Disclaim : manga belongs to Tito kubo

Chapter 4: Guilt

Renji sat in the basement drowning his fears in sake. What would have happened to Ryuu if he told Hitsugaya so many years ago? The guilt building up inside him. It wasn't he's fault. Nothing of this was his fault. But deep inside, he still felt so guilty. For what?

Now, if things came down to it, he didn't know if could ever chose a side if the two captain in the Sereitei would cross blade. He understood Ichigos wish to protect his sister, but he also understood Hitsugaya wish to fight for what he was currently sacrificing his life for.

The murmur and screams coming from the pit didn't help him focus on the task ahead. There were no problem for Ryuu to turn into a soul, but it was up to him to see if he had the ability to awaken his zanpakutou or just turn back to an original spirit. If it was the last, Renji needed to send him to soul society with konso.

Karin knew all this, but he wondered if she ever though about how the boy would survive in soul society if it came down to it. He heard the door of the basement open and closing not really bothering who would come watch the kid in pain.

Over the years, watching Ryuu grow, he really did grew quite fund of him. He wasn't his nephew by blood, but he was most surely his nephew. Even if Ichigo would claim that position from him soon. He would do any thing to assure Ryuu's excellency in the matter of a soul reaper.

"Drinking in pity again," asked the so familiar voice of the only other person in the Sereitei to know the truth about Ryuu's identity. "I don't suppose you would share your sake with me." She looked at him sweetly trying to turn his attention of the screams.

"Go get your own damn drink woman," he said listening to everything. Every move, every scream was daggers to his heart. What kind of crazy torture was this.

"You know," she said sitting down beside him, "you don't have to listen to his pain down here. The others are upstairs, far away from the screams." He looked at her with a smirk.

"Then what exactly are you doing down here, Rangiku? Came here to gloat at me for actually having feelings?"

"I suppose we are the same on that. I would never leave my captains child's side even if it is hurting. I made that vow many years ago."

"He'll make it right?" She asked after a while.

"I don't know. But he better. I have no intention running around the entire soul society to find his wandering soul." She laughed at this.

"You and I both know we would spend every walking hour doing so if it came down to it."

"Damn right," he said taking an other mouth full of the sweet drink. Numbing the pain and guilt.

"What will happened know?" She asked.

"Can't you keep quiet for just a second," he scold. Thinking about it he answered: "I have no idea yet. I suppose we train him well. Maybe one day we will be able to present him to his dad without feeling ashamed."

"As if that would ever happened." He chuckled. No, they would never have any pride in their decision. They just sat their in there world feeling the pain their little protégée went though.

Years priory

The rain seemed to follow him where he went. Leaving the world of the living it was raining, entering the soul society, it was raining. Looking up into the gray sky, he felt more pain than in a long time.

"You made it back before curfew," said a cheerful voice of the commander. "You got to do what you needed to?"

"Yes captain," he said bowing in respect. "Thank you for granting me this opportunity."

"Well, I'll be taking my leave. Please report back to Kurosaki, he seemed stressed about the matter."

"Yes sir," he said to the wind, no conviction, no force, just an empty body. He was happy the rain was falling. He couldn't feel that well but the drops hide at least his tears.

He could hear his inner friend cursing him for being sad. Don't you know it's raining on us too now. Sometimes it feels good to feel the rain, he thought. Taking a good breath, he made his way toward the newly appointed vice captain Kurosaki. They did not trust him just yet to take the seat of captain, but he would undoubtedly take it in the end.

"Vice captain Kurosaki, you have a visitor." Said one of the many soul reapers of the squad. Renji entered soaked wet inside the office. The minute the vice captain saw him, Ichigo was no longer interested in the many documents that covered his desk.

"How are they?" Before he got an answer however, Renji aimed at his face to punch him. Training seemed to pay off when his dodged it without problem.

"That was from your dad," grinned the red head. The other just looked at him darkly.

"I could have guessed."

"Yuzu is okay. She said she misses you and that she is really mad at you for not being able to attend her wedding..."

"She's getting married?" Said the choked brother.

"No but she dreams of it. She has a boyfriend though. Shabby type. She says the only thing that is making her a bit happy is to think you also have someone like that with you." Ichigo smiled happily at a far of memories. "So I told her you were doing perfectly fine with Rukia."

Ichigos face focused back on his rival. "You did what?" What seem to be the beginning of a fight stopped abruptly when ichigo understood the wish of skipping the following subject. "How is Karin doing?"

Renji put up a perfectly Renji face grin and said: "She's perfectly fine. She actually found someone too." The red head couldn't hide the grin of the stupide face the now grown up man had.

"What?"

"Yeah, she figured out it was a good thing to kick and train with Urahara. Her skills improved a lot actually." And thus the lie began. He explained about imaginary things, all the things he had made perfect notes off to remember later. He wasn't screwing this up.

