Chapter 19AE

'Listen Up'

'Who Can Make the Suns Rise?...The Candy Man Can'

'Gotta Move the Inventory'

'Almost Hired: Palps Gets a Job'

'Loose Lips Sinks Siths'

Screen Crawl -

Taggemart: "Where we look for your weakness for bargains and exploit them"

Shop with us and save! A subsidiary of TaggeCo

Palpatine gets a job at TaggeMart the newest megastore in the suburbs of Coruscant City, not far from the Shady Acres Retirement Community.

He is excited about his return to the 'workforce' wants to tell the family. He announces the news to Anakin first. Anakin's response surprises him.

It has been years since he was last at the former Imperial Headquarters. Things have changed. There is music filtered into the Public Announcement system. The officers have taken on other jobs such as official concierge greeters for high-profile visitors. It actually seems nice, that is until he reaches security checkpoint. The army ensign on duty waves a white paddle across his body while another aims a blaster at his head and questions him.

"Do you have any weapons on you, sir? Any blasters, lightsabres, Kashyyyk carving knives, Dark lightening…"

"No."

"Would you remove your shoes please?"

"What? Oh, of course."

Palpatine sits on a bench and removes his shoes. The second officer gestures for him to stand.

"Raise your arms above your head."

"What? What is this? I use to work here, you know. Is this absolutely necessary?"

"Yes, sir. All visitors go thought the security checkpoint pat-down."

"I think this is horrendous. Who's your manager?"

"One moment, sir."

After going through a 15-minute security check and arguing with the manager, Palpatine is escorted upstairs to the executive suite. He arrives at the reception area, strong-armed by two storm troopers. He shakes them off and adjusts his quilted velvet cloak.

"Unhand me you incompetent buffoons!"

Miss DiPesto rises from behind her desk and greets him with her trademark smile.

"May I help you, sir?"

Palpatine smoothes his hair and approaches the desk.

"Yes, I am here to see my son."

"Your son?"

"I believe he is your boss…Anakin Skywalker."

"Oh! One moment, please." Miss DiPesto presses the intercom. "Mr. Skywalker, there's an elderly man here to see you." She whispers into the handset. "He says you're his son. I think he may have wandered off from the old folk's home….poor little man." She speaks to Palpatine. "Excuse, me, sir, and your name is? Do you know your name?"

"Of course I know who I am! I am Emperor…Mr. Palpatine." He rolls his eyes then points to the phone on her desk. "And he knows full well who I am."

Miss DiPesto speaks into the phone.

"Mr. Skywalker, it's Mr. Palpatine here to see you. I thought you said he was dead...hello?"

She gets a dial tone.

Palpatine smiles at Miss DiPesto and extends his hand.

"I don't believe we've met…."

Suddenly the office door opens and Anakin steps out.

"Hi. What took you so long? I'm busy."

The former emperor is insulted.

"Why 'I' took so long? Oh, you must be joking! I was put through the most undignified and invasive security check. It is as if those men did not know who I was and I cannot believe you still have that imbecile Jar Jar employed here. You made him a manager?"

"So? Come on, I'm very busy. Walk faster."

"What happened to that woman who used to work for you?"

"Gladys has been retired for some time now."

"You know I tried to hire her and she declined. Ungrateful woman."

"She's a smart woman."

"Can I see your office? What have you done with it? It's been so long since I was last here. You never introduced me to your secretary."

Anakin steers him back towards the outer door.

"It's the same office. Let's go downstairs."

"What? I went through that disgraceful security check only to leave the building again?"

"Geez, you're a whiny old bitch lately. So, what's the purpose of your visit this morning? I wired your monthly stipend last week."

"No, no no…I'm not here about that. I have fantastic news, Anakin. I have a job."

Anakin muffles a laugh as they stop in the windowed corridor.

"A what?" Anakin purses his lips to keep from laughing.

Palpatine continues sharing his good news.

"A job…at TaggeMart. I start just in time for the holidays."

"TaggeMart? You know…they exploit their workers. You're seriously going to work there?"

"Of course! They offer great career opportunities."

"Yeah, if you're 16 years old and have no ambitions. They must be desperate."

"For your information, they are vigorously seeking experienced mature adults…we seniors are the future of the workforce."

