Not gonna lie to you, out of nowhere, I couldn't find any good ideas. Let's just say that I know where this story is going to lead, but I didn't like what I put into words. Never experienced it, not funny. But at the end of the day, I think I recovered.
Anyways, this chapter is going to help you fill some blanks and understand the situation better. Plus, the more time passes, the more I miss suits, and writing Harvey and Donna as parents gives me joy :)
Have fun reading!
G-
"Okay so," Harvey says taking the two items scattered on the bed. "Which one do you like better?" He asks holding up a pink and white t-shirt with one hand, and a blue dress with the other.
Penelope hums and rubs her chin, while contemplating her options. Her eyes scan the clothes one more time and then she finally chooses.
"The dress." She asserts.
"You sure?" He asks as he walks towards her closet and hangs the discarded piece.
"Yes," She insist. "Because choosing the top would mean choosing the bottom, and we both know that's not your thing."
Harvey lets out a throaty chuckle and shakes his head in disbelief.
When will she stop amazing him?
Sometimes his first instinct is to reply like he would to someone of his age, then he remembers she's just a little girl. A little girl that somehow always manages to to leave him speechless. Her bluntness is something that she'll have to work on, and, as her parent, he'll have to be the one to guide her. But, for now, he just enjoys witnessing at the shaping of her character, now that she's barrier-free. He wants to remember how she really was before having to adapt to the adult code. Even if he's more scared she'll become a hothead.
"Listen, since you seem to have it all under control, I'm gonna go to the kitchen to help mum, alright?"
She responds non-verbally, just nodding her head.
The lawyer steps out of the closet and walks towards the living space to find a barefoot Donna packing her daughter's lunch for school.
She pats the counter to find the food, not noticing that it's placed on the other table. He takes the sandwich and hands it to her. Her eyes land first on his, then to what he's holding. She accepts it and puts it in the yellow backpack. Her rose lips curve slightly in a thin smile while she mouths a thank you.
"So..." Harvey tastes the waters. "Are we going to acknowledge what you said last night?"
She has seen that coming, but still, she can't possibly be prepared for that kind of conversation.
"Harvey..."
"No, don't Harvey me. You cannot say something like that and then act like nothing happened." He complies.
"I'm not, just," She navigates through the mess of the living room, gathering a few toys left around. "Now is not the time."
"Well, apparently there's never a good time." He grows frustrated because of her neglect. In the past he has been the one to avoid facing the truth and get away from the sincere conversation they should have had. And now the karma wheel has come, leaving him to endure her being evasive.
Donna sighs loudly and rolls her eyes. Heavily, which upsets Harvey even more. He raises his dark eyebrows and sticks his tongue into his inner cheek, ending with pushing the air out of his nostrils.
"We don't do that anymore, Donna. We don't walk away, we face it. Together."
"Yeah, I'm glad you came to this beautiful conclusion, but it took you several years, so forgive me if I need a little more time." She says with a tone of irony that doesn't encounter his liking.
Before he can reply something, they're reached by the sound of little footsteps.
"I'm all ready!" Penelope announces bouncily, rushing into the room. She stops in front of her parents, closes her fists and raises her shoulders, letting her arms rest tightly at her sides.
Instantly, the rules they have set before she was born come to their minds as a big red light.
Rule number one: don't fight FOR ANY REASON in front of your daughter.
Rule number two: if you are fighting and she shows up, don't let her understand what's going on.
Rule number three: don't try to fake a forced happy face, she's too smart and she'll understand.
Rule number four: try and think about something good to make your behavior look more realistic.
Harvey is the one to take the lead and heed the child, while Donna turns around, closes her eyes and takes a big breath. It only takes her a minute, before she recomposes herself and starts cleaning up again.
"Look at you! You're so beautiful!" Harvey compliments the little girl, taking her hand and spinning her around. Her flowy dress follows gently her movements; that reminds him of his and Donna's first dance as man and wife. The memory brings a sincere smile to his lips. Rule number four: checked.
She mirrors his expression, but her face falls when her mother yells at her.
"Penelope how many times have I told you to not leave your things around!" She scolds with the stuffed elephant she has tripped over in her hand. "God I don't know what to do with you anymore." She enters the playroom slamming the door.
