I sit in bed staring at space. I no longer know what's going on. I don't know when it's night and day nor do I care. I eat, I drink, I go to the toilet and I sleep. Oh and I feel pain, lot's of pain. Haymitch still brings me food but I can tell he's getting frustrated. I know he can't keep doing this. Sooner or later, somethings going to change. I sigh, thinking of how it only took a week and the world could bring you to your knees. I make a list of everything that has happened to me in the past week

prim died

Gale might as well have died

I lost my job

life is hell.

I sigh, tossing and turning, thrashing around in my bed. I get nightmares so often now, about Prim dying over and over and over in my head. It's like going through hell over and over and over, reliving the past week's horror. There's no other way to put it, I'm trapped in my own mind. I don't dare go to sleep, afraid of the nightmares. I only sleep when my body forces me to out of sheer exhaustion. I sigh picking up my cracked phone. The first time I tried using it I remembered my background was a picture of me and Prim. I had thrown it across the room and screamed my head off. Haymitch though I was being mugged. It's 10 o'clock. I put down the phone, going back to staring at the patch of space above me. I feel trapped in a world that no longers need me, like prey in a snare, only I was the prey this time. Plus what am I? Just a burden to the world, to Haymitch who keeps me fed. I'm a useless, crazy girl who is only capable of feeling pain. I just want the pain to end, but every time I drift of to sleep, I'm plunged into another nightmare, another gruesome death for Prim. Why can't I be the ones to die? Everyone tolerates me, but everyone loves Prim. She would be able to move on, live a life, have a job. My whole life revolves around Prim, and yet she's the one to die. I try for the thousandth time to shut down my mind, think about anything but Prim. think about the woods. Prim loved flowers. Think about snares. Prim hated harming animals. SHUT UP STUPID MIND. Prim never yelled. I scream, not caring if Haymitch heard, cursing my mind. Why couldn't I just forget, why? I hear the door open, great Haymitch heard me. I Turn to him, not wanting to see him I mumble

"Go away Haymitch," I say, preparing for a sarcastic retort but there is none. He just keeps on walking toward me and pulls a chair. I wrinkle my nose, he reeks of alcohol, then again, he always reeks of alcohol.

"Go away Haymitch," I repeat again, hoping this works. it doesn't, he just sits there, it looks like he's at a loss for words. I'm about to tell him to go away again when he sighs.

"Look Katniss, your boss has been calling and heard what happened to you. The landlord is also demanding the rent. I can feed you, but I can't pay for your rent and Plutarch wants to sue." I stare at him not comprehending.

"They want to move you to a mental hospital," he tells me finally. My room starts to spin and I can feel my breathing speed up. I'm hyperventilating, no not the insane asylum. My mom went there after our father died and I can't go there. Not again, Never again. My head starts to feel lightheaded, I'm breathing so fast but none of the air is reaching my lungs.

"Woah Woah Woah, deep breaths," Haymitch tells me. My world is spinning out of control but I can control this one meager task. I breathe in from my nose and out from my mouth.

"When?" I whisper, my voice hoarse. It's almost if I'm losing the ability to speak.

"Uh, tomorrow," He tells me. I know he bought me some time, but now I have to go. I hate my life, I hate everything about it. Haymitch just hands me a cookie. I look down and see it's a frosted Primrose. I eat it before it could cause me too much pain. I huddle into a fetal position and rock back and forth. not real, not real. These seem to be my favorite words these days as if to trick my brain into thinking that all the pain is not real and just a nightmare. I rock back and forth remembering the time I visited my mom in her insane asylum.

Prim and I walked down the dirty halls prim clutching to my arm, crying. I tried to stay brave for her but the sight around us was terrifying. People lay on the floor, hitting invisible friends, walking around or just screaming. I could feel Prim tremble as we walked past row upon row of screaming, crying, crazy people. I so desperately want to close her eyes, it's more of hell than rehabilitation . But I can't erase these memories so I pull her along as fast as we can until we reach our mom's bed. It's filthy, everything about this place is. She just sits there, her eyes glassed over. Prim runs to her and takes her hand. She cries and tries to talk to her. She doesn't respond. Prim begs and begs, someone nearby hears and spins around to see. I glare at them and slam the door. I just look at Prim begging my mom to come back and I get angry. I walk over and slap my mom in the face.

