A/N: This chapter was probably the hardest to write so far and definitely the longest, haha. Trying to sort out their relationships was like working on a puzzle. (Yay KakaRin!)
The almost empty plates of grilled saury sit on the dining table, Kakashi and fifteen-year-old Masae on one side and Rin's parents on the other. At the end of the table, Rin-lookalike Kanae happily ignores the adults in favour of one of Kakashi's old taijutsu textbooks. The occasional giggle escapes her as she flips through the illustrations. Most of them have been vandalised into Gai's and Kakashi's likeness, along with the occasional Obito (who was always losing badly). Her simple joy at the silly additions makes wistful smiles appear on both Kakashi's and Rin's faces. Neither is Sakumo immune from nostalgia — he can only guess that this had been a Challenge before he died and Kakashi lost his humour.
"Kanae has turned into such a bookworm," Rin says approvingly as she mimes patting her five-year-old sister's head. "She's the baby of the family. And Masae," she continues fondly, "she's the second oldest but she looks older than me now, doesn't she? She's the pretty one."
When Kakashi reaches for his chopsticks, everyone except Kanae starts staring, Masae most of all. The ghosts share an amused look. He hasn't taken off his mask for the whole of dinner yet food keeps disappearing off his plate like magic. Sensing the attention on him - tangible enough to qualify as some kind of intent though not the killing variety - Kakashi clears his throat uncomfortably and reaches for his tea instead. Everyone slumps slightly in disappointment when he drinks it through his mask.
"More tea, Kakashi-san?" Masae offers sweetly when he sets down the empty cup. She already has the teapot in her hand and Kakashi is too polite to refuse, so he nods and murmurs his thanks. The stiff set to Kakashi's shoulders speaks of his discomfort with her attentiveness, though. It's something that her father has no doubt put her up to, what with all the comments he has been making about houses being more lively with more people and it never being too early to make plans for the future.
Sakumo suspects that the only reason why Kakashi hasn't already had a breakdown is because Masae looks sufficiently dissimilar to Rin, what with her long hair, pale hazel eyes, and unmarked face. That, and of course the missing edge of danger that all shinobi possess, for all that Rin never took to the front lines.
"Otou-san's always doing this," Rin sighs, unconsciously wringing her med-nin apron. Her expression had fallen slightly at Masae's attempts at ingratiation, but she hides it quickly in favour of exasperation towards her father. "I know it's difficult to support five daughters on a civilian salary but he's always trying to get rid of us."
Civilian women generally become housewives or more rarely, kunoichi. If Sakumo puts aside the less altruistic motivations Hiroji might be harbouring and gives him the benefit of the doubt, Sakumo supposes Hiroji's plan to make Masae the next Lady Hatake could very well be his way of caring. Securing a well-to-do fiance or husband is such a way of ensuring a relatively safe and comfortable life in an age of chaos, after all.
It doesn't make the hurt that Rin is feeling - and most likely her sisters too - any less real though. Looking at the fault-lines in Rin's family, Sakumo can't help but wonder if he had missed the cracks in his own. Other than trying to raise Kakashi as a shinobi worth his prodigiousness so that Kakashi could have a good, respectable career... With the benefit of hindsight, it disturbs Sakumo how much of their time spent together revolved around his work or Kakashi's training. Even now, Kakashi imitates his father's workaholic lifestyle. When that fateful mission effectively destroyed the one solid connection Sakumo shared with his son, it's no wonder their relationship suddenly crumbled into a yawning chasm.
It's a little too late for himself and perhaps for Hiroji as well, so Sakumo sighs and files the thought away.
"How is reconstruction progressing in your district?" Kakashi asks Rin's parents in an attempt to steer the conversation towards a neutral topic. "Kinseki district, right?"
"Yes. They're making good progress. But we might have to move somewhere cheaper since my boss died in the attack and the business closed down... There are not too many jobs now and even fewer for the girls." Hiroji chuckles self-deprecatingly. "If only Masae can find a good husband, we won't have to worry about her future." When Kakashi smiles politely (awkwardly), Hiroji takes that as permission to push a little more. "Of course, we would be overjoyed if a family friend like Kakashi-san would consider..."
Kakashi's already strained smile falters and his gaze flickers to Masae, who only lowers her eyes demurely and fiddles with the sleeve of her kimono. "I'm sure Kakashi-san has colleagues more capable than myself," she says humbly, "but I can cook and manage a household well."
Shocked uncertainty swirls in Kakashi's grey eye as he stares at Masae.
Unable to sidestep the topic now that it has been broached so bluntly, Rin can only turn away and pretend to be distracted by Kanae's book. Despite her apparent calm, her eyes are dark with turmoil. Her feelings for Kakashi have never come up in conversation before, but in all honesty, Sakumo doesn't know what to say. What can he say? He can neither encourage or comfort her. Any future they might have had dissipated like smoke in the wind the moment she died, but love is wholly divorced from logic.
Yet, her resigned acceptance of the situation only makes the sour feeling in the pit of Sakumo's stomach grow. He isn't sure how much Hiroji knows about Kakashi and Rin's relationship beyond the fact that they were teammates, but this dinner feels like a mockery of their past.
"I—" The words catch and Kakashi clears his throat. "I have no doubt Masae-san will make her future husband a very happy man... I'm not nearly as talented, I'm sure." He chuckles weakly and pretends he doesn't see Hiroji and Mayumi's subtle aura of disappointment. Masae nods her thanks and if anything, she seems relieved. "I'm afraid it's unwise for shinobi to make plans too far into the future. We were only partly recovered from the Third War when we were devastated by the Kyuubi. As a jounin of Konoha, it is my duty to protect this village." His eye curves into a happy arch that make what comes out of his mouth next all the more jarring. "It wouldn't be fair to Masae-san to commit to someone who could die any day." When Hiroji looks set to argue, Kakashi's false humour fades away. "What's more, I'm sure my presence is an unhappy reminder to all of you of Rin's death."
