February 1
10 a.m.
Why, she must look a fright! Rosemary ran a hand over her mussed morning hair while Abigail rose to refill their coffee. They had spent the last twenty minutes just catching up on regular going-ons. Abigail's visit was a surprise, and although she'd admonish Leland later about failing to warn her in advance about their visitor, she also recognized why he would do so. She would more than likely put off help of any kind if forewarned. But now, she patted down a stray wisp at her temple, she was glad she did not have time to object. If anyone in this whole town could give her insight into the topic of moving on from the past, it truly would be Abigail. She just wished she were a tad bit more presentable. But what did that matter, when the true issue was one that was etched on her heart, the issue of forgiveness?
Abigail approached the table and placed the cup of coffee in front of her. "Here you are."
"Thank you," Rosemary replied as Abigail went back into her seat. "I do have to say that your visit… while quite unexpected…" she pushed a rebellious tendril back from her face again, "comes at the perfect time."
"I know this isn't an easy conversation to have— but Lee asked me here because of your recent situation with Harriet. I do not happen to know all the details beyond that fact that she is your mother and you two have been estranged since your birth, but I assume that a situation such as yours warrants quite a bit of forgiveness. I can't imagine how hard this has been for you and I am sorry that you have had to go through such challenges, Rosemary." Abigail gently placed her hand on Rosemary's arm in comforting fashion.
Rosemary felt herself relax at Abigail's friendly words and touch. "Thank you."
"I really am just a friend wanting to help a friend. Would it be alright if we talked about it for awhile?"
She considered that. As much as she wished for this whole situation to disappear, there was no other way getting through this iron clad wall of unforgiveness besides working through it piece by piece. She nodded timidly, not quite sure what she was getting herself into, but if anyone had the reputation for forgiving, it was Abigail.
"How did you find it in your heart to forgive those who have wronged you?" She couldn't help the question from pouring forth. "Bill, Gowen… even Pastor Frank? That is… assuming you have forgiven the lot of them? From all I have seen in town it seems you do not hold ill will towards any of them."
Abigail stirred a cube of sugar into her coffee. "One thing I know to be true is those who have hurt me… there is a reason for it buried deep down. Take Henry, for instance. Once I get my eyes off of me and how his behavior has hurt ME, I realize that he is a lost, sad boy to try to hurt someone so."
Rosemary's eyebrows lifted. Why, she'd never considered thinking outside her own perspective.
Abigail positioned her slim fingers around the handle of teacup and, pinkie up, continued: "For someone to be so heartless, cold, and calculating in his previous dealings with me, he must have had a very hard past. People don't just start out so mean and ugly. The meanness and ugliness is like a cloak around their soft and vulnerable hearts. It tries to keep others from getting too close, from finding out their insecurities, faults, and vulnerabilities."
"Gowen— insecure?" She scoffed and reached for her own cube of sugar and plopped it in her drink.
Abigail smiled over the edge of her teacup. "He sure wouldn't want us to know. But don't we all have insecurities of some sort?"
Rosemary thought about that for a moment as she took a careful sip of the hot coffee before her. She had always kept the walls up in her heart against others— Lee in particular, only allowing him in only so far. She couldn't risk him seeing the real her, the vulnerable her. Now she realized that was her coping mechanism, even though it was actually self-destructing. Gowen, although he had softened in the last year or so, still harbored a part of himself from everyone in town. Was he trying to hide his hurts and insecurities too? Could the same be true of Harriet? She snorted. No, that woman was just plain selfish.
"This same principle could apply with Harriet you know." Abigail's words came softly as if reading Rosemary's thoughts. "I don't know her, but I know for a woman to leave her child, something has to be wrong. Although it can be a case of selfishness or immaturity, it often has to do with the condition of her own heart. Perhaps something made her feel inferior or incapable of raising a child. Does that, perhaps, ring true?"
