Chapter 4AE

'The Great-Great Ten Times Removed Chapter'

'The Vapors-The Vader'

'Our Father of Perpetual Self Pity'

'Lost Highway'

The sommelier works his way around the table. The maître'D and waiter stays close by. Pierre wrings his hands anxiously.

"This is horrible for business if he dies!" He tips his head close to Jean Claude and whispers. 'Go to my office and get my lawyer on the line."

Several minutes later, the two families are in a private smoking room and bar. Professor Solo stops at the bar. The bartender lights his cigar. Professor Solo takes a puff and watches the commotion. Sabrina Solo stands with her husband. She is wearing her long black evening gloves. A jeweled pearl cuff bracelet adorns each wrist.

"Is he coming around yet, darling?"

"I'm not sure."

Leia meanwhile kneels at her father's side. Han stands close by with the glass of water in one hand and his other hand in his pants pocket. Leia squeezes her father's hand and slaps his face to bring him around.

"Daddy? Daddy? Wake up."

Han takes a sip from the glass then remembers why he has it.

"Did you still need this?"

Leia rolls her eyes.

One of the waiters hands Isabel a bar towel filled with ice. Isabel applies it to the back of Anakin's head. Another waiter walks over and hands the professor and his wife each a fresh martini.

"Thank you."

The waiter bows as the professor offers him a tip.

"Merci, Monsieur."

Sabrina Solo touches her husband's arm. She smiles blissfully.

"This isn't so bad after all. Darling, did I tell you how divinely and utterly happy I am?"

"Yes. Yes, you did."

"How is your martini, darling?"

"Perfect. Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred. We must come here more often; not just for special occasions." She has a cigarette holder in one hand and her drink in another. She eats one of the skewered olives. They look over at Anakin. He is still unconscious. Sabrina nods her head thoughtfully.

"He should see someone about his fainting spells, poor, poor man."

Isabel gently touches her husband's forehead as he lies on the velvet sofa.

"Anakin, sweetie, wake up."

Han drinks some more water, and then looks down at his father-in-law.

"He's not waking up." More people enter the room. It is the Coruscant EMT. They are a bit distracted.

"Is this the guy? What happened?"

"He fell."

"On the sidewalk?"

"No! He fell here in the restaurant."

Pierre blurts out to the paramedics, "I was not my fault!"

Han walks over to the bar to get a drink. The paramedic standing closest to Anakin looks addresses his partner.

"Hey, Doc, doesn't he look familiar?"

The other paramedic steps in for a closer look.

"Oh yeah, he's…what's his name…." He snaps his fingers. "He's the dude in the news all the time."

"Oh yeah…the crazy dude choked that Admiral several years ago." They notice Leia giving them a dirty look. "Okay, Bosco, hand me the medic bag."

"I thought you brought it."

"When I drive, you get the bag, remember?"

"My bad. Be right back."

"Wait, I'll go with you. We might need the gurney."

While the paramedics are away, Han returns holding a glass of ale.

"He hasn't wakened up yet? Did the paramedics check his pupils? If they're fixed and dilated, he could be in a coma or worse."

Leia snaps at him.

"Han, he's not dead; he just fainted."

"He's been out cold for several minutes, that's all I'm saying. I can't get over how peaceful he looks."

Leia ignores him. The paramedics return. Doc digs into his black medic's bag and pulls out something. He waves some smelling salts under Anakin's nose. There is no response. Doc speaks without looking up at anyone.

"He could have a concussion. Perhaps we should take him to the hospital as a precaution."

Isabel stands.

"I'll get my coat."

Doc extends his hand.

"Bosco, hand me a head immobilizer."

Leia turns to Doc. "Are you sure that's necessary? He usually comes around after a few minutes."

Professor Solo walks over. He removes the cigar from his mouth.

"He's going to wake up with a whopper of a headache."

Han smirks.

"Hell of an evening he's had. Is that contraption strong enough to hold him?"

Doc flashes a light into Anakin's eyes. Leia is becoming impatient with the two medics. Doc looks up at his colleague.

"Bosco, let's move him onto the gurney. We'll take him in for observation.

