Chapter 91
Avalina sat in her garden, watching in awe.
The past weeks had seemed to pass by so quickly. . .she and the Horned King talking for hours every night had became a regular thing, and he was teaching her so much, coupled with the library, sometimes she didn't think she would be able to contain it all. Creeper had finally started calling the gwythaint by a nickname he had grudgingly thought up with Avalina's help (Addie, which Avalina couldn't help but tease the goblin and point out that it meant, "Noble," which was marvelously appropriate) and Mitternacht was as fit and sound as he had ever been.
But that hadn't been the most amazing part. At least a month and a half ago, Avalina had started seeing insects in her garden. The first living things that had came onto the Horned King's lands of their own accord. There weren't many, but she had seen some ants and beetles of some sort or another, and a couple of ladybugs here and there. It wasn't much, but it was definitely something.
And only a couple of weeks ago, Avalina had simply been sitting there, when a little bird, no bigger than her thumb and the color of tree bark, had lit down in the grass and started digging for worms. She had stayed perfectly still as, after a while, that one little bird was followed by a few more.
Now, Avalina could count around a dozen different ones that came regularly, give or take, and she had seen the worms they pulled up. They had became used to her presence and would chirp at her, hopping close enough for her to reach out and touch, although she never tried.
The wind was cooler today than normal, and the sun seemed brighter, but it didn't feel quite as hot as it had a while back.
Avalina closed her eyes for a moment to breathe it in, before glancing unbidden over at Prydain's rolling hills.
They weren't quite as green as they had been a few weeks ago. They had taken on a rather bright tint, as summer began to recede and make way for the next season in line.
The massive, beautiful forests on all sides of her that had used to be completely green, speckled with beautiful flowers, were now innumerable shades of orange, red, and yellow, as if the sunset had been snatched from the sky and all its colors hurled to earth by an unseen hand. The bright green grass that had grown and spread for many yards around where Avalina had originally started her little garden was now turning a soft gold, fading ever so slowly into brown.
Mitternacht grazed contentedly, grabbing the shorter green sprouts that still came up between the taller, dead grasses like a picky child would only eat the things on their plate they liked.
Avalina felt her heart ache dully as she looked on, out past the lake, out toward the treeline in the distance. All she had to do was close her eyes, and for the briefest of moments, she was riding Mitternacht up through those hills to the ridge behind her house, out to her secret place, or riding back to the farm, helping Arran scythe hay or some other chore.
She could pretend she was home.
Mitternacht nuzzled her shoulder, loudly chomping a mouthful of grass, shaking her out of her depressing line of thought.
"Thanks for ruining the moment, boy," she told him, mildly annoyed, before the grass stems tickled her face and made her laugh.
"I love you too, Mitternacht," she told him, smiling.
"You're a portable piece of home, you know that?"
Mitternacht reached down to grab another massive mouthful, before bringing his head up again and trying to shove his nose into her arms.
"You big softie," she told him affectionately, scratching that one place behind his ears, "You always know how to make me feel better."
The horse groaned and stopped chewing for a moment, leaning into her touch.
"Mitternacht, it's all so strange," she told him, "So very strange. I don't know whether to hate how I'm thinking, or accept it."
Mitternacht began to crop the grass near her, listening.
"I've been following my own advice, you know," she explained, "I've been trying to only create my opinion of the Horned King on how he has treated me the past while. And now I don't know what to think and I'm thoroughly confused. My opinion of him now is so different from what I used to think, I'm not sure my past self would recognize me anymore. I'm sure other people would think I've gone mad."
She sighed.
"He's. . .different than how he used to be. He still frightens me, but when we talk. . .it's like I forget to be scared of him, at least for a while. It's like I'm talking to an average person instead of a bloodthirsty, undead warlord."
She leaned back on her hands, staring at the sky.
"I used to hate the Horned King for everything he's done, I think I still could if I think about it too long. Knowing his reputation, I'm actually not thinking as badly of him as I think I should. In a way I feel guilty because I know what he is, Mitternacht. I know what he's done, what he would have done if he had succeeded, and here I am, not hating him for it like I feel I should be. He's killed so many people. . ."
Avalina trembled, frightened at the memory, before continuing.
"But then again, if I try to hate him for it, I feel guilty all over again because he has treated me almost kindly this past while, and repaying him with anything other than gratitude would feel so wrong. I don't know what I'm really supposed to do. If he were anyone else, I might consider him a friend."
Mitternacht looked up at her temporarily, before sticking his muzzle back into the grass.
"He's so lonely, Mitternacht. So very lonely. And I keep sensing such a desperation around him, it's depressing. And his anger that he carries frightens me. His hate. And his weariness."
Avalina shivered.
