Here's the second coda as promised! I'm glad everyone liked the last one.

To my reviewer Guest: I'll see what I can do about that story idea. It would be funny to see Cas' reaction to that ;)

Characters/ Setting: Castiel, Sam, Dean, Mary/ S12 (coda 12x12)

Genre: H/C, fluff

Rating: K

Warning: again spoilers if you have not seen the ep yet!

Hairsbreadth

Coda for 12x12 Castiel may have died several times before, but for some reason his current brush with death rattled him the most.

Castiel stood in front of the bathroom mirror. They were back in the bunker after a long tiring drive, and Sam and Dean had insisted he take a shower to wash the blood off his skin before he go to bed, even though he wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and succumb to his exhaustion that went to his very bones.

But he hadn't gotten much farther than taking his shirt off and looking at himself in the mirror. He couldn't help it. Only hours before, he had been mortally stabbed by the Lance of Michael, for all intents and purposes, dead. His body had been inflicted with poison, rotting not only the flesh of his vessel but his grace itself, tearing him apart from the inside out with slow agony. His fingers shakily traced over his now smooth flesh, stopping at the spot right under his ribs that had previously been punctured. There was still blood dried onto his skin, but the flesh itself was repaired. That didn't stop his hand from trembling though.

Finally tearing himself back to reality, he turned his back on the mirror and stripped out of the rest of his clothes, cranking the shower on so hot it was almost scalding. But he was cold, deep inside, and the steaming spray felt good, even if it made his skin pink as he scrubbed the traces of his near death from his skin.

When he stepped out of the shower, he was glad the mirror had steamed over so he didn't have to look at his refection again. He quickly toweled dry and dressed in the clean sleep clothes he had borrowed from Dean until he could get new ones, or get enough power back to repair his ruined ones.

That was another thing. His grace had taken a huge beating. It was going to be days before he got back to full power, and he was secretly worried that he wouldn't be able to. He had been worn down ever since Lucifer had possessed him, but this had only made it worse.

He was still trembling, wondering what was wrong with him, as he stepped out and tried to make his way to his room, when he found Dean and Sam standing in the hallway, helping Mary settle into a room for the night. Castiel had been glad she had stayed. It might have been a weakness, but he wanted his whole family in close quarters tonight so he knew that they were all safe.

Family. His admission to the Winchesters as he lay dying flashed through his mind. It's not that he hadn't realized how he felt for Sam and Dean before, it was just that it had become so much more vital to him that they know it. In the aftermath of Lucifer's possession, when Dean told him he was their brother, Castiel hadn't felt worthy, but seeing Sam and Dean stand with him since then, despite it being somewhat rocky after he had killed Billy, he began to realize, perhaps for the first time, just what it felt like to belong to their family. And he also realized that he needed nothing else in this world. Not Heaven's approval, not even his full powers and his wings back undamaged—just his human family.

Which was why he had felt such terror when he thought he was going to lose them. Lose everything now that he had finally figured it all out.

He suddenly couldn't breathe. Darkness crashed down, closing in on him in a suffocating way, like the dark poison that had nearly consumed him earlier, forcing it's way up his throat and choking him as he prepared himself for the end.

"Cas!"

He felt hands catching him as he fell, arms wrapping around his shoulders before he was sitting on a hard cold surface.

"What's wrong with him?" he heard Mary's voice as if from far away, worry spiking through it.

"I don't know," Dean's voice cut through and Castiel could sense him and Sam on either side of him, hands keeping contact, not letting him go—like they hadn't left him earlier even though he hadn't been so much scared to be left alone as he had been to have to watch them die and then be left alone for good.

With great effort, he forced his eyes opened and looked into the three worried faces around him, his family. He wasn't alone, and they were safe. "I-I'm okay," he forced out.

"You sure?" Dean demanded, worry making his voice rough, hand still firmly clutching his upper arm.

"I'm just exhausted," Castiel said without lying.

Sam and Dean shared a look, so he fought to assure them. "Please, I really am okay, I just need rest. My grace…it's very weak."

Sam's brow furrowed in worry nonetheless. "Okay, Cas. But seriously, man, let us know if you need anything. You…you took a pretty bad hit tonight."

"I am completely healed," he assured them.

"I know," Sam said almost wryly. Castiel thought he knew what the younger Winchester was trying to get across. Just because he was healed physically, didn't mean he was 'okay'. It only made it worse because Castiel knew that well enough that he wasn't at all okay. He just didn't know why.

