Chapter 64: THE FINAL BATTLE ! (?)
"Let's Get It Started"
1.
Luke and Fireeyes flew to the edge of the universe. They argued a lot over whtether you leave the toilet seat up.
Fireeyes: You put it down ya chump.
Luke: No you put it up.
Fireeyes: No that's women are you a woman.
Luke: THAT'S TRANSFORBIC Luke began to cry
Threepio and Black Robot banged it out in teh cockpit (Wink) and they invited 2D but he wasn;t interested (I beleive in waiting till marraige) he said.
Just when they thought they were going to get to the edge of the universe with the oil . . . they found . . . a planet populated by green ewoks.
Fireeyes: What's this about?
You see a great, sylvan plant. There are beautiful trees everywhere. The gree ewoks are working hard, like slaves, but not for oil. They are collecting rocks in a coal mine, throwing away gold when they find it. The king of the ewoks looks at you as he sends his daughter, Belinda, into the mines. To die. All are gathering rocks to build one great ediface. A huge statue, of a face. The face is green, and it has a huge chin. It looks like someone we've seen before . . .
The green man who killed Han.
The ewoks suffer to build his face.
Fireeyes: That's some bullshit right there.
2.
Meamwhile: On the surface of the deathstar.
Vade, who was about to duke it out with Mall, saw his daughter arrive in her ship. Her eyes shined. And vade, for the first time, thought of his daugher, how strong and beautiful she was, and he thought of the lord.
Darth Vader, Father and Master of the dark side of the force, repented.
"Lower your weapons." he said to all of his men, and they did.
"What fresh nonsense is this." said Mall, and also his other half.
"I have hurt people, I did it because I was afraid." said vader, trying not to cry, but crying, and the tears made electric buzzes in his eyes.
"SO what!" said Mall, "My God will still curbstomp your ass." and his crotch and legs agreed.
"Not so fast!" said a voice.
They all looked over and saw Ray, there was a golden lifesaver in her mouth.
"Hey look," said Finn, grinning from ear to ear "Its my girlfriend."
AUTHORS NOTE: Ray in star wars in really powerful. I think she's too powerful. She can fly the milenium falcon, and she can defeat Kylo Ren, and she can fly (I think) so i "Nerfed" her, as they say in the videogame world. In my story Ray is the same but she has no arms, just to make the fight fair.
"You were the one who killed me parents." said Ray.
"Hah! Yes! I rememeber." said Mall's lower half "The king and queen of Tatooine. I slew them myself, and I LOVED IT."
Vade and Laya tried to warn Ray about the army that Mall had hidden inside of his Muslim Temple, but she was too fast, she ran in and they ran at her.
FWOOSH!
One slash of her saver and they all started to explode, slowly behind her.
Holy shit!
Mall knew that he had finally found a worthy adversay. He grinned, and so did his legs, by moving the zipper on his pants, and both parts of his body attacked her at once. Two arms and two legs versus one mouth, to the death. Meanwhile, the statue of Allah began to move on its own . . .
3.
Mistake solo, up in the bove, watched the heartrenching duel and bit his fingernails. It was a bad habit. His biological daddy hadn't been able to help him get over it because his bio dad had webbed frog fimger (fish fingers).
But Annakin saw something coming up over the horizon.
It was a big purple ship with green windows, bigger than the death star.
I know that smell.
Thought Annie, when he sniffed it from a distance.
That smell. Where have I sniffed it before.
Then he realezd. It was the smell of the dead. He smelled it once before when his adopted father, Fireeyes, had shot Count Dooku to death with the Gun.
The smell of a hundred rotting corpses.
He read the side of the ship and it said, "Grim Reaker" and he thinks he knows why.
There were bones chained to the side of the ship, their remaining bits of skin and cartlidge rotting away. The dead bodies of three kids.
The rotting kids shook in the dead winds of space.
4.