Leaving the office and moving toward his squad he suddenly felt the spiritual pressure of another captain that apparently, up until now, had hidden his spiritual pressure. Turning the corner, he saw Hitsugaya leaning against the wall, waiting for him.

"Don't bother the superflux," came the hash voice of the officer. He was in pain. So was Renji.

Looking at the not knowing it father made his resolve shack. He remembered the tiny body that had been shown to him. He had appointed himself uncle the minute he knew the kid. It wasn't a human. In fact it looks like Urahara had made a gi-gai like he did for Isshin so many years ago, making the soul capable to live and grow in the human world.

He saw those ice blue eyes watch his every move, any thing to know about her. He supposed he felt exactly the same way as Karin: guilty for loving someone you're not supposed to.

"She's fine," he said finally, seeing the captain's shoulders relax a bit more. "She fights her way out and is becoming an excellent substitute. I'm sure you know what I mean when I say she has the potential to be a captain too some day." He just nodded at Renji not uttering another word.

The nights Renji past from bar to bar. He didn't know what to do any more. After coming back to the Sereitei he understood the weight of the secret. It pained him to see the young commander working his mind off things.

"Ah, finally a drinking buddy," said Rangiku happily sitting down beside the vice-captain. Seems like she's getting a good dose of her captain's mood too.

"How's you boss?"

"Ah, no," she pouted, "I just left the moody creature, I don't want to talk about him." She said taking another switch of sake.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What, you're suddenly interested in me? Or is it my body?" She asked suggestively.

"Get your body of me," he said irritated, earning a sour look from the woman. "Could you keep a secret?" She looked more closely at his serious tone.

"What is it?" She said seemingly sober. How could she do that?

"If I told you I knew a secret that is heavy to bear and could make you hate me, but no matter what, you can not tell any one. Would you share the burden with me?" She was about to answer something witty but jugged against it seeing the hurt look in his eyes.

"Any thing," she sight, wondering what exactly she was getting herself into.

"Good," he said standing up. "Meet me tomorrow on the field not far from the academy.

The next day he waited the entire day before seeing her shadow across the field. Anger flared upon his face.

"I don't have all day you know," he said as she sat down.

"You never gave me any hour so I supposed I could come when ever. So what's this big secret thing you want to share? I swear if this is some kind of joke you are doing my paperwork in a month." He looked absently at the orange sky, not commenting on the fact that lately she didn't have too since it was nearly gone before it reached the desk.

"It's about your captain." This triggered her interest quickly. "Or more like his relatives on earth." The stop in his speeches made her frustrated.

"Yes go on. Ah okay, I promise I won't tell a soul about this if you don't say so. If it's about my captain, if he can't bare the burden I'll do it for him."

"Ah such a loyal subordinate." She huffed at him. "Well, it's not entirely about him." He said, his face turning serious again. "You remember I was in the world of the living not too long ago right?"

"Yes, and I'm glad you brought good news cause I don't think I could survive that cold for long."

"Well I lied, thing aren't that good."

"What ? Why didn't you tell so? Please tell me she hasn't found out she absolutely don't like him any more and all this is for nothing."

"Calm down you, arg. What ever." He didn't exactly know how to say it though.

"Just spit it out. I won't tell him even if I think you shouldn't lie to him."

"She didn't find someone else, nor is she fin. When I meet her again she was laying on the floor with the window open. I don't know what she was thinking but she seemed to want to be alone in the cold."

"But you told Ichigo she was training with Urahara and becoming someone great."

"Rangiku, Karin hasn't touched her blade or been in her soul form performing konso and slaying hollows since he left. Actually she hasn't gone out her door much. All food she eats is brought to her from Yuzu and the only time she left apparently, was to take her exams."

"Well I suppose they're the same there."

"Not exactly, Rangiku, when I came there she was pregnant, nine month pregnant." Her eyes widen understanding the unsaid word. "And guess what," he continued, "the little new born kid had ice blue eyes. Try hid that away."

"I want to meet it," she said after the silence.

"It's not an it, it 's a boy named Ryuu."

"Poor Karin, she must have so much to do with everything on her mind and suddenly a kid too." Then suddenly an idea seemed to have gotten into her. "But since he technically is my captain's kid, that means I'm technically his aunt." She looked thrilled by the idea.

"I don't know why but Karin said I wasn't allowed to tell anyone but I just though since you are technically the closest to the child between the two us, you should know. But you must never tell Hitsugaya."

"Understood, it's a secret." Standing up she started to walk away.

" Hey where do you think your going?" He screamed after her.

"To see my nephew," she smiled brightly.

…

The punch they got on the head made them both look up and back at the source.