"Then they are desperate."

"They almost didn't take me because the hiring manager thought I was too young."

Anakin is amazed and amused.

"Get out of here! Really?"

"Really! Anyway, it's close by so I can visit the kids."

"Where?"

"Twice a week we get to work in CoCo Town."

"My kids are forbidden to go to CoCo Town."

"Oh? "

"CoCo Town…you'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

He decides not to dispute his son. Palps knows information that may make the Dark Lord furious.

"CoCo Town is becoming very trendy nowadays. Don't you read the Coruscant Times Sunday Holo-mags? It's an up and coming neighborhood."

Anakin pretends to be interested in his father's 'Senior Work Release Programme.'

"So…when do you start?"

"On Saturday. Lorian and I start the same day. We work well together."

"So, how did you find out about the job?"

"We were going on a double date…"

Anakin scratches his forehead.

"Are you two…?"

"Heaven's no, Anakin! What is the matter with you? We were at the mall to purchase corsages for a couple of women we are dating. There was a 'help wanted' ad on the mall kiosk."

"Where the hell did you find women who would go out with you two?"

"We joined an online dating service called Intergalactic Senior Match. We met these two lovely widows from Shady Acres on the Eastside."

"Ewww…that's nice."

Palpatine senses the condescending tone in Anakin's voice.

"Anyhoo, they almost didn't hire Lorian. I told the hiring manager, it's either both of us or neither of us."

"Oh, that showed them!"

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"Me? No! Never! Go on with your little story."

"Do not laugh, Anakin. This is serious business. Companies need older employees."

"Yeah, I know…I got a call from them. You used me as a reference without asking permission."

"About that…thanks for nothing. I thought it was truly unprofessional of you not to give me a reference…after all I've done for you these last 50-odd years."

"Oh, right…you nearly ruined my life."

"You need to stop holding grudges. I don't understand you sometimes. Where did you learn to have such a sour attitude? I was embarrassed when the recruiter came back into the office and read your response: 'I cannot in good faith recommend Mr. Palpatine as he has not demonstrated his ability to be a team player in the workplace.'

"I was being honest. You got hired anyway so stop complaining….so, who did you kill to get the spot?"

"No one. They died of natural causes. I was the next candidate on the list."

"I bet. So, what are your duties?"

"Lorian and I are 'Mature TaggeMart Greeters and Store Coordinators.'''

"So, you push shopping carts."

"We are 'Cart-Procurement Enforcers.' We get 50-centimes each for every cart a customer fails to return a cart to the trolley bin. It's called incentive compensation."

"Uh-humm…I can see how that isn't going to work out well for anyone. How much is your base pay?"

"Seven-fifty an hour."

"Minimum wage…You and Lorian can live like emperors on that salary."

Palpatine deflects Anakin's sarcastic remarks.

"Tyler told us there are other incentives to get bonuses."

"I think you're being exploited."

"Proves you understand nothing. We are doing it for the greater good. Tyler, he's our manager, says we're the frontline defense against inventory loss."

"Like what?"

"Late shift. We get overtime if we stay to count inventory. Lorian and I are locked in all night but we can have any Quick-Tagge sandwich and drink Hoth Fruit Frappes all night long."

"So, where's Tyler while you two old goats are on 'lockdown' all night?"

"He can't be there past his curfew."

"Why not? Is he in the CoCo Prison work-release' program?"

"Nooo…You have to be 18-years old to stay late."

"Okay, I've heard enough."

"But I can get you a discount."

"I hate shopping."

"What about Isabel?"

"She only shops on Rodian Drive; she's not a "mall" person."

"How about the kids?"

"They might take you up on your offer."

"I'll let them know. That's a good idea. I see kids around the mall all the time."

"On second thought, I don't want my kids hanging out at that place."

"I think you underestimate your children."

"So, are you coming to dinner on Sunday?"

"No can do, Anakin. We're open special hours for the holiday."

"Oh….okay."

Palpatine notices something Anakin is carrying under his arm. Palpatine points to it

"What's that you're carrying?"

"You buying?"

"No."

"So, are we done?"

"Yes. I believe we are. I'm disappointed in you, Anakin."

