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PART ONE: Chapter 1

Kendall…

(four months later)

"If you want it all, lay it on the line! It's the only life you've got, so you gotta live it big time!"

All four of the guys struck their final pose.

The crowd went wild.

The guys turned and waved to the crowd.

"Thank you!" The guys yelled to their fans, jumping up and down.

Kendall laughed as he saw Logan do one last back flip that made all the girls scream.

He made his way off stage and down the stairs. His destination was his dressing room.

He was hot and sweaty and needed a shower in the worst way.

Tonight had been one of their best shows of this tour. He had felt like things were a little lackluster lately with the guys, like maybe they weren't as into the performing anymore.

He wouldn't be surprised if that were the case though. Even he was growing a little restless. But he was still having the time of his life with his best pals, and that was all that mattered to him in this business.

But he knew things weren't going to stay the same for much longer. Things were already starting to change for the other guys and he knew it was only a matter of time before he and the guys decided to go out 'on top'.

They had been touring since March. They weren't set to finish until late September and it was now August.

He knew Logan had been upset when Gustavo extended the tour to September. Logan had been taking college classes online for the past two years, and in his third year of college—set to start this fall—he wanted to actually sit in the classes at UCLA and finish out his final two years of college before transferring to medical school.

The way Logan saw it, he had compromised already to go to school in L.A. instead of somewhere across the country.

Gustavo didn't see it that way. But Logan had only renewed his contract through to the end of this year, so the way Kendall saw it, Logan was eventually going to get what he wanted anyway, but if Gustavo wasn't careful, he wouldn't have Logan at all next year.

Then there was James.

Over the past four years, Camille dragged James to various auditions and he actually managed to land some bit parts in movies and some guest star spots on various television shows.

Not that there was anything going on between Camille and James. There was a brief period of time before graduation when they were an item, but they decided they would be better off as friends. Logan had finally gotten over Camille well before that little brief period of time, so nobody's feelings were hurt. Kendall was glad his friends had survived dating the same girl. It was just a testament to the fact that nothing could ruin their friendship.

James had recently auditioned for the lead role in a major action picture and landed it. James won the role back in January. Every spare minute of his day while on tour was spent training for the upcoming role which would start filming in October—or basically when the tour was over.

If this movie did as well as everyone said and hoped it would, every director in Hollywood would be fighting over James, and the band might not win him this time.

Carlos was just happy no matter what was going on.

And Kendall, well, he really didn't know what to do with himself once Big Time Rush ducked out of the public eye.

Four years ago all he wanted to do was play professional hockey. But that dream was pretty much gone for now. It was too late to get noticed by scouts in high school. He had taken a couple of general education classes online with Logan, but he had no clear cut plan for his future right now. He couldn't even play hockey in college because of his schedule. But then, he hadn't had much time to practice the game in the past four years anyway.

He shrugged to himself. He knew he would eventually figure it out.

But not today!

Today he was going to shower, change, and head to the tour bus to crash.

Or so he thought…

Before he could start down the hall to the dressing rooms, Kelly raced up with his cell phone in one hand and a bunch of papers in the other.

"Kelly, why do you have my phone?" he said, holding his hand out.

"Boys, here," she thrust the phone at Kendall and the papers at James who was standing closest to her, before grabbing their shoulders to turn them around. She grabbed the other two, turning them as well. "The limo is waiting out that door. Go now—"

Logan interrupted, "Did Gustavo schedule another last minute show or something? We're tired and just want—"

"Flight confirmation numbers for Minnesota?" James said at the same time, reading the papers in his hands.

"Kendall," Kelly shouted over Logan and James, "call your mother now!"

Kendall froze.

The boys paused. Kelly started pushing them all. "Go! Go!"

They picked up their pace, finally realizing something was very wrong.

Kendall quickly pressed the pound button followed by the number one on his cell. Yes, his mother was always number one on his list. He knew the guys still made fun of him for that, but he couldn't help it. She was his mother.

He raced along with the guys, hopping into the vehicle and slamming the door shut just as she answered.

"Mom! What's wrong? Are you okay?" he practically shouted into the phone.

The other boys looked worried, anxiously waiting.

"It's Katie."

James…

James watched, his hands clenching, as his best friend turned pale. He wanted to shout at him, ask what was wrong. The anticipation was killing him.

All the boys loved Mama Knight and would walk through fire for her. If something was wrong with her…

"What happened?" Kendall asked, still in his pale state.