Rosemary shrugged, not quite willing to give Harriet an easy out. "I don't rightly know as we have never had the chance to openly talk about it. But it has always come across as a very selfish thing for her to do." The words were spoken nonchalantly, but her heart ached within her.
"Perhaps it was, but you won't know for sure until you ask her." Abigail said the words softly, tenderly.
"I don't think she would ever come out and admit anything, " She stated and then fiddled with the teacup in her hands.
"Oh, probably not. I don't think any of us are willing to just come out and admit our faults and short comings." Abigail took a minute to spread some jam on her croissant. "Perhaps her coming to town is just the thing you need before the arrival of this baby."
Her hands went to her belly, to the little one living inside of her. "That's what Lee said."
"I think he's right. Don't you?" Abigail waited. "I don't think you want to start out your own motherhood with all of this hovering over you."
"That's for sure." She nodded. Suddenly the questions she'd longed to keep at bay spilled forth, "But what if… even if I forgive her… the mess still remains? What if it affects the way I raise my own child?"
"Each of us is shaped by our past circumstances. But someone who is brave enough to break out against what's held her captive for so many years will find herself going much further than she could hope."
Rosemary smiled. "That sounds like something I could use in my advice column."
Abigail splayed her hands. "You may if you'd like. But the advice I give you today is directly from my heart to yours. Let me also say that forgiveness… it frees your heart. You'll be free to be the mother God meant for you to be. You won't be held down by the past anymore."
Rosemary observed the woman before her. Abigail truly had lived that truth. She'd forgiven and moved on from countless situations while still finding it in her heart to become an adoptive mother of both Becky and Cody. Her strength was commendable. She was someone Rosemary found herself secretly wishing to be like. There was just one little problem with this whole situation…
"But what if Harriet doesn't reciprocate?" She voiced the question that poked at her soul.
Abigail's countenance became solemn. "And she might not. But that's the power of forgiveness. It frees the one who gives it to go on with life, even if the one who was gifted it does not accept it. It's not about what she does in response or not, although I do imagine you want answers on some of your past."
"Yes. I do have some questions. But they don't seem as pressing since yesterday."
Abigail regarded her curiously.
"Yesterday, I finally came to the realization… well, let's just say I am back on track with the Lord, or actually on track with him as I've never been before."
"Oh Rosemary! That's wonderful." Love beamed from her wide brown eyes. "He'll help you forgive. Now, it won't be easy, but it's possible with his help."
Rosemary nodded. "Tell me more about this forgiveness process…"
Over their snack of croissants and jam, Abigail recounted the times she'd felt betrayed by Bill's past as well as Pastor Frank's past. She had a right to just write them both off, but instead, she'd kept her heart soft and… well, look where it had taken her: Bill, her right hand man and partner at the cafe, and Pastor Frank, well, something definitely special was forming between the two of them.
Abigail reached across the table and picked up the Bible she had brought with her. "I can continue to tell you story after story of mine, but honestly… the best advice comes right from here." She patted the Bible. "Can I share a story with you that helped me forgive the most challenging of offenses?"
She picked up her Bible that laid on the table across from them and proceeded to open it to the New Testament.
Rosemary nodded her consent.
Abigail leafed through the pages until she came to Matthew 18:21-35 and began to read the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant.
Rosemary listened as the story unfolded about the servant who, after the King had forgiven him of a large debt, had turned right around and demanded that a man who owed him a small debt pay it immediately or else be thrown in jail. Needless to say, the King was not pleased with his behavior and had him thrown in jail— the man who had, just hours before, been forgiven an outstanding debt.
Abigail closed the Bible and placed her folded hands on top of it. "This is the story that helped me to forgive the biggest of offenses."
"How so?" Rosemary questioned. Although the story was a good one, how could it realistically help someone forgive another?
Abigail paused to consider her words. "As you know, Henry Gowen has often tested my capacity to forgive. His worst offense against me was when he blamed my Noah for the collapse of the mine and the deaths of the miners. My Noah was a good man, and Gowen's accusation pierced my heart like no other. The last thing I wanted to do was forgive Henry of his offense against me and against my husband. I reasoned with the Lord for quite awhile on that one, until it became clear to me that forgiveness was the only key to my freedom. When I read this story, it reminded me of how much God has forgiven me."
