Chapter 14AE
'It's Alive!'
'Late Night with Anakin Skywalker'
'The Casting Couch'
'Toe Jam'
As the men file inside the house, Lando glances back at the catastrophe on the ground.
"Is your droid okay?"
Threepio yells out, "Get him off me!" Officer Needa has fainted. He is flat on his back laying on top of Threepio. Boba Fett, Han, and Lando decide to help. They lift the officer off the wailing protocol droid, carry him into the house, and place him on the sofa. Artoo comes to the front door and watches Threepio flails helplessly on the ground. The little droid chirps. Threepio stares up at him.
"What are you laughing at? Help me up you useless tin can! Did you see that? They helped a complete stranger and left me out here to rust. I'm family!"
Professor Solo greets Isabel with a kiss and a bouquet of flowers that he grabbed from a hospital room. The tag is still attached to one of the stems: 'Get well soon before the next grav-ball game' - from your fellow teammates and coach.'
The professor bows and kisses Isabel on the hand.
"What a delightful surprise it is to see you up at this hour, my dear. You look beautiful as usual."
"And you brought me flowers? How thoughtful. Unnecessary, but a lovely thought. Thank you, Professor." She notices the gift card attached to one of the stems. Luckily, she is distracted by the commotion to read it.
"You deserve flowers for all you do for everyone." Anakin gives Professor Solo a dirty look.
After a long disjointed explanation and profuse apologies from everyone involved, things seem to have calmed down. Anakin looks over on the sofa at Officer Karol Needa.
"How's he doing?"
Isabel adjusts the pillow on the back of Needa's head and applies a fresh compress.
"He took quite a fall. I think he should stay put for a while."
Anakin barks at Isabel's daring decision.
"How long is 'a while'?"
Isabel ignores him. Obi-Wan speaks.
"I recall years ago, Anakin, when you were in a similar situation."
Anakin was hoping Obi-Wan did not remind him of the time when Luke and Leia were still teenagers and he had a difficult time coping. At least he was passed out in his own home on his own sofa…not like this young officer. He takes his bowl and plops down on the Queen Apilaina armchair. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan walks over to the wet bar to refill his flask.
The front door opens. Someone is attempting to sneak up the stairs. Anakin sets the bowl of yogurt on the coffee table, and rises from his chair. He hurries to head them off before they reach the second step.
"You're late! Where in the blazes have you been? Your mother has been worried sick. Do you know how to tell time?"
"Uh…yes…" It is Anakin's youngest, Krizstan. The boy is wearing a yellow down vest over a long-sleeve black t-shirt and Tatooine cargo pants. He holds onto his air-surfer board and listens to his father. This is not the first time he has been interrogated by his the Dark Lord.
"Care to explain young man?"
"Uhm...No."
This delights Threepio who has recovered from being nearly crushed.
"Oh, young Skywalker, you have a wit as sharp as a lightsaber."
Kris giggles but Anakin is not amused.
"I'm waiting."
The boy starts to explain. Anakin tries to maintain his authoritative demeanor but finds it difficult when the boy speaks. Kris's voice is sweet and angelic even though he seems to be whining.
"We were trying out the new air board park and then we got hungry so we stopped at Burger Barron for dinner…"
"Stop, I don't want to hear it; you're grounded."
"But, Dad…"
"Your mother prepared a lovely meal for the family and it went cold because we were waiting for you."
Isabel interrupts.
"That's not totally true, Anakin. You weren't home either. I tried calling you…"
He does not want to respond because she will know that he purposely ignored her calls earlier in the day; instead, he tries to change the subject.
"Isabel, can I be a parent for a minute? Are you going to deny me that one privilege?"
Isabel takes the bowl from the coffee table while her husband rants. She just stands facing him, unimpressed by what he has to say.
"I wouldn't dream of doing such a thing. Rant on."
The men snicker. Boba is amused and looks at Han.
"Parent for a minute…sounds about right, hey mate?"
Han and Lando look away and smile.
Anakin snaps his fingers at Isabel and points to the bowl.
