disclaim: manga belongs to Tite Kubo.
I'm so sorry. I thought I had posted this chapter, but apparently I hadn't...
So this is a little strange chapter, but I hope you don't mind to much.
chapter 13: Experiment
For someone that had been looked down upon by most officers of the Gotei 13 his entire life, Hitsugaya liked to have different point of refuges. He had his cave, that wasn't exactly his but worked just fine as. He had his office that he locked when he didn't want to get interrupted. That wasn't exactly allowed, but after 6 o'clock few were the ones that minded. Most had left the building anyway.
He had his hill, that wasn't technically his either as it belongs to the Rugonkai and he just used to exploit it. He liked to think he was the only one that used to be there but children bothered him sometimes. A happy childhood with friends, something he wasn't used to. Then there was his quarter, but it was so empty that he hated it. It was great for meditation and to live in, but it was empty nonetheless. He missed the presence of someone else.
Over the time the officers as well as the captains all knew about these places. However one remained untouched by the stupidity of the Gotei 13: his home. Or what you could call home as the definition was vast. The small wood house he had shared with his grand-mother and Hinamori stayed a safe haven in his life, a places he could let everything slide.
His grand-mother was getting older and older but she awaited his visits like Christmas. He visited regularly with both food and stories. Sometimes he would plan well enough so he would join Hinamori and sometimes he wanted to go there alone, like now.
He had taken the load of papers that needed to be filled for the day and went to the wooden cottage. His grandmother wasn't bothered that he took his work with him every day. For more than a week he had ran away from reality trying to forget what he learned and stop thinking about it. He had a tendency to disappear like this so he wasn't scared for his subordinate, she could manage the kid.
The first three weeks back from Karakura, he had fallen back into his usual routine trying his best to forget he had even been there. He pushed his feelings and thoughts in the back of his mind, repressing any human part of him that still existed.
The third week was his breaking point: he ruined everything that was visible in the cave. He let loose all the tension that had been building up in his body and mind. The anger, the jalousie and every bit of emotion that wasn't necessary related to the news. He had taken refuge understanding he needed to work this news out of his system before returning.
The only downfall with this hiding place was that Matsumoto knew it, and she also knew this was the only places he could be when he was gone so long. She found him in the evening of Monday sitting in the common room sorting out the papers to hand in. His grandmother was either sleeping or gardening when his underline stormed in, leaving the two alone.
Of all facial expressions she could have, the scared and confused face was not one he had expected or wanted to see for that matter. Manly because he didn't think he had ever seen her with that look before. Or maybe when he had cleaned the office and emptied her bottles. But there was a depth in her eyes that was serious, making him wonder.
"Captain, I need your help." That introduction had nothing good in wait. She had either used all the money of the sake, drank all the sake that was left in the cave or she had figured out she actually had paperwork to do and responsibilities that came along with her position.
"Good evening to you too," he answered simply returning to his work, choosing to ignore the nagging feeling he had.
"Yeah, you too. Captain I need help now." She didn't bothered sitting down and loomed over his small form sitting on the floor. Annoyance was slowly being painted in her blue orbs.
"What now, Matsumoto?"
"I need your help to find Ryuu. Captain, he is gone." Looking up he could see the confusion on her face still very much present.
"The kid can do as he wants to." He knew he was being mean but he really didn't like that kid.
"He was in my quarter sleeping. When I came back he was gone," she said panicked. So he was right when he said she knew him.
"Maybe he left. He is free to move around the Seireitei as he wishes." The only way Hitsugaya knew to control his flaring anger was returning to his paperwork.
"He is 17, looks like a 5 year old and acts like a child. He was scared, captain. Ryuu was so scared and he wanted attention. He never wants attention. That's like… Well it would have been like you crying," she exclaimed.
"I don't cry," he kept his icy face.
"My point exactly," she finished. He didn't answer even if he could hear the waiting plea for him to do something. "Well say something." He hadn't heard her this mad in a long time. Actually the underlying scared tone made him aware of how much she knew the kid.
"What do you want me to say? The child is apparently one of your acquaintances so you could search for him on your own. I don't see why I should bother."
"The child is put under your jurisdiction, Captain. He is your responsibility."
"And since you know him so well I am telling you to go find him." He was angry and hurt and didn't feel like caring about this child he honestly didn't wanted to know existed. "You never seemed to bother telling me about him either even if clearly that is an important detail to put in your rapport."
"So that's what this is about? You're pissed because I didn't tell you I knew Ryuu, that I didn't put him in my report? Well I didn't want a little child to have his life ruined by soul society." This time he did look at her.
