Chapter 6AE

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'Droid and Master Bonding'

['Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've
constructed' - D.V.]

'Jumper'

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A few months pass since the 'great announcement.' Anakin is determined to put that horrific chapter in his life behind him. He finds solace in his den bonding with his friends. Just as he is basking into the peaceful solitude of his meditation den, his peaceful security is broken.

A great disturbance in the Force makes it necessary to step outside the comfort of his den. He hears voices all a-twitter. He tiptoes around the corner and peers into the living room, making sure he keeps his body flush against the wall to avoid detection. His wife, Isabel walks over to the sofa. Five other women follow her: her mother Ouisanne Nor, Maggie Jade, Bunny Harrington-Kenobi, Mara, and Leia.

They drop their colorful shopping bags on the floor as they sink into the plush furniture, kicking off their shoes. Inside each of the eighth to ten bags circling the women are more shoes. The women look exhausted, as if they had just completed the 26k Coruscant Marathon. After a few moments, Isabel pops up from the sofa.

"Drinks everyone? I am parched."

Maggie Jade kicks of her red open-toed pumps and follows Isabel to the kitchen.

"Let me help you, Bel. Did you have your living room redecorated? It looks gorgeous."

"Just a new sofa and drapes…oh, and new rugs. With most of the children out of the house, I'll have more time to decorate."

"Where's that handsome hubby of yours?"

"I don't know. He went into the office this morning. He should be home soon."

They return with a tray of beverages and hors d'oeuvre. The women sit around drinking Bimmisaari iced tea while showing off their newly purchased designer footwear. Leia is relaxing in the Queen Apailana recliner. She is wearing gold silk pencil slacks and a brown chiffon pleated tunic with half sleeves. A gold brocade sash ties neatly at the bodice revealing a pregnant belly. Maggie Jade sashays in front of the sofa modeling her new footwear.

"I absolutely love these shoes. Did you see that woman trying to snatch them from me? She said she saw them first; and then had the nerve to give me a look. She looked vicious. I swear she did time."

Mara is fastening the strap on a pair of gold sandals she bought. Her red hair falls in her face as she talks.

"Mom, they were in the chair beside her. I think she was putting on a sani-sock when you took them."

"Whose side are you on? They wouldn't have looked good on her anyway…she had cankles! And did you see her fake boobs nearly falling out of her dress? She looked like a stripper…no offense, Bunny."

"None taken, Shug…mine are real."

Leia turns to Ouisanne with a mock gasp. She is surprised Bunny did not belt Maggie in the jaw. Isabel tries on a pair of shoes from her own shopping bag.

"I think I'll wear my navy satin pumps to the Jedi Temple Gala…." Just as she says this, she sees Anakin spying on them in the entranceway. "Anakin, why are you doing lurking around the house? I didn't know you were home."

"I wasn't lurking. I was just passing through."

"You were definitely lurking."

Anakin sees that all eyes are on him. He stands awkwardly at the entrance to the living room. It is too late to retreat into his den. He notices the shopping bags.

"Hello, ladies. I see you've all been helping the economy today. The Coruscant budget deficit must be all wiped clean by now. Heh-heh…"

No one laughs at his feeble attempt at a joke. Maggie Jade smiles as she touches up her lips with her favorite Ruusan Red lipstick.

"Anakin, you handsome devil, why didn't you come out earlier to chat with us?"

"You ladies have plenty to talk about without me hanging around."

"Anakin, you have great fashion sense. Tell me what you think of these shoes. I haven't decided which ones to wear to the gala." Maggie Jade stands then parades up and down the carpet as if she is on a fashion show runway. Her 'electric' hips shift left to right. She pirouettes into a pose with her hands on her hips. "What do you think?"

Anakin backs away.

"Uhm…I'll leave you to your girl-talk while I grab a sandwich." He makes a quick exit.

Isabel tries on her second pair of shoes. Without looking up, she calls to her husband.

"Don't eat anything big. We're going to have dinner soon."

"Yes, ma'm."

Anakin continues through the living room and disappears into the kitchen.

Aunt Bunny smiles.

"He left in a hurry. Too much girl-talk for his liking."

The front door opens. Threepio can be heard greeting someone.

"Well! Good afternoon, young Master Kris. How was Padawan class today?"

"It was cool I guess. How are you, Threepio?"

"Quite well, master Kris. Don't forget to leave your air surfer board outside. Your mother has strict rules about bringing it in the house."

