out. I tried to bury it, but it felt wrong to do that. I was trying to be honest with myself, but I had no idea how to do that when it came to liking you... Especially after I talked to you about all the crap with my dad. The timing was insanely off, too. Your 'Shadow' and Personas were what we needed to focus on, not my all over the place emotions... I wanted easy, and liking you was the opposite of that."

Yu felt his body begin to tense up.

Yosuke surprised him by looking back up with hopeful eyes. "Honestly, partner, for the past few months, I felt like sometimes I was talking to a complete stranger. It was like I didn't know you anymore. I didn't know how to take that. Then, after your 'Shadow', it all made sense."

So, Yosuke had noticed the difference. Of course. How did these things even surprise the leader anymore?

His friend continued, "But I think what it really came down to was I realized that what we were didn't fit us anymore."

Yu's eyebrows narrowed in confusion. "What do you mean by 'fit us'?"

"It was like before was what was off, and this is... right, I guess." The warm smile from this morning returned. "Me loving you is what I was supposed to be doing all along."

Yu's words failed him, again. His heart felt heavy. How could he possibly love the boy in front of him, more? He felt so full of peace. The feeling of ease probably should have surprised him, but this was just how his partner made him feel... No, not even that, Yosuke was just a wonderful person. Even with their flaws, the inevitable problems and crossroads they'd yet to reach, he at least knew in this moment, Yosuke loved him unreservedly.

His friend now looked for some affirmation that Yu was okay, but he didn't verbally ask for it. Yu knew that he'd been quiet far too long.

He kept a serious face, deciding to give Yosuke the explanation he was owed. "Yosuke, thank you... but you're not wrong that I've been different. I don't think I've been the same since December."

It was Yosuke's turn to look confused.

"That's when I realized I cared about you. I think I reached the limit where I was able to cope with my problems, alone," the leader clarified.

"With what happened to Nanako, right?"

Yu nodded. "I kept telling myself that I had to get everyone home and then I could sort through how I felt... I think I was hoping for you to stay without my knowing it."

"That was the first time I'd ever decided that I was going to do what I knew was best for you. I wasn't going to leave it up for you to decide," he responded in a solemn tone.

"I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't."

Yosuke had a sad smile. "You don't have to wonder. You won't have to."

Yu knew the implication of that statement. He felt a flutter in his chest, unbelievably thankful that he was able to hear these loving words from his friend right from the start of their relationship. One thing he'd feared was that Yosuke would be too panicked and cold in response to the prejudices he'd be fighting against.

"Regardless, that's when I started to act differently around you. Before, I didn't mind you sharing your time with someone, but as March grew closer, I found myself... terrified. I didn't want you to forget me, most of all. I tried to think of how I could keep us close, but I didn't like the way I was acting. I was scared that by being selfish it would make you feel like you had to act in a different way than you wanted, just to keep me happy. I wanted to think that if I truly loved you, I'd want you to be happy. I'd do what was best for your future, even if it meant sacrificing my happiness. But then I couldn't make myself genuinely feel and act on that. It made me feel like I didn't love you the way I was supposed to, or that maybe I was just too caught up to realize my brand of love was wrong."

"I don't know about that. I think that it's pretty normal to fight for what you want. I never got the impression you were keeping me from anything," Yosuke assured.

"That's what scares me," Yu replied with a grim expression. "I actively said or wrote things to make you wonder about my intentions. I didn't outright say I cared about you, but I pushed the boundaries about as far as I was able. When I took an interest in your relationship with Ume, it was barely half-hearted. My inner voice argued against every word I said. I didn't believe anything that came out of my mouth when I tried to be supportive." The leader could hear his 'Shadow's' words repeating. "I was so angry with you."

But a laugh escaped his friend. "I didn't get it at the time, but I was the same way with the Rise thing. Mine was probably worse since she's our friend."

"It doesn't change the fact that I was manipulating you."

Yosuke practically snorted in surprise. "Manipulating? That seems a little over the top."

The leader's expression and tone became annoyed. "No, it's exactly what it sounds like. I wanted to make you think only about me—"

Yosuke held a hand up. "Yu, stop. What you're describing is just liking someone and wanting them to like you back. Don't make it so dramatic," he insisted, rolling his eyes dismissively. "I don't want you to not think about me, I don't want you to be all romantic with someone else, and I didn't want that even before yesterday. I'm not saying you can't talk to people, I'm just saying it's normal to want to be someone's number one. I don't know a lot about the subject, but as long as people are consenting and happy, what does it matter about how they choose to love someone else?"

"That love shouldn't be manipulative."

"I kinda think that's up for the other party to decide, don't you?"