"Let's get you up, come on," Dean said decisively and the two brothers pulled him to his feet for the second time that night and Dean's arm stayed firmly wrapped around his back as he led Castiel to his room. Castiel didn't even protest his friend's 'mother-henning'. He was too shaky to stay upright anyway.

Sam stuck close and crossed Castiel's room to his bed, pulling down the covers as Dean eased Castiel down. Castiel felt slightly embarrassed at all the attention, but he could read the relief and aftereffects of worry from both the boys and knew they needed this to remind themselves he was alright. Castiel had witnessed it a million times between the two of them, and actually felt a little touched seeing it directed at him.

Besides, his exhaustion was quickly winning out and he gladly laiy down in the bed as Dean tugged the blankets over him with that gruff yet caring attitude he had, a hand resting on Castiel's shoulder before he reluctantly stepped back with Sam.

"You sure you don't need anything, Cas?" he asked.

Castiel's eyes were already closing but he forced a small smile, shaking his head. "No. Just…rest."

The brothers didn't move for a few seconds, but Castiel finally heard them pad quietly from the room, turning his lamp off after his eyes slipped shut. He was out before he realized it.

Castiel woke with a guttural gasp, hands clutching his stomach as he bolted upright. He looked down at his shaky fingers clutching the fabric of his t-shirt but there was no blood there. He yanked the shirt up just in case, but his skin was scarless, no bleeding wound, no suppurating veins of poison eating away at him. It had just been a nightmare.

His mouth tasted like the memory of the poison though, and he decided he needed a drink.

He forced himself from the bed and staggered down the hall to the kitchen. His heart was still pounding from the nightmare, and he was breathing heavily. His hands shook so much that he could barely hold onto the glass as he tried to fill it from the tap.

"Castiel, are you alright?"

He nearly dropped the glass altogether at the voice. He spun around and saw Mary standing there, a robe wrapped around her in the chill of the bunker and worry on her face.

"I-I just…needed a drink," he said.

Before he knew it, she was crossing the kitchen toward him, taking his arm gently and leading him over to the table to sit. He gladly took the seat, and watched as she set about taking a mug out of the cupboard and heating water over the stove. She didn't say anything until there were two mugs in her hands, which she brought over to the table, setting one in front of Castiel.

"I thought you could use something warm," she told him. "Chamomile helps."

The pleasant scent of the tea drifting up with the steam from the cup was already working to calm him a bit. He carefully wrapped his still shaking hands around the mug, feeling the warmth seep into him. Until then he hadn't realized he was still cold.

"I couldn't sleep either," Mary told him after a few seconds. "There was…so much that happened tonight."

Castiel glanced across the table to her, seeing a weight on her shoulders that didn't quite make sense to him. Of course it would have rattled her to see a Prince of Hell, reminding her of Azazel, but he couldn't help but think there was something else there too. Something like…guilt. But then, he was not exactly at his best and he may have been mistaken.

"I just…don't understand," he finally said, forcing some of his confusing thoughts to the forefront.

Mary looked up at him, a frown on her face. "What don't you understand, Castiel?"

He shrugged helplessly, trying to make sense of the turmoil burning inside of him. "I'm not…mortal. I will never die of old age—I have already died on several occasions." Mary cocked her head to one side, listening attentively. Castiel looked down into his mug of tea, watching the steam rise lazily. "I…don't understand why tonight…. affected me so much."

Mary reached across the table and put her hand on his. The gesture was motherly and kind, and Castiel felt something start to unwind inside of him. "It would have affected anyone," she told him softly. "There's no shame in being rattled after a near death experience."

Castiel took a shuddering breath. Calling it a near death experience wasn't exactly accurate. He had known he was going to die, and he would have, no way out, no way back. If Crowley—Crowley of all people—hadn't broken that lance, he wouldn't have lasted another five minutes and he knew it.

"Cas? Mom?"

They both looked over at the doorway, to see Sam and Dean standing there, worried expressions on their faces.

"You okay?" Dean asked, glancing between them.

Mary smiled at them and nodded. "We just couldn't sleep."

The two brothers silently joined them, Dean sitting beside Castiel and Sam sitting beside his mother. Castiel felt oddly relieved to have them near. After the very near possibility of having to watch them be killed as he sat dying, unable to protect them, he really would prefer not letting them out of his sight for a few days.

