Chapter 13AE

'Coruscant: CSI'

'So Close, Yet So Far Away'

'It Wasn't My Fault'

'Bait and Switch'

'The Blame Game'

"Uhm…what's that blue residue on his shirt?"

"How should I know?"

Han hurries out of the room and back in the kitchen to get a first aid kit. As he passes the counter, he notices a few granules on the counter near the box of 'Blister Gnat Begone.' *1The crystals have turned blue from the condensation from a beverage glass that had been on the counter. As he heads out of the kitchen, he stops, frozen in the doorway.

A faint smile creeps across his face as he whispers to himself while he figures this out. It is not a smile of joy, but one of disbelief.

"Oh, *sith! This is just 'effing' great! Lando! Could you come in here for a minute?"

"Sure buddy." Lando meets Han halfway. Han swiftly grabs him by his sleeve and drags him into the kitchen, closing the slatted doors. He corners Lando near the utility closet.

"When you handed me the container while I was grilling the steaks, which one did you give me?"

"The yellow one. Why?"

Han whispers back angrily pointing an accusing finger at his friend.

"Wrong answer!"

"What?"

"You gave me the insecticide container. My father-in-law took poison!"

"But you told me to hand it to you!"

"There's a label on it! You never bothered to read it?"

"I didn't think. How was I supposed to know? It's not like a script I'm supposed to remember. "

"I've got a bad feeling about this. Oh, God! What do we do? 'If ' and 'When' he comes out of this, you know who he's going to blame….Me!" He points to himself. "And then I'm going to blame you!" Han points an accusing finger at his friend.

Lando picks up the receiver on the wall phone.

"I'm dialing now!"

Han panics.

"No! Don't call anyone!…not yet…let's figure this out."

"Well, we can't just leave him out here."

"We're not. Get the Sports Utility Speeder; we'll take him to the Emergency Room."

"Can't we just call an ambulance?"

"Right, and they will call his wife. She's going to start asking questions; and we'll all be in deep space crap. I care about her. For some reason she loves that man and I'm not going to upset her…not yet. Let's get this over with and get him out of here."

The men leave the house while trying to think of a plan and an explanation. They are enroute to Coruscant University Medical Center in a caravan of vehicles, which appear suspicious on many levels. There is no time to re-think the hastily executed strategy.

It is the newest addition to the sprawling hospital. They pull up to the emergency room parking bay near the main entrance so they can figure out how to execute the 'drop-off'. Anakin's feet stick out of the rear of the SUS as he lays unconscious in the cargo area. Lando pulls up close alongside of Han. Boba Fett, Officer Needa, and Threepio are with them.

Obi-Wan, Han, and Professor Solo discuss options. Lando exits his speeder and walks over to the rear of Han's vehicle. Han figures out a plan.

"Okay, this is what we're going to do; Dad and I are going to assess the situation inside the Emergency Department. How's he doing, Lando? Any signs of life?"

Lando leans in the side of the vehicle and checks Anakin's vitals. Lando looks across at Han.

"No, but I think he's faking it and I don't feel comfortable about being this close if he wakes up."

Boba Fett reaches for his blaster. He stands guard near the vehicle to make sure gawkers are kept at a distance but the blaster is also aimed at Anakin. Lando sees the blaster.

"Boba, why are you waving that blaster around? Put that away!"

Obi-Wan agrees.

"A blaster won't harm him, Mr. Fett. He must be impaled with the power of a lightsaber."

"Well, I wasn't planin' on getting that close, Master Kenobi." Boba starts to smile. "Hey, fellas, this is a good time to encase him in carbonite and ship him to Tatooine…what d'ya think, mate? Jabba will get an early Befana Eve present. Heh-heh!"

Lando steps out of the vehicle and stands beside it.

"That's not even funny, Boba."

"Yes, it is."

Lando shrugs and finally agrees with him.

"Yeah, it is. He would kill us if he knew we were talking about him like this."

As the men crowd around the rear of the speeder, two doctors, heading back to the ER take a shortcut along a narrow walkway close to where Han has parked his SUS. They slow down and approach Han and his father. Han notices and starts walking towards them and away from the SUS. He appears to be staggering. Lando and the others watch as Professor Solo speak to the doctors but the others are too far away to hear the conversation. One of the doctors places his hands in the pockets of his white physicians' coat. He is not happy about speaking to the stranger the professor.