"That's not what I meant," he said in between his teeth. "You could have told me, to me. You never did. Every time you came back with that happy smile, every time you left was because of him, wasn't it? And you never bother telling me." His face was red from anger as the shell cracked to reveal just how much it bothered him.
"I see," she said just as acid back at him, "you're not annoyed that I didn't tell you about Ryuu, you're pissed because I didn't tell you he was Karin's child, that's it? You're pissed at the world because you noticed Karin had a child, is it? That she actually has a life, compared to you."
"Don't," he hissed back, "don't say her name." They were currently standing face to face even if he was barely centimeters lower than her.
"What are you going to do if I say her name? I'm not the one that is restricted to say miss Kurosaki. I have no problem saying Karin. Heck she wants me to. Karin freak out everytime I call her anything else."
He flinched at every mention of her name. No nothing changed, he was still extremely sensitive when it came to her. He sat down tired: he would not win this as it hurt him too much.
"What's your problem," she said slower. "We have been thru this before: it's not your fault."
"Don't you get it," he said looking up from his seated position, eyes filled with sadness, "if I didn't leave, Ryuu wouldn't be born. She could be safe. And it hurts." He clenched the cloth near his heart, looking down he could only imagine what pain he must have put her thru.
Oh how many situation he had imagined. Of course he didn't know what happened but he could imagine. The idea that she willingly slept with something else was a option that he didn't even want to get near.
"What makes you think you could change anything? What made you think you wouldn't just be the reason for it to happen?" she asked accusingly.
"I would never let anyone hurt her." Hitsugaya didn't own much but what he considered his he did not share. When something was his he was extremely jealous of that. So yes, he hated anyone that had touched her, especially if they hurt her. Call it his dragon side, he would not share.
"And still you ended up being the one that hurt her the most." He could see she wanted to take the words back as they left her mouth and deep down he couldn't blame her. She was most definitely right. He didn't bother answer and returned to his paperwork.
"So that's it?" she asked finally. "You're just going to hate the child because you hate his father and let him rot away somewhere? What kind of person are you, captain? Karin loved her child no matter where he was from. Because she at least saw it from the right perspective: it is her child. Not his." She emphasized on the last part clearly waiting for him to react.
"If not for her," she continued not once getting his attention, "at least think about the poor child that has no idea what to do? Stop blaming the child for being born."
She turned to leave before looking back once again: "What kind of person are you, captain? Think about it." She left the room in her most dignified way leaving him alone to think about what she said.
He hated when she put him in that position, blaming him for being a human. He tried, he really did, to think of everyone as simple missions and never let the emotions get in the way, but it wasn't that easy. And maybe Matsumoto was right to a certain level; he let his emotion cloud his judgment to offend lately.
"Let's find Ryuu," he said to Matsumoto as he found her waiting for him right outside the cottage, but most maybe to himself. He got the general idea of the disappearance and the ones currently searching, that being Ichigo, Renji and strangely enough Hanataro, before going on alone in search of a kid.
…
Ryuu woke up with a startle. His first perception was that he couldn't see anything. Nor could he feel anything as if his body was numb. Something had destroyed his sight. He could feel the thick fabric that was bound hard around his head when he started feeling again.
The second thing he noticed was his bound hands. He couldn't see it, but moving with all his forces he still couldn't move his arms. When he started feeling his fingertips, he felt the cold metal surface burning his skin as he tried to pry loose cutting deep in his wrist. As his hearing returned he heard the clinking of metal only affirming his tied up arms.
The third thing he noticed was the metal like surface he was currently lying on. Of course this he could only feel when he got back the feeling in his entire body. He could feel his shoulder blades pressed against the hard surface, and his feet tied up like his arms. Only then could he feel just how vulnerable he was as he couldn't feel the warmth of cloths.
Panic submerged him. What ever happened, someone had apparently kidnapped him while he was sleeping. Wasn't his aunt supposed to be there when he walk up? He felt small and unimportant: useless.
Get yourself together; he told himself, you're not a kid. Trying the best he could to get his arms out of their hold just to feel his surroundings better; he felt the warm touch of a hand making him jump in surprise. He didn't hear anything. Before he could object however, a round thing was put into his mouth.
He pushed it out but the other one there pushed it back in and attached the thing on the back of his head. He pushed his left hand upward to see if he could figure out something more about this person. He never got that far as something, most probably a syringe, was stabbed into his left upper arm.
That's when he understood the reason behind the ball in his mouth: he couldn't make a sound. He wanted to scream in pain as his entire body moved in spasms. He hit his head once or twice but between the pain he couldn't think straight. Only survive was printed in the back of his head. He lost consciousness in a peaceful blackness with no feelings.
