Chapter 5
Law jumped to his feet, ready to teleport on the first floor. "ROOM."
Clione grabbed his hand. "Law, we're not finished," he said with emphasis. "We're just half-way in this conversation."
Impatiently, Law nodded, which made the psychiatrist let go of his hand. The next moment, he was standing in the dispatch office, that received all calls about the accidents and where the emergency transport was coordinated from. "What happened?" he asked the controller sitting by the console.
"The roof of the factory in Segvel collapsed, many wounded," the man informed concisely. "Their rescue services declared a disaster. I dispatched the ambulances already. The emergency unit has been notified, as have the operating theatres of surgery and orthopaedics."
Jean Bart, the head of the transport department, rushed into the room. "Did they say how many wounded should we expect?" he asked from the doorway.
"They said there were around one hundred workers at the scene. In that scale of the accident, most of them must have been injured."
"Then, at least twenty, thirty would come here... Director?" Jean Bart turned to Law.
"Notify all surgeons, neurosurgeons and orthopaedists you could reach that they are requested to report to work," Law ordered. "And anaesthetists, too. We're going to need all hands."
Without further ado, Jean Bart went to his office, which was in the adjacent room.
"How many ambulances did you send?" Law asked the dispatcher. His heart was racing.
"Five."
"Send three more... No, four."
The man nodded and grabbed the microphone of the emergency Den Den Mushi. There was no panic nor nervousness in his voice and gestures; his actions were efficient and conscious. Convinced the dispatcher could handle the situation, Law left him and headed for the emergency unit. The hospital had ten submarine and three ground ambulances. There was no point in keeping them here in the event with many casualties.
Even though the accidents of the disaster level happened rarely in this region, Law was glad to notice that the procedures had been going smoothly so far. The Corazon Memorial Hospital seemed to be well prepared for the crisis, and not only on paper, but also in practice. It was because of the people who knew what to do. He hoped it would be so in this case as well.
Fortunately, there were no patients in the emergency unit, and the staff could focus on treating those who would be soon coming from the neighbouring island. There was the air of composed concentration in the unit, but the tension, too. Law searched for Bepo, only to see him approaching from the operating room in the next moment.
"Everything's ready," the mink informed. "Now we have to wait. Do you have any idea how many injured might come?"
"Jean Bart suspects from twenty to thirty."
Bepo pressed his lips and shook his head. "We'll manage," he said.
"We will," Law agreed.
They both dressed up in the scrubs; even if the situation made it impossible to achieve sterility, these clothes increased comfort and gave better freedom of movement. Bepo ate two chocolate bars. Another few minutes passed, with no new info, but the first doctors and nurses called into work appeared. Waiting was exhausting, it demanded as much energy as acting, but there was no help. Law tried to assess how long it might take to transport the injured from Segvel; even the submarines equipped with the best motors needed at least half an hour to cover the distance... However, he then realised, the rescue operation would be hindered by darkness and the very nature of accident. The roof had collapsed, which meant that most of the injured people were trapped under debris. If the construction of the building had been damaged, then even those without the serious injuries wouldn't be able to get out... It could as well take an hour or two before the first patients arrived.
"I should go there," Law said, his fingers clasping at the fabric of his scrub trousers. "I could help to quickly get out the injured..."
Bepo grabbed his arm. "Be reasonable. Even if you help to get them out, you won't be able to treat all of them there. You'd need to return here, which means we'd lose at least one hour; you can't use the Ope Ope no Mi underwater, and there's place only for one patient in an ambulance. We have to leave it to the rescue services."
Law clenched his jaws... but the next moment the dispatcher voice could be heard from the speakers, announcing that the first transport was on its way back. Law's heart beat faster, yet he felt relieved. It was much better than the lack of information.
"We have a sudden cardiac arrest," the paramedic in the ambulance reported. "No shockable rhythm, asystole..."
"Administer adrenaline," Bepo ordered. "Resuscitate."
"We have a rhythm. Patient's in critical condition. Male, 40s. Polytrauma, blood loss, he's in hypovolemic shock..."
Then only another communications could be heard...
"Male, mid-40s, critical condition. GCS 3, suspected massive head injury. Needs an immediate attention."
"Male, mid-20s, serious condition. Vast injury of the chest, respiratory problems, suspected pneumothorax."