"I parked it near the lemon tree plant in the garden."

"Oh…okay. Hey, wait…not the garden, you remember how your grandfather tripped over it and broke his hip."

"Alright, I'll move it when I go back outside."

He walks into the living room. The women turn as he passes the sofa. Isabel speaks.

"Kris…"

Kriztan Skywalker pre-empts what his mother is about to say with his own response.

"Hi, mom…I'll move the air surfer. I'm just going into the kitchen for a minute."

"Don't stuff yourself with junk. Dinner will be ready soon."

"But you're just sitting around in the living room…never mind."

He leaves the foyer and crosses the living room when he sees his mother with Leia and the other women sitting around the coffee table for their weekly gabfest and fashion party. He stops.

Mara smiles and gives him a wink. "Hey, sport!"

"Hi, Mara. Hi, Nana, Aunt Bunny, Mrs. Jade…Sis."

Leia smirks at the way he greets her. He considers her bossy and wishes that she would stop treating him like a child. Leia knows that this annoys him and takes great joy in taunting him.

Maggie Jade beams.

"He is so adorable. He is the spitting image of his daddy."

Kris blushes.

Aunt Bunny waves him over to where she is sitting.

"Come on over here and give your Aunt Bun some sugar."

Kris obliges and leans over the back of the sofa and kisses Aunt Bunny on the cheek. Bunny leaves a big red lipstick mark on his cheek. . Maggie Jade does not want to be left out. She holds out her arms and wiggles her fingers urging him to come to her.

"Me too! I want to hug this sweet little boy. I wish my Mikey was like him."

All Kris can focus on is her big hair and those red lacquered fingernails. She tiptoes over to him in her 4-inch pumps. She squeezes him. His first thought is to cry for help but then that would just be embarrassing. The moment is soon over but he now has to greet everyone else. He works his way around the sofa receiving kisses from the women. He willingly gives his grandmother a warm hug.

"Hey, Nana. Love you."

"I love you too. How's my precious grandson?"

"I'm cool."

This elicits laughter from the other women. Maggie winks at him. Kris is becoming increasingly embarrassed. He finds Maggie's false eyelashes disturbing.

"He's so cute."

Ouisanne points toward the front door.

"I left a package on the table in the foyer. It's from your grandfather and me."

"Really?"

He turns towards the foyer.

"Awesome!"

Kris opens the package in the foyer. Threepio and Artoo gather round to watch. Isabel scolds her mother.

"Mother, will you stop sneaking gifts to him? He's milking this 'youngest child at home' thing for all it's worth. You're spoiling him."

"I didn't sneak it to him. It was on the table for all to see. Besides, he's a good kid. He deserves a little reward now and then for doing so well at the Jedi Academy. It makes me feel good, and your father feels the same way."

"You know you're undermining our job as parents."

"Yes, I know."

Isabel knows it is useless to scold her mother for indulging the youngest child. It makes it even more difficult when said child is expressing his thrill about the gift.

"Geez! This so cool! Thanks, Nana!"

Leia calls him over.

"Hey, you little Ewok, bring that over here. Show us what you've got."

Kris walks over to his sister to show off his gift. Leia adjusts the recliner to the upright position.

"Oh, good grief! You are so spoiled. This is the latest version of E-Games. You do know you're not the only child, don't you?"

"But I'm the only one at home everyday. Jealous?"

"No. These games will rot your brain. Let me hold it for you. I'll set it up. Go in the kitchen."

She shoos him away.

"No way. I'll never get it back."

"Relax, will you? You'll get your little toy back."

"You're so bossy. Your kids are gonna be in bad shape with a mom like you."

"I said I'll hold onto it while you're in the kitchen. You'll just get food all over it. Scram."

Kris sulks then leaves the room. He walks into the kitchen and quietly takes a glass from the cabinet. He spots his father pulling a container of ice cream from the freezer and looking around like a paranoid thief. Kris taps him on the shoulder and shouts.

"What's up in here?"

Anakin fumbles the ice cream container and jumps. He relaxes when he sees who it is.

"Doh! Cut it out!"

"Geez, Dad; why are you so jumpy?"

"Nothing."

"You hiding out too? Hah-ha!"

"I don't need to hide in my own house." Anakin opens a drawer and pulls out a spoon. He lifts the lid from the container of Acai and Bimmisaari red tea ice cream. He jams the spoon into the frozen dessert when Kris eyes him.