The paramedics transfer Anakin onto the gurney with a backboard. They secure the head immobilizer and tighten the head blocks. Bosco hoists the gurney into an upright position to maneuver it through the doorway of the smoking room. The medics are not very careful as the gurney makes a loud thud as it hits the sides of the door. Han purses his lips to keep from laughing. He follows Leia and Isabel through the door. Han cannot stay silent. He affects a creepy voice.

"Hello, Clarice."

Leia turns.

"Who?"

"Nothing. It's just a joke.

Leia warns him.

"Remember the last time you did that you lived to regret it."

"I think we should wheel him around outside for a few hours. The night air might be good for him."

Leia giggles.

"Han, stop. Come on, this is serious."

"Who's going to ride with him to the emergency room?"

Isabel announces that she will go. Professor Solo volunteers as well. Han makes a suggestion.

"You know what, Dad? Maybe you and mother should take Leia home. I'll go along in the ambulance."

"But Junior, your speeder is parked outside."

"Oh yeah. Let's do this; Mother, you drive Leia home. Dad, you take my speeder. We'll pick up Mr. 'S's" speeder in the morning."

Leia has misgivings about this arrangement.

"Han, why don't you take the speeder?"

"What? And miss this adventure to the Emergency Department?"

Isabel and Han step into the back of the ambulance with Doc. Bosco steps into the drivers' seat. The doors are closed for just a few minutes when a commotion erupts. Passersby on their way to the theatre watch as the vehicle swerves and rocks violently. You can hear Han's screaming voice from inside. The Dark Lord is awake. Isabel yells at him.

"Anakin, stop it! He's trying to help."

Inside the patient compartment, Han is in the far corner near the medical supply cart. Rolls of gauze and antiseptic packets shower his head. He gasps for air as he holds his hand to his throat. Beads of sweat appear on his forehead. Doc the paramedic is holding onto the side rail along the wall. Isabel is close to the Anakin. Bosco attempts to regain control of the vehicle. The siren on the top of the wagon is flashing. Doc steadies himself and makes his way over to the gurney. Anakin, who is too embarrassed to make eye contact with his wife, places his hands over his face. Doc places an oxygen mask on Anakin. The siren sounds and the ambulance is enroute to the hospital. Anakin is in for a bumpy ride and a scolding.

'Our Father of Perpetual Self Pity'

The next morning Leia visits him. She stands at the foot of his hospital bed.

"Hi, Daddy."

Anakin looks dejected. He does not respond. Leia continues.

"Daddy, what's with you and Han? One moment he's the best son-in-law you've ever had, then the next minute, you're trying to kill him."

"I don't know what you're talking about. He started it."

"He did not. You walked into that restaurant with an attitude."

"I was hurt."

"Hurt? About what?" She shakes her head. I know…Never mind."

Anakin points an accusing finger at her.

"You told that snake of a father of his but you couldn't tell me?"

"It slipped out before you arrived. Han and I intended to tell you. We planned to announce the news to all of you at the same time. I'm sorry."

"I felt like an outsider."

"But I'm naming one of the babies after you."

"No. That's not necessary."

"But I want to."

"I forbid you. I don't want people to think you're referring to me when you start talking about potty training and learning how to read."

"I'm sure people will be able to distinguish the two of you. One will be a bundle of joy and the other will be a well-loved spoiled baby."

"I rest my case."

"Oh, Daddy, you're behaving like a…okay, fine! We'll pick another name."

"I hope you don't name it after that father-in-law of yours. I would be highly insulted."

"I promise, Daddy."

"Thank you. You know, I have never asked any more of my children than they could handle. All I have every wanted from any of you was your love and devotion."

Leia rolls her eyes and mutters to herself. "Oh, here we go again."

"But, noooo…You kids look for ways to break my heart."

"Oh, Daddy, please!"

You torment me. All six of you!"He counts on his fingers to make sure. "That's right. All six of you."

"Any you know what you are, you're a tyrant! That's what you are!"

"Really? Who went to all of your dance recitals and plays from the time you were in pre-school. Who taught your brother to ride a speeder? Who paid for your vacations? Hell, I never got a spring break when I was a Jedi. Who spent 15 years as a stay at home father? Who sacrificed his life of happiness for you?"

