Hey guys, next update time! The has got to be one of the longest chapters I have EVER written for a fanfiction, but I honestly couldn't bring myself to separate it into any more sections! I hope you enjoy this overdue segment of our story!

August 5th 2014, Nebraska, United States

She'd blasted her way through multiple scumbags, yelled at three agents, cursed two locked doors and snapped at one of the analysts before Natasha finally spoke.

"Something you wanna tell me?"

Fist connecting with another HYDRA agent's face, Beth snarled.

"Not particularly."

"Really? Cause, the fact you're not even attempting to use non-lethal force tells me otherwise."

Another punch, the guy who'd tried and failed to sneak attack her dropping like stone. She didn't flinch, stepping over his body as if he were simply a minor inconvenience.

"Focus on the mission, Nat"

She saw Natasha's lips purse. She also didn't care. Her job was to take down the base. If that meant erasing HYDRA scum in the process, she was more than okay with that. She knew Steve was still doing his best to lower the fatality rate, but every time she tried to hold herself back from that killing blow, Bucky's eyes would flash in her mind and the barely existing thread of restraint vanished.

As far as secret hideouts went, it was fairly small, built only to contain a small number of projects, along with one larger project that had Beth's fingers clenching harder as she stared up at the now empty cryochamber. She knew they'd stuffed Bucky in there at least twice from the Intel they'd gathered beforehand. She highly doubted the actual number was that low.

"You're growling."

Steve's voice didn't sound alarmed, nor was she surprised to find his own fingers curling inwards at the sight in front of them.

"They hurt him Steve. For years. While I just stood by and worked underneath the man who ordered it."

Whatever guilt Steve was feeling was a flicker compared to the self-loathing burning in Beth's heart, and he knew nothing he could say would make it better.

"There's nothing we can do about it now."

She didn't respond, instead stalking across to a metal pole protruding from the roof they'd caved in moments earlier. One swing and a savage scream was all it took for the man-sized capsule to explode, Steve's reaction almost too slow to protect himself and Nat from the shards of steel and glass. Two more hits and the machine was reduced to a pile of shrapnel. Satisfied, Beth flung the metal to one side.

"That's one thing I can do."

Her dark mood stayed long after they left the base in flames behind them. Her hand wordlessly played with the cool metal of her necklace as she glared into nothing. Steve's presence was a comfort she barely even registered. After an hour, a sigh drew from her lips as she rose to speak to their pilot.

"Hey Nat, drop me off at the farm please?"

At that moment, Beth didn't trust her emotional state around Steve. She knew he meant well, but every time she looked at him, she could see her own guilt reflected in the never-ending blue of his eyes. No, she needed to be around someone who she could switch off around, and whose family would help reset her emotions. The jet landed an hour later, Steve barely having time to look out the window before Beth was embracing him.

"I'll be back soon. I just need a time out. Please understand."

She could tell he didn't want her to go, the tenseness around his mouth betraying his feelings as he hugged her. His big brother instincts were kicking into overdrive, but her pleading tone held him back from questioning.

"Take whatever time you need."

Clint was there to greet her on the porch they'd painstakingly built a decade earlier, two steaming cups of coffee on hand despite the fact it was barely dawn and he shouldn't have even been awake.

"Rough night?"

"You could say that." She replied, nursing the mug and the caffeine it provided.

His arm snaked round her, guiding her into the house where she was instantly set upon by an enthusiastic four-year-old. The coffee barely stayed in the mug, Clint's reflexes once again faultless when Beth's grip failed. The scent of cereal washed over her as she wrapped the child she called nephew in her arms, a smile spreading across her face when he smacked a milky kiss on her cheek.

"Hey Coop. I'm guessing you're the reason your daddy is up so early, huh?"

She caught the sound of Clint snorting and rolled her eyes. Sure, he complained, but she knew the man would do anything for his family.

"Uh-huh! I heard the aeroplane and knew it was you or Auntie Nat!"

She laughed, finally feeling lighter. With a reminder of his cereal still waiting on the table, Cooper wriggled back out of her grasp after making her promise to play later. It was only after she stood that she realised how drained she was, swaying on her feet.

"Head on up. I'll let Laura know you're here when she wakes."