What on earth would Abigail Stanton, the most saintly woman of all of Hope Valley, need forgiveness of? Definitely God didn't need to forgive her much compared to the vicious Gowen.
Abigail must have read her thoughts for she said, "We all need forgiveness, whether it be pride, anger, greed, or any other sin. Sin is sin to God whether big or small. Through reading this story I realized I have been forgiven by the King and I must extend that forgiveness to those who had sinned against me. Forgiveness is not a suggestion, but instead a command."
Rosemary looked at Abigail in awe. She had wondered how Abigail could forgive such monumental offenses, but here the process was explained right in front of her. Abigail had seen how much God had forgiven her and extended the same forgiveness to others. It was a lot to ask of herself, but Rosemary knew that if she ever wanted to be free of the past, she too, must forgive.
Abigail regarded her with care in her eyes. "So what do you think? Are you starting to understand this forgiveness business a bit more?"
Rosemary nodded. "I still don't know how to go about it all."
"That's the wonder of forgiveness… it can happen even without the other person's endorsement, God knows that's been the case for me time and time again. Once it is settled in your heart, it does not matter what their response is or if they ever apologize at all… all that matters is your heart will now be free and you are capable of fulfilling the life God called you to because the walls of unforgiveness have been broken down in your heart."
"So you are saying I can basically forgive.. Even now? Even without her consent? Even without explanation?" She could hardly fathom that.
"Especially without consent or explanation. I hate to say it, but if Harriet never apologizes for her lack of involvement in her life, forgiveness can cover that wrong. It doesn't mean what she did was right, not in the least, but it means that you have chosen to set yourself free from that and not allow it to hold you back any longer."
"But what about her? Shouldn't she have to pay for all the hurt she'd caused me? What about that?" Rosemary couldn't help the grime that was seeping from her wounded soul.
"I know it does not seem fair, but only God is in charge of that. If we hold onto our hurt, it will just keep us boxed up in the prison of unforgiveness and bitterness. I know you want to break free of that… is that right?"
Rosemary nodded slightly.
"You know what might help us most in this situation? Prayer. It always helps me in situations where I cannot see the way. May I pray with you?" Abigail laid her hand palm up on the table, inviting to her prayer.
Rosemary placed her hand in hers. "Yes, please."
"Heavenly Father, first of all, thank you for opening up this opportunity for us to speak together. You are so good to us. And thank you for your Word, and the story we read this morning. You are a merciful God and have forgiven us much, even when we did not deserve it. You know Rosemary's situation and how much she has to hold against her past and against her mother. She's discovering that forgiveness is the key to her freedom from the past. Would you show her how to forgive? Would you give her grace to do this big step? It is not possible on her own, but with your help, she can become free from it all. We ask your help in the name of Jesus, Amen."
Even after Abigail's last word of the prayer was uttered, Rosemary felt a peace fall upon her heart that had not been there before. She may not be ready to forgive as of this second, but she was nearing the big step and, by God's grace, she'd take it soon.
Abigail patted her hand. "There now. I couldn't be prouder of you, Rosemary. You are growing by leaps and bounds." Abigail pushed away from the table and stood. "I want you to know you can talk to me anytime, about this— or about anything. I'm happy to call you a friend."
The words warmed Rosemary's heart as she often sensed that she got on Abigail's last nerve. She stood and watched as Abigail retrieved the basket and left the extra croissants encased in a tea towel on the table.
"I best be going, Pastor Frank and I have another visit to attend to. But, I will continue to keep you in my prayers, Rosemary."
She walked with her to the door and, lacking the words to say how much the visit had meant to her, simply engulfed Abigail in an authentic hug.
"Thank you," she whispered as gratitude for the things she was learning rose up in her heart and choked out her words.