The first thing I noticed was the light.

No, not in that metaphorical, "I see the light!" bullshit.

Like, the world around me was dark and then it was lit.

I don't know, I've never been a descriptive type.

I guess I was alive?

It didn't make much sense by my account, but judging from the sounds of beeping and the smell of rubbing alcohol, I was either alive or in a very weird afterlife.

Only one way to figure it out.

I put my energy into trying to open my eyes. My eyelids fluttered and the warm light soon became burning. A groan escaped my lips as my eyes opened.

I was in a hospital room and my abdomen hurt like hell.

"Dani? Oh my God, you're awake!" came a voice. I turned my head to the side slightly and was met with a familiar mess of blonde hair.

Ash.

"Scale of 1 to 10, how bad do I look?" I asked, struggling to smile.

"Shut up, you almost died, you dumb bitch," she said, opening the door and yelling, "Doctor, she's up!"

"How long have I been out?" I asked, sit up as a doctor entered the room. Almost immediately, I was gently pushed down.

"Ms. Hansen, you need to rest… you just underwent some major surgery and major trauma… had a whole bunch of people really scared for a while there," the doctor said. He began to do some tests, including one which involved shining a light in my eyes, which I did not appreciate. He also checked stitches on my abdomen, which I knew were going to leave a very ugly scar. "Everything seems good right now, but I'll have someone checking you every hour…" The doctor left the room, shutting it tightly behind him. Ashley was looking at me, concern on her face.

"What's got you all stoic?" I asked.

"You almost died…" she said.

"Eh, wasn't as bad as you would think," I said, trying to crack a joke. Judging from the frown that she gave me, she didn't appreciate it. "Kidding?"

"Dani, we need to talk about something…" she said.

"What?" I asked, sensing her tone, but then the door opened and a familiar figure ran into the room.

"Aunt Dani!" Ben yelled, running to my side and hugging me. I groaned, but returned the hug.

"Hey kid," I said. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," he said. "I just ate Jell-O!"

"Red or green?" I asked.

"Both!"

"Wow, sounds like your dad let you lose in the cafeteria, huh?" I asked, noticing Charlie come in. He was sporting a sling on his arm, but otherwise looked okay. "Hey Charlie."

"Good to see that you're okay Dani," he said, grabbing Ashley's waist and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "I tried to keep him out but he was worried about her."

"Worried about me?" I asked Ben. "No, I'm practically Superwoman, nothing can hurt me."

"What about the man?" Ben asked. I glanced at his parents and knew that they must have told him just that Nicolas was bad.

"The police have him," I said. "He's not going to be bothering us anymore, okay?"

"So, can you come visit? I have an awesome trampoline!"

"A trampoline?" I asked, smiling at the boy. God, I had missed seeing his face almost every day. "Well, we will have to see, but I would love to."

"Ben," Ashley said, rummaging in her purse for something. "Why don't you and dad go get Aunt Dani a sandwich, hm?" She whipped out a few dollars and handed them to Charlie. The pair exited the room, and she closed the door shut behind them.

"I'm glad they're okay… He's not having nightmares again, is he?" I asked, referring to Ben. After Ash found our parents, Ben started having some bad dreams at night.

"No, he's okay," she said. "But we need to talk Dani."

"Sure, yeah," I said, sitting up, ignoring her look, "what's up?" She didn't say anything for a moment.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"Uh… getting shot and then I heard people talking and that's where it goes black," I said.

"Okay, well," she said, sitting down in a chair and leaning towards me. "You had some pretty bad internal bleeding… you were in surgery for a few hours… they were worried about the bullet hitting your spinal cord but they got it out…"

"Sounds like very thing went well," I said, looking at her face, her eyebrows furrowed and mouth fixed in a frown. "So what's the bad news?"

"The bullet… God, Dani there is no good way to put this," she said.

"Just spit it out," I said. "You're freaking me out!"

"They had to perform a hysterectomy," she said, her voice quiet. I felt as if I just ran into a wall of bricks.