"You can't go through here. This is a private pathway for staff only."

Professor Solo is holding Han as if his son is about to collapse.

"Can't you see my son is sick?"

"Who are you?"

"If you don't get out of the way, he's going to spew all over your nice white coats."

Han looks up at the night sky.

"I don't think I can hold on any longer. Am I going to die, Dad?"

"We'll see if these fine medical professionals will assist us, Junior."

There is a scuffle as Han, his father and the 2 doctors retreat behind the wall leading to the pathway. Suddenly Han and his father reemerge donning the white coats with badges still attached. The speed up, while at the same time trying not to attract attention. It is now dusk and many people are still in the area. Lando watches as they push a gurney towards the rear of the SUS. Han snaps at everyone.

"What are you waiting for? Let's go!"

They enter the emergency room, speeding pass the intake desk. The triage nurse yells at them. She is a heavyset redhead who is must have been thinner at one point of her life. She wears red lipstick that accentuate her curvy lips.

"Hey! You can't just storm through here…the rooms are filling up. That patient has to go through intake just like everyone else." She looks and sees the rest of the entourage. "Who are they?"

"Uhm…family…cousins and stuff…"

The triage nurse regards the group with a wary eye, especially Threepio. There is no way that these people are related. She rolls her eyes.

"Family or not, they have to stay in the waiting area with all the other dysfunctional losers…except the droid…he can stay….and you have to fill out forms!"

Han stumbles over his words.

"Uhm…oh…this won't take long…he's going downstairs." His father nods in agreement.

"That's right…downstairs."

The nurse notices the hospital badge on the physician's jacket Han is wearing. The nurse apologizes immediately.

"Oh, I'm sorry, doctor, I didn't see your badge."

"What?" Han looks at the badge he is wearing. "Oh…Then why am I talking to you? Boring conversation anyway!" He careens pass the Triage area and head down the corridor.

Professor Solo sees the two disheveled doctors heading their way accompanied by three Red Guards.

"Junior, we have trouble."

"Stop calling me that!"

One of the doctors points to Professor Solo and Han and he shouts to the guards.

"There they are!"

One of the Red Guards aims a blaster pistol at them. One of the pellets makes a pinging sound as it ricochets off an oxygen canister just outside one of the examination rooms. It pierces the sheet on the gurney. Professor Solo is surprised.

"Don't they know that this place doesn't respond well to bullets?" It is only now that the professor realizes that they are in danger. "Those basterds are trying to kill us!"

Han shouts back as they drop behind the gurney for protection.

"I know, Dad!"

"Well, this has never happened to me before."

"Welcome to my life."

Han looks around the gurney then steers it to the next corridor on the right and into a room. They quickly dump the physician's coats and hustle out of a side exit back to the parking lot and abandoning the gurney.

Boba Fett is leaning against a hover-chair parking post. He is smoking near a 'No Smoking' sign. Threepio brings this to his attention by pointing at the sign. Boba ignores him and blows smoke rings in the droid's face. Lando watches as the father and son duo head back to their SUS.

"Hey, what happened?"

"The guards made us. Let's get out of here."

"Wait, wait! Hold up. Where is Anakin?"

"Oh, crap! We can't go back in there. Why are you outside?"

Boba Fett shrugs after taking another puff from his smoking stick.

"I'd rather be inside; it's freezin' out here, but the surly nurse thought I was being fresh. All I did was wink at her. I like round women, I thought she was into me."

"Can't you guys just follow simple instructions? Geez! Let's think this through." He runs his fingers through his hair.

There is some discussion over the next 15 minutes. Finally, Lando puts up his hand.

"Okay, Listen, this was partly my fault anyway, so I'll go in and get him."

Obi-Wan is taking a sip of Whyren's Reserve whisky from his flask. He points to Lando.

"You're a good friend, Lando. Go!"

"Oh, right, so no one's coming with me? This deal is getting worse all the time. Listen, I'm willing to take some blame but not all of it."

"No wuckas. I'll go with ya, mate." Boba Fett tosses away his smoking stick. "Anakin and I go way back. If anyone can look back at this and laugh, he can."

Obi-Wan raises his flask.

"Boba, you're a good friend. Go!"

Lando and Boba walk into the emergency room. They are gone for some time. After almost thirty minutes, they emerge with stunned looks on their faces. Threepio walks over to them before they get to the speeder. Han sits behind the steering wheel of his speeder waiting for them. He sees Threepio stumble back a few steps then starts wailing like an old Tatooine washerwoman. They try to silence him to no avail.