Rin's name crashes like a lead ball, making Mayumi flinch and Rin's head jerk up in surprise, her wide eyes fixed on Kakashi's solemn expression. The silence that envelops the room is crushing. Hiroji's face is set like stone, Masae is biting her lip hard, and even Kanae is peeking warily over the top of her book.
"I must apologise," Kakashi continues, the faintest of tremors in his voice before they are quashed. His gaze is fixed somewhere on the table between Rin's parents, and his brows are drawn tight. "I tried to find you all after the funeral, but you all had moved out of the village since the war began and I was on lockdown in view of disciplinary proceedings. And when you all moved back to Konoha, I was... too much of a coward to go up to your door."
Kakashi's ghosts watch in dismay as he stands and moves to the small space between the wall and the table. "My apology is worthless compared to your loss, but this is the least I can do," Kakashi murmurs.
"Don't!" Rin pleads when Kakashi makes to kneel, but Hiroji catches Kakashi's arm in an unmoving grip. The young shinobi looks up, his single eye wide with incomprehension. Rin reaches his side in a moment, brushing his tense shoulder with a tender touch of her hand. "Oh Kakashi," she whispers, tears falling like droplets of liquid silver when she squeezes her eyes shut.
The look on Hiroji's face is unreadable as he stares down at Kakashi, his grip still tight over the teen's arm. When he speaks, his voice is quiet and controlled. "Rin's mother was a shinobi. She died when Rin was three." Kakashi stiffens in surprise - more from the fact that Hiroji is willing to share something like this than any revelation - and Hiroji lets him go. The older man sits back down with a sigh but Kakashi stays rooted to the spot, his arm dropping back limply to his side. "I told Rin not to become a shinobi. I told her she'd die, or worse. The battlefield is no place for a girl. But she went on ahead, like a stubborn little fool. She was always wild."
Rin inhales shakily, her red-rimmed eyes tight with pain as she takes in the angry grimace on her father's lips. "And so she died," Hiroji continues, his expression falling blank and his gaze turning to the table. "If it's anyone's fault, it's her own. I was informed of the circumstances of her death, Kakashi-san."
Despite his harsh words, his anger is telling. 'He probably blames himself,' Sakumo realises with a flash of pity. 'He couldn't protect her even if he wanted to, and in the end she gave her life for the village like her mother did.' Perhaps it's the sting of failure and helplessness that makes Hiroji critical, but his words are hurting everyone, Rin most of all.
"We both loved her," Kakashi declares suddenly, the softness of his voice belying the steel hidden beneath. Looking stricken, Rin presses her hand against her mouth. "My other teammate and I, we loved her. Our team would have fallen apart long ago without her." His eyes are blazing and his shoulders set when he meets Hiroji's gaze. "She wasn't a fool. She was a hero." The intensity in Kakashi's voice makes Rin's breath catch painfully, and despite Hiroji's stoic mask, there's a sliver of emotion echoing in his eyes. "Do you know how many people she saved as a med-nin? She was in the Medical Company that supported our front line troops. That's where the shinobi go when they need their guts put back into their bodies or their arms and legs sewn back on. They worked 10 hour shifts for patients on hair-triggers and if the enemy broke through the front-lines, they'd all die together with us."
Kakashi laughs shakily, the horrors of war flashing behind his blown pupil. "That's not something someone can do just on a whim. It's true that the battlefield is no place for a girl. No-one should have to step into those killing fields. But she put herself forward willingly so she could protect the people she loved — you and her mother and her sisters and all the people in the village. Do you think she went out there and waded through all that blood just so she could be rebellious?"
"She could have had a peaceful life is she had just listened—" Hiroji turns away, his face set once more in harsh lines.
"And so you blame her for sacrificing her happiness?" Kakashi breathes incredulously, and Rin makes a small, anguished sound. His hand claps over his hitai-ate and pushes it up. "Let me tell you about this eye." His voice shakes with emotion as the Sharingan is exposed, pitch black against blood crimson. Everyone stares for a moment in morbid fascination before Mayumi hastily stands up and herds Kanae out of the room. Masae shoots Kakashi and her father a sorry look before hurrying after them.
Kakashi barely notices it all. "This," he points at his eye with an almost violent jab, "was given to me when Obito, my other teammate, was crushed by a falling boulder. He pushed me out of the way and sacrificed himself." The three tomoes in his iris begin a slow spin as tears well and spill over his pale lashes. Only his left eye weeps. "His mother looked at the only piece of her son left and said "use Obito's eye well" because she understood what kind of choice Obito made."
Kakashi's breath huffs out of him in a hollow sound of anguish that cuts straight through Sakumo. "Rin made the same choice when she died. As her father, try to understand her, please." His Sharingan slips closed and his hitai-ate is tugged down gently. Kakashi returns to his seat and drops into it with weary grace. "I am grateful, Hiroji-san, for your forgiveness. I will always be in your debt. But I won't stand for anyone putting Rin down, not even her father."
Hiroji's hand is clamped tight around the edge of the table, something akin to guilt written in the slump of his body.
His silent acknowledgement is nothing more than a drop of rain in the desert, but even that poor offering is sufficient. Rin's tear-streaked face softens with understanding and relief. "Otou-san."
A/N: It's almost exam season again :'( I hate the h-word (hiatus) but yeah, that's probably going to happen... especially since right after my exams in April, I have an internship for the whole of May. Hopefully I'll be able to sneak in some updates in between, but otherwise I'll be back sometime early June! :)
Man, I miss you guys already. I'm incredibly grateful for all your support — this is definitely not goodbye! :)