"Hey, Dad, Mom hates it when you do that. You'd better get a bowl."

"Who's paying for this ice cream? This is my house. I can do what I please." The defiant dark lord leans against the kitchen counter and eats from the container. Kris shrugs his shoulders.

"I'm just saying…" Kris unloads several containers from the cold cut compartment of the refrigerator then extracts two slices of Corellian wheat bread from the breadbox. Threepio walks in behind him, closes the breadbox, and rewraps the cold cuts. This elicits an icy stare from Kris. Threepio is oblivious to the boy's reaction.

"Must keep things fresh, Master Kris."

"I was about to close it myself."

"Oh! Well then. Good boy!" Threepio lifts his golden hand and pats the boy on the head. Anakin smirks. Threepio turns his attention to Anakin who is eating out of the ice cream container. "Why don't I get you a bowl sir?"

"Did I ask for a bowl?"

"No, sir but ---." Threepio turns away and busies himself with other tasks. He disappears in the laundry room. Anakin ignores the droid and focuses his attention on his youngest child.

The adolescent stands at the other counter. He assembles his sandwich spreading a generous helping of Corellian mayonnaise onto each slice of bread. Some of it gets on his finger and he promptly licks it off. Anakin observes him and so does Threepio who makes a comment.

"You do know that dinner will be served soon, young man?"

Anakin joins in pretending to agree with the droid.

"Yeah, Kris. You'll lose your appetite. I'll eat half of that sandwich." He stares at the droid then continues eating from the ice cream carton.

Kris divides the sandwich in half as he sits on a stool at the island counter.

"Here you go, Dad."

Anakin makes sure Threepio hears him.

"Thank, son. So, what have you been up to, sport?"

"Nothing special."

"What does 'Master Kyle' have you doing at the Academy?" He bites into his half of the sandwich.

"Why do you say it like that, Dad?"

"Humph! Kyle has a long history of being a goof-off." He walks over to a cabinet above the sink and pulls out a large bag of Tatooine Blue Tater-Chips. A devilish grin creeps across his face as Kris' favorite junk food hiding place is revealed. "Yes, I know you have chips. You kids can't hide anything from me. So let's get back to your no-account mentor. Yeah…that Kyle and Kyp were a couple of screw-ups.

"Really? When?"

"Long before you were born."

"Like what?" He goes to the refrigerator and grabs a bottle of Rodian soda pop.

"He and Kyp used to get into all sorts of shenanigans with your brother Luke."

"Cool! I can't wait."

"Anyway…you seem to be doing okay. I suppose I should give him a little credit. He knows he's training my youngest so he knows not to 'eff' it up."

"Dad!"

"Sorry."

"Apology accepted. I'm an impressionable youth. You don't want me falling to the dark side do you?"

"A potty mouth won't turn you to the dark side. Let me try that." He points to the pop bottle.

"I though you said you never touch the stuff."

"I don't. I just want to wash down this sandwich. You were a bit stingy with the mayo. The bread is stuck in my throat. Give it here."

Anakin takes the bottle. Kris watches as his father gulps down half the bottle.

"You like it?"

"It's not bad for a kid's drink."

"I'll get you one."

Kris opens two more Rodian sodas. They raise their bottles in a toast.

"This is kinda neat us hiding from mom and all."

"It's a special father-son moment."

"May the Force be with you, Dad."

"Ditto, son."

"Hey, Dad, did you ever have moments like this with Palps?"

"Let's just say he wasn't the best father when I was your age. Come to think of it, he wasn't a good father at all."

"I guess not. He's a strange old man. I wonder what he was like at my age. Was Palps ever young?"

Anakin laughs and almost spits out his soda. He grabs a towel to wipe his mouth then begins to explain.

"You know, I don't know. I never asked him and he never volunteered. I don't know anything about his youth. I didn't meet him until I was 9 years old. Between you and me…I think he was born old."

Kris laughs.

"That's a good one, Dad."

"Yeah…he's a character…oh; by the way, did you send him a get well card?"

"Yeah, weeks ago. Why?"

"I'm never going to hear the end of how you kids caused him to break his hip."

"Is he still using that cane? His hip healed weeks ago."

"I'm getting sick of seeing him with that cane too. Just do me a favor and keep your air surfer out of the way when he's around."

"Okay."

"He's milking that accident for all it's worth. I feel like kicking that walking stick from under him."