"It wasn't 15 years. You went back to work doing whatever it was that you did downtown. Don't go playing the long suffering father…"

Anakin sees someone in the doorway poke their head in quickly then gingerly attempting to sneak pass his hospital room. Anakin cuts Leia off mid-sentence and yells for the would-be visitor to come back.

"I know you're there! Get in here!"

Luke enters the room but prefers to stay close to the door.

"Hey, Dad! How are you doing? I heard you had a bit of a fall."

"Don't disrespect me by standing near the doorway. Come over here and talk to me. Let me see you with my own eyes."

Luke walks over to the hospital bed.

"So…how are you feeling?"

"Betrayed. Did you know your sister is knocked up?"

A silly smile creeps across his face as he looks over at his sister.

"Dad, she's a married woman."

"Don't change the subject. Who else knew?"

"Uhm…"

Anakin senses a conspiracy.

"I thought so. Everybody knew but me!" He waves his arms wildly. Luke almost laughs and covers his mouth. Leia rolls her eyes. Someone else is outside his room. This person attempts to speed pass the door too. The Dark Lord is onto them. "I know you're out there…get in here!"

Alex pokes his head in the doorway. Li-An is close behind, shoving him.

"Go on in."

"No! You go first!"

"Age before awesomeness."

"As if!"

Anakin looks towards the door.

"I'm waiting."

The two brothers walks into the room. Li-An carries a folder under his arm. He is in medical school. He is wearing a white coat. A stethoscope hangs out of the left pocket. Alex is dressed quite differently. He wears a grey t-shirt emblazoned with a blue Jedi emblem and a pair of faded Jedi Jeans. This is typical attire for a teenager. Anakin gives him a once-over.

"Your mother and I buy good clothes for you and you show up here in a t-shirt and torn jeans?"

"It's the style, Dad."

"Yeah, for working in an Utapaun quarry."

Alex smiles stupidly. Anakin points to the doorway. He hears two female voices outside.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your groupies?"

"Well…I thought that you wanted a private visit…you know…with just us kids." Alex hesitates for a moment then leaves the room. There is giggling in the corridor. Alex seems to be in negotiations to get his 'guests' to enter the room. Alex returns with two girls trailing behind him. They are around the same age as Alex. One is a petite blonde wearing tight jeans, torn in provocative places, a pink tank top cut above the waist. Exposing a pierced naval. The other teen is a brunette with too much mascara around her beautiful violet-blue eyes. There are no piercings but her clothing is equally revealing. Anakin recognizes them immediately. They wave coyly knowing they are due for a lecture.

"Hello, Mr. Skywalker."

"Hi, Mr. Skywalker." We're glad you're feeling better."

"Ladies. Miss Halcyon. Miss Shan. You girls on some sort of diet?"

"What?"

"You've got your belly stapled"

Alex blushes.

"Dad!"

"You young ladies should put on some clothes before you wind up in hospital like me."

"Yes, sir."

"I'd like to have a few words with my children. Why don't you wait outside for a moment?"

The two girls give Alex a sly wink before they leave the room. Two more voices can be heard outside the room. One male youngling and a slightly older female voice bicker with each other.

"Hurry up. You're not supposed to ride that in here."

"I'm coming! Okay? Geez!"

Kris, the youngest Skywalker sibling enters the room He does a heel drag with his air surfer board until it flips vertically the parks it behind the closet chair. He is wearing his ivory Jedi robe over a Tusken Rayders t-shirt and cargo shorts. Ana-Lena is close behind, nudging him. She is wearing her school uniform Anakin remembers what Qui-Gon said about her skirt. Anakin watches as she enters his room.

Kris goes to his father's beside and kisses him. Anakin melts when he sees the boy on the threshold of adolescence. This is his last hope. Anakin reaches up and runs his fingers through the boy's wispy golden locks.

"You know there's a barber shop on the mezzanine in the Jedi Temple." He raises one eyebrow as he looks at Ana-Lena. "Hello, Missy."

"Hi, Daddy. I love you." She kisses him.

"Hello, sweet pea Junior. Hand me that blanket in the closet behind you."