"Oh, curses! Poor Master Ani! What will become of me? "

Han gets out of the speeder.

"Well? Where is he?"

Lando appears solemn.

"He's gone, Han."

"What?"

"They wouldn't even let us go downstairs to claim the body."

There is a long silence. Boba shakes his head.

"This is terrible. A sad moment for sure. So who's taking the blame for this, mate?"

Professor Solo nods as he calmly lights a cigar and takes a few puffs.

"Yes, Han. Who?"

"What are you looking at me for? Lando picked up the container and never looked at the label."

Lando shouts back.

"It's not my fault! Why didn't you read the label? It's not my fault! Who stores food products alongside pesticides?"

Threepio is still hysterical with grief. He frantically paces the parking bay. He turns and wags his metallic finger at Han.

"Label? What label? I knew it! You never liked Master Ani! Murderer!"

"Will somebody please shut him down?"

"I will not be shut down! As long as I am able to speak…"

Boba Fett locates the control switch on the droid and powers him down. The poor droid resembles a neglected ragdoll.

"Done! Now, how are we going to break the sad news to his missus?"

Obi-Wan takes a drink from his flask.

"Sad indeed. Anakin was a great leader and a good friend." He offers his flask to the others but there are no takers.

Han has had about all he can take of Obi-Wan and his sobriety issues.

"And you have a drinking problem. Don't they have an AA at the Jedi Temple?"

Obi-Wan mutters to himself.

"Well, I never murdered anyone."

Needa, who has been quiet the entire trip, over offers a solution.

"If anyone asks, tell them it is my fault. I will take full responsibility."

Han turns to him.

"Really? You would do that?"

The others shout in unison.

"No! Don't do it!"

Lando folds his arms across his chest.

"So, guys, what are we going to do?"

Obi-Wan tucks his flask in the inside pocket of his Jedi robe. He sounds sincere and articulate.

"I am the oldest and most trusted friend of the family. I will talk to Isabel and the children."

Professor Solo pats Obi-wan on the shoulder.

"Master Kenobi, you are a good and honorable man."

"I know."

Professor Solo points to the left side of the Jedi Master's robe. Obi-Wan figures out what the Professor wants. He hands Professor Solo the flask.

Lando ponders a bit and scratches his head.

"What are you going to say? You can't just say he was poisoned."

Professor Solo thinks of something. He takes a sip from the flask.

"We can say he slipped on some tea and hit his head."

Boba Fett scoffs at this answer.

"Who in hell slips on tea? I've never heard of such a bloody thing!"

"Ohhh…it happens...more often than you think." He takes another sip from the flask before handing it back to Obi-Wan. The flask is almost empty.

"When?"

"When I was a captain in the navy….an officer I was having tea with slipped and died instantly. You doubt me, Mr. Fett?"

"I'm just saying…must have been a bloody lot of tea."

The professor responds calmly after taking another puff from his cigar.

"No, just a cup."

Another 30 minutes pass before they decide it is time to drive to Anakin's' house with the news.

The doorbell rings around 9 o'clock that evening. The door opens. It is Isabel. She looks as lovely as ever. The lady of the house is not expecting a crowd at the door at this hour.

"Obi-Wan, Lando…how are you? What brings you here at this hour?"

Obi-Wan feels for his flask as he stands in the door.

"Oh…well…could we come in? We need to speak to you."

"Sure. Is everything alright? What is this about?"

Lando steps forward. Han stands close behind him.

"It is concerning Anakin. Uhm…"

"Yeah? You want to gripe about me behind my back?"

A voice from the back of the group gasps in horror: "He lives!"

Obi-Wan stumbles back a few steps. The visitors at the door look over Isabel's shoulder and see none other than the Dark Lord standing at the front door. He is eating something from a bowl. There is a bandage on his head.

The men file inside quietly, looking quite foolish. A loud crash can be heard outside the front door. The men barely respond to the noise. They are focused on Anakin.

1 'Blister Gnat Begone', a household insecticide for houseplants. Inside the container is a coarse white crystal powder. The red and yellow label has a cartoon drawing of a dead Blister gnat across the front. The back label has an unending scroll of text full of instructions for product use. An ominous skull and crossbones is stamped on the upper right-hand corner.

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