James couldn't hear what she was saying, but it clearly made Kendall even more agitated.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Kendall asked frantically, listening. "Well tell him to just tell you! If it's so important that he's got us rushing all the way from"—he looked around—"wherever we're at—"

"Texas," Carlos whispered.

"Texas!" Kendall nearly shouted, "Then he can tell us why my sister is in the hospital!"

The other boys gasped.

James felt his insides twist. Katie…

"Oh, he won't?" Kendall snapped. "Then I'll call him myself!"

James felt sucker punched. His heart started to race and he knew he was probably now as pale as Kendall.

Kendall hung up and found the number in his phone that he never used. He called, waiting impatiently for someone to pick up.

The limo pulled to a sudden stop. The other boys looked around to see if it was just a stop light. Seeing the bright lights of the airport, the guys scampered out, crawling over each other.

James had to grab Kendall's arm and drag him out because he was so distracted by his phone.

"Dad! What's wrong? What's going on? Mom said—" Kendall started off but was clearly interrupted.

Kendall breathed out in a huff, "Well, at least tell me that she's going to be okay!"

He listened and, even though James didn't think it was possible, Kendall grew paler.

James felt like he was going to be sick.

Kendall finally stopped talking and just closed his phone quietly, putting it back in his pocket. He didn't say anything as James practically carried him through the airport and onto the plane.

James noticed that Freight Train had to fend off quite a few fans, but fortunately the boys all made it to the plane without any disturbances.

When they took off, James couldn't help but notice that Logan didn't even seem to appear airsick like usual. James absentmindedly thought that the news was making all of them forget about everything else.

Katie…

They all raced through the hospital corridors. They had no idea where they were going, just mindlessly followed Kendall. Kendall had stopped at the front desk long enough to get a room number and a crude map.

None of them were paying attention to their surroundings so they didn't even realize that the last door they had to gain entrance through led into the maternity ward.

"Only one," the security guard said. "Only three visitors allowed at a time and there's already two back there."

Kendall nodded and said, "Me, I'm her brother."

The rest of the guys were frustrated they couldn't go and the guard could tell. They had to back up before he would buzz Kendall.

They all sat down and stared into space, still not paying any attention to their surroundings, all three too scared to do anything but wait.

Kendall…

His heart was racing as he ran down the hall, following room number signs, trying to just find his baby sister and make sure everything was okay.

She had to be okay! She had to be okay!

He heard a loud voice even before he turned the next corner. He recognized the sound and raced toward his mother's voice.

"How could you!" Jennifer Knight cried at her ex-husband, unable to believe what she had been told.

"I promised her…" Bill tried to reason with her.

"Do you have any idea what you have done!" she whimpered.

"Mom! Mom! What's going on! What did Dad do?" he yelled, running up to her with a glare to the man who was his father.

But Jennifer couldn't calm down. "How could you let her keep it a secret from me?"

"I promised her…" was all Bill seemed to be able to say.

Kendall saw that his father looked on the verge of collapse. After hearing his father on the phone earlier saying that Katie probably wouldn't make it, he knew he probably looked the same way as his father.

He finally lost it.

"SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!" He shouted, using profanity that usually never fell from his lips, but he was stressed to the max, looking back and forth between the both of them.

Then he realized his family was standing and shouting in front of a large window… with newborn babies sleeping behind it.

Oh my God.

James…

The wait was so agonizing. Only thirty minutes or so had passed, but it felt like hours.

No one had moved in all that time.

Even Carlos wasn't fidgeting. None of the boys could focus on their surroundings, just frozen as they waited.

The security guard buzzed someone out and all the guys looked up, hoping to see Kendall or one of the Knights, but it was just a male nurse pushing a female patient in a wheelchair holding a baby. There was another man standing next to her smiling so wide James thought his face was about to crack.

All three boys watched the procession as the woman was pushed along and into the elevator.

The doors closed and the boys went back to looking at their feet.

And in one collective gasp, the boys looked up to the sign on the wall straight across from them.

Maternity

And there was a little arrow next to it, pointing its way to the door Kendall had disappeared through.

Oh no, James felt that sickness in his stomach again, please no. Please don't let that mean what I think it means…Why would she… she wouldn't… would she?

The boys all looked to the door again as the security guard buzzed someone through.

James felt like the bottom had dropped out of his world when Kendall walked out looking lost.

He wanted to ask, but he knew he wouldn't be able to get anything out with the tears starting to clog his throat.

