January 30

After a delicious meal of split pea soup, warm bread slathered with butter, and a slice of perfectly spiced apple pie, Lee and Rosemary found themselves migrating by the fireplace. While Rosemary arranged the pillows just so to support her sore lower back, Lee leaned over the stove and added another log or two.

He rubbed his hands together. "It's a chilly one, isn't it?"

She nodded. How cold he must have been sleeping outdoors the last two nights. Her heart squeezed within her. The man would simply do anything to help out his community and those he loved.

He must have caught her thoughts for he said, "It wasn't all that bad— the chilly outdoors, that is."

She gave him a sympathetic look and then opened up the blanket that was presently enveloping her and motioned for him to join her. He smiled and entered into her alcove, pulling the blanket back up over them both while looping his arm around her shoulders.

And there they sat, for a good five minutes, soaking in their reunion. Oh sure, the issue with Harriet hung in the air between them, but not once did Lee demand an answer or try to start a conversation. They just sat there in companionable silence, being together was enough for the moment. Finally, she tore her eyes from the fire dancing in the stove and braved a look his way. His eyes still lingered on the fire, a perfectly patient look in his eyes.

"I know I should have told you," she whispered. His eyes flickered to hers, the deep blue love within them threatening to overtake her.

She licked her lips and continued, "I don't know why I didn't tell you. I guess, it's because… well, I'm afraid."

"Afraid?" His hand came over hers, enveloping them in his warmth.

She sat silent, quietly assessing him from underneath her lashes, afraid of the hurt she'd see etched on his face. Sure, enough, there it was in his eyes: a glint of sadness, betrayal, pain. She shuddered to think she was the one who caused it. But here he was— sitting with her, patient and willing to work it out. She hadn't been so sure that would be the case. She'd imagined him flying the coop and leaving her the minute he found out, just like everyone had done to her: They left her. It was just what people did. Why should Lee be exempt? Yet, here he sat, his eyes downcast and sad, looking back to the fire flickering in the stove across the room.

"I'm afraid— of you leaving me, too." Came her soft answer, the words crumpling her heart all over again.

He was silent, and then understanding dawned in his eyes. "I get it now. You've said it for years, but now, now I see. You've had everyone you've ever cared about in your life leave you, haven't you, Love?"

She looked down at her lap, willing the tears to stay away.

He continued, "Harriet— she left you when you were young?"

She nodded. "Just moments after my birth she handed me over to Aunt Catherine. She's the one I called Mother all of my life."

Lee clicked his tongue. "Dear, dear. And your father—"

"Was my Uncle Phillip. I never knew he wasn't my birth father until after his death. He's the only one I ever fully trusted but—"

"But even he left you," Lee finished her sentence.

She held in a little sob at that. When he had died, it felt like all the acceptance and love drained from her life.

"And your mother, well, Catherine I mean, she died too, leaving you alone."

"Yes, but due to the sadness I'd bring her every time she saw me it was like she never accepted me fully, anyway. I reminded her of what she could never have."

"Oh, Darling." Lee put a hand on her shoulder and stroked her hair. A few stray tears trailed down her cheeks. "She sounds like she was so lost in the past she failed to see the blessing that was before her in both you and your father."

She looked up at him at that. "A blessing? Me? I really have been nothing but a problem to everyone I have come in contact."

"Rosie, that isn't true. You are a blessing. A gift. I mean— imagine me without you." He lifted his hands in a shrug.

"You'd be a successful sawmill and railroad tycoon, regardless of me." She scoffed as a tear choked her.

"That's not what I mean. And even that success, I owe to you. But all the money, business, and prestige in the world… it would be nothing without you in my life." He stroked her cheek so softly she almost believed the words.

He must have read the shimmer of doubt in her eyes for he said, "You don't believe me do you?"

She looked under her lashes at him.

"Do you remember the day we met?" He questioned.

She smiled shyly, remembering how he had come rumbling into town on his motorcycle drawing the attention of every person in Hope Valley, including her.

"From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I wanted to marry you." Lee's breath tickled her cheek and she smiled in spite of all the sad feelings swirling inside of her.

"That was one of the best days of my life," she whispered.

"You and me both." Lee said and pushed a curl gingerly from her shoulder.

He cleared his throat. "But since that day, you've believed that somehow, one way or another, there would come a day I would leave you too." His crystal eyes shimmered and she looked down. For if she let him look into her eyes, he'd see the truth.

He tipped her chin up, encouraging her eyes to meet his. She wanted to look anywhere but there. Finally, her eyes skimmed his, and he sighed.

"Yep. Even though you hoped and dreamed I could be different, somehow you believed, deep down, that I would fail you."

"I didn't want to believe it—"

"You've been dreading that moment ever since. You've been waiting for when I would pick up and leave."

She sat silent. The truth was out in the open.

"I'm not perfect, Rosie, and I would be lying if I didn't say this whole thing hasn't left me feeling… well, somewhat lost—"

"And for that I am sorry," she interjected.

He held up a hand urging her to let him continue.

"But, I made a promise, not just to you, but also to God, that I would never leave you, that I would stay with you 'until death do us part'. I plan on keeping that vow; in fact, I don't see any other option but to keep it with God's help. But me, me on my own, I am going to fail you, too, Rosie. The only one who can truly accept you, love you, never leave you… well it isn't me. It's… Him." Lee pointed up, and then quickly folded his hands in his lap.

He was right, she knew. Despite a person's best intentions, no one would ever be able to accept her, love her, and fulfill her like she needed. Father was the closest one to ever achieve it— to offer her the unconditional love and acceptance she needed, but even he had succumbed to death and had left her empty and alone. Perhaps it truly was time to learn to lean more heavily upon the only one who wouldn't fail her, wouldn't let her down.