The two of them jump at the sound, and, when Harvey blinks, he notices the kid is tearing up. Guilt spreads all over her features and her lower lip quivers. It doesn't take a genius to understand that she's going to cry, but, having raised her, he knows that's her signature look when she's about to burst into tears. It's always been like that, since she was just a baby. Tightness presses on his chest at her sight.
"Hey," He comforts her, putting his palm on her shoulder. "Mom's just a little nervous. She's not really mad at you." He reassures.
She sniffs and crunches her mouth to keep it down. Although her real mood doesn't go unnoticed by her father, who, by the way, has seen this kind of facade in her mother. He knows it too well.
Harvey takes her in his arms, his strong arms than has always managed to keep her safe. He rubs her back while she snuggles closer to his chest.
"It's okay, really." He puts her down after several minutes. "C'mon, I'll take you to school, we don't want to deny anyone the sight of you in this dress." He cheers her up.
Harvey considers advising Donna they're making their way out, but decides it's better letting her blow some steam off.
He closes the door with heavy heart, not knowing that she's still locked up inside the playroom, sobbing and holding the tiny elephant close to her chest.
.
.
Six years ago:
Donna pulls the glass door of Harvey's office and steps in the room. She closes it behind her and takes a few heavy steps ahead. She still moves around the firm gracefully, but an attentive eye can see something is different . Like Harvey's eye.
If he had to tell the whole truth, he had kinda avoided her. And now he feels like he has neglected her, missing that she hasn't been okay. Maybe because of him.
"You wanted to see me?" She asks formally, perhaps a little bit too formally.
She seems almost sick, like she's about to pass out; a mixture of paleness, big black round circles under a pair of glassy eyes and tired body. But the thing that raises a red flag is the way her shoulders are tense, yet her posture acquires a shade of insecurity rather than fierceness.
He examines her a few more times, lingering on her longer than normal. This would have usually gotten a reaction out of her, probably some witty joke about his staring, but he gets none. Another clear sign something is not right.
"Yes, I wanted to ask you to make some copies of the Phillips Merger." He asks with a hidden agenda, handing her a stack of documents.
Her brain needs several seconds to get the message the ears have heard. Her dead eyes break away from the invisible spot she was looking at, before they scan the surroundings and land on the folders.
She absently takes them out of his hands and goes to step out of the room without saying a word.
"No wait," He catches her attention. "You don't make photocopies. You've told me that the first week you've started working for me." He reminds her.
She turns around wearily and he swears he has never seen her eyes so briefly open. Almost as she's trying not to fall asleep.
"I don't understand Harvey, do you want me to make these damn copies or not?" She says, slightly annoyed.
"That isn't even the Phillips Merger, Donna." He reveals to her, motioning at the files she's holding.
She takes more than necessary to understand what he's talking about, no less. He is starting to worry. He senses she wants to reply, but she's too tired to engage in that kind of conversation.
"Why would you give me the wrong-" She questions his intentions, but gets cut off.
"You would have seen that coming miles away..." Harvey starts.
When the eye contact is not exactly needed, her gaze falls back into the oblivion. It's frightening how distracted she is. He's basically talking to another person, might as well be a wall. So he does what she would do to him; after all, the situation requires a Donna, and she clearly can't be her.
"Ok, stop being ridiculous and tell me already." He switches from good to bad cop.
His secretary doesn't give him less than a thirty percent attention, just enough to articulate a comply.
"What are you saying?" She mumbles.
"I'm saying you haven't been yourself lately, and I want to know why." Harvey demands firmly, but gently.
She frowns her brows.
"You have dragged yourself around like a ghost for days now. You don't speak, you don't participate, you don't even notice when I set a trap..." He continues.
The position he has assumed is becoming uncomfortable for him. It gives him the feeling of being just a demanding boss whining about his lazy secretary.
"I'm sorry, I'll be more accurate. Now if you excuse me," She tells him as she heads out for the second time.
"You really don't get it do you?" He chuckles nervously with a shake of his head. "I don't give a shit about your work performance, I care about you!" He raises his voice. After all, she isn't the only one who is being hurting.
Donna hates the fact that, even though she is the subject of their conversation, she's feeling sorry for him. She just can't stand she's making him worry. But she knows that keeping the secret from him can be more good than bad; because it would break him. Or at least she has the audacity of presuming it.
