GOOD MORNING, MINIONS! Well, if it isn't morning where you are, make your own adjustments.

Wood: Why am I here again?

Because I'm having you do the disclaimer. And I'm also making sure nobody forgets about you. You are a minor character, after all.

Wood: Zsugami Alba does not own Bleach or Harry Potter or Indiana Jones or her own quidditch team. She will also hopefully never own the entire planet.

What do you mean I won't own the entire planet? I have my future career written down as "World Dominar" on my high school entrance papers. Anyway…on with the story.

"English"

"Japanese"

'Thoughts'

Chapter Nine: An alliance of self-preservation

You walked into the party

Like you were walking onto a yacht.

Your hat strategically placed below one eye

Your scarf it was apricot…

Isshin stood by the bedside of a car-accident victim, plucking the strings of The Guitar.

"I-I'm feeling much better! See? I can lift my arms now!" the poor man cried as he feebly raised his arms two centimeters from the bed.

Haru glanced over, thankful that he had inserted earplugs before his father had finished the intro.

You had one eye in the mirror

As you watched yourself go by…

Haru's father closed his eyes, giving himself over to the music. This gave the patient a chance to roll off the bed, wiggling for the exit, still wrapped tightly in his bandages – like a mummified worm. It was at this point that Ichigo opened the door to the Kurosaki Clinic. Isshin opened his eyes at the muffled grunting and spotted his fleeing vic patient.

"Ichigo, could you bring him back? I haven't finished his therapy yet."

"I'm not sick," the patient protested.

"He says he's not sick," Ichigo replied, noticing The Guitar and feeling sympathy for the worm mummy.

"Yes he is," insisted Isshin.

"I'm not," protested the injured man.

"He looks pretty good to me," Ichigo offered. The patient shot him a grateful look.

"He's very ill. He'll faint any moment now," Isshin countered.

"I'm getting better," the patient wailed, desperately wiggling a few inches closer to the door.

"No you're not. You'll be stone dead if you exert yourself any further," Isshin warned.

"I can't take him in against his will," Ichigo pointed out. "It's against the law."

"Please, let me go!" begged the patient.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," Isshin scolded.

"I think I'll go for a walk," the patient said, lifting his head up off the floor.

Isshin looked down at the poor man. "You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you can do?" he asked Ichigo.

"I feel happy," the patient tried again.

Isshin gave Ichigo a look, and his eldest son gave in and tapped the bandaged head rather sharply. The patient slumped back to the floor, unconscious.

"Ah, thank you very much, Ichigo."

Ichigo just shook his head, hoisted the patient up, and carried him to the bed. At least the poor fool couldn't hear Isshin's singing while unconscious.

Haru took out the earplugs and asked, "What on earth possessed you to start singing to the patients?"

An excited gleam shone in Isshin's eyes as he turned and dove toward Haru. "Oh, my son!" he cried. His face promptly met Haru's foot. "M mumf mm oo." The foot was retracted and Isshin launched into an explanation.

"You see, I read somewhere that plants grow faster if you sing to them."

"That would explain why our fern has been wilting these past few days," commented Ichigo, thinking of all the family sing-alongs.

"Anyway, I figured if it helped plants grow, it might help bones heal."

"Yeah, 'cause that makes perfect sense," Haru drawled.

"I'll have you know that it's been working very well. I've already discharged three patients ahead of schedule."

"Wait a minute," Ichigo said, looking around. "I thought you had five patients? Where's the last one?"

Isshin faltered for a moment and then said, "Oh, I'm sure he's just in the bathroom. He wouldn't leave without his wallet and other belongings, and I've still got those locked up."

Just then, there was a loud crash coming from the patient lockers, and a man still wearing hospital garments streaked past out into the street, shouting, "I'm free!"

"There goes another one!" they heard Karin shout.

THUD. Drag, drag, drag. This patient was also deposited on a nearby bed, his wallet and personal effects re-confiscated.

The two boys winced. That had to have hurt.

Later that night, Haru heard a knock on his bedroom door. "Can we come in?" Ichigo called out.

"Yeah, come on in."

Ichigo, Karin, and Yuzu entered the small room. The three of them looked at each other before Ichigo decided to take the lead.

"Haru, we have a proposition for you. You help us get rid of The Guitar, and we help you avoid Dad."

Haru raised one eyebrow and looked at his siblings with suspicion. "You're only doing this to get out of the family sing-alongs, aren't you?"

"Can you blame us?" Karin asked. "You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours."

And thus an alliance was formed.

Wood: What's so bad about family sing-alongs?

Well…it depends on the family. And the songs. Anyway…the winner of last time's challenge was… Flightstar! They were the only one that didn't slack off and just give me a link. Flightstar will be contacted for information regarding his/her cameo. Be sure to check out my ongoing poll! I'm also issuing out a new challenge to name the song and the original artist. Enter and you just might get a cameo.

Hermione: Oooo, I know. I know! It's-

Dun Dan Duh.