Chapter 5AE
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'The Great-Great Granddaddy of All Chapters'
'PTSD: Post Traumatic Sith Disorder'
'You Can Go Home Again…It's Just a Suggestion'
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There is a pair of red gardening clogs on the step of the entryway. Some gardening tools and a zephyr lily in a terracotta pot, half-filled with soil, lay nearby. Anakin does not remember any gardening going on except for the landscaping service that tends to the lawns in the retirement community. He should know. He is the one footing the bill for this over-priced senior housing. The residents do their own gardening. It is supposed to be therapeutic. He presses the doorbell once more.
A few moments pass. There is no answer. Anakin walks to the side of the one story house to look in the window. He wonders where the old coot could be, certainly not at the Shady Acres Retirement Facility. The old man is banned from the Shady Acres Senior Community Center. There was some incident concerning a canasta game gone badly.
Anakin feels someone watching him from the sidewalk.
A thin elderly man of average height, sporting a black windbreaker cruises by on his turbo-walker. The waistband of his khaki pants come up to his midsection. He wears a plaid shirt decorated with medals he had earned while serving in the Imperial Starfleet. He wears the signature black hat. It shows signs of wear and tear but it is clean. A platinum Starfleet pin attached to the crown indicates his rank as ensign. A sudden breeze blows wisps of his white hair away from his forehead.
The two men regard one another briefly. It is not that Anakin jars his memory of the old days with the Empire; he just looks suspicious.
The man pushing the turbo-walker is a member of the Shady Acres Senior Neighborhood Watch committee. Anakin could be a criminal for all he knew. All the telltale signs are there: Anakin is wearing a pair of black leather gloves and the flowing black coat most likely has hidden pockets in the lining to hide stolen valuables. On the other hand, the former naval officer's eyesight has deteriorated over the years. Had his sight been better, he would have immediately recognized the stranger as the Dark Lord traipsing across the lawn and crouching near the azalea bushes.
A whistle hangs from the elderly man's wrinkled neck. If the tall man peeking in the window is up to no good, it was okay with him. He hates the owner of the house. Perhaps the gloved intruder will kill the old bastard in his sleep. The old navy veteran continues on his way uttering an angry but barely audible "Humph!"
Anakin watches as the elderly man continues up the street. He decides that he cannot see anything through the living room window so he tiptoes back across the lawn to the front door. Anakin steps over an old sign in the grass that says 'Beware of Attack Dog'. The sign had been a great source of amusement for the entire Skywalker family. The dog slept most of the day. For kicks, Anakin would bring Skippy along to chase the yapping 'rag mop' through the house.
Anakin digs into his wallet, pulls out an emergency card key, and inserts it into the data reader. The door opens from inside before he can turn the knob.
"Anakin? What are you doing here?" Old man Palpatine holds the door ajar.
Anakin inches forward.
"Oh, well…I thought I'd stop by to pay you a visit. I brought your favorite ice cream, chocolate cherry starship."
He holds up the white insulated freezer bag bearing the Biscuit Baron logo. The old man seems genuinely surprised to see Anakin. He repeats his question.
"Uhm…What are you doing here? Why didn't you call?"
Anakin look up and down the street. He tries to step inside the house.
"I wanted to surprise you, you silly old man." Anakin chuckles softly then steps across the threshold before the old man can hold him back. As Anakin invites himself inside, he notices that the foyer is illuminated with candles. Anakin thinks this is odd because it is early in the afternoon. He looks at his father who is wearing a disheveled velvet robe.
"What's going on?" Anakin hands the old man the bag containing the ice cream and looks around. Palpatine sets the bag on the console table. He notices a straw gardening hat on a wooden chair beside the table. "Nice hat."
He passes a 32-inch high marble Corellian column. Something sits on the beveled surface. Anakin winces at the stuffed remains of Palpatine's loyal canine companion 'Ms. Maulie.' A diamond-encrusted pink ribbon barrette is attached to a tuft of fur on the dogs head.' A 5'x7'frame, embedded in the front of the platform, shows a holovid of the pet during various moments in life. An engraved titanium plaque reads, 'Good Golly, Ms. Maulie – R.I.P'.