"Yeah…" He turns to the two officers standing at attention at the elevator. "Officers, escort Mr. Palpatine to the lobby exit."

"Yes, my Lord."

Palpatine seems hurt.

"Why do you continue to humiliate me, Anakin? Do I really need an escort?"

"It's standard operating procedure."

"I must tell you, Anakin, these draconian policies must change."

"Right…Well, I can't have you wandering the building; who knows what shenanigans you'd be up to?"

"You still don't trust me?"

"What do you think?"

"Fine. I'll be on my way."

The officers board the elevator with the old sith lord.

Anakin waits for a few moments then continues down the corridor.

Anakin has other things on his agenda today. He figures it is time to make peace with the high-ranking officials of the military in light of Admiral Zaarin's unfortunate 'illness.'

The officers convene in the grand conference room. Anakin is 15 minutes late for the meeting. The officers talk amongst themselves. There is much grumbling.

"Look at this! The meeting should have started over twenty minutes ago. Typical."

Tagge pounds his fist on the table.

"I say we start the meeting without him. He has no intention in engaging in reasonable negotiations. Let's show him that we mean business and cut him off at the knees…before he gets the upper hand."

As Tagge speaks, Anakin walks into the room with Tarkin.

"Good morning, gentlemen."

The officers glance up at the clock on the black granite wall. Anakin continues speaking. The men notice the box that he sets on the table.

Gentlemen, I know we have reached an impasse during our negotiations over the control of the remaining five sectors. Some of you believe that I have not listened to your requests to resolve this matter. Well, I'm ready to talk…but first….who likes candy? Everyone does."

The men watch dumbfounded as Anakin sets up the display box. He is much like an appliance sales representative who is on a roll and will not take 'No' for an answer... The bright red and yellow box is filled with the standard variety of sugary treats that Arnold was hawking just days earlier. Anakin has a sales pitch that Arnold could never match.

"Alright, I am selling these packages of candy for 150,000 credits each. As soon as these packs are sold, we can then talk about control of the sectors. Hey, Monte…I know you have all that retirement money squirreled away. What do you say?"

Admiral Motti is appalled at being called out like this.

"Vader, are you insane? I have no intention of throwing away my hard-earned money on junk food…I…argh…"

Tarkin and the other officers watch as Admiral Motti clutches his throat and turns blue

"Great, here we go again. Come on now, Anakin. Release him."

Motti gasps as he struggles to catch his breath. As soon as he recovers, Motti, hands shaking, reaches into his uniform pocket for his billfold. He pulls out several bills in 50,000-credit denominations. Anakin quickly scoops up the currency before it settles on the table.

"Thank you! Have a nice day." In exchange for the payment, Anakin drops a pack of Paonga Minis in front of the oft-tormented Admiral. Anakin scans the table. Suddenly the other officers each reaches for any cash they have on them. A pile of cash quickly fills the center of the table. Anakin tosses packages of the assorted candy to the officers. One of the officers, General Moradmin Bast, does not get one of the packages after surrendering his money.

"Excuse me, my Lord. I did not receive anything and I gave you money."

Anakin stares at the officer. Without hesitating, he points to another officer.

"Share with officer Red Weasel."

Officer Redd Wessel, speaking with a thick Eriadu accent, corrects Anakin.

"The name is pronounced 'Rhud Ves-sel' not 'Red Weasel'."

"Oh, aren't we touchy? I thought you were named for that comic at the Outlander Comedy Club. My, aren't we sensitive today? Geez, you guys are like a bunch of babies!"

Anakin scoops up the rest of the money and stuffs it inside the red and yellow candy box. He passes Tarkin, who is whispering to a young, low-ranking officer. The office hands Moff Tarkin a message. Anakin backs up and returns to Tarkin.

"Oh, Muffy, I don't believe I got a contribution from you."

"You can't be serious, Lord Vader. You can't sell merchandise you don't have."

"I know…that's why I'm waiting for your contribution."

Tarkin is under the mistaken impression that his will is stronger that the Dark Lord's. He resists as long as he can. Anakin's blue eyes are fixed on the Grand Moff. Tarkin finally surrenders his cash. Anakin collects the money then takes a seat at the table.

"Well! That was easy. Now… let's move on to what everyone's been muttering about behind my back."

