He awoke slowly, the walls of the bedroom he and his wife shared filling his clearing vision.
Turning his head slightly, he saw the athletically toned form of his wife, sleeping beside him - turned onto her side, her back facing him, half-covered by the bedsheets.
By all accounts, it should've been another peaceful morning in the shared life the still-newlyweds had. But for Leon Kennedy, it was one of those days.
One of the days where the dark forces in his psyche attempted to drag his mind into that darkness, for seemingly no reason at all - where the depression and PTSD within his mind tried to convince him that he wasn't worth his own self, life, or anything he had earned in it or that made him who he was. Days like this weren't uncommon for the former police officer and government agent, and they only seemed to get worse every day that mental illness reared its ugly Hydra-like head. After all of his life experiences - Raccoon City; Operation Javier; the mission in Spain; the outbreaks in the Eastern Slav Republic, Tall Oaks, and Lanshiang - it was almost a surprise Leon's psyche was still intact in the first place, even with the mental demons.
Thankfully, now he knew how to stare those figurative demons in the eyes until they blinked without doing so himself.
Gingerly removing himself from beneath the sheets, Leon quietly made his way out of the master bedroom and into the hall, down to the back of the apartment he shared with his wife. There was a moment where he almost made a U-turn into the kitchen just behind him, but he managed to remind himself - hard as it was - that being in there would only allow his mental darkness to grow and fester. Bottom line, it wouldn't be the least bit healthy.
With all the effort his could muster, Leon managed to shelter himself in the second bedroom within the apartment. But once one stepped inside, it was clear that that room was used for sleeping.
In fact, compared to the rest of the apartment, this room was nearly bare. Nearly.
Lushly soft cerulean carpet covered the floor, matching curtains covering the back window, the walls left their original eggshell white shade. On either side of the window hung a poster, each depicting a favorite band of Leon's - in his case, Halestorm and Rush. A table stood against the wall opposite the window, holding a full surround sound system atop it, and above that hung the carefully framed old picture of Leon's parents that he'd held onto his whole life thus far. Even more pictures made the wall their home, each one depicting Leon with either one or a group of the people he'd met and befriended over the years - the Redfield siblings, Chris and Claire; former President Adam Benford; Prof. Rebecca Chambers; SRT officer Angela Miller; his former partner and fellow agent Helena Harper; and Sherry Birkin, another fellow agent. All friends, all important to him, and all who loved him.
This was Leon's personal bunker, a place for him to regain some peace of mind against the depression and dark thoughts that came with it, threatening to pull him into their void.
Of the pictures of Leon's loved ones, there was one notable exception - the same woman still resting in their main bedroom. The same woman who, though she was also captured in a picture, resided in that form on Leon's phone.
Reaching beneath the table, Leon pulled out a small dog-eared notebook and flipped for the first completely untouched page after the folded ones, took a pencil and wrote down a question he'd been asking himself - why didn't he have that picture of Ada framed upon his wall yet?
It was one he didn't think he needed to answer, but felt it was better to know why anyway.
After he wrote it down, Leon closed the notebook and set it back down beneath the table. Coming back up to face the sound system, he noted that his iPod was indeed still hooked up to it from the last time he was in this room. Leon reached for the iPod, unlocking it and tapping the Music icon, scrolling down until he found a certain playlist that he always queued up whenever days like this current one came - music that soothed and gently lifted his spirits and mind.
Letting the playlist start up as he appreciated for a moment a picture of the Bermuda coastline he took himself, Leon then followed up with focusing on the music - now, The Pass by Rush. He let the lyrics and music remind him never to give into the demons that plagued his mind, no matter how easy it may be to do so.
Next came the brighter and more peaceful sounds of the Beatles' Here Comes The Sun - perfect timing too. Leon quietly strode to the window and drew the curtains away, unable to keep a quiet laugh from escaping him as the sun began its ascent, the first light casting a warm orange glow inside the room.
He sat down in the middle of that glow, folding his muscled arms across his sweatpants-clad legs, closing his eyes, and focusing inward on his breathing - letting air in for four seconds, holding it for eight, then letting it slowly release for seven. As he breathed, Leon unconsciously began to picture his breathing matching the movements of a flowing stream - each inhale a gentle bend of running water, the hold a serene straight stretch, and the exhale as the quiet downhill descent of miniature rapids.
That visualization technique also helped to soothe Leon's rattled mindset whenever his depression reared its ugly head. He'd had to work to keep that mental gallery at the forefront as he meditated in his bunker room, but the more he did so, the easier it became to hold that vision. Now it was as if that stream was capturing the worst of the day's darkness and flowing it away with the water.