"Male, 30s, serious condition. Both legs crushed..."
"Male, 30s, critical condition. Multiple injuries in the pelvic region..."
"Female, 50s, critical condition. Head injury..."
"Female, mid-20s, critical condition. Foreign object in the skull..."
The next hours merged in one, and Law suspected it was the same for all people participating in the rescue operation. Upon arriving in the hospital, every wounded person was first enveloped in the Ope Ope no Mi, that could freeze the vital functions. Then Law performed a quick diagnostic of the injuries in order to pick up those life-threatening, and tended to them at once. Since new patients came all the time, he couldn't operate on everyone and delegated those he'd managed to stabilise to other doctors.
Head injury. Brain stem damaged, requiring an immediate cellular regeneration, otherwise the patient would die. Multiple skull fractures, bone fragments in the brain tissue, compressing the cortex. They must be removed, and the blood vessels must be regenerated to provide the circulation. Administer antibiotics and analgetics. Rebuild the bone. Regeneration of the parietal and frontal lobes can be done later.
Chest injury. Ribs stuffed in the right lung, crushing its parenchyma that had partly necrosed. The patient has a severe respiratory failure. The lung must be regenerated, with its aveoli, bronchioles and blood vessels. Regenerate the skin and the intercostal muscles. Put the patient on oxygen, administer antibiotics and continuous analgetic infusion. The rest of the muscles can be rebuilt later.
Polytrauma, multiple external and internal haemorrhages. The patient is in a hypovolemic shock. Close all damaged vessels, starting from the big ones, start the transfusion. The patient's blood group is X (Rh+). Stimulate the adrenal medulla to secrete adrenaline. Ensure the continuous supply of oxygen and administer analgetics. The damaged organs will be repaired later.
Foreign object in head. A metal bar is penetrating the orbit, and its other end is pocking out of the occiput. Diffuse injury of the temporal lobe, damaged vessels and haemorrhage are causing the further compression of the brain tissue. Remove the bar, rebuild the vessels, decompress the injured areas and resupply them with blood. Connect oxygen, administer antibiotics and analgetics. The tissue will be rebuilt later, along with the reconstruction of the eye.
Spinal trauma. Spinal cord severed at the C5, vertebrae fragmentised. Remove the tiniest bone pieces. Rebuild all damaged vertebrae and secure the spinal cord. Oxygen, antibiotics and analgetics. Regeneration of the nerve fibres can wait a few hours.
Extensive pelvic injury. Damaged intestines, reproductive organs and urinary bladder, multiple haemorrhages. Hypovolemic shock and danger of peritonitis. Stop the bleeding, start the transfusion, blood group XF (Rh-). Administer antibiotics. Remove the necrotic part of the small intestine and regenerate the colon. Sew all ruptured organs. Regenerate the bones of the pelvis. Analgetics.
Another head injury. Another chest injury. Another polytrauma. Another head injury. Another polytrauma. Another spinal injury. Blood, lots of blood. Torn bodies, crushed organs and tissues. Broken bones and damaged nerves. Foreign bodies in the organs. Remove, sew, rebuilt. Oxygen, transfusion, antibiotics. Regeneration of bones and muscles, nerves and skin. Administer analgetics.
Law operated on several patients at the same time, that was, in rotation; he couldn't perform several thought processes at the very same second, and the Ope Ope no Mi acted according to his thought and conscious will. It required the skill of instant concentration and instant change of his focus point. Surgeries continued for hours, but he regularly stimulated the secretion of adrenaline and noradrenaline in his adrenal glands, and glucose synthesis in his liver; he also monitored the dopamine concentration in his blood to keep his organism in the full activity and his cognitive function at the best level. He didn't need to eat or sleep and could work like this over ten hours easily, but not infinitely, for using the Ope Ope no Mi did weaken him, and the hormonal stimulation worked only for some time. That was why now he used his Devil Fruit only for life-saving surgeries or those that couldn't be performed with the conventional methods. As for all other injuries, other doctors could tend to them; they were perfectly aware that his strength wasn't inexhaustible, frustrating as it was.