When he woke up again he had no idea how much time had passed. He could still feel the surface beneath him, the shackles around ankle and wrist, the black cloth, but the ball thing had been taken away. In addition to this he could now feel the very painful sting in his left upper arm.
He screamed. The pain in the arm was nothing compared to the thing that just cut through his belly, or the stinging feeling in his wrist that had been feasted to the table making him unable to move his body in whatever position. He could feel the blood dripping down from his already destroyed wrists.
"Oh shush," said a doll like male voice. "This hardly hurts," he said again as he, well Ryuu thought it was a male at least, hit him right in the wound he just got. He tried to keep the scream inside but after two other beating he found he didn't mind, at least maybe someone could hear him.
"You're really not solid are you?" said the voice disappointed? What kind of psycho freak was this?
"Well stop hitting me then," screamed Ryuu losing his mind with the pain resonating in every fiber of his body.
"Well then I won't get my results," he said plainly in that disturbing voice that made him shivers. "Do you want to hear the result I found until now?" he asked in what Ryuu could describe as mocking.
He never managed to answer as the ball was back in his mouth blocking his every word. At least he had something to bit in when the psycho hit again.
"You have a high resistance to cold as I was able to put your body in a room at -40 degree Celsius." So Ryuu had been dragged to this soul society to become a lab rat? Who in their right mind could put a person naked in a freezing room?
"I was wondering if you could survive colder. Maybe -60, or even 70, who knows."
The voice trailed off in a far distance making the child breath out. Wait did that man just say he was going to put him in a colder room. Thinking about it he did notice it was colder here than the first time he woke up. Stop, did he say he survived -40 Celsius degrees? What exactly did this man archive, was he going to freeze him till death?
So the syringe was putting him out of order then? He forgot to do that now, was he going to freeze him and see how long he was surviving or moving? Ryuu panicked even more. This man wanted him dead was all he actually managed to take out of this discourse.
He stopped moving when he felt the wind blow over his exposed skin. The cold air frightened him to a certain degree as he waited for the cold to bit his skin. It never happened. He could feel the wind but not the cold. Even forcing to feel it he couldn't understand if the crazy person was lying or not, this wasn't cold.
Without really knowing how or why, he started emitting his own energy. He felt the cold inside as if part of himself resonating to the wind in the room. Strangely he felt home in the cold and the pain he was waiting for, became a pleasant ride as the cold protected him. He remembers the cold atmosphere and the sensation of home and the breathing that was an important detail. Soon he drifted off in a silence dream. Opening his eyes he expected to be met with the ever present of black but was blinded by the blue sky.
"Welcome back," said the sarcastic voice of one he knew well over the last year, the reptile.
"Why am I here?" he asked surprised. He was standing on the glace island of the reptile and for the first time he could see the other island from another angle. "Why am I not on that side?" he asked surprised.
"What do I know?" He said plainly still resting as he usually did. "What I'm more interested in is to know if you can feel it?"
"Feel what?" Asked Ryuu absorbed by the other island covered in mist. The reptile send him a sideways glare.
"Don't you feel the increasing cold around you? You nearly froze several officers if I remember correctly. "
"I don't know what happened," answered the kid finally sitting down in front of the dragon, ignoring the island that was impossible to see now.
"You don't know what happened?" He said disappointed. "I call for you, it's called. And you just repulsed me with pretty much everything you got in your body."
"I can do that," said the child in wonder.
"Remember what I told you about me? I'm frozen. My body is so cold that my scales froze, and here you stand in my present not bothered in the slights. Doesn't that tell you anything?" The reptile opened his black eyes to look at him with a questioning look.
"Yes I know, but that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I froze down a room."
"Oh but there is never only one answered to a question."
"1 plus 1 is two," he replied with his arms crossed. The dragon did the most strange thing and rolled his eyes.
"Kid at least let me finish if you are going to make none important commentaries. For the first your energy is skyrocketing because of where you are. Second," he continued shutting the kid, "your energy is responding to an other one's. And finally and the most important right now: your heart is freezing."
"Please enlighten me, oh great spirit that has all the answers," he said sarcastically but came out as a serious reply. Had he lost his tact too?
"You're closing yourself in."
"I have always done that." This earned him a growl.
"Then please enlighten me kid, what exactly are you doing? Have you forgotten I am a part of you. That I know you are trying to become a unsentimental jerk. I am the cold but that doesn't mean I don't have a heart."