Beth smiled her thanks and dragged her leaden legs up the stairs, kicking the door shut behind her and flopping onto the sheets. Within seconds and still fully clothed, she was out cold.

She woke to the sound of laughter, a smile tugging at her lips as she spent a moment listening to the sounds of life. For the first time in weeks, the heaviness in her chest eased enough for her to join her friends, Lila squealing the moment she saw her. Laura was quick to embrace her when she was able, the two women sharing a bond that was less blood soaked, but as fiercely loyal s the one she shared with Natasha. The remainder of the day was spent fulfilling her mornings' promise, until a game of hide-and-seek led to a two-hour hunt for Cooper after he fell asleep in one of the barns, Clint vowing they were never playing that game again. Laura and Beth found his reaction adorable. Clint simply held his little boy tighter, ignoring the squirming protests and laughter from the women. By the time the children were safely tucked in bed, clouds ad rolled in, light rain drumming a soft melody on the patio eaves. Safe under the cover, Beth had seated herself on the bench, Laura on the swinging chair, each holding a glass in hand. She wasn't sure how it had happened, but while Clint was washing the dishes, the two women had ended up recalling how they met their men. Beth couldn't stop smiling the whole time she recounted the history she shared with Bucky.

"He was slapped every other night by some girl or another! He would hit the dancefloor with one or two reddened cheeks most nights and yet there would still always be another girl flapping her skirts towards him. He was such a playboy!"

Her face softened as the memories turned to the pair of them swaying together, oblivious to anybody else around them, and the way he used to look at her as though she was the only thing that mattered in the world.

"If there's one thing I am happiest about in my life, it's that we eventually found our way to each other."

A sniff from Laura had her reaching for the wine bottle again, this time to refill her friends' glass before the other woman could start crying.

"Sorry Beth. It's just…every time you've talked about him before, you've had this sorrow in your eyes, but just now, all I could see was the glow of a woman who is deeply, deeply happy."

It was Beth's turn to fight the tears, half her drink disappearing in a single swallow.

"He's alive, Laura. How can I not be overjoyed? Even if he doesn't remember us, I don't care. I'm just so grateful to have the chance to see him again."

Laura's hand reached out and took Beth's, the two women sharing a moment before returning to their conversation.

"So, I told you my story, now it's your turn. I bet Clint was all swagger when he asked you out?"

Wine splashed into Laura's face as she began to laugh into her glass.

"It's the complete opposite! I asked him out, and he all but ran the opposite direction! He was terrified!"

Clint joined them at that moment, protesting, which only caused them to laugh harder. His lips were quick to kiss Laura's smiling mouth before they settled together on the swing, the group falling into a comfortable silence. Beth watched them, for the first time able to watch the happy couple without her heart threatening to stab through her chest. They may not all be together, but her heart was whole again. Her boys were back and that's what mattered most.

By the time they turned in, Beth was certain the rain had turned from a light shower to a downpour. Knowing her well enough, Clint warned a storm would likely hit, the area they resided in notorious for hosting some of the biggest in the country. She gave him a grateful smile, praying her headphones would be enough to block out the sound as she drifted to sleep.

/

It was rare they had a moment alone. With his training, her work shifts and the overall bustle of the camp, they were lucky to see each other for five minutes a day. In those moments, they would simply wrap around each other, counting every blessing.

It was raining, but they didn't care. Their arms around each other, they simply embraced the warm summer air. She didn't hesitate when Bucky's hand tilted her head up to kiss her lips, her eyes sliding shut in contented joy. They pulled apart, a smile on her face until she opened her eyes to the gaze of the Winter Soldier. Cold. Murderous.

"Я сказал тебе, мышь. Я убью тебя." *I told you, mouse. I will kill you*

His hands were round her throat before she could react, her lungs instantly crying out as the world faded into darkness. The last thing she saw was the twisted smile on his face as an inhuman laugh boomed around them.

/

She woke with a scream stuck in the back of her throat, the echo of laughter resonating through the house. It wasn't until the boom of thunder hit that it became clear the laughter had actually been the storm crashing above. One of her headphones had fallen out, failing to protect her from the noise. Swearing to herself, she flicked the safety back on the gun she'd reflexively drawn in her panic, placing it in its usual place at the back of her waistband. Aware she wasn't getting back to sleep anytime soon, she knew only one thing had a chance of settling her nerves; hot cocoa.