"He's got so much of those. I find myself wishing constantly that I could make them go away. I wish I could chase them far away from him, far enough away that they would never come back. But it's like those emotions and he are one and the same, and he doesn't want to let go of them. I can hardly discern one from the other, and I can't do anything to get rid of them. But oh, how I wish I could!"
*I'm not strong enough to stay away
Can't run from you
I'd just run back to you
Like a moth I'm drawn into your flame*
Avalina drew her knees up to her chest as she kept talking.
"In a way, Mitternacht, I want to stay as far away from him as possible. He still frightens me. But I don't have anywhere to go, and I'm so lonely. It's nothing against you, but I do long to hear a human voice now and then. Even if it's not really a human talking. I find myself wanting to spend more time around him. Maybe it's because he's the only other living human-like creature around here. Other than Creeper, of course."
*You say my name
But it's not the same*
Avalina stiffened slightly at the memory.
"I can remember the first time he said my name. It terrified me to no end. But now when he says it, it's. . .different. Still scary, but it's like he's saying it to a person instead of a prisoner. You know what I mean?"
Mitternacht blew into the grass, watching her through his thick forelock.
*You look in my eyes
And I freeze inside
And my soul surrenders
And you bring my heart to its knees*
"Every time he looks at me I feel so small," she continued.
"And I can't help feeling just as sorry for him as I am afraid. Goodness, that sounds crazy."
*And it's killing me when you're away
And I wanna leave and I wanna stay
So confused, so hard to choose
Between the pleasure and the pain*
"But then, whenever I'm not around him, Mitternacht, I can't help but feel lonely, and I want to go back and talk to him some more. Is that stupid of me?"
Mitternacht regarded her calmly, sniffing her knees.
"I wish I could go home so badly," she told him, "But at the same time. . .a small part of me wants to stay here. Even at home, there wasn't anyone I could really talk to that would actually listen to me, and the Horned King does. I know he does, and he pays attention when I talk, and he's actually interested in what I have to say. My family sometimes doesn't listen. And I've never had a chance to read or play music so much, and I enjoy it a lot. A whole lot. And I've gotten to ride a gwythaint too! Not many people can say that they've even seen one, let alone rode one!"
*And I know it's wrong and I know it's right
And even if I tried to win the fight
My heart would overrule my mind
And I'm not strong enough to stay away*
"My head tells me that I'm feeling all the wrong things, but my heart's telling me I'm doing the right thing by trying to talk to him and such. But even if my head tried really hard to win, Mitternacht, I don't think it would get anywhere fast."
Avalina gave a soft smile as she remembered the wolf incident.
"My heart told me to take him back, and I hated the decision at the time, but now I'm almost glad about it."
The wind suddenly gave a sharp burst before calming, and Avalina shivered again, goosebumps rising on her arms, as she looked toward the west to see the sun slipping under the horizon, taking all its warmth with it.
Standing up, she rubbed her arms, realizing how chilled she felt, before picking up Mitternacht's lead rope and snapping it onto his halter, before swinging up herself.
"Come on boy, let's get back, it's getting chilly."
As they turned toward the castle, a flurry of orange and red leaves blew through the air, riding the breeze, and showered all around them like falling stars.
Mitternacht snorted into the wind, giving a small rear and pawing the air in excitement.
Avalina gripped him tight and laughed aloud, feeling her joy well up again.
Autumn was here.
"Get out."
The goblin fled from the room like his life depended on it, and the Horned King irritably drew a red X through village number two on his map.
'Two down,' he thought, clenching his fist tightly, keeping his anger under control with an effort.
The goblin and the gwythaint (Which Avalina, true to her word, had finally named something but he hadn't cared to remember) had thoroughly scouted out two of the four village possibilities over the course of a couple of months, and had came up thoroughly empty handed on both. That left two more, and who knew how many brush farmers there were scattered all around out there.
The strong wind from the open window ruffled the map, and the Horned King set the ink bottle down on the corner to hold it in place, before walking to the window.
He had not noticed until now just how colorful the landscape had became, how bright, and he drew a deep breath of fresh air as he stared out.
Words could never describe just how pleasant it was to be able to smell again, taste again. . .he wondered why the abilities had suddenly decided to return to him. Nothing had brought it on that he could think of.
Even from this distance, he could already see gaps in the treetops where a few leaves were missing, and his eyes narrowed in frustrated anger.
Without the cover of the trees, sending the goblin out now would be nearly impossible. The Horned King could estimate he would have maybe a month left before he couldn't send him scouting at all. If it had just been the goblin, it would not be such a problem, but trying to hide a winged predator the size of a horse while ordering his servant to remain unseen, all without the cover of leaves and undergrowth, was contradictory to each other and only asking for trouble.