The kid tried to reply but was cut off. "I want you to think about it Ryuu. In the meantime I will try to keep you alive so don't give up."
Ryuu wanted to comment on the fact that he didn't think the creature had ever called him by his first name, but stopped as he felt the world dragged him back. To his misfortune he was meet with the black cloth again, but one thing had changed dramatically: it was warm. Way to warm.
He could feel the burning sensation on his skin. It took him some time to get back to reality and his feelings in check as he didn't remember feeling something under the palm of his hand. The electric shock that went through his body made him shiver with the after effect.
"Awake," said a girl voice this time. It was stoic and emotionless.
"I can see that you idiot," said the voice he recognized. He figured out the persons were standing on either side of him. But nothing beat the arching sickness that was coming. He was melting in this heat.
He screamed as the object came in contact with his body.
"So you can't resist the absolute zero." The fingers of the psych was barely noticed as he trailed the destroyed skin. Absolute zero? The mad scientist had just hit him with something at absolute zero. Even scared, he couldn't stop wondering what exactly his limits were.
"You survived until –100 degree Celsius if you were wondering. We stopped the test since you stopped breathing entirely. I'm glad my test subject isn't dead yet." The child sensing a shiver down his spin at the mention of yet.
"But since you are alive again, maybe we should test the absolute zero on you. That was a good idea. Prepare him."
Death was printed in the back of his mind, but he never managed to go that far as the spasm came back and he didn't manage to think clearly again. He waited for the numbing dark. However that never came. As soon as he felt he was drifting away he heard a voice.
Don't do it, whispered the feminine voice. Ryuu don't lose focus and stay with me.
Turning around in the dark he soon saw a figure standing not so far away. Who are you, he wanted to ask but noticed he couldn't speak.
I'm not really here, he heard the whisper again. We are situated in a dimension of non existence. It is between the consciousness and the unconscious. Don't drift into the unconscious, you'll die.
Looking closer he could see small flames eating up the tip of the lady's dress. Looking even closer he could see the golden like dress and the small diamond like chains hanging lose around her. Then he felt the pain again and he wanted nothing more but to drift away to the empty darkness.
I know how tempting it is to go, but Ryuu stay strong and stay with me.
He looked up at the woman currently standing over his crotch form. He could see her eyes. They held strength and trust, support and sadness, but most of all the tenderness his mother had. He wanted to speak, ask her who she was.
Don't lose hope, the words spoken directly in his mind. Someone will find you soon. Smiling faintly under the small light she took his head on her lap, stroking his hair comfortably. The movement calmed him down and let the pain bearable.
I come from your mother. She was worried you were in pain.
One single clear word formed in his mind: zanpakuto. So this was how his mother's soul looked like? He could feel the heat the creature emitted but this was a pleasant warmth, not like moments ago. He nearly started sleeping several times but she always tugged on his hair to keep him awake.
Suddenly she started moving again as if scared of something. He looked up at her with a questioning look. She left him on the black emptiness before standing back up. Her expression wasn't clear as she looked at something far in the distance.
I must leave, she said looking back with a disturbed look. He's coming. I hope you will be fine. Remember that your mother loves you and your safety is important. Good luck, she whispered before fading away in the darkness.
He wanted to make her stay, just a little longer. The cold was starting to take over again and his body didn't managed to move. The temptation was suffocating him. The pain he didn't know were came from was strangely eating his very heart.
Child you look horrible, said a cold voice from above him. Looking up, he could only wonder if the woman had know this was coming. Above him, like the majestic creature he was, was Hyorinmaru.
I have very little time to find you, he continued, I need to know where you are. He tried to speak, but like last time his mouth was shut. You need to think about it. Take me to where you are.
Trusting the ice dragon with all his heart he started to walk back to where he knew his body was. Coming closer to the light, he could hear the rumbling contentment of the other one.
I know where you are, he said finally disappearing like the first one. He didn't know if he was relieved or not. Apparently someone was coming. He was wondering who could be in so good contact with Hyorinmaru to use him to find him.
He didn't know how long he tried his best to stay conscious, or semi conscious anyway, before he heard the sound of something breaking. After that, things went fast as the sudden cloth put over him made him return slightly to consciousness.
He could feel strong arms holding him close and he didn't care who it was a he felt reassured.
"Don't worry, I am taking you to the fourth," was all the word he needed to hear before letting himself drifting off in an odd feeling of safety. It didn't stop him from thinking that it would be nice to have father that could come help you out from time to time.
Thank you for reading :D
Always a pleasure knowing what you think and thanks for the review, they made my day :D
I hope this wasn't too disturbing of a chapter...