She remains silent as a crypt.
"If this is about what happened between us-" He tentatively suggests.
"It's not." She reassures him, even if it sure has affected her.
"Then what it is? Donna you can't just cut me out. Talk to me." He pleads.
Suddenly her eyes are fixated on his, and he almost wishes she had kept them on the floor. They are filled with pain and rage.
They don't belong to his Donna.
"Talk to you? Really? Why do I have to be the one to talk to you when you have bailed out after that night?!" She shouts at him with a newfound force.
It's a knife that cuts deep in his guts. Because she's accusing him of exactly what he did.
"I get that Harvey. I was hurting, we got caught up in the moment and we slept together." She says matter-of-factly, depriving that moment of the love they have both felt, but that neither of them have had the courage to confess. "You want to forget about it and move on? Fine by me, but then you can't act like you're so thoughtful."
Within a few minutes, they are yelling at each other. The contents are not even understandable, giving they're speaking at the same time. It's just a stream of unspoken feelings and turmoils. The room fills with tension and they are ticking bomb machines. One of them is going to explode.
"Ok fine, you want to know what's going on? I'm pregnant, Harvey."
There it is.
It's out.
She hasn't even been sure about saying it out loud, till she did.
All the colors leave Harvey's face and his breath gets sucked from his lungs. His stomach turns and his ears ring.
He has lost too much time being a coward. Now she'll walk out of his life, for something bigger and better.
"You want to talk about the fact that I'm ashamed like never in my life? That I'm lost and scared? That I'm possibly carrying a murder's baby?" She keeps going.
"What you mean possibly?" He manages to let out.
"I don't know if it's Stephen's or yours." She confesses with a broken voice.
.
.
Harvey had arrived at the office right on time. He always does when he takes Penelope to school. But, with his busy schedule, that doesn't happen very much. Is usually him who delegates the task to Donna, having more flexible hours, or Heather, being the babysitter. He had thought that meant not being a good dad and expecting the woman to do all the work. Instead, Donna has assured him that, being COO, she had more leeway.
Harvey had expected her to come into work after a hour maximum. Then he would have had to find her in her office, hear the usual grievances, and finally they would talk.
On the contrary, she's nowhere to be seen till it's late afternoon.
"We have to talk." Donna storms into Harvey's office.
"Oh, so I don't hear from you since your outburst this morning and now you want to talk?" He drops his fountain pen on the desk and leans back on his seat.
"Harvey." She warns.
In all the years they've been together, he's grown to understand when's the moment to tease and when's the moment to drop it. This is one of them.
Plus, her saying his name like that, is enough to make him lower his guard.
"Fine, tell me what happened." His features soften, as he gets ready to listen.
Donna walks closer and, keeping her dress in place with both hands, takes one of the seats in front of his desk, crossing her legs. She opens her mouth, but closes it immediately after. Finding the words is harder than expected. She knows exactly how she feels, yet, verbalizing it is a totally different thing. So, she goes with a simple summary of the event, hoping that - as always - he'll be able to draw the conclusions.
"I had to meet Bishop, you had that deposition, so I took Penelope with me and left her in the waiting room with Mike.
When I came back he was there, talking to her and I just- I panicked.
I was about to get away from there but, out of nowhere, he commented on the fact that she was born a little after he went to prison."
"And what did you say?" He bends over and rests his elbows on the desk.
"I didn't say anything, I just walked away." She shrugs.
"So he doesn't know for sure." He suggests, full of hope.
He believes it's positive. He hasn't been told with the exact words, so Stephen can't be certain. He might as well not pay attention to it. Who knows, maybe he had just wanted to point out the fact that Donna got another man after a little time. Not a brilliant mark in Donna's fame, but certainly better than the other option.
"No, but, Harvey, that's not the point. I'm pretty sure he's understood it, but he doesn't know about you, about me and I... I don't want him around her." She tells him resolutely.
"So, where do we go from here?" Harvey wonders, giving her free choice. He's always trusted her judgment, even when she kissed him while he was seeing Paula and he told her otherwise. Truth is, he didn't trust his judgment. He knows what he wants, but, of course, it'll work in his interest. And right now, they have to put Penelope first.