"I'm not done with that. Put it back."
Isabel stares at him.
"What are you going to do, lick the bowl clean like a dog?"
"Just…just set it back down. Let me talk to my son."
She rolls her eyes then sets the bowl back on the table. Anakin watches her.
"Thank you." Anakin points to his son. "What are you waiting for? Apologize to your mother."
Boba gives Kris a wink. Kris apologizes to his mother.
"Sorry."
Anakin is not satisfied and continues to scold Kris.
"That's not good enough!"
The guests in the living room, especially the unconscious officer on the sofa, are a distraction to Kris. With childlike curiosity and amusement, he points to the sofa.
"Hey, who's the stiff on our sofa?"
Boba Fett answers.
"He fainted and fell on top of Threepio. It was hilarious." Boba notices the disapproving expression on Anakin's face then tempers his remarks so as not to encourage the boy, but it is too late. Boba continues "...not that he got hurt, but the way it happened gave us all a good chuckle."
Kris laughs.
"Wha…Hah-ha! That must have hurt!"
Anakin snaps his fingers and points.
"Never-you-mind. Go apologize to your mother."
Kris walks over to his mother.
"'Hi, Mom. Sorry I'm late."
Isabel responds.
"You need to call me next time and someone will pick you up."
"None of the other kids…"
"What did I tell you about 'other' kids?"
"They're not yours and if their parents let them run the streets of Coco Town at night, then they're not good parents."
"Good. You still have your memory. I hope you wore your helmet." She kisses his forehead and takes his down vest. "This goes in the laundry, it's all sweaty; now go to bed…take a bath first!"
"Awww…I'm tired."
"You should have thought about that before you tried to slip inside the house late."
"Oh, alright…" He stops to greet Obi-Wan, Lando, and the others "Hey, Ben! Hey, Lando!" He fist-bumps each of them. Obi-Wan chats with him.
"Young Master, Kris…good to see you my boy. How was the new air-surfer park?"
"Super awesome! I am thrashed! It was quite a workout but it was awesome"
Lando smiles at him.
"How you doin' you little rascal?"
"Fine, thanks. What's everyone doing here so late?"
"Oh, we wanted to make sure your dad was alright. He got a bit of a concussion of his own."
Kris turns to his father who is tapping his foot impatiently.
"Aww, Dad…really? How did you get it? Were you fighting insurgents or something?"
"No... Go to bed!"
"But I like hearing about all the heroic stuff you do."
Boba Fett has a big smile on his face. Kris notices this and figures there is something more to the story.
"Ahhh…okay, I know what happened!" He laughs. He turns to leave the living room. "Goodnight, Dad."
"Goodnight, son…and take a bath, you smell like a little tauntaun."
Kris is embarrassed by his father's comment.
"Dad? Geez…! Did you have to say that in front of company? Good night guys."
Anakin scolds him.
"Guys? They are not your pals at the air-surfer park."
Kris bows to Obi-Wan and acknowledges the rest of the men in the room.
"Good night, Master Kenobi, General Calrissian, Professor, Mr. Fett, Honorable Brother-in-law, Threepio, Dead guy on the sofa…"
Obi-Wan nods.
"Oh, he's not dead…not yet."
The men smile and say goodnight.
Anakin folds his arms. He is not laughing.
"Okay. That's enough, funny guy."
Boba Fett waves to him.
"G' night, sprog!"
Anakin points to the air-surfer board.
"Leave that air-surfer down here." Anakin takes the air-surfer board from his son. "We're not done talking, young man. There are Yuuzhan Vong running around late at night kidnapping children who don't come home on time!"
This elicits horrified gasps around the room, especially from Isabel.
"Anakin! Don't say such things!"
Anakin realizes he should not have said this even though it is based purely upon unsubstantiated rumors circulating the galaxy about planned kidnappings of children, especially ones whose parents are prominent government officials or Jedi. Anakin has several members of his elite investigative team over at Headquarters checking into this as a precaution. Satisfied that he has instilled enough fear in the boy, Anakin yells up the stairs, "And you're grounded."