A familiar face speaks out.

"If I may be frank, my lord, the officers have no issue with you personally, they are expressing their concern that they are not being heard. We know you have a lot on your plate these days and things can, inadvertently go by the wayside…"

"Ozzel?"

"Yes, My lord."

"I thought you retired years ago."

"I did, but the men have asked me to speak as an impartial mediator to resolve any disagreements either side may have…"

"And they chose you? That was cowardly of them. Okay, I'll play along. If they want to vent, bring it on. Continue, Ozzie."

"Well… I believe that we are all…in agreement…that...the sectors in dispute can be managed without conflict…" Ozzel is becoming nervous as he realizes no one else is joining the conversation. Anakin interrupts.

"Ozzel, go and enjoy your retirement. I can take care of this very quickly."

"Oh, well…uhm…Thank you, my lord."

Anakin looks around the table.

"I should choke every single one of you right now. You thought I was going to kill Ozzel because you have less respect for him than I do. Sorry, Admiral. You would throw a fellow officer under the star cruiser. The only mistake Ozzel made was to listen to you numb nuts. I'll give you my answer now. The policy remains the same. You don't get control of the sectors because you're all too stupid to manage them. Now get out of my face before I change my mind and kill you all where you sit.

Across town, Luke and Mara have just returned from a fact-finding trip on Wayland. Luke reads the invitation. Mara has conditions.

"What's on the menu?" She starts to rifle through the cabinets of their spotless kitchen. Luke looks on the back of the invitation.

"I don't know. It's always something good. Does it matter?"

"I need to know what containers to bring."

"Bring what you usually do."

"I have the large dish with compartments and the salad bowl."

"Mar, my mom is going to think we never eat or have food in the house."

"She knows I don't cook."

"So why did we put all that cookware on our wedding registry?"

"In case someone wants to come over and cook for us, silly."

"Oh, right…how often does that happen?"

"My mother cooked for us."

"Oh yeah, the meatballs the size of asteroids. I had heartburn for a week."

'So, you're criticizing my mother's cooking."

"No, Mara, I…"

"I don't see you lifting a spatula around here."

"To be honest, I don't think we have one."

"So, you're saying I'm a bad housewife?"

"No. I never said that."

"You implied it."

"Oh, come on, Mara, now you're reaching."

"We'll see who's reaching."

Mara storms out of the kitchen. She takes the containers with her. Luke yells to Mara as she leaves.

"Aren't those my mother's containers? She's been looking for those since last Republic Day."

Back across town:

Anakin arrives home. He overhears Isabel having a telephone conversation.

"Really, Mom…you shouldn't…there will be plenty of food….well, if you must…" Isabel glances over her shoulder at her husband. Anakin gestures for her to wrap it up. "Mom, I have to go…Anakin is home…what? …but…okay" Isabel hands the phone to Anakin. He bites his bottom lip then takes the phone to his ear.

"Hi Mom, I'm fine, how are you?...Yes…well, we're all fine…Oh, did she?" He looks at Isabel wide-eyed then continues speaking to his mother-in-law. "It's being worked out…Yes; I know you're a concerned grandparent…ok…ok...Wha-? What? Yes, of course it's for family…Heh-heh…don't be silly…okay…see you then. Bye, Mom." He hangs up and points an accusing finger at Isabel.

"You invited your parents to a family crisis?"

"You never said not to invite them. What's the big deal? They are family."

Anakin finds a package of pera fruit chews on the counter. He pops a few into his mouth and leans against the kitchen counter.

"What's going to keep your mother from telling those hens she hangs out with at the Bimmisaari Tea club?"

"What? I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know 'what'…about Kris and what he almost did."

"She would never say anything."

"Who else did you tell?"

"No one. I never told her anything. She called me."

"How did she find out?"

"I don't squeal on people."

"I can make you talk."

"I'm sure you can. So, how did the candy sale go?"

"Isabel, you would be very proud of me…or not…"

"I'm imagining you didn't use the soft-sell approach."

"No, but you can't argue with the results."

"Are all of your customers still alive?"

"Of course. What sort of insane person do you think I am? I can show restraint."

"Well, show some restraint at dinner on Sunday. Don't alienate your children."