"If any of you are blaming yourself for this I'll beat you till tomorrow," said the pissed of Karin looming over them both, before sitting down in between the two.

"How long has he been down there?" She asked.

"For about one day now" responded Rangiku.

"I should never have trusted dad when he said this was a good idea," she said darkly.

"I don't see any other way this could go."

"What are you even doing here," asked Renji taking an other bottle.

"Isn't a mother allowed to at least see her son off if he was to disappear. And I came here to thank you both for being here," she said feeling stupid for showing such a weak side.

Rangiku just gave her a hug remembering just how much she actually enjoyed watching out for both Ryuu and Mayumi. And then again she also felt like to look out for her ancient captains daughter.

…

She had walked straight to the head captain after speaking with Renji. She had actually a lot of spare time these days, with the paperwork completely gone because of her captain.

"What brings such a lovely lady to my office," smiled the captain.

"Grant me the possibility to go and see how things are in Karakura." He looked surprised by her harsh words.

"And why should I do that? Last time I checked we have a very capable substitute soul reaper there."

"Yes, but she is currently under the very same pain as my captain , and understand that it is not easy living with."

"I've already made up my mind on that subject and Captain Hitsugaya is not allowed to know or speak her name in the years to come. Wouldn't letting you go and see her be against that?"

"I'm not asking for my captain, I'm asking for the girl. She has not touched her zanpakutou since that day and she is currently locking her self up. Are you really telling me you wouldn't feel responsible if she took suicide? I'm not asking for you blessing in anything, I just want to look out for a friend in pain."

"If she is in so much pain, why didn't vice-captain Abarai tell me so?"

"If you knew you could not see your relatives in a long time and you felt responsible for their pain, would you rather know they are doing find and walk one with a clear conscience or would you rather be told they are currently in a great pain but you have absolutely no possibilities to help?" She asked looking fix on her subject. She would not let this on slide.

"I understand your concern, but..."

"No you don't," she said."All due respect you don't know. Ichigo is in pain for leaving his family behind because his spiritual energy is to create to be kept inside the body of a human, Hitsugaya is pained because he knew he should have stayed away and blames himself for leading her on in a relationship that could not happened just yet, and Karin is as stubborn as her brother and made Renji promise not to tell a souls about how things were going on. Because she would hate herself if the two males here would worry about her, knowing they cannot do a thing."

She was out of breath when she finished her speech.

"Okay," he said calmly, "what do you want from me?"

"Permission to go visit her without having to ask the permission. I want to be her mentor. Everything that's going one with her or problems in Karakura will be under my responsibility."

"This is a great lot you are asking of me there vice captain Matsumoto. Are you aware that taking on the responsibility off an entire town is a lot of work, and you have too great an ability to stay in the human world too long. However ," he said before she started to protest," I will grant you the possibility to visit and guard Karakura a month at the time when the level of threat is high. You will also be put in charge of all activities concerning that town. Is that enough for you, to give you peace of mind and take on the responsibility of both vice captain Kurosaki and captain Hitsugaya?"

After thinking about it she soon added. "Sir since I would be appointed to the city does that mean I can choose if I want to leave Renji in the town too? He feel as guilty as I do and would wish to care for the town to."

Wanting this discussion to end soon as possible, he just waved her off.

"I will appoint the two off you to the town and you may leave when you want. But I'm warning you, you are not allowed to stay longer that a month in town, am I making myself clear?"

"Yes sir, " she said only holding her smile as long as she was inside. She was leaving this instant.

She past by her captain and asked permission to leave for a month. He didn't ask where nor why but she wasn't stupid, he knew where she was going. After a few calls to the different squads, she soon ended up in the world of the living right outside Urahara shop. And the first she was greeted with was a huge hollow. Well she did hope for a little vacation here, but it seemed like she would have some fun taking down hollows too.

After some explanation to the shop keeper and a few comments that resulted in fights, Rangiku was soon outside the door of the humble house of the Kurosaki. Knocking on the door she waited a long time before anyone answered.

"Who's there," came the harsh response.

"Karin open up, it's me, Rangiku."

"What? My brother sent you? I can take care of myself, I can support myself, and what ever you all think I am perfectly fine." She said in a hushed voice.

"Karin, just let me inn. I've talked to Renji. He's the one sending me." With that, all sounds were gone. Wait had that little pipsqueak just left her there.

"Hey," she said again bagging the door," let me in at least."

"You're not a very patient person are you?" She asked when she opened the door. It shocked her. Her eyes were sloppy and her hair has a mess. Karin looked nothing like the young woman she left barley a year ago.

"What happened to you?" Asked Rangiku when she pressed herself inside to Karin's great displeasure.

"What are you doing here?" She replied.

The kitchen was net, the entire apartment was net, well apart from the many books on the table. Seems like her studies were going well.

