This wasn't the one shot I had wanted to post this week, but I didn't get time to write that one, so I thought I'd post a little episode tag kind of introspective piece instead.

Characters/ Season: Sam, Dean, Cas, Jack, and Mary/ Season 13

Genre: light angst, family

Rating: K

Nightmare Rituals

Tag to 13x23: Everyone needs some time to adjust after coming back from the alternate universe.

There was always an adjustment period after a traumatic experience, Sam would think he was an old hat at that by now, but yet, it never seemed to get any easier. New nightmares only ever seemed to drudge up old ones, and make the recovery even longer and more painful to go through.

It was obvious that they were all going to need some time to adjust after coming back from the apocalypse world, but Sam felt that he in particular just couldn't bring himself to feel completely at ease again.

Yes, he had left Lucifer in the alternate universe again, but…the last time they'd done that, it hadn't exactly been permanent. And Sam just had the nagging feeling that he was going to show up again, perhaps while they were out on a hunt, or in town, grabbing food.

Or worse, Sam would wake up from one of his nightmares, and find Lucifer looming over him, red eyes glowing gleefully, just like he had when the evil archangel had brought him back to life in that cave.

That was what he usually dreamed of now. Dying, dragged away from Dean, from his family, as they screamed for him, and he faded. He had felt the vampires feeding off of him…he'd never died like that before and it had been horrific. And then when he had woken up to find Lucifer there, he had thought he was back in the cage. It had been just like when Lucifer would carve the life out of him over and over and over again and then bring him back whole to start all over. And Sam had only agreed to lead him back to camp, as much as he hated to admit it, because he knew Lucifer would have done the exact same thing. He never would have stopped until Sam had given him what he wanted. He would have let the vampires kill him again and again until Sam was finally too destroyed to tell him no, to have to experience that again.

So, yes, it was understandable that he slept poorly now, even though they were safe, back home in their bunker.

But yet…he knew he wasn't alone. Some nightmares might take more time to fade, especially the ones built from truth, but on more than one occasion, Sam had woken to find Dean slumped in a chair beside his bed, or was shaken from a dream by a familiar hand gripping his shoulder, sometimes stroking aside his sweaty hair when his brother thought he was still asleep.

It was enough for Sam to know he wasn't still back there, despite the games his mind played, that he was safe. And though that wasn't much in the scheme of things, it helped.

XXX

Dean and nightmares were old acquaintances. It was easier to count the nights he didn't have nightmares than otherwise. And of course now was no different, it would never be different. Especially if Dean had to keep almost losing people. Hell, he had just about gotten over seeing Cas and Mom dead in his dreams, but now he was seeing his little brother. Again. But this time…dammit, Dean wasn't about to rank their deaths or anything, but Sam jumping into the Cage, it had been painful, definitely, but it wasn't nearly as horrific as seeing his brother set upon by vampires, only feet away from him, and Dean unable to do anything about it. Hearing his little brother call out for him to help and not being able to fly to his aid…that was his worst nightmare, and when it had come true…

Needless to say, Dean wasn't doing much sleeping these days. Most of the time, he would wander the halls of the bunker, but always ended up in Sam's room at some point, brought there by his brother's own nightmares. Most of the time, he would just soothe him into a deeper sleep, something they'd always been able to do, a simple touch to the shoulder to reassure them both that the other was there and anchored to the real world. Sometimes after a particularly bad nightmare, Dean wouldn't be able to leave, so he would pull up a chair and nod off to the beautiful sound of Sam's breathing.

But they weren't the only ones suffering either. Dean knew Mom was having trouble adjusting as well, and why wouldn't she be? She'd just barely gotten used to being back from the dead before she was thrown into an alternate universe, where she was kidnapped and tortured by a psycho angel and then lived on the run in something out of an apocalyptic war movie storyline. He couldn't imagine everything she had seen, but he knew it was bad—it was always bad.

And the kid…Jack had always been so innocent, and in so many ways he still was, but…Dean had seen a dullness in his eyes since he had come back, since he had met his father, and then Lucifer had been left in the alternate universe.

Dean would sometimes find his way to Jack's room during the night as well, if Sam or Cas weren't already there. The young nephillim didn't sleep much, but when he did, it always seemed to be burdened with nightmares.