He thought maybe Logan would, but he seemed about as choked up as James did.

Carlos finally managed to get out of his seat and help Kendall to a chair. Kendall followed, long past his ability to make a decision.

"Kendall?" Carlos whispered, looking to the other guys sitting across from them. "Is she okay?"

Kendall didn't respond. He seemed to be in an almost permanent state of shock.

"Kendall…" Carlos began again, looking to the other guys who still weren't offering any help. "We… we noticed… we… we're in a maternity ward…"

James could feel his breath catch in his throat. Vaguely he could hear Logan making a sound next to him.

Kendall still didn't respond.

Carlos decided to sit back and wait for him to say something since he wasn't able to speak yet.

It was long minutes later when Kendall finally spoke…

"She had a pulmonary embolism…" he spoke hesitantly around the word, not used to the medical terminology.

Logan gasped. Carlos and James were confused.

"A blood clot lodged in her lung after she…she… she…" Kendall closed his eyes, unable to say it. "She…"

Kendall shook his head. "M-mom said if she had known that Katie was…" he still couldn't say the word, "she would have made sure Katie had some sort of full scan because throm—throm—thromo" he stuttered, unable to remember the word.

"Thromboembolism," Logan managed to mumble.

Kendall nodded. "It's hereditary. They don't usually do a scan of the entire body unless there's a history and since Katie didn't know..." he winced and continued "Mom had to get scanned and checked for any problems with both me and… Katie..." he almost crumbled, but managed to hold it in.

"They are doing everything they can to revive her, but she's still not awake… and she's not breathing on her own," Kendall finally finished.

James tried to focus on his breathing, but it was so hard. The guilt was killing him, but the grief and fear of what could happen to her was making him want to cry out her name. He wanted to see her so badly.

Carlos looked at Kendall, deciding that maybe he could ask questions now.

"And the baby?" Carlos asked.

Kendall's head flew up, glaring at Carlos for daring to ask.

"I don't know and I don't care," Kendall ground out, anger warring with the grief he felt.

James bit his lip. He heard the words and knew that Kendall was never going to survive this. He wasn't sure he could survive this.

"Kendall, it's just a baby…" Carlos said softly.

"No, it's not!" Kendall growled. "That thing probably killed my sister! It probably won't even survive! It came two months early! What was the point! And now she's never going to wake up! She's never going to be able to breathe again on her own! I wish that thing didn't exist!"

"You can't mean that…" Carlos said. "Don't take it out on an innocent baby."

"Oh, don't worry," Kendall said, anger growing to a hot rage. "I'm not just going to take it out on it! My dad kept it a complete secret from all of us! Said Katie didn't want anyone to know. Said Katie wanted to give it up and didn't want anyone to know about it at all. Katie didn't want it either! God knows why she didn't just get rid of it!"

James knew what was coming. He clenched his fists, just waiting for the next words.

"But most of all, I blame that worthless piece of crap who got my baby sister pregnant!" he was finally able to say the word though it was so loud the security guard told him if he didn't cool it, he was going to get kicked out.

James flinched.

Kendall settled back in his seat, a sour expression on his face. "If I ever find out who…"

His breath came out in an angry huff. He looked at the faces of his best friends around him.

"Late January, early February. I was visiting Jo. She was filming in South Carolina," Kendall said slowly. "You guys were all around the apartment at one time or other. Did any of you notice her talking to anyone? Dating anyone?"

The guys were silent.

Carlos thought to himself before looking at the other two who still seemed to be so shocked they weren't even able to respond to the question.

Carlos shook his head, turning back to Kendall.

"No man, I didn't see her with anyone."

"Then who is the father?" Kendall said helplessly, feeling defeated. There was no way they were probably ever going to know now.

James could feel his eyes closing shut and clenching, the same way his fists were. He knew he couldn't keep it a secret from Kendall. They had been friends for so long. He had to admit what he had done, no matter how much it would destroy him and his friendship with Kendall.

He drew in a deep breath and braced himself, before spitting out the words.

"I am"

Kendall looked up in horror at him…

…and then at Logan.

It took James a full second to realize what just happened.

Then he looked at Logan in horror too…

Because Logan had just said the very same thing…

Before anyone could react, a scream of anguish was heard all the way down the hall and through the security booth's windows.

Everyone recognized Mrs. Knight's voice.

And then they knew the truth.

Nothing was ever going to be the same.

To be continued…

Next: Part I: Chapter 2 - Logan has the strangest day.