When operating, however, he didn't think of it; he focused fully on treatment. Thanks to the hormonal stimulation, he was staying on his feet and his brain was performing perfectly; only that mattered. He felt good, even great. His heart was beating with a regular, firm rhythm. His breathing was even and deep enough. His muscles moved smoothly and with precision. His mind was working at full capacity, which was unachievable for normal people. He was calm and purposeful. He knew what to do and never hesitated in his decisions. His ability to concentrate was so well-developed that no change in his patients' condition escaped him; he was tuned to every beat of the heart and its lack, to blood oxygen level and blood pressure. It seemed to him he could hear the pulse or even the sound the muscle fibre made during systole and diastole. He felt almost physically connected to the people he was healing and whose life he was holding in his own hands and in the Ope Ope no Mi powers.
When he was in such state, time used to lose its meaning. He didn't register its passage, neither did he pay attention to the number of patients he'd operated so far, although he kept contact with them, even those on monitors already, to be able to react in case they suddenly needed his attention. He'd cut himself off all other stimuli, and the doctors and nurses accompanying him knew better than to break his concentration.
He finished in the morning; the patients had run out. Bepo said all had been tended to and no more injured were coming. The staff members thanked each other and started to disperse. Law kept standing for a moment, then sat down on the stool by the wall and looked at the clock. It was half past nine; he'd been working fourteen hours straight.
Bepo sat by him. "All patients are stable and on monitors. You can leave them. We'll let you know if anything happens."
Law nodded, but it still took him a longer while before he decided to deactivate the Ope Ope no Mi. After using it for so long, it felt strange now, as if he'd been suddenly deprived of some important sense. The impression was so unpleasant he trembled.
Bepo yawned. "I'm going to sleep," he said yet didn't move from the spot. "You go, too. You've operated thirty-four people. It's the new world record, I think."
Law nodded again. The level of adrenaline, now that he no longer stimulated its secretion, was dropping quickly in his blood. Suddenly, even speaking seemed to require more energy he could muster, although he still had enough strength to keep his eyes open. Sitting on the stool, he wondered if it'd been always so hard to breath, but then he decided that actually he felt quite okay here. He couldn't imagine himself going anywhere. He didn't want to expose himself to the daylight; he was perfectly happy with that white, cool light over his head. He didn't want to immerse himself in the daily noise of the hospital; soft beeping of the monitors suited him the best now.
It was over. Actually, it wasn't yet, not before the last injured person returned home. But it was for now, and he could finally start comprehend it. The patients were no longer in any danger, they had full chance to recover and sooner or later would be discharged. It wouldn't be possible if not for the team tending to them, together with Law. Surgeons, neurosurgeons and orthopaedists, nurses, scrub nurses and technicians. All of them - their number, their readiness and, above all, their skills - had made it possible that thirty-four people had been operated. That thirty-four people had been saved.
Law realised that everything had proceeded like in a machine. There'd been no chaos, no shouting, no pushing, no ignorance. Even if someone had grown weak, they'd been immediately replaced by another person. No-one had failed, no negligence had happened; no link had broken. Everyone's action had been excellent, starting from the dispatchers, through the paramedics in the ambulances, ending with the staff here. His people had once again risen to the challenge... and despite his terrible fatigue he felt extremely proud of them. He would have to thank them.
"Hey, you expect me to carry you up?" Bepo muttered; Law had managed to forget about him already. "I don't think I can... I can try to help you to the lift, hmm... Or maybe we should call someone."
Law opened his eyes - he'd shut them at some point, after all - and stared at the door. It was at least twenty metres to the lift... but he was perfectly sure that if he teleported, he would make it only to the second floor... and he had enough of surgery, at least for today. The lift was the only option.
He rose, swayed a little but immediately regained his balance, without even needing a wall. A big nurse came quickly to his side, but Law only shook his head and pointed at Bepo, who seemed to fall asleep sitting. "Help him, I'm fine," he said and was surprised he'd managed to put such a long sentence together.
He focused on the way he'd had ahead. It was just twenty metres, just twenty metres, he would manage... He was in the doorway when he heard, "Thanks."
He turned around to glance at Bepo, who was looking at him with his eyes half closed. He raised one hand in a response - only at the height of his chest, though - and nodded, then resumed walking. The lift seemed to be closer he'd assumed... and much more cosy he'd expected. Somehow, he managed to stay on his feet, but the real feat was that on his way he stopped by his secretary. Leaning against the doorframe, he ordered that she deleted his schedule for today, for he planned to arrange it anew later.