Dean had grown fond of the kid, and knowing he hadn't been able to protect him from the horrors of war like that, when Jack was still so young... it had broken something inside of him. Seeing Jack so distant, the new anger he exerted on hunts, he would be more worried about Jack's lineage if he didn't see the signs for what they were. He'd been through it before, and so had Sam and Cas. Jack reminded him of himself after he had gotten back from Purgatory. Maybe the kid had PTSD, maybe he was just hardened, but Dean knew he was suffering in his nightmares and the only thing they could do for him was make sure he knew he wasn't alone.

One night, Dean had woken from his own fitful sleep to find his door slightly open and Jack standing there. He was ashamed to admit that his first reaction had been fear, but after seeing the torment in the kid's eyes, he quickly cast that aside.

"I'm sorry," Jack had told him. "I just…wanted to make sure you and the others were all right. When Michael captured me, he…" He had trailed off, unable to finish.

Dean nodded then, understanding completely. "Don't worry about it, Jack. I'm sure that dick messed with your head. You do what you gotta."

Jack nodded and looked like he was about to leave before he turned back. "How do you…how do you make the bad dreams go away?" he asked in a soft, almost pleading voice.

Dean felt a lump start in his throat. "I wish I knew, kid. I wish I knew."

XXX

Castiel didn't sleep, but that didn't mean he couldn't suffer nightmares in his own way. There were long hours of the night he sat and rested, and more often than not, the bad memories came to haunt him.

The knowledge that he had failed to protect Jack like he had promised Kelly ate at him continually. Just seeing what the boy had obviously gone through in Michael's apocalypse world made Castiel's chest ache. The pain, the loss, Jack had suffered was something that was hard to bear for a seasoned soldier like Castiel, let alone someone so young and innocent.

And then he had failed to save Sam too, in that cave. Leaving him there had been one of the hardest things Castiel had ever been forced to do, and the only reason he had was because he knew if he hadn't, if he had fought, then Dean would have been fighting right along side of him and then he would have lost both of his dear friends that day, and perhaps his own life as well. The only thing that had torn him from Sam's side had been the thought of saving Dean.

But now he had also lost Gabriel, just when he had gotten his older brother back, and that hurt more than Castiel could bare to mention even to the Winchesters. He hadn't seen Gabriel's demise, but he recalled the look in Sam and Dean's eyes when they had come through the rift without him. How Sam's hand went to his shoulder with that pained look in his eyes, and Dean's jaw tightened when it did before he relayed bad news. Perhaps the hardest part of it was that he had still expected Gabriel to pop up, cheerily shouting "Not Dead!" because that's what he always did.

Maybe he was even scared of the fact that Gabriel might be trapped in the alternate world still, alive, but unable to come back, stuck there with Michael and Lucifer. Castiel didn't know what was really worse, he just knew that he was exhausted from the haunting, painful memories from that place.

And even now, he heard all of his family suffering from the nightmares born of horrors most humans wouldn't even be able to fathom in their lifetime, and he could do nothing but offer comfort where he could and even that was no permanent fix.

Castiel would give anything to be able to take away the pain that his family suffered.

XXX

But though tough times can be hard to get through, sometimes, they bring people closer too.

Some nights, when no one slept, there was an unspoken invitation where everyone made their way, sometimes in pairs, sometimes at different times of the night, into the library. Dean or Sam might wake, unable to fall back asleep and come to simply sit with Cas, the silent companionship and reassurance that the other was alive helping to dull the terror of the nightmares. Sometimes, Jack would join them, quietly, almost sheepishly creeping in, if he was not joined by Sam or Mary wrapping a protective arm around his shoulders. Sometimes Mary would make tea or hot chocolate for everyone and the warming drinks helped to chase away the icy fear that had wormed its way inside the warriors who had stood to defend everything, and had suffered greatly so that others didn't have to.

They rarely ever spoke, because it was more just knowing everyone was safe and sound that helped. Most of the time, they just sat and read and drank cocoa; on particularly bad nights, Dean might put on a funny movie to fill the silence.

These were the rituals that helped the heroes to bring themselves back from the abyss. They might be simple, but sometimes it was really the small, simple thing that could be the most effective in chasing away the darkness in the end. And it was a reminder, that, even after everything they had lost over the years, they still had their family, and in the end, that was all that really mattered.