Maulies' 'passing' the year before was a devastating loss for old Palps. The former Emperor was genuinely heartbroken by the demise of his canine companion. Maulie was the only thing that kept him from returning to the dark side according to Old Palps. Maulie was his salvation dog. Now Anakin knows where the $3000 credits went that Palpatine begged for so relentlessly. He told Anakin it was for 'essentials. '
That horrendous custom-designed monument allowed the user to pose the pooch like a doll…only creepier. 'Preservation Maulie' can be adjusted into four different positions. Today's pose is sitting with head tilted sideways. The glass eyes seem to follow you wherever you go. Anakin passes the monument with caution.
Anakin continues his casual stroll through the foyer. He is about to make a right turn into the living room. Palpatine blocks the entrance. Anakin is puzzled by Palpatine's odd behavior but also amused.
"You're not stirring up some Sith mischief, are you?" Anakin winks.
The old Sith seems unusually nervous and defensive.
"No!...no….nothing like that. Ahem…" He appears distracted. An awkward smile creeps across his face. Anakin keeps talking as they stand in the foyer.
"Good. Because you have no idea what a crappy last 24 hours I've had…and then I got a concussion to boot." He wrinkles his nose at the burning candles and patchouli incense wafting through the air. He pays a bit more attention to his father's appearance. The old Sith is usually impeccably dressed. "You look a mess. Are you sick?" He feels Palpatine's forehead for fever the turns to look at the candle. "… and what's with the candles and incense? Is there no power in this house?" He starts to wave his had to flick on the foyer light switch. Palpatine impulsively grabs Anakin's hand and lowers it.
"Now, now…that's not necessary."
"Go get dressed. I'll take you out to lunch. I'm over being mad about that dinner fiasco. I'm a forgiving person. I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. Can you believe that sith?"
Palpatine's eyes light up as he takes Anakin on his arm and attempts to lead him back towards the front door.
"I know! Isn't it wonderful? That makes me a great-grandfather."
Anakin stops before they reach the front door and turns to the old man. His left temple pulses. His outrage is evident.
"You knew?!"
"Yes, of course. Leia and Han took me out for lunch. We had a lovely time! Yes. Well, why don't you go home and rest? Concussions aren't a laughing matter you know." Palpatine keeps looking down the hall towards the back room while trying to usher Anakin out of the house. Anakin suddenly hears soft music playing in the distance. He becomes increasingly concerned about the old man's strange behavior.
"Are you alright? Is someone in the house holding you here against your will? I sense a presence of something…evil."
"No…no…no…nothing like that."
"Let me check it out anyway. You look a bit nervous. I have my light saber. You are old and feeble. People prey on folks like you everyday. Stay here."
Anakin pushes him aside and moves carefully towards the back room. Palpatine follows anyway in order to stop him.
"Anakin, no, please!"
It is too late. The distinct hum of the weapon reverberates in the hallway. Anakin storms into the back room with his lightsaber ignited. He lunges forward only to discover something so horrific that it will scar him for the rest of his life.
"Oh good God!" Anakin begins to hyperventilate and crashes backward against a dresser to the left of the bedroom door. An old woman lying in the bed screams. He screams too. Their voices in unison give off an unholy sound. Anakin nervously fumbles the lightsaber. The blade sears through the red satin sheets at the foot of the bed. Palpatine catches up in time to witness the blade slice through part of the mattress leaving a 15-inch long gash. An acrid aroma of scorched fabric fills the room. Palpatine is visible distressed.
"My 300 thread count satin sheets! Anakin, what have you done?"
"Dad! What is this?"
Palpatine tries to regain control of the situation. He gently pats Anakin on the shoulder.
"Anakin, it's alright. Calm down. You can pay me for the sheets later…and a new mattress and box spring."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I tried to warn you. Anakin, you're hyperventilating. I'll go get the ice cream bag so you can breathe into it."
Anakin cannot comprehend what he is seeing, his mouth agape from horror and shock. He manages to cry out to his father.
"What's going on?"
"Anakin, if you just wait and let me explain." As he holds his arms outstretched pleading for Anakin to listen, his robe falls open. "Anakin, I implore you…please be reasonable. You'll see everything is just a big misunderstanding."
The open robe reveals another horrifying sight.
