He found her eventually. He had been keeping an eye out as he moved around the hospital but patients came first and ultimately, his attention was redirected. He was passing by Glassman's office to head to the conference room for a pre-op meeting when he saw her. She was sat opposite Dr. Glassman and they were discussing something quite animatedly.

He walked on by, took his seat and waited for the meeting to begin. The attending in charge ran through what was expected of each of them during the procedure the next day and sent them away to complete the final bits of research and reading they might need.

They were dismissed after about an hour and there she was, waiting in the hall. He smiled cautiously and went over to say hi. He decided against kissing her on the cheek as a greeting but stood close enough that they could share a soft touch discreetly if the conversation went that way.

They stood, leaning against the wall, looking at each other. Both of them wanting the other to start talking first.

"What are you doing here Jessica?" Neil finally asked, breaking the stalemate.

"I just came by to see Aaron, I like to check in on him in person now and again" she replied flatly. "And thought I'd surprise you and we could catch up too, but apparently you were busy" she said sarcastically.

"Really? Why are you pissed at me exactly? " he asked, frowning.

"Dr Lim" she said abruptly.

"What about her?"

"What's going on with you two?" she quizzed him.

"Nothing! She's a friend and a colleague, that's all" he replied, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Nothing more?" she pushed.

"No, nothing more" he replied incredulously. "Besides, she's married. I'm not that kind of guy, haven't you realised that by now?" he said, getting frustrated at being questioned.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry" she said trying to contain the volume of the conversation. "I guess I didn't like hearing gossip, that's all. I didn't like the thought of you with somebody else" she sighed.

This did nothing to curtail his frustration. "And where exactly were you last week, after your exams had finished?" he countered. "Celebrating weren't you?"

"You know I was" she snapped.

"With who?" he pushed back.

She did not reply, she just slumped slightly against the wall. He didn't enjoy seeing her looking defeated but he couldn't seem to let go.

"So, it's one rule for you, and another for me then?" he said questioningly. "You can do whatever you like, and I have to wait around for you to show up and show me a good time when you feel like it? Hardly an equal relationship is it? Hardly a relationship at all really, don't you think?"

The look on her face shocked him. He had shocked himself with the amount of venom behind the last few words.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly. "That was too much."

"But you're right" she said holding back the tears that were filling her eyes. "It's not fair" she agreed.

As if being saved by the bell, Neil's pager began to sound signalling the end of the conversation. He turned to leave but she reached out to touch his arm.

"Can we talk more later?" she asked with a hopeful look on her face.

"Sure, I'll call you later" he replied before heading for the stairwell.

X

He spent the rest of his shift focused on his patients. He swung by the lobby to get himself a coffee and stood a moment in the relative peace watching the final preparations for tomorrow's Gala. He took a long draw of the hot, vanilla flavoured liquid and closed his eyes to savour the flavour.

Seconds later, he was startled out of his reverie by someone clapping his shoulders. He spilled some of his coffee down his shirt and turned to scold the culprit. He quickly changed his mind when he saw Kevin's cheerful face.

"So are you in trouble?" Kevin asked, giving him a nudge.

"Trouble? For what?" Neil replied.

"With Ms. Preston, of course" he teased.

"Ah, that" Neil said with a wry smile. "She's pissed because I shared a bunk with someone who needed to sleep, while she gets to go on vacation with her law school mates and do whatever she likes" he said snapped.

"Woah, I was kidding, take it easy" Kevin said defensively.

"Sorry" he sighed. "I've already been questioned this morning and she wants to talk more later. I'm not sure I'm ready for what she wants" he said shaking his head.

"You think she's going to want to make things more serious?"

"Right now, I'm hoping not, but I'm thinking she does. I didn't realise anything had changed. I could have been dating other people, just like she was, I just haven't had time" he said sounding exasperated.

"You know I don't think she'd be feeling like this if it was anyone else. I think it's because it's Audrey."

"Don't be so dumb" Neil replied.

"Everyone else can see it Neil. It's so obvious you two have 'a thing', you can't deny it" Kevin said smiling softly.

Neil went to defend himself further but Kevin held up his hand to signal he wasn't finished.

"You can't tell me that if she wasn't married and you weren't such a goody-two-shoes that nothing would have happened?"

Neil just smiled and replied "Maybe. But the point is, it hasn't."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that mate" Kevin laughed as he clapped his shoulder once more before heading back to his patients.

Neil stood a moment longer, just thinking. He and Jessica definitely needed to talk.

X

They met up at an upscale bar that evening to continue their conversation from earlier. Neil sipped at a bourbon, it would be his one and only drink as he had an early start the next morning. Jessica nursed a large glass of wine, she felt she needed the Dutch courage.

"So are you planning on coming tomorrow night" Neil asked trying to kick start the conversation.

"That depends on how this chat goes really" she replied.

"I'm not really sure what else we need to discuss, we seem to be on different pages here."

"We weren't, until I realised I didn't like the idea of sharing you with anyone else" she said, taking another sip.

"Anyone else? Or Audrey?" Neil asked feeling brave.

A look of shocked passed across her face for the second time today as a result of his honesty.

"Audrey, I suppose" she replied meekly.

Neil gave a wry smile, turns out Kevin was right.

"Why are you smiling?" Jessica asked. "This isn't funny."

"I know, it's just..." he paused. "You're not the first person to tell me that today."

Jessica took a much larger drink from her glass and asked "So what now?"

"We could go back to the way we were before? Or we knock it on the head? I don't think we can do anything else, not with the physical distance and this obvious trust issue we're have going on."

She looked at him with tears brimming in her eyes. She had expected him to fight for more, to want to be in a more committed relationship. Yes, she had made a few little mistakes but didn't think that he'd call time on what they had. She had not seen this coming, people didn't normally turn down Jessica Preston.

She let out a breath she had been holding.

"Ok" she said quietly.

"You're great Jessica, you really are and I care a lot about you. Maybe if we were on the same coast it'd work out but for now, this isn't good for either of us."

"I understand" she said, not daring to say anymore in case the tears she was holding escaped.

"Will you be going tomorrow night?" he asked finishing the last of his drink.

"I don't think that's a good idea" she replied sadly. "Maybe next year."

"Sure" he said. "I'm really sorry, I have to get going, we've got a big op in the morning so I need to get some sleep. Do you need a ride?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"Will you be ok?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said sadly. "I'll call some of the girls to come and help me drown my sorrows."

"Sure. Bye Jessica, I am sorry" he said as he turned to walk away.

"Me too" she whispered as she watched him leave.