And as the soft orange hues of the sunrise gave way to the brighter sunflower glow, there was something - or rather, someone - else that came into Leon's mind just as she came to the door.
A series of four soft knocks on that door, followed by a comforting, gentle purr of a voice. "Five things you can see, handsome?"
Opening the deep blue eyes he barely realized he'd closed, Leon took a minute to register what Ada Wong, the woman who he was proud to finally spend his life with was doing - she was helping to ground him.
Slowly, he answered, "The band posters on my wall, the sun rising through the window, the dark wood door, the pictures of my friends on the wall, and the stereo system."
"Four things you can feel?"
"The carpet beneath my fingers, the fabric of my sweats, the light scruff on my face, and..." It was then Leon noticed he'd involuntarily begun to run his fingers through the curtains of his blond hair. "...well, my hair."
"Three things you can hear right now", Ada continued, her voice traveling clearly through the door.
"The sounds of the Beatles, my breathing..." He tilted his head to face the door. "...and your voice."
"Two things you can smell or love the smell of." Even through the door, Leon could sense the growing calm and the gentle blush in Ada's voice.
"Lavender and your perfume."
"And one thing you know to be true about yourself."
Now, there was a small challenge. Answers for questions like that didn't always come easy for Leon, even after he'd successfully managed to ground himself. It wasn't that he actively put himself down or beat himself up as of late, even though his life and career did plenty of that. It was simply because he'd never put much thought into the prospect of needing to answer that question.
And yet, there was one thing he could say for certain. "I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm living."
At this, Leon heard a fully relaxed sigh on the other side of the door. "That you are, Leon", Ada said. "You're also loved, don't forget."
"Even in times like these?" he asked, a note of trepidation creeping into his voice.
"Of course", Ada answered. "This is just what you need to do to help yourself, right? As long as it's healthy and safe, what you're doing."
Letting out a breath from between his teeth, Leon responded with, "Yes, to both."
But what Ada asked next threw him for a loop. "The real question, will there ever be a time that you'll let me in?"
As if to drive the question home, the first notes of Halestorm's In Your Room emanated from the speakers.
Of all the things to request of him, Leon felt that what Ada had asked would be the most difficult for him to fulfill. Throughout his life, he'd always been able to make fast friends and build trust between him and them just as quickly, even under the dangerous circumstances life had often thrown his way.
But even then, the ones he trusted deeply were only a valuable few, and there'd become a time when Leon had started becoming less trusting as the years had passed by.
That thought brought another realization - that even though Leon didn't want to admit it, there were certain states in his life he kept only to himself, for fear that whoever found him in those states wouldn't like what they saw and would leave him all alone. That was the worst part of Leon's state of mind, and it even reflected here.
Here in the fact that he hadn't yet let Ada into his personal bunker from the darkness in his life that came from his mind.
Could he let her in?
Was he even ready to do so?
And what would she think if he did?
Those questions flashed through Leon's mind, seeming to provide reason to a fear he knew was irrational, natural as it was. But even as he felt it sinking in, he also felt the cold metal of the doorknob in his hand before he realized he'd even stood up to open it. And before he could stop himself, he'd cracked the door open.
He was both nervous and happy to see the lovely and defined face of Ada, her almond eyes, caught between her ebony bob and a gentle smile, softly locked onto his.
"Are you ok?" Her voice was quiet, soothing.
"I will be, honey...I'm just...scared."
Ada kept her eyes focused on Leon's, placing her hand over his on the edge of the door. "About?"
"Well...letting you in. In here."
What came next from Ada surprised Leon yet again, a carefully and sympathetically asked question.
"Is that the only place you're afraid to let me into?" But before Leon could respond, she continued.
"Leon...I promise, whatever you want and need to trust me with, you can. You're safe here with me, and you know I won't judge you or hurt you over what you have and do in that room. If it helps to ground you, then I'm happy for and proud of you for having found that.
"And you should also know that when you're ready to let me in, I'll always be here and ready to come in."
In that moment, it was like floodgates had opened in the stream of Leon's mind, loosing almost all of the fear and stress out and away from him. Almost like...
Like it was something he needed to be reminded of from someone who truly meant it and loves him.
Which she did.
Slowly, Leon began to pull the door back and open for his wife, seeing her smile brighten as the room was revealed to him.
Ada took in a deep breath, her eyes widening. "Wow...I thought you just loved the smell of lavender, but...wow! I can smell it everywhere in here. In a good way", she rectified, noticing Leon's sheepish expression. "That's lovely."
Then Ada took her first tentative step into the room, her bare feet sinking into the plush carpet. "Leon, how'd you find this carpet? It feels like you could sleep on it!"