With his last strength, he dragged himself into the room behind his office that served as his flat. He dropped into bed with his clothes on and feel asleep before his head touched the pillow.
He waked up after three hour; he never slept longer than that. Like always, he was immediately fully conscious, which was convenient today, for he didn't need to wonder why he'd slept when the clock was showing it was 1 PM and it was a bright day outside. The events of the last night came back to him very sharply, along with the feeling of a good job done, both his own and the others'. Still, there was no reason to celebrate. First he had to make sure that the patients were okay; they probably were, otherwise he wouldn't have slept those three hours. If anything bad had happened, he would have been waked up. In any case, he had to tend to those injuries that weren't life-threatening, so he was far from being relaxed.
He took a shower and ate a snack; he always kept some in his room, just in case. He ordered his secretary to make a list of the staff members working last night in the emergency unit. All of them were to receive extra payment, and those who had reported to work from homes should get also an official commendation. The secretary of the emergency unit informed him where the operated patients had been forwarded; some were in the intensive care unit, but most of them were on the surgery and orthopaedics wards in the second floor, some on the internal ward on the third, and several on the neurology on the seventh. Law made a round through those wards. He wanted to see those thirty-four people who last night had passed through his hands and the Ope Ope no Mi, to see by himself they were no longer in any danger.
And it was really so. He assessed every person's condition to be stable, all vitals within norm. Some were asleep, but others were awake. They didn't have any major complaints; the analgetics were working. More than ten of the injured required additional surgeries, mostly organ reconstruction. Over half of those treatments Law could perform by the patient's bed, especially rebuilding the damaged muscles and bones that he'd had to completely removed. He decided to take care of it in the evening, once he was done with the neurological patients, whom he preferred to treat in the operating theatre. He wrote a provisional schedule and handed it to the nurse - they were to start in twenty minutes - and returned to the hall to go down again.
He was about to enter the lift when he heard, "Law, wait!"
He turned around to see Clione, approaching from the psychiatric said. Seeing him stirred some unpleasant emotion, and Law frowned, remembering the conversation they'd had yesterday... the conversation that had been cut off by the alarm in the worst moment. Or maybe it was the best moment? he wondered distractedly. He had an absurd thought that, had he'd known he would land in psychoanalysis... he would have rather chosen a date. However, he didn't want to think of it now... not when he had much more important things to do.
"I have surgeries. I can't talk now," he said, holding the door of the lift nevertheless.
"Then, at least we'll go downstairs together," the psychiatrist replied.
Law said nothing, only pressed the button with 1. He felt uncomfortable... that was, more than usually around Clione. He hoped the psychiatrist wouldn't bring up the yesterday's topic - after a busy night he had too good mood and didn't want it to be spoiled - but he could feel the colleague's penetrating gaze and prepared for the worst. The lift was moving terribly slowly.
"Are you all right?" Clione asked. "I heard you operated the whole night..."
"I'm fine," Law replied, shrugging.
Clione nodded. "We organised the psychological assistance on Segvel for the injured and their relatives," he said. "They need it very much... It was a real massacre, over thirty fatalities..." He rubbed his forehead. "Our team is still there, I suppose they'll stay at least until tomorrow... It's a good thing that I was still in work yesterday. And that you had just treated our patients. Thanks to that, the ward is very quiet, so I could dispatch most of the staff members. A blessing in disguise."
Law glanced at him. The psychiatrist looked tired, and even more than him. "Did you sleep?" he asked reluctantly.
"I did," came the short answer.
The lift stopped at the first floor. Law nodded to his colleague and left... but he turned around and stopped the closing door. "Thanks, Clione," he said sincerely.
The psychiatrist stared at him in surprise, then gave him a warm smile and raised one hand with his thumb up. "Thank you too," he replied. "Good job."
The lift door closed without a sound. Law headed for his operating theatre. He expected it to be empty today; the secretary must have notified Shachi and Penguin that the scheduled surgeries were cancelled. It seemed to Law, too, that they both had been working last night in the emergency unit, so he was certain they were sleeping off now... Well, he would organise himself other help.
Much to his surprise, his both assistants were present. Shachi was yawning terribly, while Penguin was staring blankly ahead, an empty paper cup in his hand, but they jumped to their feet upon seeing him... or, rather, dragged themselves up from their stools.