"A hysterectomy?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows and feeling my breathing get faster.

"Yeah," she said, looking up to the ceiling. I could see her fighting tears. "But Dani, they also found that you… you were pregnant."

Another wall of bricks.

I didn't speak.

The words physically wouldn't come out of my mouth.

"Say something," she said. "I thought you would rather hear it from me than some random doctor…"

"How far along?" I whispered, hugging myself to avoid freaking out.

"They think about a month, maybe less…" she said. "I am so sorry."

I was pregnant.

Was.

"You didn't tell Spencer, right," I said, meeting her eyes, fighting back tears.

"No," she said. "That's not my place."

"Thanks," I said quietly.

"God, Dani, I am so sorry," she said, grabbing my wrist.

"It's not your fault," I murmured, focusing on the door to a bathroom. I couldn't think about it or else I would fall apart.

"I know, but I just… I don't know…"

"It's okay," I said, forcing a smile on my face. It felt fake.

It was fake.

"The FBI team is here, and they want to see you," she said.

"To interrogate or to visit?" I asked, still not focusing on anything except that door.

"I don't know, but Spencer is there…"

"He wants to see me?" I asked, turning to meet her eyes.

"Yeah," she said, "I think so."

"You can send them in," I said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

She left the room but not before she turned to look at me one more time.

"I love you, you idiot," she said. "I'm glad this mess is finally over."

"Love you too, bitch," I said, giving her a smile.

As the door closed, I let a few tears fall.

How was it possible that I didn't know I was pregnant, and yet I felt so much sadness for what was essentially a clump of cells at this point?

Sure, I had entertained the thought of kids, but I wasn't one of those girls who planned out how many kids and what their names would be. I was more, if it happens, it happens.

But knowing that it would never happen… that was hard.

The door opening broke me from my thoughts.

"Spence," I said, looking at the familiar man entering the room. He looked the same, but he had more defined eyebags.

"Hey," he said, keeping his distance from me. "I, uh, convinced the rest of the team to give you so time before they come in, so we could… talk."

"Yeah, of course," I said. "Have you been sleeping?"

"Not super well the past two weeks…" he confessed sheepishly.

"Might want to work on that," I said. "Hotch needs you functioning at full capacity."

Silence came over us, and for the first time I realized how much of strangers we were. He didn't know anything about my real life…

"What should I call you?" he asked.

"Danielle, or Dani, if you're feeling like it," I said. "Sarah was my grandmom's name, so it felt weird."

"I like Danielle," he said. "It's pretty."

"Thanks," I said. "Look, I know we need to talk about some stuff, but there's something that I really need to tell you-"

"Can I say something first?" he asked. I nodded as he took a deep breath. "I know that I should be mad because you lied to me… but I, I just… I know that you couldn't tell me for your safety, and I'm just glad that you're okay…"

"Wow," I said. "I really don't deserve that, but… thank you for being… so understanding."

"And Dani," he said, and I smiled at the use of my nickname, "I don't know if you want to try, um, 'us,' again, but I… you said that you… loved me and I wanted to tell you that I love you too, no matter what name you use."

I felt my eyes water for what seemed like the 15th time today.

"I love you too," I said as he sat in the chair. I grasped his hand and met his eyes, before remembering what I had to tell him. "But Spence… I have to tell you something… I, obviously, was in surgery, and they had to perform a hysterectomy…"

"I'm sorry," he said, squeezing my hand gently, "But you don't-"

"No, I do," I said, feeling a tear fall down my cheek. "They found out that I was pregnant…"

Silence fell over us.

"Say something," I asked, his face blank. He didn't speak for a few seconds, but it felt like eternity.

"I'm just glad you're okay," he said, but his tone was blank. "I have… I have to step outside."

"Okay," I said, letting his hand go and watching him leave.

And then I was alone.

Even though I had been in isolation in that warehouse, that was nothing compared to how I felt right now.