(in which we lewd the maiden)

"Uuuuugggaaa..." Painter jumped up with a jolt-

POW! To hit a low ceiling.

"..." A strange doctor is across him, taking notes on something. It seems he was in a strange-looking bed.

"Uh... What happened?"

"..." He gestured to a computer screen, where a tape begin playing...

*-*FREAKIN RECORDINGS*-*

"Fantasy Heaven!" Reimu shouted.

"Absolute Sign ~ Absolute Zero."

The sudden burst of magic obliterated the village, blowing everything away from the conflicting magic. Suddenly, however...

"Freeze."

At that moment, all of the yin-yang orbs froze, and falls limply to the ground. Without the holy force protecting her, Reimu is quickly trapped in a blast of lethal ice magic.

Bloop! She blinks out of existence, only to flicker back still inside the range of the attack.

"Ahg!" Reimu is smacked by magic from all sides. After the barrage, she falls unconscious.

"Die, descendant of Hakurei." The Seraph summoned an ice greatsword, ready to deal the final blow...

Suddenly, something dragged Reimu away from the battlefield!

Clang! She falls into a hatch, which then closed.

"Tch. She got away... somehow." Seraph Nine gritted her teeth, then changed into her 'little fairy form'.

*-*FREAKIN PARODIES*-*

"..." The doctor then points to another bed, like Painter's. A naked girl with brown hair seems to be sleeping...

'Wait, is that-' Painter quickly turned back to the doctor. "Is that... her?"

"..." The doctor nodded slowly, then brought up a handwritten chart in front of Painter.

—*RANDOM CHARTS*

Name: Reimu

Gender: Female.

Race: Human

Magical Affinity: Holy

Notes: Extremely low body temperature. Requires exposure to hot air for 24 hours naked. (Fixed.)

Extremely high blood loss. Fix with patching herbs and blood creation-helping plant leaves. (Fixed.)

Coma. Resume revival bed until unneeded.

"...There's too many things here!" Painter shouted at the random charts.

He finally looked around the room. There was just a small room with no doors and one computer screen.

"Hrn~h..." The girl's form twitched.

Painter suddenly noticed what is going to happen next. "This isn't good..."

"ok" And with that, the doctor pressed a switch, fell into a hatch, and closed it immediately after.

"Hey!" Painter looked at the hatch, and back at Reimu.

She looked at Painter, suddenly looked back at herself, and started to blush a deep red.

"I... cannot explain, sadly." Painter backed away from her.

Fwam! Fwam! Fwam!

*-*Makes me wonder if that could count as a lewd scene*-*

Finally calming down, Reimu fall onto her knees. "Hah, hah, hah..."

Suddenly, the stupidly robotic voice echoed out. "I believe I have no need to heal you, M. S. Painter."

Painter attempted to jump up, but is still weakened by the barrage. "Y-you!"

The robot continues. "You know, I've also made this place Anti-Magic and Anti-Ability. There's actually no escape if you're just ramming into each other like that."

Reimu's eyes flared up, and launched beams of mass destruction from her eyes.

...A death stare, so to speak. However, she's just staring at the moniter.

"Oof." The robot said calmly.

Also, it's now a naked Painter and a naked Reimu in an isolated room, with a camera, a voice recorder, a moniter, the two beds, and the robot. Presumably, the doctor is also watching.

"...So, what happened?" Painter tried small talk, attempting to divert his gaze away from his companion as much as possible.

Reimu huffed. "That fairy... she is so much stronger... How can she even halt the power of Fantasy Heaven?"

"Let's watch the replay." The robot offered. It replays the exact time Fantasy Heaven stopped working: the yin-yang balls suddenly stopped by an unknown power.

"That power... that isn't Cirno's own power..!" Reimu gritted her teeth. "Who the hell could do this kind of thing!?"

The robot does a recorded audible sigh. "How am I supposed to know? I only have one clue as of recent."

Painter looked up at the robot in interest. "A clue?"

"Yes. Seraph Nine's body is only one-ninth native to Gensokyo, which has the properties of Cirno herself. It is likely that Seraph Nine is not just Cirno herself." The robot said. "Also, your clothes are under the revival beds."

They both looked under the bed, and indeed there they are.

"The Ancient Medic may've saved you once, but there might not be another chance to recover both of you. He is currently trying his best to disrupt Seraph Nine's influence on this plane of existence." The robot explained. "You both are not special, and certainly aren't the only pair of opposite genders sitting naked side-by-side."

Painter finally finished wearing his outfit. "Thanks for that. I sure hope you didn't film us."

The robot did a laugh. "I suppose that'll be impossible. I can, however, erase time periods of the film where nothing goes wrong."

Reimu dusted her maiden uniform, before doing something.

Boom! The nearby wall broke down, revealing the usual landscapes of Gensokyo.

"Let's go, Painter. We need not waste more time, for I am now sure Gensokyo is at risk." Reimu loked at Painter intensely, her iris never breaking out of a tone of red.

*-*FREAKIN PARODIES*-*

"I mean, sure... I know you wanted to beat up Cirno again, but... Isn't it too early? I mean, you can't fight Cirno even after you put everything into your greatest attack." Painter spoke softly, while they run back to the shrine.

...By they, I mean him alone. Because Reimu's flying.

"Yeah, yeah. That's why I'm running over there. There's probably at least three people there that could fight." Reimu sighed, as she grazed another tree branch.

Tic!

Soon enough, they reached the dreaded Hakurei stairs. "This formidable enemy is able to tire even the most strong of Youkai." is written in a plywood sign besides it.

"Ah." Painter looked at the angelic(?) flight of stairs.

Fwoosh! Suddenly, a gale lifted him up, and lifted him across the entire thing. "Huh."

"Yo ho ho, dude! You ain't climbing that shit anytime soon without fainting!" Brad is upstairs, waving his wind hanger around. Typhoon Carrier, was it?

Reimu walked up the stairs for some reason, instead of flying.

In the shrine, several people are gathering around. T-Man's making T-posing dirt mannequins, while Marisa jumps around the shrine. A drunk little girl with horns is sleeping peacefully under the kotatsu. The maid from before is holding up a pink umbrella for a young girl with bat wings, with a purple-haired girl in pajamas by the side.

And there's the same medic from before, scanning the landscapes of Gensokyo.

"It seems the crowd of misfits have all been gathered." Irma Grese poked out from behind the shrine. "Now, let's discuss battle plans."

*--*Chapter End*--*

M. S. Painter, the Artistic Outsider.

LV 6 ATK 75 DEF 0 HP 150 MP 24

No elemental affinities.

EQUIPS:

• Good Paint Brush: A brush that is filled with paint of random colors. With the Output Controller, able to manipulate the flow of paint. 30 ATK.

• Ordinary Uniform: A normal outfit familiar in the Outside World. Non-elemental. 0 DEF.

ITEMS:

• Backpack: Takes no inventory space, because it's the inventory space. 10 Storage. (2/10 Storage)

• Spiky Ball: It hurts. 7 DMG. Ignores DEF.

• Giant Brush: A brush that probably isn't used for painting. ? ATK.

MAGIC:

None.

MISC.:

None.

PARTY: If I write them all, this chapter would be out a week later.

Parodyist's Note:

Hello, school.

While the next chapter should be a Gap Chapter, it's actually a little comic written on Danmaku Paradise.

Which means it'll arrive near instantaneously.

And now, the Parodyist should prepare for his science project. And actually writing the party members.