"First question: did you get any rest?" he asked.
"Yeah..." Penguin answered.
"We knew you wouldn't sleep longer than three hours, boss," Shachi added and yawned again. "And that you would want to operate today."
"You were up all night?"
"Yeah..." Penguin muttered.
"And then you slept? Here?" Law asked, disbelief and irony mixing in his voice. They both nodded. Law rolled his eyes. "You know what, three hours is enough for me, but not for you. You are to return home and not show your faces around here until tomorrow. It's the director's order," he raised his voice when they both objected.
"And I already drank a coffee," Penguin complained.
"It'll help you get to your own bed," Law retorted.
"But couldn't you stimulate us a bit, boss? You know, adrenaline, dopamine, and all..." Shachi suggested hopefully.
Law, however, was merciless. "We see each other tomorrow at 8 AM sharp. Get a good rest, because we have to make up for today," he announced.
Reluctantly, Shachi and Penguin moved to the exit. Shachi muttered something under his breath between the yawns, and Penguin tried to throw the paper mug to the trash bin, but he succeeded only at his third attempt. It convinced Law that he'd made the right choice, sending those two home. Exhausted staff was the last thing he needed during the major surgery. He called to the surgery ward and requested two rested nurses to assist him. They came in a few minutes, and then the first patient arrived from the neurology. In the meantime, Law contacted his secretary and requested her to pass the message to all heads of the departments; they should pick up everyone who had stayed in hospital despite having worked in the emergency unit last night, and send them home immediately. There could be more daredevils like Shachi and Penguin, although he preferred to believe that most of his workers had followed the voice of reason and were now resting.
Regeneration of the brain tissue wasn't the easier procedure in the world, but it was still perfectly possible with the Ope Ope no Mi. Many patients had suffered from the skull injuries causing the destruction of the entire fragments of brain; there were also three with severed spinal cord. In their cases, Law had to rebuild the neurons or even cultivate new ones. He didn't have such moral dilemmas like in psychiatry. He considered the possible personality change as an acceptable 'side effect'. No-one could function with the severe deficit in the cortex, that was obvious, so its regeneration took priority over psychological questions.
These surgeries were completely different than those he'd performed last night. There was no need to rush, and he could focus on one patient at a time. He was no longer saving life, only health. There was no need to enhance his organism or stimulate his nervous system; his basic reserves and activity level were enough. Patiently and systematically, he was repairing the brain tissue, careful to make no mistakes. He precisely recreated the nerve fibres and attached them to their corresponding cells. The reconstruction of an eye was an interesting challenge that ended in a full success and, Law hoped, the patient's satisfaction.
It was nearly 8 PM when he was done with the neurological patients. He had a quick dinner in the canteen, interrupted by brief congratulations and words of thanks from those workers who had dared to approach him, and then set about treating those patients he didn't need any assist with. He cautiously calculated he should finish today, which he rejoiced; he couldn't relax as long as there were patients who needed his intervention.
It was almost midnight when he deactivated the Ope Ope no Mi for the last time. The patient with an extensive abdomen injury had got a new liver and a spleen along with the substantial part of his digestive tract, and was now sleeping, unaware of the changes that had happened to his body. Law rose from the chair... and the darkness fell.
He opened his eyes and realised he was lying on the couch in the room of the doctor on duty... probably of the surgery ward, for it was where he'd been treating his last patient. Instinctively, he reached to the Ope Ope no Mi, but before he managed to say, 'ROOM', a furry hand fell on his forehead.
"Don't check, everything is fine with you... At least as much as possible in this situation," Bepo said, and when Law tilted his head back, he saw the mink, sitting on the armrest. "You've already used the Ope Ope no Mi too much."
Law ignored that comment and activated his Devil Fruit. He had to make sure everything was okay with his organism himself. It was.
"How long was I unconscious?" he asked.
"Some twenty minutes," Bepo replied. "Though I'd rather it be twenty hours," he added sourly.
"Nonsense."
"How long did you sleep today? Three hours?" the mink asked, obviously displeased.
Law ignored that, either. "Who knows about it?" he inquired.
"Surgeon on duty and both nurses on the night shift. One of them was in the corridor when she heard a thud coming from the patient's room. She almost panicked, seeing you unconscious on the floor. Fortunately, the doctor was free at the moment, so he examined you and ordered to bring you here. And called for me."