"Look, I'm sure as hell not going to be the one to call him and tell him to join us for a tea party." He lets out chuckle at her words, forgetting for a moment the situation they might find themselves in. "And he's just gotten out of jail, he isn't in the right frame of mind to worry about parenting."
"So we just act like nothing happened?" He finds this way out too easy.
"We go on with our lives. And if he recurs, we'll figure it out." She says, hoping that the if won't be needed.
He nods as she lets out a sigh.
Donna purses her lips and gives him a sheepish look. Wanted or not, it has an affect on Harvey. She seems so vulnerable, and he suddenly feels the urge to be close to her and to kiss her.
He pulls himself and the chair slightly backwards, pushing on his feet. He motions her to come closer, with that adorable grin plastered on his face. She rounds the glass piece of furniture and comes to stand in front her husband. She acts like she expects an engraved invitation, although she knows he wants her to sit on his lap. He rolls his eyes and guides her down, while she throws her arms around his neck.
She stares right into his soul with that deep hazel eyes, and his heart beats faster. She still manages to do that like it was the first time.
"I'm sorry I put you in this position." She whispers.
"Donna," He tucks a red lock behind her ear. "The moment I told you I didn't care if I was her biological father or Stephen, I meant it." He hates that she thinks that their life is some kind of arrangement that fell into his lap. There was a choice, and he chose them.
"I know, but, " She's not sure she wants to hear the answer to this question, but keeps asking it regardless. "Do you regret it now? Not having wanted to do a paternity test? Living in the unknown?"
"Donna, if there's one thing I do know, is that I've loved her as mine since the second she was born and some blood test wouldn't have changed a thing."
Millions of butterflies are set free in her stomach, as she wonders how the hell did she get so lucky. The unconditional love and adoration she feels for him almost scares her.
"You're really something else, aren't you?" She smirks.
"I'm the one who wants to bring his wife home to their daughter." He gives her a chaste yet significant peck on the lips.
"She's probably mad at me, poor kid, I yelled at her for some stuffed toy." She says standing up, followed by him.
"Watch it, that thing costed me a fortune." He laughs, breaking the tension, and lets her hook her arm around his.
.
.
Donna knocks gently on the wooden door two times. The lack of response makes her open it slightly, just enough for her to peek out. She glimpses a body under a fluffy cover and decides to slide into the room and approach the bed quietly.
She climbs into it and, resting it against the headboard, she turns her head to watch the apparently sleeping kid. Her daughter has her back turned at her and her eyes are closed. Her cheeks are a bit red because of the heat the blanket brings during the not so winterly month, and she smells like baby. The mixture of milk and clean awakens her senses, making her hormones go like crazy. She can't take it anymore and decides they have to talk now.
"Penelope?" She taps her shoulder.
Penelope is wide awake, not able to fall asleep without a goodnight kiss from her parents, especially if one of them is angry at her. But she's decided she won't talk to her mother, because she's angry too. She can't stand being scolded, so she reacts raising her walls up. Something a certain person - that Donna knows well - used to do a lot. Occasionally still does.
However, Donna knows her better than anyone else, and senses she's just faking.
"Don't do that, you make me feel a bad mother." She presses her, looking at her hands crossed on her lap.
Penelope cracks one eye open and raises her head to look behind her shoulder at the other redhead.
"You are." She whines childishly.
Donna eye-sides her, that alone makes the kid riformulate the phrase.
"I mean, you treated me badly this morning..." She tries again, a little scared by the implications of her first sentence, but still wanting to prove her point.
"You're right. I was nervous for something else and I shouldn't have snapped at you." She apologizes the only way she knows: telling the truth.
Penelope plays hard-to-get for a few seconds, but gives up immediately after, cuddling up in her mother's welcoming arms. They shift lower under the sheets, under the very hot blanket.
The COO gently caresses her scalp with one hand, and hugs her with the other.
"That doesn't mean you can leave your toys around." Donna mumbles in her hair, making her daughter laugh before they can both finally close their eyes.
When Harvey doesn't see his wife come to bed, he checks all the apartment's rooms, but he knows exactly where she is.
He stops on the threshold of Penelope's bedroom, watching mother and daughter asleep in each other's arms. A big smile splays across his lips. He just hopes he'll still get to witness to scenes like this in the future.
Soo, I'll hopefully come back soon with a chapter where you can be sure, you'll find Stephen. Let me know what you think!