A jolt of passed through her as a bolt of lightning illuminated the sky and she headed onto the sheltered porch to watch, mug of cocoa in hand. Storms may make her PTSD worse when she was sleeping, but when awake, they were her favourite weather alongside snow. The door creaked but she knew Clint wouldn't have heard with the constant rumbling of thunder overhead. She settled into the swinging chair, cocoa in one hand, a blanket wrapped around her legs. Her hands continued to shake, her heart slow to return to a normal rhythm as she reflected on the nightmare. It was the first time her dreams had featured Bucky as anything but the man she loved, and she hated how much it affected her now her mind started connecting him with the Winter Soldier.

She sighed, taking a mouthful of cocoa that immediately caused her unsettled stomach to lurch, the usual comfort it provided failing. Disappointed, placed it down on the ground, only to pause at the sound of movement in the grass nearby. They were rural enough for it to be a wild animal, and she was grateful for her gun as she drew it for the second time that night. The blanket fell, knocking the mug over as she raised the weapon to the unmistakably humanoid figure approaching. For a precious few seconds, they both stilled, her mind torn between shooting first, or calling for backup. A flash of lightning made the decision simple. The gun almost fell from her grip as her jaw dropped.

"How the hell did you find me here?" she asked, a chill running down her back.

Bucky's eyes were pained, a wild agony about them that put her even more on edge. Needing to trust the instinct that he wasn't there to harm anybody, she placed the gun down before stepping onto the grass, the rain soaking through her clothing in seconds. He didn't move, a statue she feared would disappear if she blinked. The rain had plastered his hair to him, the slicken tendrils curling round his face until they obscured half his expression. She didn't need to see more than his eyes, the self-loathing clear to anybody. Heart aching, she found her hand reaching up to touch one of the strands on his cheek. When he didn't move to stop her, she breathed a silent sigh and tucked the mahogany hair behind his ear.

"That's better. I can actually see your face now."

She was smiling, a flicker of hope in her gaze growing stronger as her touch lingered. It faltered only a fraction when he reached up to take her wrist, his grip loose enough that she knew it wasn't there to hurt her. His gaze levelled to her own, the self-resentment in them sending a shiver down her spine that she wished she could blame on the rain.

"Unlike when I raped you."

Five words. Spoken so quietly they were barely above a whisper, yet each syllable hit with the force of a bullet. Her heart clenched, the hand on his face falling to her side. The urge to run had never been stronger, and it took all her willpower to force her feet to plant themselves. She had to hear this. He would never have said it if it wasn't important.

"I remember. I wish I didn't, but God, I do."

His jagged words broke the paralysis and she took a step closer. She could feel his heat, only a few inches now between them, but she still couldn't bring herself to hold him. Not yet.

"Bucky…"

He held a hand up to continue talking. It was the most he'd spoken since being freed from HYDRA's shackles, words he needed to say, even if it destroyed everything they'd ever had.

"I prayed it was just a dream. But then it came back. Over and over, and over. I had to find you, to find out if it was true or my mind torturing me. Now I know, and I can never forgive myself. I may not remember a lot, but I remember you. I remember the love I once held for you. And I will never hurt you again."

His arms caught her instinctively when she finally closed the distance and flung into him, as if they'd been created solely for that purpose.

"It wasn't your fault, and I've never blamed you."

She pulled away just enough for him to see the heat burning in her gaze, every ounce of her love poured into one, single look that threatened to shatter him where he stood.

"I love you, and I will always forgive you."

Beth fell with him as his knees buckled, the pair of them dropping to the floor. Bucky's arms snaked round her waist to return her embrace, his voice scratched and raw.

"I'm so sorry, Beth. I would never…"

His words failed, sobs tearing through his body as he finally let go of the pain. She held onto him like a lifeline, their tears mixing together until there were no more left to shed.

"I'm not ready yet." He breathed in her ear, scared to admit it in case she pushed him away.

Instead, she simply nodded, pulling back to smile forlornly at him. He didn't need to explain.

"I know. I've waited seventy years, I'm sure I can wait a while longer for you to come back to me."