Law covered his eyes with his arm and suppressed a curse... There was no point denying what had happened. He'd fainted, and that was all.
"Well, right... Save for short breaks, I was using the Ope Ope no Mi for some forty hours straight," he muttered.
"Hey, you're suddenly so agreeable it's creepy," now there was clear suspicion in Bepo's voice.
"Well, everyone knows that using it affects my strength," Law admitted reluctantly. "Apparently, three hours of sleep is too little to regenerate fully..."
"I could tell you as much myself."
"Fortunately, it was a really unique situation. Disasters don't happen every day," Law stated the truth and sat up, putting his feet on the floor. As he expected, he didn't feel dizzy.
"Hey..."
"I'm going to bed," he declared. "Tomorrow... I mean, today I'm going to have a hell of a lot of work."
"You're not thinking about working normally, are you?" Bepo asked in disbelief.
Law looked at him, frowning. "Of course I am," he replied coldly but then added in a more gentle voice, "Don't worry, I'm fine and-"
"You should have rested today," Bepo interrupted him with anger. "But you slept just a moment and resumed working, like a total moron. Only to faint on the ward, in the end."
"I finished already," Law pointed out.
"Does it change anything? When are you going to finally look after yourself? After you faint during treatment? On the operating table or the patient's bed?"
Law shrugged. "It's not going to happen. Now I'm off to sleep, okay? You're overreacting."
The mink clenched his jaws and averted his eyes. He seemed really upset.
"Bepo. I'm a doctor. I know my organism and my condition the best," Law said in a serious voice. It was really so. "And thanks to the Ope Ope no Mi my body has much greater endurance. You may consider me as... some kind of superhuman," he stated, and those words sounded stupid only spoken aloud.
Bepo stared at him in disbelief. Law wanted to know what the mink thought... and then decided he was happier without knowing. He averted his eyes, but he was still aware of Bepo's gaze.
"You think it's worth it?" the mink asked in the end, and there was some disappointment in his tone.
"I save lives. Of course it's worth it!" Law snorted.
Bepo shook his head. "I'm a doctor, too. And I too save lives... but I'm also your friend," he said, clearly trying to remain calm. "And I think that if I had to choose between you and someone else... then I would choose you, after all. I'm sorry, but I don't want to see my friend work himself to death...!"
Those words reminded Law the conversation with Clione from yesterday... and all previous ones he'd had with other people, always aiming at the same topic. He felt the good mood that had been accompanying him for the whole day bust like a bubble, when a sudden thought struck him: no matter what he did, no matter how he tried, he met only with criticism. The greatest doctor in the world? Miracle-medic? If that was so, then why everyone, instead of appreciating him, kept coming down on him and flooding him with their demands? They admired and respected him? Valued his work? When? Laughable. How could he believe it, if there was so much inconsistency in what they said and did?
And even if he realised, with some part of his mind, that he was distorting and bending the picture to suit his needs, he didn't feel like giving it a sober assessment. Emotions wanted to explode, and no warning voice of the reason could stop them. Grievance was too strong.
"Why do you always say only that?!" he shouted angrily. "Every one of you. I can't but think you only wait that I really drop dead. And then you will be finally happy, damn you!"
"Stop it. Of course we don't-"
"I don't know how many times should I tell you I'm all right! You could trust me, okay? But don't expect that I suddenly change how I live my life. You know me. You know my way of doing things. Don't try to turn me into someone else. I'm not going to give up what is important to me, only because you don't like it!"
Bepo was staring at him in silence that fell between them, so thick it could be cut with a scalpel and so empty one could hear the sweep hand of the clock on the table. With every tick and every noiseless breath, Law felt worse. His heart was beating too fast and too hard, and he clenched his fists, although it was much too late to try and compose himself... too late to do anything. Right after he'd finished, he knew he shouldn't have spoken that way, regardless of the situation. Even if he really thought so... he shouldn't have said those things to Bepo, of all people. For some reason, however, apology stuck in his throat, and thus he kept silent, with his gaze fixed on the floor.
"I said too much," the mink finally spoke in a cold, emotionless voice after the whole infinity had passed, and then he continued, his every word drilling into Law's conscience, "You're right, I went too far. It was a hard day for all of us, and I made a mountain out of the molehill. I should have chosen my words better."