"Sure." She walks over to the closet and reaches for the blanket. Leia purses her lips as she watches her father check out the back of Ana-Lena's skirt. At least it is not a thong under the short skirt. Leia knows her father would be angry if it were. Ana-Lena returns to his bedside. "Are you cold, Daddy?" She unfolds the blanket. He takes it from her.

"Why don't you have a seat, sweet pea? Sit close to me…" She sits in the hospital armchair. He gestures for her to move in closer. "I haven't seen you in a while. Move in closer…closer." She is sitting as close as she can as the chair stops at the metal frame of the bed.

"Is this close enough, Daddy?"

"Perfect." He presses a button on his bed to sitting position. He snaps open the blanket and tosses it across her lap. Leia smiles and turns away. She pretends to smooth her hair. Ana-Lena stares at her father.

"I'm not cold, Daddy."

"I know but it's going to be a cold day on Tatooine before you walk around in that skirt again."

"Oh, Daddy, you're so old fashioned."

"I'm helping you to preserve your modesty."

Luke gives his baby sister a reassuring wink. Kris glances up at the I.V. drip attached to his father's arm."

"Are you dying, Dad?"

Leia chimes in.

"He wants us to believe he is…faker."

Anakin is offended.

"I am not a faker. I could have been killed last night."

Kris rolls his eyes

"Awwwh…maaan…here we go again."

Anakin barks back at them.

"A little bit of me dies each day when you kids disappoint me."

Luke tries to reason with his father.

"Oh, come on, Dad…that's not true."

Leia interrupts.

"Oh, Daddy, please! You're so full of drama. Yes, I said it! Drama! Every time you don't get your way, you have to create drama. Well let me break some news for you. Everything can't go your way!"

A nurse storms into the room. She is a heavyset woman wearing purple scrubs and a colorful print nurses' smock. Her hospital I.D badge is clipped to the left breast pocket. Her name, 'Shirley V. McQueen, R.N' is printed in bold letters below her holophoto.

"Is there a problem? What's all the yelling? Who are all these people?" She points an accusing finger at the crowd.

Anakin feigns to be the persecuted, sick father. He lifts his right arm as if he is too weak to move and points around the room.

"These are my ungrateful kids."

The nurse listens to the accusations bounce back and forth as if watching a plasma tennis match. Leia continues to yell at him.

"Let me tell you something, Mister. It hasn't been heaven for us either! You took what was supposed to be a joyous occasion for Han and me and turned it into a dramatic pity party for you!"

Luke chimes in but tries to be diplomatic.

"Dad, you don't always make things easy for us. We love you but sometimes you can be a bit heavy-handed and demanding."

The nurse turns to Anakin with her hands on her ample hips.

"He's got a point. You've been here less than 24 hours and you rang the nurses' station at least nine times…Nine times!"

Anakin looks at the nurse.

"Do you mind?"

Nurse McQueen is about to challenge the Dark Lord.

"What?"

Li-An has something to add to his father's remarks.

"Dad, you need to chill. We can't be expected to be perfect all the time."

Ana-Lena is still in the chair.

"Yeah, and I should be allowed to date."

Anakin points his finger as he barks back at his daughter.

"You're too young to date! I'm calling that school about your uniform, young lady."

"If you humiliate me, I'll never speak to you again!"

"You children are so selfish." He starts to hyperventilate.

The nurse checks his pulse.

"Mr. Skywalker, do you want me to ask them to leave?"

Leia is angry.

"What? After we stopped what we were doing to come visit you?"

Anakin is hurt…or at least pretends to be.

"I have nothing more to say to any of you!"

Kris looks at Leia.

"What did I do?"

Leia embraces her little brother and rubs his head.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

The nurse takes Anakin's blood pressure.

"Woo, Mr. Skywalker. Your blood pressure is way too high, child! You want me to send them home?"

Anakin sinks back onto his pillow. In a small, pitiful voice, he turns to his nurse.

"I just want everyone to get along."

Nurse Shirley V. McQueen shoos the Skywalker brood out of the room as if rounding up ducks in a barnyard.

