Ash was nine when Gary stopped wanting to hang out with her. They were rivals, he insisted, and shouldn't keep giving each other the advantage. She had no idea what he was talking about, because why couldn't they still be friends too? What advantages? But Gary wouldn't hear a word she said, and so now Ash was left alone.

Well, not alone, but now she only had Pokemon friends, no human ones. She sort of had Serena, her pen pal she met back when she was six and at the professor's summer camp, but letters took a long time to go to and come from Kalos. And Serena wasn't like her best friend, who she could sneak out to go play with in the Corral. Except Gary didn't want to do that anymore because they were rivals.

Humans were stupid, Ash decided. That's all there was to it.

So she was content to spend her time with Titania and Oberon, practicing their moves and playing with all the Pokemon trainers left to be cared for at Oak's ranch. Ash stopped bothering to speak to any humans unless spoken to, because it wasn't worth risking losing another friend, so why waste the energy? Besides, Pokemon were more interesting. The only exceptions were Delia, Samuel and Daisy Oak, and the letters from Serena.

Becoming a Pokemon trainer became Ash's passion. She loved Pokemon, loved the thrill of directing them in battle, loved seeing them grow in power and skill. And even though she hated studying, she was thorough in educating herself about every aspect of Pokemon she could, from their dietary needs to how to train the different species.

She researched foreign practices on the computer in the library, copied and experimented with recipes for specialized Pokemon food, Poke Puffs, Poffins and Pokeblocks (that her Pokemon were more than happy to test for her, although she always felt the strange need to bake them in secret, and begged Professor Oak not to tell her mother that she'd asked to use his Berry Blender), and took lengthy notes on strategies and tactics used in any official League battle recordings she could get her hands on.

Sometimes she saw Gary out in the fields of the Corral, training his Umbreon and Eevee through spars. He didn't do much else for them.

There was a part of her that wanted to glare and snap at him that he should be focusing on more than just mock battles, that he didn't have to be an ass to be her rival, that he wouldn't even be able to keep up with her if he kept on like this. That part felt older and bitter, impatient like she'd been through the whole growing up thing before and was over it, but she ignored it like she did so many of the words that danced on the tip of her tongue without her permission. She was Ash Ketchum, nothing more, nothing less. She didn't need to think about spotty half-memories from a life she most certainly had not lived.

XxXxX

Delia was a strong woman and capable mother. Ash knew this, admired her for all she did to provide for her only child, and was very much aware of the sacrifices Delia had made for her throughout her life. She loved her mother. She loved her mother's warmth, the way she hummed when she cooked, how she was extremely smart and resourceful. Ash thought that it was amazing how many things Delia knew how to do, from housework to finances to science to caring for Pokemon.

Delia was brilliant, but Ash suspected that sometimes she forgot that Ash was more active than her mother ever was. Delia often commented on how smart Ash was, that Ash would make a good researcher, or breeder. She mentioned that Professor Oak could use some more assistants, and the words were repeated with increasing frequency the closer Ash's tenth birthday came.

Ash's dream was to be a Pokemon Master. She wanted to know the ins and outs of every Pokemon, be able to work with all of them, to befriend as many as she could and become strong. Champion strong. She wanted to build a close-knit team that she could fight seamlessly with.

There was a lot of passion and a dark sense of foreboding (she'd need as much strength as she can get, for what was coming－she didn't know what was coming, not really. She did, sometimes, but the words stuck on her tongue because she couldn't say them. She wouldn't. But it was coming, and every cell in her body screamed that she had to be ready) involved in her dream, but it was her dream. And to achieve it, she had to leave Pallet and go on a journey.

Delia knew that.

She knew that Ash had made plans and backup plans and drawn up training schedules, that Ash had meticulously accounted for a staggering number of variables in her upcoming travels. She had a list of the sort of Pokemon she'd be on the lookout for, what Gyms she would challenge and in what order, and dozens of notebooks detailing what strategies she would use depending on what Pokemon would be on her potential team.

So the day before Ash would be going to the lab to pick her official starter, just six months after her tenth birthday, she was not expecting Delia to stare darkly at the already-packed backpack by the door and frown.

"Ash, why is your bag there?"

"So I don't forget it tomorrow," the girl replied, eyebrows furrowed. Her mother knew she liked to be prepared the night before at least, because she was always slow to wake up and start functioning. But maybe Delia was right, it was probably in the way. "Sorry, I'll hang it on the coat rack so it's not underfoot."

"... You aren't seriously leaving tomorrow, are you Ashy?" Delia asked, suddenly teary-eyed. "You're still so young, why don't you wait a few years, get your schooling out of the way? I'm sure there's more Samuel would be happy to teach you, you could even work at the Corral with all the Pokemon."

Oberon's slim form pressed up against Ash's shin, but he was tense. Ash felt some of the warmth in her body drain away, but stayed calm. Something in her knew where this was going, but she ignored it in favor of focusing on her mother's eyes. They were frighteningly intense, a little desperate, a little panicked.