Threepio, who has been eavesdropping from the laundry room, decides to join the conversation.

"You know, Master, I was thinking the same thing just last week when he demanded I rub his feet…The nerve! Horrible little man!"

"I hope you gave him a piece of your mind, Threepio."

"Indeed I did, sir."

Anakin is mocking the droid.

"Good for you, Threepio! Don't take any *sith* from nobody."

They all high five one another. Someone is watching them. It is Leia. She saunters over with her hands on her hips that accentuate her growing belly. There is a smirk on her face.

"You cowards still hiding out?"

"We're not hiding. What do you want?"

"Just passing through." She takes a survey of the snacks on the counter. "You dishing dirt on the old troll?"

"So?"

"Listen, you need to know how to handle him, Kris, don't listen to Dad. I'll give you all the tips on how to deal with the old creature. He's basically trying to see how much he can get away with. He's just looking for sympathy. So, this is what you do…." She helps herself to the bag of chips. Anakin watches her.

"Are you supposed to eat that in your condition?"

"Everything in moderation. The twins love them. Want to feel?"

"No! I'm trying to eat for crissake." He looks horrified as Leia takes his hand and tries to make him touch her belly.

"Will you calm down? You're not going to catch anything."

"Stop! Get away from me!" He walks backwards around the counter as she pursues him.

"Don't you want to feel your grandkids?"

"No! Aren't you missing out on all that chick gossip?"

"No…they're talking about you."

"What are they saying?"

"You know what they're saying."

"That's why I'm staying in here. I don't get into trouble."

"Oh, alright. I'll leave you with 'half-pint' here to talk about Palps."

"Hey1 I thought you were going to give me pointers on how to deal with Palps."

"Later, kid. There's plenty of time for that"

Leia finally turns and leaves the kitchen.

Some time passes. Artoo rolls into the kitchen. He chirps something to Anakin who is relieved and raises his fist in triumph.

"Yes! At last those hens have gone. At last, I can walk freely through my house."

Kris reacts with indifference.

"Yeah…Whatever."

Kris disappears upstairs with his new E-Game. The coast is clear. There is no sign of the 'ladies shoe club'. They have adjourned for the day to return to their hen-pecked spouses. Anakin whistles happily, as he makes his way back to his living room. He sinks into his favorite armchair and rests his long legs on the matching ottoman. All he has to do is to wait for dinner. He flips through a copy of Intergalactic Geographic featuring tribal communities. There is a section on Ewoks and then another on Wookies and Sand People. He turns the page and sees a graphic image of their mating rituals. He shutters.

"Ewww….What the 'eff' is this *sith*?"

He tosses the magazine onto the coffee table. He leans over to look for a sports magazine when he hears a soft sigh in the recliner across from him. He jumps, appearing genuinely startled. He lets out a scream.

"Ahhh!"

"You're a jumpy fella, aren't you?"

"I thought you went home! What are you still doing here?"

"I thought you told us kids not to be strangers and that we should visit every now and then."

"Yeah, with the emphasis on 'Then'. I don't want to see you 'now'. What are you doing here?"

"I'm waiting for dinner just the same as you are."

He flips through a magazine eyeing her suspiciously every few moments. He snaps the pages hoping that the repetitive noise will annoy her and drive her out of the house but she does not budge. He sets the magazine down in his lap.

"Don't you have a husband to go home to cook for or to poison…Sorry. That was redundant."

"Poisoning may not be such a bad idea."

"Wha?"

"It's too awful to talk about."

"Well, I can respect that. It is between you and nerf-face anyway. All marriages have their bumpy moments…"

He starts to leave his comfortable chair to find another refuge around the massive house. Just as he is about to make a clean getaway, there is a woeful shy from the direction of the recliner.

"Alright, I'll tell you."

Anakin is pulled back into a conversation he does not want to have. He winces and plops back into the armchair. Long ago when the children started to leave the nest, he was feeling a bit melancholy. He uses these emotional times to make a vow that he will always be available to listen to their fears and concerns. He was caught up in the moment.

He never expected that they would hold him to this promise. He languishes in the chair staring blankly as Leia proceeds to tell him of her marital issues. As Leia starts talking, he pretends to slash his wrists. Threepio walks by carrying a batch of clean linens from the laundry room. The droid sees Anakin then does a double take.

Leia recounts the day that disrupts her marriage. She goes into great detail about how a lovely walk in the park turns bad.

Anakin 'plays dead' in the chair.