Anakin is witnessing the end of the galaxy as he knows it. A pale, graying old woman cowers up against the headboard of the king-sized bed. Her gray tresses falling in her face like a pin-up girl who has aged eight decades. She must have been attractive at one point of her life but this is not one of them. She gathers the blankets up against her body. The 'two-for-one punch' of seeing these pale, naked bodies with all sorts of unmentionable body parts exposed, each part defying the laws of intergalactic gravity and motion. If only he could burn his eyes out, he would. The very thought of these ancient entangled bodies in 'flagrante delicto' is more than he could stomach.
'PTSD: Post Traumatic Sith Disorder'
An hour passes. Anakin does not recall how he got out of that 'Senior Citizens House of Horrors' and into another but he managed. He finds a safe haven across town. The host seems comforting and ready to hear his woes.
"Anakin, sugar, take this. It will calm your nerves."
Bunny sets a silver tray on the coffee table. She places the piping hot cup in his hands. Anakin is trembling. The cup and saucer rattle violently. He takes tentative sips from the cup of Bimmisaari tea.
Bunny watches him as she sits on another sofa. She is wearing lime green silk lounge pants with a matching chemise and green chiffon floor-length peignoir.
"How are you feeling, sugarplum?"
"I'm a wreck. Look at me."
He sets the cup down and holds out his hands for her to see. She leans in to examine his hands.
"You keep sipping that tea, Ani, honey. It'll stop."
. Bunny crosses her legs and checks her freshly polished toenails through her clear acrylic pumps. She glances over at the clock.
The front door opens. Bunny quickly leaves the sofa.
"Ani, honey, I'll be just a minute. You finish that tea now. It'll make you feel a lot better, trust me."
Bunny greets Obi-Wan at the door. There is a hushed discussion going on before the Jedi Master walks into the living room.
"What's he doing here?"
Bunny goes on to explain what happened according to Anakin's fuzzy account.
"He's had a traumatic experience."
Obi-Wan whispers back.
"So your answer is to give him tea? Good heavens, he'll never leave!"
"Well, I know that Benj! You're his friend. You are like a brother to him. Can't you say something to help him through this?"
"You let him in. You talk him down!"
"Like my new outfit?" She twirls seductively as she models for him.
"You look ravishing, my dear."
"Then go in there and handle this. It's your turn!" She points towards the living room.
Obi-Wan walks into the living room with a big smile as he greets Anakin.
"Anakin, old friend. I hear you've had a rough 24 hours."
Obi-Wan settles in the well-worn leather armchair facing Anakin. Bunny joins them. Anakin sets the cup down and sighs.
"Obi-Wan, you have no idea. It was terrible. Who still does that at that age?" He stops himself. "No offense."
Obi-Wan squirms in the chair. He must not take what Anakin says to heart. He keeps smiling.
"None taken."
Obi-Wan lights his pipe then takes a few puffs. He listens as Anakin tells him about the previous evening at the restaurant and then today at Palpatine's house, including the chance encounter with the widow Winship. Anakin goes into graphic detail about the old couple. Apparently, Palpatine and Sarah Winship have been canoodling for quite some time. They became friendly during a canasta game at the Shady Acres Senior Community Center after her breakup with one of the other members.
Anakin tells himself he should have known that the gardening clogs and gardening tools belonged to the widow.
"There out to be a law. What did I do to deserve that? Where's the outrage? Am I alone here? I mean, if I weren't so vain, I would have gouged my eyes out right then and there. Then last night... Oh, I am so angry! I was the last to know. Why didn't they tell me?"
"What are you talking about, Anakin? You're upset that your father didn't tell you about his little lady friend?"
"No! Aren't you listening?"
"Yes but you're telling me two stories."
"I'm talking about Leia and Han now. Keep up with me."
"Well, Anakin, if I may be blunt, you brought all of this on yourself. You can be difficult."
"Oh, I know that." He waves his hand as if to dismiss the issue. "…and then the 'sith' hit the fan again today. It started out being a good idea for a visit. Besides, I had no place to go…"
"I see."
"It was horrible. My kids are all mad at me. My wife is not speaking to me…just because I got a little claustrophobic in an ambulance."
Obi-Wan leans back in his chair. He sets his pipe in its tray on the end table.
"From what I understand, Anakin, you had your son-in-law in a force choke hold. You could have caused a terrible accident. Isabel could have been hurt. You need to get hold of your anger. It leads…"
"Yeah, yeah, I know. It leads to the dark side. I feel guilty about that and I will apologize. Did you know that they ambushed me last night? I walked into that restaurant and they all knew about Leia and Han. They took great pleasure laying all those bombs on me. Very 'effing' funny. Ha-ha-ha." He holds out his hand. "Look at my hand. It's still shaking."