"Katniss!" Prim cried out in indignation. I just looked at her and shrugged.

"What, it didn't do anything, she probably didn't even feel it." It's the truth, but I just wanted to get out of that filthy place.

Remembering the filthy place I shudder. My time is running out as I stare at the time. It's at 4 am. At 10, I get shipped off to hell. I rather die than go there. die. I bolt up with fear and exhilarating excitement. Death, it was the answer. I start pacing face thinking about all my problems. If I died, I wouldn't have to go to the insane asylum, I wouldn't have to live with the pain, oh the pain. I could end it all, just sink into blackness forever. I smile, Finally, I have my solution. And maybe, just maybe I would be able to see Prim again. If not, At least the pain that was killing me every day would be gone. And what would happen? I was basically already dead to the world, There was no one I loved anymore and No one who loved me. It was the perfect solution, the win-win-win solution. I'm almost manic as I grab a piece of paper and write

Dear whoever,

If you are reading this I am sorry. THere's just no spot left in the world for me, only pain. I have no family friends, job or purpose in life. No one loves me so I know all of you will get over it. I'm just so cold so empty, and I can't stand the pain. I'm just a burden of the world, so please don't be mad. I'm not afraid to die, I will welcome it with open arms. I'm already living in hell so what does it matter? Goodbye, I wish you all well.

Finally free,

Katniss Everdeen.

I Katniss Everdeen, Donate all my possessions and money to Panem National park.

I put down my pen and leave the note on the desk. The sun is rising and I'm running out of time. But I have an energy I have never felt before, the chance to be free, like a bird set from a cage. I grab my Fathers hunting jacket and as quietly as possible slip out the apartment with my hunters' tread. The day is a crisp one, with not a single cloud in the air. I run for the flower shop before I leave there is something I need to do. I rush and as soon as they open and the owner greets me. She asks me what flowers I want. There are hundreds of different flowers, all beautiful colors but I am just looking for two. I spot them in a corner. Their yellow and white, and compared to the others bland, but they are special, a thousand times more meaningful than the others. I pick them up.

"Are you sure you want those, their kind of... dull." She says. I look at her and I feel the need to explain. Defend these flowers that no one probably buys.

"Their Primroses... for My sister Prim." I choke tears threatening to fall. "She passed away a week ago." I finish. I can't go on, I can't speak anymore so I just point to the Katniss flowers and point to me. She gets the point. She hugs me and I'm too weak to resist.

"You can have them, no charge." She tells me. I know this is wrong, it is charity. Everdeen's don't accept charity. I give her back the flowers

"I can't, it's ... charity." I finally finish lamely. She looks at me with pity and just shoves the flowers back in my hand.

"It's not charity, it's kindness." She tells me. Kindness? I look at her in disbelief. There is no Kindness in the world, she must want something in return. I open my mouth to speak when she cuts me off.

"Consider it a debt then, your father owed me." She says, and I know I'm checkmated. I can't refuse cause it's technically a debt paid and I know all about debt. I take them and mumble a thank you before leaving the shop. I head to the Cemetary, theirs not a person in sight. I walk upon the rows of tombstones, people who never will return until I reach my sisters. I kneel, crying for my sister. I know she's under, ceiled in a wooden box, but she might as well be thousands of universes away. I put down the flowers and just cry until my eyes can't cry anymore. I get up, I have a job to do.

I walk down the road trying to look as normal as possible. I keep my head low and walk silently. I can hear the birds chirp and I waver and stumble a little. Is this the right choice? Then I remember Prim and The pain hits again. I know it is if it will end this neverending pain. But what if the world isn't out to get me. I need to test this theory. If one person asks how my day is, I vow I will stop. That means the world isn't out to get me. I curse my self, giving me a chance to chicken out but it made sense. But as I walk closer and closer to my destination, no one says hi, not a single person. This hardens my resolve, the world is a cold place and I am trapped. But I know just the thing to escape this inescapable trap. I walk onto the Panem bridge.