"Again? Awww, maaaan!"
"Don't make me come after you."
"Okay. I'm going, I'm going! Hey, how do the Yuuzhan Vong know we're late? They don't know our curfew. Kris giggles and continues up the stairs to his bedroom. The element of fear has worn off on the young boy.
Anakin now turns his attention to Han. "And you...!"
Han rolls his eyes and mutters to himself
"I can't believe this. He's still on a roll after all that's happened." He looks across the room at Anakin. "What's that slop you're eating from that bowl?"
"It's yogurt. I met up with one of the nurses in the ER. She suggested I eat it to ward off the effects of the toxins in my body. She saved my life. Han, you need cooking lessons. Your steaks suck…."
Anakin is again interrupted by someone else is coming into the house. It is Leia.
Anakin looks at Han and points.
"See that? That's your wife. Look at the time!" He shouts at Leia. "Where have you been in your condition?"
"I'm an adult and I don't have to answer to you concerning my whereabouts." She briefly acknowledges the men in the living room except for Han.
"Gentlemen." She continues walking upstairs. She purposely snubs Han and her father. Anakin is incensed…or pretends to be. "See that? What is with these kids? Where do they get it from? Han, I want you to go get your wife and get the hell out of my house."
Leia reaches the top of the stairs and leans over the rail.
"I'm not talking to him! And I'm not going home with him." She disappears into her old room and force-slams the door.
Everyone is quiet now. Anakin stares at them.
"Well? What are you all waiting for? Get out of my house. Take Lieutenant 'Faints-a-Lot' with you."
Isabel walks in and disagrees.
"He's in no condition to be moved. Leave him there. Gentlemen, thank you for coming to check on my husband but, as you see, he's fine."
Obi-Wan puts away his newly refilled flask.
"Isabel, you are a good wife and a good friend. Anakin has no idea how much you do for everyone."
Obi-Wan kisses her goodnight, as do the others. Anakin tries to usher them out the door.
"Keep it moving, folks."
After locking the door, Anakin takes one long look at the poor unconscious officer on the sofa then shakes his head in disbelief and storms out of the room.
Meanwhile, the men are amazed that Anakin does not know about the incident with the 'Blister Gnat Begone.' The men stand outside in the driveway.
Lando turns to Han.
"I thought you told him."
"No, I knew he would kill me. Let's just let it go."
Boba nods but he is relieved.
"That was a close one."
Professor Solo smiles happily.
"See? Everything worked itself out. He's fine, that young officer is fine…this calls for a celebration. Drinks are on me!"
Han is not so sure.
"We had all better head on home. He may not remember now but he will. And when that happens, steer clear. Trust me…I know."
Threepio nods in agreement.
"Smartest thing you've said all evening, Mr. Solo…wait…why am I leaving? I live here!"
The house is soon quiet. Anakin goes to bed. Isabel checks on the young lieutenant the sofa. He has slept through the ordeal. His boots are beside the sofa. Isabel covers him with a blanket. She goes upstairs and finds a trail of clothes on the master bedroom floor. She picks up the clothes and tosses them in the hamper in the walk-in closet. Something falls on the floor. Isabel leans over and picks up the object. She returns to the bedroom and nudges Anakin who is just getting comfortable. He lifts his head from the pillow.
"Can I please get some sleep in the house?"
"What's this J. Doe #24601?"
"Hospital souvenir. Don't worry about it. The nurse and I had a good laugh about it. Come to bed." He buries his face back in the pillow and pats the empty side of the bed.
"But it looks like a toe tag they put on cadavers in the morgue."
"But as you can clearly see, I'm alive. Can I please get some sleep? Geez! What?…now where are you going?"
"Someone is at the door."
"Nonsense. Only an idiot would come knocking at this hour. If I come downstairs I will kill whoever it is."
Meanwhile, Threepio is standing in the front of the house glancing up at the bedroom windows.
"Hello? Can anybody hear me? Oh dear!"