Bunny reaches over and squeezes his hand.
"Awh, Ani, honey; you should be happy. You are so blessed. You have a beautiful understanding wife and beautiful children who adore you. Think positive. More good things are happening to you than bad."
"But I'm too young to be a grandfather."
"No, you're not. Besides, just think of all the things you'll be able to do with the little ones. You know what I did? I went to Rodian Drive and bought the cutest little outfits for the twins."
Anakin stares at her blankly. It is apparent that everyone knew about the blessed event but him. He takes another sip of tea. He is a bit calmer now. He sets the teacup on the tray. Obi-Wan and Bunny anticipate that he is about to leave. Anakin folds his hands on his lap. He is feeling better. They are confident that their words of encouragement have helped. His next question, however, renders them silent.
"Sooo…did you guys have lunch already? It's sort of late but an early dinner is fine too."
Obi-Wan and Bunny stare at one another. They need to take action fast.
'Yes, You Can Go Home Again'
It is past five o'clock when Anakin returns home. Threepio greets him as he walks through the door.
"It's Master Ani! Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! It's so…"
Anakin holds up his hand and signals for the droid to stop talking. He unbuttons his coat and unhooks his light saber, setting on the table in the foyer.
Artoo approaches him and extends his computer interface arm. Two tablets rest on the small metal plate along with a 10-milliliter cup of water. Anakin quietly takes the tablets, pops them into his mouth, and then washes them down with the water. Artoo takes the cup and crushes it with his internal compactor.
Skippy greets his master with a pair of slippers in his titanium jaws. This is a rare moment for both dog and master. Anakin has tried all sorts of obedience chips but all failed. He came to accept his K-9 droid companion as a free spirit. This time, Skippy not only delivers a pair of slippers, he rolls over, begged, and then retrieved the Coruscant Times. He wags his tail awaiting his master's approval. Anakin is quite pleased.
"Good dog." Anakin pats him on the head.
Isabel appears. She heard all about his horrific experience uptown from Obi-Wan. The Jedi Master suggested to her that Anakin would need his medication immediately upon returning home. Not even Jedi mind tricks could erase the memories from that afternoon. Besides, Anakin grew irritated when Obi-Wan attempts to tamper with his memory. Apparently, Obi-Wan had an ulterior motive in 'helping' him. It was date night for Obi-Wan and Bunny. While Anakin was nursing a second cup of tea, Obi-Wan decides desperate times call for desperate measures:
"It's getting late…You must go home."
Anakin squints at Obi-Wan
"Stop waving your hand in my face. Your mind tricks don't work on me. I know when to leave. You don't need to tell me twice. I want to go home. Call me a speeder taxi."
Anakin has no recollection of this conversation.
None of this matters to Isabel. She welcomes her husband home with a kiss. He embraces her. His open coat envelopes her as he draws her near. He whispers.
"I'm sorry."
Isabel removes his shoes. He slides each foot into a slipper. She takes his coat.
"Dinner is about ready. Go freshen up…we'll wait."
As he steps away to freshen up, he sees Threepio and stops.
"Thank-you, Threepio. It's good to be home."
The protocol droid nods with great reverence.
"It's good to have you home, Master."
Anakin walks into the family dining room a few minutes later. He takes his place at the head of the table. This is the best part of the day. His wife and children surround him. He is even happy to see his knuckleheaded son-in-law and spunky daughter-in-law.
The images from the last 24 hours are now a fading memory. He is content to see his children without making a judgment or criticism about their choices in life. He trusts them. Tonight they shower him with love and affection.
He is especially pleased to see Ana-Lena home. She was able to finagle a few days away from the confines of that convent school. She explains to the Mother Superior that there was an illness in the family. This is perfect timing. Anakin can discuss the convent school dress code with her. This will keep his mind occupied in the coming months before 'Dark Lord Grandfather's Day' arrives.
…And even though Anakin buried the bad memories of the past 24 hours, deep within his psyche, a number of things are now forbidden in the Skywalker household:
Incense, candles, burgundy velour robes, red satin bed linens, the song 'Lady', and CCST *(Chocolate Cherry Starship Ice Cream).