Ray and Mall dueld for five whole minutes, which isn't that long in real life but is in a sword fight because each sword move happens in less than a second. More and more soliders came and she killed them too and Finn tore off his shirt and belted
"THAT'S MY GRIL!"
Vade, Laya. and whoever else was there sat on their asses, Vade was done with trying to use power and fear on people.
Laya actually said to her father "Shouldn;t we help?"
And Vader said "No. This is her battle. Not ours."
Ray managed to kill Maul's legs, but his head and arms (the sapiosexual part of him) kept it going.
Finally, Ray cut Mall's upper body in half.
He cried out, a great shout that shook the death star, and he said, "Finally, I can rest. I died once and should have stayed dead. I want my 700 virgins in heaven. I've never been satisfied with my sex life."
"You fool." said Ray, watching him expire. "Allah isn't up in heaven. Jesus is, and he's going to whoop you for what you did here on earth."
Maul smiled evily "I'll see you in hell, bitch."
But she said "I wont be there. Say hi to Kylo Ren for me." and she kicked him off the bridge.
5.
Sussana, who was now wearing a tight astronaught suit that showed her nipples and her panty line, blushed at Ray, because she was turned-on by power.
"Okay, let;s all go home." said Ray, who still had no arms.
"Not so fast." a sinsiter belted out from a distance, and suddenly they all noticed thar the sky was eclipsed by a great spaceship painted purple.
GRIM REAKER
It landed and The Green Man from the chapter (green wedding) stepped out.
"I'm here to ruin everything!" he decalred gleefully.
Vade tried to protest, but one of his two robot servants, the short one, tazed him and he couldn;t move.
"I want the code!" the man demanded flexing his immeasurable chin.
Sussana was still looking at Ray's ass ;)
"I've heard of you." said Clark, coming up from an elevator. "They call you Hacker."
Hack drew his laser pistol and pointed it in a random direction and fired with rage.
THAT'S THEEEEE HACKER TO YOU!
His shot hit Ackbar, who was standing in the crowd minding his own damn business. It hit him and he fell, and as the light passed from his eyes he said his first words that weren't "Its a trap." he said, "I'm sorry" as he looked at the wreckage he had done in the name of his god and country.
"What do you want?" demanded Leah.
"I am here for a very important computer code." said the hacker. "I need the source code for God."
"You mean Allah!" said all of Mall's remaining troops.
"It doesn;t matter." said Hack "All one person with the same name, and I will infiltrate him :D"
He shot more random blasts and killed some storm troopers. One bolt aimed at Vade, who was paralyzed, but someone small and round got in the way.
It was the head of boss nass.
It fell, burned, into his arms.
"No." said Vade, who had a conscience now.
"Listen, I always thought I-sa was the boss." said Nass, "But you-sa was the best boss I've ever had."
Vade sobbed, but he still couldn't move.
Then hacker's cryng robots shot Largann and Bobba Fet and Finn (But they only gave Finn a cool scar they didn't kill him)
Ray ran in, but a great big hand stopped her. It was the hand of Allah.
She looked up at Allah and saw that the statue was actually a huge robot piloted by half of Mall's head.
"Listen." he said, "I know we don't like each other, but both of us believe in God, and neither of us want that dipshit to get inside him."
Ray nodded saddly.
"Fly you fool." he said, and then he dashed in to take on hack while everyone retreated.
Mall and Clark and all of Mall's men were shot full of bullets.
Hack was furios that he couldn't catch Laya and Vade and Sussana, as he stood on the wreckage of the battlefield, he looked over in their direction and screamed.
"WHAT IN GOOD HELL!"
Then he beat his crying robots.
6.
Luke and Fireeyes found oil, but they had seen terrible things as well. As they flew back towards Tatooine, Fireeyes realized that just for a few seconds, he didn't hate his brother, and Luke realized he missed their dad.
Luke: Hey. I think everything will be okay.
Fireeyes: Yes. It probably will.
END OF SEASON 3