"It was a rough night," Dean commented, and the dark circles under his eyes told Castiel that he hadn't slept much, if at all, either.

"Did you get any rest?" Sam asked anxiously, a frown between his brows. "You still look pretty wrung out."

"I—tried, but…" Castiel trailed off, slipping his hands from the mug to wrap his arms around himself, the coldness inside returning as the memory of the agony came back to him.

"Nightmares?" Dean asked quietly.

Castiel gave a slight nod, then looked away, ashamed.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, Castiel," Mary told him gently. "We all have them."

"Yeah, you know it's part of the gig," Dean offered kindly.

Castiel sighed and stood shakily, his body feeling suddenly confined as he struggled with his inner turmoil again.

"Cas?" Sam asked, standing up as well, quickly joined by the others. Castiel propped a shoulder against the doorjamb, looking at the floor.

"Death has never…scared me so much before," he told them, feeling slightly disgusted by the fact he was even admitting to being scared. But then he remembered that this was his family. Not his angelic one, who would have scoffed and cast him aside for daring to mention fear, but people who knew the feeling and conquered it daily. "But tonight as I was lying there in that barn…" he swallowed hard, wrapping his arms more firmly around himself. "I realized, maybe for the first time what I actually had to lose." He looked up at them finally and saw the sympathy and care on their faces that nearly broke him apart inside. "I—I never thought of it like that before, and it scared me. It also scared me to think that the last thing I would see was the three of you being torn apart."

"We weren't gonna leave you," Dean said firmly. "And I ain't gonna apologize for that."

"No way," Sam agreed with a smile that was mirrored by Mary.

Castiel's heart softened to see their devotion, something he hadn't felt he deserved for a long time, and had just—finally—come to realize that everyone deserved family, even broken, fallen angels. It wasn't fair to anyone if you refused the people you loved the same love in return. He supposed it was their call wether he deserved it or not. "It still frightened me, to think that I could lose all of you so quickly, after everything. Though I think I was also scared because…" he stopped, not sure he could go on with this particular thought.

"Because what, Cas?" Sam asked gently, prompting him to go on.

Castiel fought to find the words, unsure of if he could even say them to these people he loved. But it was the truth, and he had already spilled his heart out to them earlier, so what did it matter now if they knew this too?

"Perhaps it's also because…" he started and stopped again, swallowing hard and casting his eyes down, not able to look at any of them as he said this. "Because this is the first time in a long while I have actually wanted to survive."

He heard Sam's inhale and Dean's soft curse. He could feel the sympathy coming from Mary, even though he knew she didn't know the details behind his confession.

It was only a second before Dean stepped forward and Castiel looked up in time for his friend to wrap him in a firm embrace. Castiel was stiff with surprise for only a second before he relaxed against Dean and returned it. It felt good, safe, comfortable, to be wrapped in the arms of a brother. It reminded him of a few rare occasions when he was a fledgling and elder brothers or sisters had still had time to show him affection. He was somewhat ashamed to admit he wanted to stay like this for a long time, but when Dean pulled back and met his eyes, hands still gripping his shoulders, he could only listen to what the hunter had to say.

"Don't you ever feel like that again, Cas," he said firmly, emotion making his voice slightly hoarse. "You have everything to live for, man. We are your family; we love you too."

Hearing those words from Dean in response to his own from earlier, surprised him, but also made him feel warm inside. Finally, for the first time since he had been wounded, the coldness was leaving.

"Definitely," Sam agreed and stepped in to take Dean's place, pulling Castiel against him. "We want you here, Cas. Don't ever forget that; you always have a place here."

He could not fathom the feeling of peace washing through him for the first time in so long, which only increased as Mary too stepped forward and embraced him gently.

"If I've learned anything by watching the three of you together it's that you do belong here with Sam and Dean, Castiel," she said with a smile.

"You too, Mary," Castiel told her, remembering their conversation shortly after Mary had come back, wondering if she would ever belong. "You belong here too."

Sam and Dean nodded in agreement and Castiel simply closed his eyes and basked in the warm feeling that family gave. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he too, felt that he actually belonged somewhere.

Rememebr, if you have any more S12 coda ideas, let me know :)

In the meantime, if you want more fluffy, happy 12x12 feels, check out "Too Close" by Aini NuFire and "Breathe in Deep" by 29Pieces ^_^