Yu sighed, "But that also might just point to the manipulator being successful."

Yosuke matched his sigh, "Geez, or maybe that other person's ego needs to dial it back. Stop feeling guilty over dumb stuff. If you have that mindset, I think the real issue might be that you don't trust the other person to think for themselves. There's a pretty clear line in most cases if a person is being controlling."

Yu gave up. Yosuke was right and wrong—they both were. There were too many different types of relationships and love to categorize them neatly—or even categorize them at all. That would be what was wrong. In the end, the love between them was solely their own. That's why, even though he hadn't known what love was supposed to feel like, theirs felt like what both of them needed.

"I just want you to be happy," Yu explained, reaching over and taking Yosuke's hand. "I want to make you happy."

"Well, I have great news," he answered with a grin and wink. "You do."

Yosuke squeezed Yu's hand, but all this wasn't enough to quell the leader's doubts. There were so many obstacles ahead. However, his concerns were suppressed well enough for now. He slowly leaned across the narrow table, leaving a brief kiss on Yosuke's cheek. It seemed to surprise his friend, but left a brighter smile in its wake.

"That does, too," Yosuke jokingly added, trying to hide his embarrassment.

Yu thought he'd be the more direct one of the two, but just a kiss on the cheek took far more courage than he'd anticipated. Still, it was nice to hear the response. He liked the idea of Yosuke taking the lead on these things since it also helped reassure Yu that the other did want it.

"And, uh, Yu?"

When his attention turned back to Yosuke, his friend was apparently finding the other part of the room more interesting to look at. He still asked, "Yes?"

"Are you—I mean... Are you mad? About last night, or even this morning?"

Unexpectedly, Yu began to laugh.

His friend was not impressed. "Hey! I'm being serious!"

Mad? It might have been the most hilarious thing Yosuke had said in ages.

"No, far from it," he corrected, squeezing Yosuke's hand tighter. "I'm glad you took the first steps. I was being a coward instead of talking with you."

"This was what you were going to tell me, wasn't it?"

It surprised him, but it wasn't like it wasn't fairly obvious. "It was."

Yosuke shook his head. "If I'd just waited, you could have been the one to say all that mushy stuff first."

"After my 'Shadow', I doubt I would have," Yu countered.

"Huh, without your 'Shadow', I don't know if I could have done anything," he replied with some realization.

Yu could sense time was almost up. After this, they'd be surrounded by the rest of the world. Perhaps his 'Shadow' would return, but right now, reality was assured. Right now, Yosuke was physically touching him. Right now was real. Even his mind knew the margin of error was nonexistent.

"Yosuke, I—"

Yosuke's phone began to chime, signaling it was time to leave. He silenced it quickly, no doubt trying to keep Yu talking.

"Let's get going," Yu said, knowing it'd be easier if he were the one to say it. He also pulled his hand away, knowing that, too, was the easier solution.

"But what were..." Yosuke looked at his empty hand with a frown. "Yeah, I guess we have to."

They slipped on the normal aprons and their jackets, but as they approached the door, Yosuke stopped his partner. His face was on fire as he grabbed a different jacket, one with a higher collar, and handed it to Yu. It reminded him that the light bruises were too easily seen on his pale skin.

"I'll... be more careful next time," Yosuke added, not realizing the implications of his words.

Yu remained quiet about it, but he wanted to say that the way Yosuke had treated him was fine. The placement was all that needed to be amended. He firmly enjoyed the idea of a next time.

Yosuke slipped his headphones around his neck and gave another warm smile reserved only for Yu. "Let's get going, partner."

Yu returned the smile in kind.

He swept his mind of all thoughts concerning last night and rebuilt from a blank slate. Today would be too full of people to allow his mind to drift. He also refused to let his 'Shadow' and Personas overwhelm him. The leader knew that things were still unstable, and that he needed to face his friends and the consequences of his 'Shadow's' words.

But if things turned unmanageable, he could cling to the truth that Yosuke loved and stood by him.

For now, first the job, then the case.

Completely forgot to post this to FF like… 1.5 years ago. This is the only update as of now, and this was posted in August of 2018 on AO3 with the Souji version (even though Yu will always be the name I prefer :) ). Sometimes on FF the formatting I lose impacts how I intend the story to be read, but there's not much to be done about that. I am insanely slow at updating, but I will never abandon a story. It just might be 2030 when this story is done. Responsibilities drag us all down, unfortunately. Thank you for reading and favoriting – it always means a great deal. :)

And even though we both use AO3, I'll still give a shout out to my wifey because she's the reason any of this has gone as far as it has. :)