Having the goblin use the horse would have been a much better option, but the Horned King dismissed the thought as quickly as it came.
From what Avalina had told him, the horse and goblin hated each other with a burning passion, and that had been putting it mildly. The animal would tolerate the Creeper while Avalina was around, but he had never dared to come close to the animal and Avalina hadn't tried to ease the horse's distrust of the goblin.
When the Horned King had asked why, she said the horse was waiting on the goblin to apologize and she had no right to interfere until he did so. If she did, that would only make things worse between the two of them. The Horned King had silently agreed.
Of course, the Horned King could always force the goblin to ride the horse, but he had a feeling there wouldn't be enough of Creeper to go back for another round. He was the only servant-scout he had at this point, and losing him would be a hard blow in the lich's search for the pig-keeper. And he did not think Avalina would approve at all.
Avalina. Her name alone could ease some of the monotony away from his mind.
She had taken to reading to him at night after supper in the library, and he thoroughly enjoyed listening to her. Her reading out loud had vastly improved over the course of the weeks, and now she could rattle off the words with less slip ups in the story.
The Horned King enjoyed those sessions. He found that spending time with her at all was rather pleasant. The massive stone on his chest seemed to leave whenever he was in her presence, and her aura would flow around and over him, brimming with Life. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before.
And it felt rather enjoyable.
He had noticed that her fear of him had dwindled to an all-time low, which pleased him more than he would have thought possible. Instead of feeling irritated or angry about it, he realized his actions the past couple of months or so had actually been encouraging this. And he had made no move to turn it around.
He knew he could. It would be so easy. . .
The Cauldron whispered at him mockingly, and he shoved it away as best he could.
*Each day I'm Hell
Everyone can tell
By the look on my face*
The Cauldron tormented him constantly. It had increased rather than dissipated, the more time he spent with the girl, and his only peace from them was when he was in Avalina's presence. They would leave for a little while, but the instant he departed from her the whispers and the flashbacks would settle down over his shoulders like a thick, suffocating blanket.
Which would only serve to sink him lower into the desperation he felt he was drowning in, among other things. They gave him no peace.
Not that he deserved any.
*Not one day goes by
That I don't wonder why
Don't believe it's Fate*
The massive improbability of his task settled even more into his mind every moment he was away from her, and he was reminded of just what he had to do to save himself. But then he realized that in truth, she held his Fate in her hands, although she did not realize it.
*I'm not strong enough to stay away
What can I do?
I would die without you*
The Horned King knew that if he could not get her to love him before his time was up, his soul was as good as dead.
*In your presence my heart knows no shame
I'm not to blame
Cause you bring my heart to its knees*
She was so easy to talk to. . .so easy, in fact, that often he forgot who he was, and would talk with her as readily as any other might. He refused to hold himself accountable for his near-constant lapses into that state. Her aura, her presence was so strong, he felt unworthy of her presence everytime she was near.
*And it's killing me when you're away
And I wanna leave and I wanna stay
So confused, so hard to choose,
Between the pleasure and the pain
I'm not strong enough to stay away*
But she was the only thing that brought him enjoyment anymore. He had nothing to do nearly all of the time and was profoundly bored whenever he was away from her. Then he would become angry at himself for actually wanting to be in her presence. Because since when did the Horned King get lonely? Since when did he yearn for companionship of any kind, let alone a human? Conflicted though he may be, it still didn't stop him from staying around Avalina whenever she was inside the castle and wanted to talk to him.
*I can't escape
Only your love can save me*
The Horned King realized that Avalina had completely cornered him, without either of them realizing it.
*You're the only one that matters and the only one for me
Now I'm lonelier than ever
Only your love can save me*
And to his surprise, he realized that maybe he might have wanted company like this for quite some time. He could not remember the last time he had an actual conversation with someone.
*I've wanted this forever
But I want you all for me
You can put me back together
Only your love can save me*
It had been several weeks since he had seen Avalina looking back toward Prydain, and he could not help the anger that crept up inside him at the memory. He did not understand. She was plainly happy here, so why did she want to go back?
He had done a very good job of keeping the little voice at bay on the matter and he planned to continue to do so.
He did not know when the little voice had returned to him. He had not heard it in centuries, but it had returned to him and was almost as annoying as the Invisibles.
Almost.
He had been informed this morning by the servants he had eleven moons remaining. Not exactly a pleasant thought.
*You're the only one that matters
And the only one for me
You can put me back together
Only your love can save me.*
Gosh, this chapter was hard to write XD. I have no idea why LOL. Anyway, the songs I used are Save Me by My Darkest Days and Not Strong Enough by Apocalyptia. I thought they went well with how the characters were feeling right now XD
Please review!