"What are you looking for?" Asked Karin again.

"Hu? Oh I was just wondering why it was so net here. You've always been one to leave your mess around."

"People change you know?" She sat down, gesturing her to do the same.

" So I see. How are you doing Karin?" She looked again pensive. Hadn't she known she would never had believed Renji that Karin had a child. There were no traces on her bodies of the child nor any object to hide it in the house. So that's what she was doing when she left her on the doorstep.

"I'm fine thanks you. I don't think I have much spare room if it was staying over you wanted. But you can always borrow the sofa." Well this wasn't getting any where. She tried to sense if she could feel the child. Obviously if he was the child of two shinigami he ought to be strong. But then she didn't feel anything really.

"Karin," she asked surprised, " what happened to you spiritual energy. I can't feel it."

"Oh we found a way to suppress it with Urahara."

"No karin, I mean, you have no pressure whatsoever. It's all gone. "

She looked tired back and a bit annoyed.

"It's none of your business." Well this didn't work well at all.

"Where is the child, "she asked suddenly, making Karin lose her ground for a moment.

"What child?" she asked suspicious.

"You know..."

As one cue you could hear the cry of a child. And in a minute Karin was out of the living room. She found her soon after with a tiny creature with a small touch of black hair and bubbling laugh. He was adorable if she could say that.

"Can I hold him," she asked walking toward the son and the mother. Karin didn't trust her at first but she relaxed after a moment.

The mother placed him in her arms when she was sitting back in the chair.

"His adorable, " she commented. Then he looked at her and there were no doubt who the father was. Those eyes had watched her, over and over again. The exact same expression of displeasure that this wasn't his mother. He didn't seem happy. The scroll, a perfect imitation, she couldn't hold back the giggle.

"Hey there, not happy to see your aunty?" She asked coolly at the kid

"Aunty," asked Karin from beside.

"Yes I've self proclaimed myself his aunt." the mother didn't complained just watch as her son smiled sweetly.

Waiting a bit longer, Rangiku was allowed to put him to sleep and see a bit how things worked. When they sat back in the living room later that night eating some strange food Karin had managed to make, they drifted back to the previous topic.

"So what are you doing here?" She asked

"oh I came to watch over Ryuu for the next few days, so you can nail you exam and sleep a little."

"Wait you came here for that?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry but Renji told me. I know, I'm not going to tell anyone, but I thought you could need some help around here so you could take your final exam to be a doctor. You can't assure his life and yours if you don't get your diploma. And not to be rude, but you look really pathetic right now."

Rangiku was waiting to be screamed on or something, but instead she saw the tears flowing down Karins cheeks. She came sitting beside the poor girl. Hugging her tight she said.

"It's okay, we're going to help you through this and I accept your wish to keep it a secret, I also know you wouldn't do it if you didn't think it was the best thing to do. But Karin I have one term: let me help you out."

She cried herself to sleep that day in the arms of Rangiku. The future days, the youngest would protest and disagree with anything that had to do with the crying. Kurosaki Karin didn't cry. And just because hormones were making a wreck out of her now, she had a tendency to take things a bit extreme. That's all.

Rangiku also noticed quite fast that this little monster of a child was not always so happy to stay with aunty instead of momma. The days past fast and soon the month mark would pass. She said her farewell hoping Karin had gotten the best grades. She did promise though that if Karin did refuse Renji's and her's help she would start telling people in the Sereitei that she had a child. Not who's child just that she had a child. And she was a master mind of back mouthing people.

When she came back into the office of the tenth division, she found the captain more peaceful that when she left. His expression was still rude though when he notice she was just staring at him.

'"Go work " he ordered," You have a lot to take care of seen you've been gone so long."

She smiled when she found her desk with only the day's paper. So he had done her work hadn't he? That's when he saw the envelope on the table. Inside it was money. Not much, but you'd last a long two month for a little family. She didn't need to ask , she new why she had it. It was her responsibility to watch over Karin and little Ryuu now, seems like her captain was find with that.

…

The crumbling sound made her come out of her slumber. She didn't even notice she was tired. Looking back at the sound she saw the smoke coming out of the pit.

"What's going on?" She asked at the two other occupant looking at it the same way she did.

"Ara, ara. He took less time than I had expected," came the strange voice of the shop keeper, followed suit by Yoruichi and his three lacey.

"What exactly is going on?" Asked Karin ready to punch the man if he didn't start answering her freaking questions.

He never got to answer the question as a black clad Ryuu came flying out the pit. In his hands two long blades, one white as snow and the other black as ash, the handle only wrapped in the opposite color tissue.

He fainted right after, the Zanpakuto taking yet again the form of a dull blade with snow blue hilt and shelter.

Thanks so much for reading :D

Never thought someone would actually read it, so thanks for taking the time. :D