"Almost all kids leave on their journeys at ten, Mom. And I'm more prepared than most, so there's no need to worry, I've been ready for months. I'll have Oberon and Titania to keep me safe," Ash reassured, but wavered as Delia's eyes flashed, narrowed in sudden decision.

"No, you'll be staying here," the woman said sternly, "and you can study to be a researcher. You will not be going on a journey, young lady, not tomorrow, not ever!"

Ash was floored. This was the first time that her mother had voiced a protest about Ash's journey, and the expression on her face… Delia's lips were pressed into a thin line, her amber eyes narrowed and filled with conflicting emotions, jaw tense and loose hairs shaking－Delia was trembling.

Why?

"I don't want to be a researcher, Mom," Ash began, but her mother shook her head.

"Then you can study Pokemon breeding, or evolution, or－"

"I want to be a Pokemon Master!" Ash burst out, and the house was quiet. She hadn't even noticed they both had been almost yelling until just now, when Delia's breaths came heavy and shaky. The silence was unnerving.

Ash's face felt tingly and numb, entire body cold. She didn't understand why this was happening. What was wrong with a journey? Was it because she was a girl? No, Daisy did it, and Delia had been so proud… so what was it?

"You know what," Delia started, but she faltered and had to start again, angry and frustrated and loud with her trembling voice that cracked as it rose farther. "You know what, you're like your father. If you're that serious about leaving, you can be just like him and stay gone too!"

Just like that, Ash felt her words vanish. There was nothing she could say to that, nothing that would ease the overwhelming hurt from what had just been said. When the emotions exploded in her head and heart, she cut their strings and let the tangled mess drop down deep, deep where she could no longer feel them. Ash turned, picked up her bag, and snapped her fingers twice; it was a signal for her Pokemon to follow, something she'd had in place since they were little curious Eevee who liked to run off.

Titania glowered at Delia as she slunk past the frozen woman with stiff ribbons, who had yet to make a single movement after her words had fallen into the silence. Ash snapped once more, a sudden urgency overtaking her as she slid on her new sneakers and shouldered her backpack.

She left without a word.

Flanked by her concerned Pokemon, Ash barely even registered that she walked all the way to the woods just to the side of the Corral, and numbly set up camp. Motion by motion, she prepared herself for bed, as it was already sundown－how much time had passed since…－and there was nothing more to be done.

"Syl?" Titania crooned at her, once she'd gotten into her sleeping bag inside her tent.

"Everything's fine, sweetie," Ash whispered, also reaching out to stroke Oberon's spine in reassurance. "This is a good practice run for when we're out on the road, isn't it? Let's get some rest, we should start early tomorrow, I don't want to deal with Gary."

After that day, Ash would never bring up the brief but world-shattering argument with her mother. It would be a very long time until someone really put the pieces together, as to why Ash never talked about her parents.

XxXxX

"Thanks for letting me use the shower, Daisy," Ash sighed, toweling off her damp hair before shoving it beneath her hat. She'd had it cropped short for several years; the way it spiked up to the sides felt natural, not weird like when she had it long. "Don't tell Gary I left before him, please? He's been weird about stuff like that ever since he decided we were rivals."

Daisy Oak nodded, though she was frowning, viridian irises filled with concern. To the younger girl's relief, she didn't ask about why Ash had climbed through her window at six in the morning with leaves in her hair and bags under her eyes. She'd just pointed to the bathroom and tossed her a towel.

"Alright, if you're sure… have you eaten yet?"

A loud gurgling answered her, and Daisy laughed while Ash blushed. It didn't take long for the older girl to whip up some breakfast, leaving plates covered on the table for the Professor and Gary. Daisy then tucked a map into Ash's bag, leaning down to pet an oddly quiet Oberon and even more serious than normal Titania for a moment before straightening and catching Ash's gaze.

"You know you can call or email me whenever," Daisy said firmly, lifting Ash's cap to ruffle her short hair. "You're my little sister too, Ashka, so don't just up and vanish on me, okay? I want regular check ins! Every time you get to a city and before you leave it, am I understood?"

Unable to speak through the lump in her throat, Ash nodded. Daisy smiled softly and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead.

"Good luck, squirt. Grandpa's in his study, you can just go in. I'm sure you've been waiting to get those Pokeballs."

Ash had, actually. While her two partners belonged to her, she wasn't allowed to hold onto their Pokeballs until she'd gotten her trainer's license, which had already been programmed into her PokeDex. Today she'd finally be able to put Titania and Oberon's Pokeballs on her belt where they belonged.

She gave Daisy a tight hug before she went up the stairs, grateful for the girl's kindness. She'd miss Daisy while she was out on the road. Before she opened the door to Samuel's study, she took a moment to appreciate the house she'd spent half her time growing up in. There was the dent in the wall from the time she and Gary had accidentally let a Machop into the house and said the word 'headbutt'; the professor had nearly torn some of his hair out. There was the patched hole in the ceiling because Gary wanted Umbreon to test out Shadow Ball on a pillow and neglected to remember that Umbreon had been struggling with his aim. Even the study door had scratches on it from several incidents where four little Eevee had been play fighting and used it as a springboard to dodge.

