A/N: Hello there, minions! I'm really, really sorry for not updating sooner; therefore, as an apology, I'll have Maki-Maki give the disclaimer!

Maki-Maki: My name is Makizo Arumaki!

Just do the disclaimer, already.

MM: All right. Zsugami Alba does not own Bleach or Harry Potter or Star Wars. Wait. There's no Star Wars stuff in this chapter.

I know, but there was in the last chapter.

MM: Then why didn't you mention it at the beginning of that chapter?

Who's the author here?

"English"

"Japanese"

'Thoughts'

Chapter 10: The Mission

The entire family, minus Isshin, was gathered around the table. Ichigo was just about to slam down a large, rolled up sheet of blue paper when suddenly the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Yuzu volunteered, but just at that moment –

"No need," said Rukia. "I let myself in."

Karin glared at her. "Then why'd you bother ringing the doorbell?"

"To let you know I was coming in."

Haru stared at Rukia for a minute. He did not remember meeting this girl before. On top of that, she was wearing a stack of Indiana Jones hats on her head. "Who are you, and what's up with all those hats?"

"She's just a friend from school," Ichigo explained hurriedly.

Rukia smiled at Haru. "I heard about your mission, and I thought I'd help out." She plopped a hat on top of each of their heads and sat down.

Ichigo rolled his eyes and said, "All right, let's get back on topic." He slammed down the paper and unrolled it to reveal blueprints of the house. "Okay, we're here," he said, pointing to the dining room.

"Well, duh," muttered Karin.

"And this is Dad's room up here." He then moved his finger to a rectangular area marked with a skull and crossbones.

"What does that symbol mean?" Rukia asked.

"It means 'enter at your own risk'. Not even the contractors know what's in that room." Ichigo looked each of them in the eye. "We're entering into unknown territory. Everyone proceed with extreme caution."

Everyone looked back with equally serious expressions, nodding in silent agreement, ready to risk even their lives to put an end to the torturous family sing-alongs.

Yuzu was the first to speak. "Let's do this."

They crept up the stairs single file, on tip-toe, until they reached the door. The house was silent except for a staccato humming. "Karin, stop humming the Mission Impossible theme. You'll jinx us," Haru warned.

Ichigo reached out his hand and slowly turned the knob. He began to open the door only to be met with resistance. "Something's blocking the door," he whispered.

"Well, unblock it," Karin hissed.

"Hey, I'm not sticking my hand in there," Ichigo argued.

"Fine. I'll do it." Rukia pushed in between brother and sister and reached around the open door to feel for the offending object. Offending object was right. It was…a dirty sock with Pocky stuck to it. It smelled like durians and strawberry. Not a very pleasant combination. "Huh. I didn't know Pocky came in socks."

The Kurosaki family recoiled in disgust as she waved the sock in front of them.

"Just keep going," Haru urged.

Ichigo tried the door again, but it was still blocked. Rukia again reached her hand around. The group held their breath – out of a sense of self-preservation more than suspense, but she only brought out a medical journal. They all breathed a sigh of relief, and Ichigo tried a third time. The door swung easily and silently inward on its hinges. Ichigo took one step into the room. He stopped suddenly when his bare foot came in contact with something slimy and mushy.

"Oh, gross. I think I found Dad's pudding stash."

"Oh! I forgot!" Rukia whispered. "Everyone turn on your night vision."

"What night vision?" Haru asked.

"Did you think these hats were just for show? There's a button on top of the hat."

Everyone lifted their hands and pushed the button. Green-glowing night vision goggles dropped from the brim. "Cool," Haru said.

"Where did you get these hats, anyway?" Ichigo asked.

"Urahara's, of course."

"At least we didn't have to say anything ridiculous before they activated."

They turned as one to the horrific sight that awaited them. There was no floor. It was just a lumpy mass of garbage and discarded clothing. Wet, smelly towels were wadded up and tossed here and there. Both clean and dirty garments hung limply from the open drawers. The bottom half of the room was in stark contrast to the top half, which was neat and orderly. Pictures of Masaki plastered the walls in a tasteful collage. There were various knick-knacks on the bookcase, scattered amongst the medical journals and paperback novels. There were even his and hers bowling balls and trophies atop the dresser from Ichigo's parents' days in the local league.

Everyone looked down at Ichigo's foot and saw not only pudding, but at least three different types of mold growing in its cup.

"Ulgh," Karin, Rukia, and Yuzu said simultaneously while covering their mouths.

"Nevermind that," said Haru, waving a dismissive hand at the mess. "Don't forget why we're here."

"Right, Haru," Ichigo said, while wiping his foot on what he hoped was not a pair of dirty boxer shorts. You're up next, little brother."

Haru nodded and cautiously approached the bed across the room. Only once stepping on what was fortunately an already deflated whoopie cushion. When he finally reached the king-sized futon, he gently lifted Tatsuo from around his neck.

Okay, Tatsuo. Make yourself straight and rigid – just like we practiced.

Of courssssse, Hhhharu.

Isshin was sleeping on his side, facing the door, clutching the neck of his precious guitar. Haru gently eased the guitar from his father's loose grip while threading Tatsuo through from the other end. Just as he finished, Isshin started in his sleep, thwacking the dresser beside the bed with his elbow. The contact jarred the his and hers bowling balls from their precarious position, and the heavy orbs began rolling forward straight toward the group of kids.

Haru turned and mouthed, "RUN!" He sprinted across the room, narrowly missing a pile of used tissues, and managed to pass his friends with the pink and blue bowling balls hot on his heels. The others followed him and quickly closed the door, hoping it would muffle the thumps of the bowling balls hitting the carpeted stairs.

The projectiles came to a sudden stop against the opposite wall, and Haru stopped to catch his breath. "All we're missing," he panted, "is the angry natives." He fanned himself with his hat. "That was close."

Back in the dining room…the group discussed how they were going to dispose of their prize.

"How 'bout we sell it on eBay?" Karin suggested.

"No, that won't work. He'd just purchase it himself and think how lucky he was to find something exactly like the one he lost," Yuzu pointed out.

"Well, we could always take a sledgehammer to it," Haru offered.

Ichigo got a gleam in his eye. "Actually, that gives me an idea. Leave it up to me. It'll be gone by morning."

Haru couldn't sleep. He still had summer homework to finish. Losing interest in his potions essay, he was gazing absentmindedly out the window when his eyes suddenly focused on something bizarre: Ichigo, in a tattered coat and black hakama, was carrying the guitar and a black katana to the middle of the street. Setting the guitar down, Ichigo walked back a couple of yards and took up a fighting stance. He lifted his sword to the sky and shouted,"Getsugatensho!" The blade came sweeping down, and an arc of black and red energy shot out towards the guitar, narrowly missing two wandering souls. The next instant, there wasn't anything left of the diabolical instrument.

"Are you all right, Flightstar?" one of the wandering souls asked the other, who had been knocked down by the blast.

"Yes, I'm fine, Scaehime-KingofKing's Daughter."

Just what was going on with Ichigo? Haru was determined to find out.

Dun Dun Duh.

MM: He released the Getsugatensho on a helpless guitar?

Yeah, it was evil. Anyway…congratulations, Scaehime-KingofKing's Daughter, for winning the contest in the last chapter. You've received a side-by-side cameo with Flightstar. Now, as a special treat for you all, I shall present you with an omaki.

Back in Isshin's room…

Isshin began lovingly strumming what he believed to be his guitar. Tatsuo was temporarily at a loss for what to do in this situation, but finally settled on hissing, Ssstrummmm…sssstrummmm… 'Pleasssse hurry, Haru!'