Alright! That's it! You heard your father. Everybody out…out! Take those two skinny girls roaming the break room with you. This poor man needs his rest."

The twins and their siblings file out of the room. Kris grabs his air surfer board. Ana-Lena takes the thermal blanket and tosses it on her father's bed.

The room is now quiet. Nurse McQueen returns.

"You happy now?"

"Aren't they great?" He beams with pride.

The nurse adjusts the sheets on his bed, opens the crumpled blanket, and places it over the sheet. She tucks him in and pulls up the side rails. She seems disinterested in what he has to say.

"Uhm-hum."

"Wow, this is snug." Anakin can barely move under the covers. He smiles.

Nurse McQueen adjusts the I.V. drip then moves the chair away from the bed. She fluffs his pillow then folds her arms.

"You know what?"

"What's that, Shirley?"

"You need to move your ass up out of this bed and go home. We've got real patients to tend to with 'Real' problems."

"I thought you felt my pain."

"Shut up! You ain't sick. Those children love you and all you did was complain while they were in here. I bet they're the best thing to happen to you. I feel sorry for your wife, puttin' up with your nonsense."

"My wife loves me."

"Bless her heart. I've got to go check on some sick people. Don't ring the nurses' station or I'll cut you!"

She leaves the room.

About an hour later, Isabel arrives. She tosses a black leather duffle bag onto the bed. He catches it before it hits him.

"Get out of bed and get dressed."

"What's this?"

"It's called clothes." She lowers the side rail.

"But I haven't seen the doctor yet. He's going to see how I'm doing."

"He doesn't need to see you. I met with him before I came in here."

"What did he say?"

"You're being discharged."

"But…my concussion."

"You want me to pull you out of this bed?"

"There is a six-second stand-off. Anakin throws off the blankets and swings his legs around sits upright. Nurse Shirley returns to remove the I.V. drip. No longer 'tethered,' he snatches the black duffle and disappears into the bathroom to shower and shave. He slips into a pair of black trousers and a long-sleeved white polo shirt and blazer. An orderly arrives with a wheelchair. Anakin looks at his wife and laughs.

"What's all this?"

"Get in the chair, Anakin."

"No."

The orderly is a big fellow. The tall and slender Dark Lord stands alongside the hulk of a man. The pair comically resembles the number '10'. The big figure has a voice to match. When Anakin refuses to be wheeled out, the orderly takes charge.

"The lady is asking you to get in the chair."

"It was more of a command. I'm not used to people telling me what to…"

The orderly cuts him off mid-sentence.

"Man, get in the damn chair!"

Anakin sulks then lowers himself in the wheelchair.

Anakin and Isabel do not say much to one another during the drive home. He wants to say something about her driving his speeder but decides against it.

She stops the speeder halfway across town and turns to her husband.

"This is where you get out."

Anakin is confused.

"What?"

"You're getting out right here."

"But I'm supposed to go straight home for bed rest."

"No, you're not coming home with me to whine and feel sorry for yourself."

"Where am I supposed to go?" He knows he can use his Force powers to overtake her but he decides against doing so.

"That's up to you. It's a nice day. Go for a walk and rethink your life."

"Isabel, this is not right. I feel pain…suffering."

"Here are two tablets and a bottle of water. I'll see you for dinner."

Anakin steps out of the speeder and watches as Isabel drives away. He looks up the speedway. He can see the Imperial Headquarters in the distance. Going there is not an option. He would have to spend the rest of the day with Miss Di Pesto. He looks in the opposite direction. He could pay a visit to the Jedi Temple but that would be too humiliating. Everyone is always busy there anyway. Yoda would give him a lecture and then start counseling him. These are not good options.

He stops in a nearby Biscuit Baron Quicki-Mart then grabs the next available speeder taxi and heads uptown.

The twenty-minute ride ends on a quiet street. He pays the fare, which comes to eighteen credits. The same taxi ride used to cost twelve credits a decade ago. Inflation is everywhere, especially the Core Worlds.

He gets out of the taxi and heads up the walkway. At least someone will be happy to see him. Moreover, he will not be judged.

He lifts his gloved hand, presses the doorbell and waits for a friendly face.

To be continued…