It was oddly comforting to know that her existence could be proven. She wouldn't be forgotten so easily, at least.

"Professor?" She called softly as she finally opened the door.

"Ash…? You're quite early, even by your standards," the man commented with a raised eyebrow. He was sitting at his desk, a small pile of paperwork on the wood that likely meant he'd been up all night working on something again.

There's no particular reason for it, she told herself. She was early today and that was the end of that.

"If Gary's so insistent on being my rival," she said with an impressive amount of control, considering she wanted to just burst into tears and throw herself at the man who was basically her adoptive father and grandfather all in one, "he's gonna have to work harder than he is now. I won't make it that easy for him."

Apparently it wasn't enough control, because Samuel's eyes softened and he set aside his papers to motion her closer. When she was within reach, he pulled her into a tight embrace. This was the man who had taken one look at her as a child, when she'd still been wary of life after her father had walked out the door to go to work and never came back, when she'd lost trust in everyone, and said, "Oh, there's my other granddaughter!"

"I won't ask right now," he told her quietly. "Just know that I'm here for you."

If she wasted an hour crying against his lab coat, no one else had to know.

Once she'd gotten herself under control and washed her face, and been handed her partners' Pokeballs, she trailed him to the reception area of the lab, where three Pokeballs were set on a table across from the doorway. Ash paused, knowing that there were four trainers who were meant to head out today. Did he forget? It wouldn't be that unusual...

"Ne, aren't you missing a Pokeball?"

Samuel blinked, than let out a groan. "I knew I was forgetting something… I don't have any spare starters, so the last will have to pick a substitute… Well, I do have that one I just caught, but it's not tame yet…"

Holding back a smile at the man's muttering, Ash glanced at the three Pokeballs on the table, but found herself curious about the Pokemon the professor was considering as a substitute. She was supposed to meet it, she knew. It was important.

"What kind of Pokemon is it? Can I see it?"

"Well, there's no harm in it," Samuel relented easily, shuffling equipment aside to pick up a Pokeball with a lightning bolt sticker on its front. Smiling at her curiousity, he released its inhabitant.

The Pikachu scowled fiercely, glaring daggers at its Pokeball, and Ash got the feeling that it would never go back in it if it had anything to say about it. She took in the scruffy fur and dirt still clinging to it; it had seen better days, but some good food and a little grooming would take care of that easily. There was a stubborn set to its muzzle, eyes that sparked with irritation but also mischief. She knew those eyes, knew them better than she did her own, and she didn't bother to question it. Instead, she simply let the powerful wave of deja vu sweep over her.

"Can I take Pikachu?" She heard herself say, slowly crouching down in front of him. The rodent's scowl seemed to lessen as he looked her over, eyeing the two Pokemon that were not in Pokeballs by her side, and after a moment of silence Pikachu cocked his head to the side.

"Pika pi?"

"Es, espe eon," Oberon nodded, eyes bright and eager. The Psychic type padded forwards to greet Pikachu, his gem and eyes flashing with psychic energy as the two held wordless conversation. A minute later Oberon stepped back, and Pikachu looked up at Ash with less suspicion.

Samuel raised his eyebrows, and asked, "Are you sure? You've always wanted a Charmander, and you are the first to arrive."

"One hundred percent sure," she replied, gaze never leaving Pikachu's. "I choose Pikachu."

The statement seemed to be enough for the little Electric type, who seemed to nod to himself before jumping onto Ash's shoulder. His weight settled there easily, and suddenly a piece that Ash had never realized was missing snapped into place. Pikachu was meant to be right there with her, forever, her partner and friend.

Ash beamed, accepting Pikachu's Pokeball and securing it on her belt beside Oberon and Titania's. The professor just chuckled, amused but no stranger to Ash's undecipherable thought process, before handing her Oberon and Titania's Pokeballs, a PokeDex and five empty Pokeballs.

"You know what to do with these, I'm sure," he smiled.

Ash nodded, resettling her pack after putting everything away, three Pokeballs on her belt and a spare in each pocket. "Thanks a bunch, Professor. I'll let you know when I reach Viridian."

"Please do, and be careful! There's been sightings of a Fearow on Route 1… And Ash?"

"Hm?"

"I'm proud of you."

Ash and her team set off just twenty minutes later, after cleaning Pikachu up, still early enough that most of Pallet Town was either still asleep or not yet ready to start their day. She never realized that Gary had been awake and listening, had heard her crying and easily concluded from the looks on Daisy and his grandfather's face that something had gone very wrong either that morning or the night before. She never found out that Gary stomped over to her house to demand answers, only for Delia to coldly (tearfully) deny ever having a child－one can only take so much, the woman thought distantly, before they have to let go for good or risk permanent damage－and send the stunned boy on his way.

Ash never found out a lot of things, but what she did was only learned much later, when she'd already lost hope of ever having a home in Pallet Town again.