And her gaze then went to the pictures hanging on the wall, studying them and the people contained within them. But as Ada looked around, Leon couldn't help but still feel a bit bewildered. Even this still wasn't what he was expected from her.
"There's someone missing from these pictures, though", Ada finally said, a note of cheekiness in her voice. At that, Leon found himself inadvertently dropping the set of nerves he'd been carrying so he could make room to register Ada's comment, realizing that she was insinuating the same question he'd written in his notebook earlier that morning.
"I've got some issues with that too", he finally managed to say.
"And what about answers?" she fired back with a playful smile.
Faster than he could think, the answer came out of him. "I never really had a picture of you before that birthday you took me out for. Then once I had those pictures on my phone, I could just carry you with me everywhere I went, and that always calmed me down whenever I was out on a mission or having a bad day. And I guess I thought that'd be enough, along with the fact that, well...you're here with me now. And knowing that you're here now and hopefully always will be, that's always meant the world to me."
All Leon could do afterwards was sink down to the floor with a deep breath out, propping one arm against his bent knee, gently running his fingertips across his hairline as he smiled to himself, realizing exactly what he'd just said...and it felt good right up until he started wondering how she must've heard it, especially when it'd been said without thinking.
"Leon."
He looked up to see Ada as she knelt down in front of him, a disarming smile of pride on her face and sympathy in her light brown eyes. "You know I love you, right?"
"Yeah...as I love you, Ada."
"And you trust me, right?"
"Well..." Leon began with what he hoped was a light and facetious tone, "now, anyway."
"Alright, you got me there", Ada laughed, knowing what Leon was managing a playful jab at - her old life as a secret agent. "But I know how big a step that was for you. And you should know that I'll always be here for you for whatever you need me for, partly because I know you'll do the same for me. But also because I want to be sure that you know that, and that you're safe with me here against whatever's plaguing you. I know that's hard to remember and feel sometimes, but hopefully, me being here helps remind you of that.
"And no matter what, you should also know that I'm proud of you, Leon Kennedy. You're still here and have made it through all of your worst days so far, hard as I'm sure that is. You always manage to get up and face the day looking - and smelling - like a dream."
"Don't pinch yourself too hard then", Leon replied.
"I'll do that to you if you keep giving me shit, handsome", Ada fired back with a laugh. "But seriously...I'm proud of you, love. Especially now."
Leon felt like he had to physically work to keep his eyes on Ada's. "What for?"
Slowly, she settled beside him, running a hand around to gently help lay his head on her shoulder, lazily combing her fingers through his blond locks as she answered, "For finally being able to take that big step and let me in here with you."
With a smile, Leon leaned up to kiss his wife's cheek, whispering, "I think I should be thanking you, honey."
"For?"
"For accepting even those parts of me that I've been scared to let you see for so long, not judging me for it and...well, for loving all of me."
Ada let her other hand lift over Leon's knee, settling it over his own hand that was placed there. "What's not to love, handsome?"
And as the sounds of Halestorm melted away to a gentle rhythm of soft drums and smooth bass, the fullness of the sunrise fully erupted through the window, finding the couple peacefully resting together there. For the moment, whatever pain Leon has been going through had been melted away, helped by the woman he'd decided to give his life and love to.
Ada herself was glad that he was able to take down the boundaries he'd realized he'd set up and that she was able to help him the way she had. She knew that loving him and being with him would take a lot of work, time, and patience. But she knew that he was more than worth it, and even when things got their hardest, she'd never stop reminding him to remind himself that he was worth it.
Slowly, Ada life's her head back up to face Leon again. "Anything else I can do for you, Leon? Anything at all?"
And after he thought about it a moment, Leon answered, "I'd be alright with us just talking about...well, anything."
"Hmm..." Ada thought for a moment before she focused her sight on the Halestorm poster on the wall to her left. "One of your favorite bands?"
"Heh, yeah. You actually picked one of their songs to listen to on my birthday a few years ago."
"Ah, now I remember...Love Bites", Ada smiled knowingly. Then her gaze turned toward Leon, her tone becoming humorous as she pointed toward the lone woman featured on that poster. "You should know, I would sleep with that woman in front of you."
"Well...she's bisexual, so she'd probably sleep with us both at once", Leon replied with a playful shrug, before they both broke out into bouts of laughter.
And for the rest of the morning, that's exactly what Leon and Ada did - just kept talking and riffing about whatever came to mind.
Both of them knew that there would never be a cure or immunity for what Leon had. He'd have to live with the depression and PTSD he'd inherited for the rest of his life.
But it could be fought back by whatever light was shone its way - friendship, respect, love, and hope.
What they had to do was simply keep making sure that they managed to turn that light on and keep it as bright as the sunrise right outside Leon's window.