This time it was Bucky who reached up to brush her hair off her face, exposing the coolness of her skin and with it, her lack of clothing. Modest, yet still only a simple shirt and shorts, her feet bare. The trembling he felt wasn't just from her emotions, he realised. Careful not to startle her, he looped his arms round her legs and stood, carrying them both back to the swing. She didn't react, more than grateful for the shelter from the rain, his body heat welcome as her mind finally registered how cold she was. He paused only when she reached for her gun, the last of his tension fading when she checked the safety was on and slipped it back into her waistband. Neither was willing to end the embrace, making it difficult for him to reach down to the abandoned blanket Beth had dropped. He lifted it, Beth groaning at the still-wet cocoa dripping down the fabric from the mug she'd knocked over.

"Damn it, Clint is going to kill me."

She felt the barest of chuckles vibrate in Bucky's chest and decided that for now, the blanket could just stay as it was. Still unsure if she was actually dreaming, she took the chance to curl herself into him further, a content sigh escaping when his arms tightened. They sat in silence until Beth's head rolled onto his shoulder, her breathing deep and even. He still wasn't ready to let her go, but the storm was moving on, giving way to the pre-dawn light, and he knew it wouldn't be long until the other occupants of the house would start to rise. He doubted he'd be a welcome visitor.

She stayed asleep as he carried her inside, placing her on the first sofa he found and hoping the owners wouldn't mind the water that would soak through the fabric. He found a clean blanket and draped it over her, barely resisting the urge to place his lips on her cheek when she snuggled into the material. He envied the strip of fabric, wishing it was him she curled in to, but he also knew that for now, he couldn't trust himself enough to be around her. He'd found some answers and gained so much when she'd forgiven him. He would hold onto that, until he became the man who deserved her once more.

"I promise, I will come back to you. I just need more time." He vowed, allowing himself to stroke a hand through her blonde waves.

He almost missed the the reflection of the arrow as he stood. He raised his arms, turning to find a man with dark eyes glaring at him. It wouldn't have been so intimidating if he wasn't now aiming the nocked bow at his face.

"I was just leaving." Bucky spoke, his voice calm.

"I see that."

The man's eyes flicked to Beth and back to Bucky. Bucky stepped to the side, allowing a clearer view to the sleeping woman with a soft smile on her face.

"I'm not here to hurt anybody. I just had to see her."

The brown eyes narrowed further, no one inch of give in the arm holding the bow.

"Sounds like you've hurt her plenty before. Enough for me to happily release this into your eye. Yeah, I figure she'd be pissed, but frankly, I care more about her not being destroyed again."

Anger, raw and primal, rose in Bucky's chest and he darted forward until the arrow was barely a centimetre from his eye.

"Then do it, because I can't think of a better way to make it up to her myself. If I'm no longer here, maybe she can finally find peace, but if you do hurt her by taking me down, I will find a way to haunt your every nightmare."

The bow finally lowered, shock registering in the archer's eyes.

"Jesus. You still love her."

Bucky glared, offended he would think anything different. If there was one thing he was certain of, it was his heart.

"It's only ever been her."

A groan sounded from the sofa, turning Clint's attention to Beth for just a second. The glance was brief, yet he turned back to find Bucky had vanished. Slumping on to the step, he blew out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

Beth woke a few hours later to the sun shining on her face. Removing the non-cocoa stained blanket, part of her was hurt Bucky hadn't stayed, but she understood his decision. She couldn't imagine Clint's reaction if he'd found out.

"Morning! Come get some pancakes!" Laura called out, noticing her friend waking up.

She grinned and joined them at the table, eager to attack the stack of pancakes. Once finished, she rose to take the plate to the sink, tuning in to the conversation with a smile as Clint explained to Lila why she wasn't allowed a boyfriend in the house until she was fifty.

"But daddy, what if he is really nice?"

He gave his daughter a stoic look, his words chosen carefully, with an indifference that had Laura wondering what her husband was up to, especially when she saw him sneak a look over at Beth.

"Honey, he could be the most protective and intimidating man on the planet, wielding a metal arm to keep you safe and I wouldn't let him in without pointing an arrow at his eye. Especially if he came in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm and spilt hot cocoa on my favourite blanket."

He was still laughing long after Laura forced him to clean up the remnants of the plate Beth dropped.