The Panem bridge is our biggest bridge, 5000 feet long and 500 feet high. It is a beautiful bridge under the river made of steel. It is also my escape. I look over the edge, and my head spins at the height. A fall from this height would mean death for sure. I look at the sunrise, my last one. come on Katniss, one jump and it will be all over. no pain, no prim just darkness. I take a deep breath, steeling my nerves. I hear a car somewhere honking, but it doesn't bother me. I'm about to dive head in, wanting the pain to end when I feel a pair of strong arms behind me. shit shit shit. I swing around desperately trying to escape, seeing who is preventing me from being free. I turn to punch them in the face and I stare into the bluest eyes I've ever seen and I know I can't punch this person.

Peeta POV.

I wake up terrified after another nightmare. They come so often now, I don't know what to do. They sometimes call it combat stress, but I hate it. I groan and stretch and I get dressed. I look at the clock, I still have thirty minutes before I have to start baking. It's not much but It will do. I put on my clothes and walk downstairs. My dad is already there Kneading dough. He looks up at me. He knows I can't sleep, he just doesn't know why or just how bad it is. How it keeps me paralyzed in my bed.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asks. I nod as I grab a danish to eat on my walk. Walking helps warm up my prosthetic leg, which is always a good thing.

"Yeah, I'm going to take a walk," I tell him. He knows I like to walk, keeps me on my toes. He nods and goes back to kneading dough.

"Take all the time you want." He tells me, but I know this is not true. He needs my help so I make an effort to come back before 7. A little late but it's Sunday. I walk down the streets, admiring the nice weather. It's a good day I tell myself. The cool air feels so good compared to the deserts I have been to for the past year. There's a pleasant breeze and a bird chirps. Walking cleared my mind of all the nightmares. I decide to walk in a circle around town. I wave, saying high to the other shops that open early. Some wave back, some don't. I don't mind, spreading happiness is all I need. I know how it feels to be acknowledged. I look down at my watch, 6:50. I should get back. I turn onto Panem bridge on the the way back to the bakery. The sunshine over the river is always the best. I sometimes come to paint. I look around and notice theirs no one around me, wait there is! One the other side is Katniss Everdeen. I sigh, I've loved Katniss Everdeen all my life and was about finally got the nerve to ask her to be friends after my deployment but I hear her sister died. I thought that wasn't the best time so instead, I gave her cookies. Now she is up again, I guess she is feeling better. But I squint, no... something is wrong. SHe's too thin and I see a droop in her shoulders. I know that look, it's one I see in my fellow soldiers before it happened, It's defeat.

I realize what she's about to do and I run as fast as my leg allows me. It's instinct but I love her too much, I don't care if she hates me. I sprint across the street and almost get run over by a car. It honks and I hear the driver yell

"Hey! I'm gonna sue you!" I don't give a shit about him. All I care about is Katniss. I see her leg muscles tighten, and I wrap my arms tight around her. I instantly feel her thrash around and kick, but even with one leg, but if I could survive boot camp, this was nothing. I see her turn around and I see the pain in her gray storm eyes. They scare me because the fire has been snuffed out of them. I whisper in her ear, desperate

"Your safe Katniss, No one's going to hurt you. You're not alone, there are people who care about you." I whisper, and I feel her go limp. I hug her tightly and carry her bridal style down to the bakery. People stare at me, I don't give a fuck. They can all stare, heck they could call the police. All I care about is getting Katniss somewhere safe, somewhere she can feel wanted. I vow, that Katniss Everdeen, will be happy again if it's the last thing I do.

So I was reading my chapters and I made a big mistake. I wrote to Commit suicide, but It's actually died by suicide. Commit makes it sound like a crime, a choice people make. But it's not, they're not thinking straight and they're just looking for a way to end the pain. It's a step to break the stigma on mental health. I went back to change that. And what Katniss did is called a Stop Gap. A lot of people use these to avoid suicides because they just feel alone. So if you see people, say hi! It goes a long way.