Like always, he was the first to fix the situation, and Law, with self-contempt, realised he'd counted exactly for that. In fact, Bepo wasn't at fault here... and yet he was ready to take the blame, so that they didn't part on bad terms. What he'd just said... It was something that should have came from Law, every single word. Law was painfully aware of that... and yet he did nothing, didn't make a single gesture, didn't answer Bepo's goodwill in any way. He only pressed his lips in a thin line and kept staring at the floor, without even seeing it.
"Don't let me keep you. You were going to bed," the mink said, rising from the armrest. "Good night. See you tomorrow." He left, closing the door softly behind him.
Law put both elbows on his knees and rubbed his face with both hands. He didn't remember the last time he'd been so frustrated with himself. He kept sitting like that for a longer while, then jumped to his feet and headed for the lift.
He wondered briefly it it wouldn't be better if Bepo finally, even once, got really mad at him, instead of always succumbing to him and retreating diplomatically. Maybe it would finally sober him and put him straight... Then he came to the conclusion he couldn't possibly be more pathetic. He was an adult man, and responsibility for his actions was only his. He couldn't expect anyone else tell him what to do. He didn't want it; he'd just yelled it in Bepo's face... and he felt terribly mortified by having done so.
Deep inside, however, he knew that even if Bepo lost his patience with him and stopped forgiving him everything... he would probably accept it and leave it be. It led to an unpleasant conclusion that he merely tolerated people around him, not felt attached to them... Not that it was any news. Even if Bepo was his closest friend, he wasn't someone Law necessarily needed in his life, no matter how cruel or ungrateful it was on his part. He didn't feel good with that... but that was how he felt. He knew he didn't deserve others' affection, for he couldn't reciprocate it. Maybe it was why their concern infuriated him so much.
Again, he remembered what Clione had told him yesterday. The damned psychiatrist was every inch right, even if Law hadn't yet reached all conclusions himself... mostly because he didn't like to think of his own psyche and hardly ever did so. Either way, it was true that he didn't see any other sense in his life than his work, and if he were to work himself to death... then so be it. Nothing others might say could affect his resolve and his actions. Those people weren't important enough to make him value their views over his own. In his life, there was no such people anymore...
The room he used to sleep in was quiet and dark, but he could see the outline of the window. He approached it and opened, letting the cold, autumn air inside. He stared at the sea, spreading before his eyes in the infinite black, devoid of any light. He took himself a chair and sat down, resting the cheek on the cold sill. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of waves. He could no longer stop his thought that ran it that specific direction, even if he was perfectly aware he would feel worse, and that was why he hardly ever let himself do so...
Once, there was a man in his life, who could change his destiny. One man who hadn't cared at all about his furious objections, only determinedly and stubbornly had paved the new way for him. Man who had spared no laughter and tears, no sweat and blood to help him. Man who had pulled him out of death with teeth and claws and fought for his soul until his last breath. Man who had loved him so strongly and so deeply that he hadn't hesitated even on the very last crossing of his life, only had rushed headlong with a smile of a certain victory to save him and guarantee he would live, and Law still didn't know... didn't understand why.
Cora-san.
A familiar pain spread in his chest, squeezing his heart and choking him. Cora-san was the only man who could stop him on this path leading to the inevitable self-destruction... If he appeared here, said it was all wrong, called Law a moron and ordered him to stop... then Law wouldn't hesitate a second. If Cora-san asked that, Law would close this hospital up and never use the Ope Ope no Mi again. If Cora-san were here, everything else would be of no importance.
But Cora-san had been dead for twenty-six years, and Law knew better than anyone else that there was no point in conjecturing, for some wishes just couldn't be fulfilled. In place of the man who had saved him, he had the Ope Ope no Mi and life devoid of hope. He could use it only in one way. It was simply 'this for that'... even if he'd never asked for such an exchange.
He kept sitting by the window until the cold swept into his bones; still, it wasn't any bitter than the pain crushing his heart. In the end, nothing had changed, and his life hadn't turned any more pleasant, but he hadn't expected that. Yet, even if nothing could console him... realising that tomorrow wouldn't be worse than today helped a bit. He went to bed, knowing he wouldn't have any dreams tonight either.