ZA: Good afternoon, morning, evening, whatever, minions! And today, keeping in the tradition of having frequently forgotten characters give the disclaimer, I now present to you Sir Nicholas de Mimsy Porpington, the wandering spirit of Gryffindor House.

Sir Nick: Frequently forgotten?! What is that supposed to mean?

ZA: Well, I hate to break it to you, but you aren't one of the primary characters. I believe the term is "tertiary". Disclaimer, please?

Sir Nick: Very well. Zsugami Alba does not in any way, shape, or form own Harry Potter or Bleach – or any of their characters, tertiary or otherwise.

ZA: Thank you. And, as promised, no soul burial will be performed on your person. On with the chapter.

"English"

"Japanese"

Parseltongue

'Thoughts'

Chapter Fifteen: Clue, anyone?

Surprisingly, there were no major incidents over the course of the next two months. Haru was beginning to wonder if he'd imagined that snakey speaker. Oh, dear. Perhaps Lockhart's madness was contagious. Of course, the more time that passed in uneventful mundanity, the more likely it was that the trouble Haru had predicted would be even worse than his past adventures. Fortunately, he had something to take his mind off the possible, imminent danger: Halloween.

Haru was strolling through the halls of Hogwarts, admiring all of the decorations Hagrid and the professors placed around the castle, when he happened upon a very morose Nearly Headless Nick.

"Sir Porpington, is there something wrong?" Haru inquired cautiously.

"Oh, nothing you would wish to hear about," Nick sighed. "After all, this is a time of good cheer for you. Laughter, sugary treats, whimsical pranks. I shouldn't burden you with the trivial concerns of a departed soul."

"In my culture," said Haru, "you're supposed to respect your deceased ancestors and offer them any aid they require so that they might enjoy a peaceful afterlife."

Sir Nick was visibly touched by Haru's statement. "Are you sure you want to listen?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes. Please tell me. Maybe I can be of some assistance."

"Oh, I doubt that," Sir Nick replied. "Unless you have some sway with the members of the Headless Hunt."

"The Headless Hunt?" Haru asked.

"I've applied for membership every year only to be turned down due to my unfortunate condition," Sir Nick explained. Upon seeing Haru's puzzled expression, he illustrated his point by tipping his head to the side and allowing it to hang by that small scrap of connected, ghostly tissue.

"Oh…I see. Because of the 'nearly' thing."

"You see my dilemma," Sir Nick moaned. "I am not sufficiently decapitated and am, therefore, not actually 'headless'."

"That is a shame," Haru said sympathetically. "But surely there are other…um…clubs to join?"

"No. The afterlife is surprisingly devoid of entertainment. I could petition the Ghostly Ladies Sewing Circle, but they haven't admitted a male applicant since Thomas Bilsby expired during his moving portrayal of Juliet during Shakespeare's famous play. He thrust the dagger into his breast a bit too enthusiastically. The Circle never dreamed that the lovely Juliet might actually be a man in a lady's costume. Unfortunately, I died dressed as a man, so I suppose there's no hope for me."

Haru nodded in what he hoped was a supportive manner and asked, "Isn't there any way to cheer you up?"

"Well, my deathday is coming up this Hallow's Eve. I would be honored if you would grace the celebration with your presence. Your friends, of course, are also invited," Nick offered with a hopeful expression on his face.

That is how Haru, Ron, and Hermione (Draco having politely declined the invitation) found themselves in a dimly lit room full of spirits while the rest of the school engaged in the traditional Halloween revelry in the Great Hall.

"Tell me again why we're here?" Ron whispered.

Haru grimaced and said, "If you'd seen the look on his face, you'd have caved, too."

"I think it's sweet of Haru to cheer up Nick like this," Hermione insisted. "Besides, how many living people can say they've attended a deathday celebration?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "I feel so lucky I could cry."

"I don't think that would look out of place here," Haru pointed out as a wailing ghost in student robes floated by.

"Oh, that's Moaning Myrtle," Hermione informed them. "She haunts the U-bend in one of the second floor girls' toilets." Ron and Haru looked suitably disgusted.

Just over an hour later, the trio managed to make a discreet exit. It was too late to join the festivities in the Great Hall, so they headed straight for Gryffindor Tower. That was when Haru heard the voice again.

Rip…tear…kill…kill…I smell blood…

Haru veered off in the direction of the hissing, hoping to find its source. Hermione and Ron ran after him, but Haru merely shushed them in response to their questions. Rounding a corner on the second floor, they came to an abrupt stop in front of the girls' bathroom. There before them was a ghastly sight: Filch's cat hung from a torch by her tail. Above her, red letters gleamed in the fiery light: THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED. Haru took a step closer and found himself standing in a large puddle of water, seemingly flowing from under the bathroom door.

Ron pulled him back. "I think it's best if we're not here when Filch finds this."

But it was too late. Tired students were already on their way up the stairs, accompanied by several professors and one shocked Argus Filch.

It took a moment for the caretaker to fully comprehend the scene before him. Then his expression of shock morphed into anger. He turned to Haru and his friends, pointing an accusing finger at the three of them.

"You! You did this! How dare you!"

"Please calm yourself, Mr. Filch," spoke a soothing voice. Haru spotted Professor Dumbledore emerging from the crowd of onlookers. "I realize this situation is upsetting, but it wouldn't do to jump to conclusions before examining all of the facts. I shall question these students myself. Professors, please usher your charges to their dorms. Hagrid, would you inform Madame Pomfrey that she will have an unexpected guest tonight? I do believe Mrs. Norris is not dead, but merely petrified."

Haru, Ron, and Hermione were escorted to the Headmaster's office. They wisely held all questions until they arrived at their destination and the Headmaster took his seat behind a large desk decorated with a variety of odd trinkets.

"Professor, what is the Chamber of Secrets?" Haru asked.

"What did you mean Mrs. Norris is merely petrified?" Hermione inquired at the same moment.

"We aren't in trouble, are we?" Ron looked nervous.

Dumbledore raised his hand to signal for quiet. "I do not believe you are the perpetrators of this incident, but I would like to know why you were there. I did not see you at the feast tonight."

"We were attending Sir Porpington's deathday party," Haru answered.

"Ah, I see. But how did you come to be in that corridor? Gryffindor Tower was in the other direction."

Ron and Hermione both looked to Haru, wanting to know the answer to this question as well.

"I heard a snake. It wasn't saying very pleasant things. I was following its voice when we happened upon Filch's cat, but I swear she was like that when we got there!"

Dumbledore looked intrigued. "The snake wasn't saying very pleasant things? You could understand it?"

"Well, yeah," said Haru. "I talk to my albino cobra all the time." He suddenly noticed the strange looks on everyone's faces. "Uh…did I do something weird again?"

Ron nodded. "Yeah, mate. You sure did."

Dumbledore brought Haru's attention back to the matter at hand. "What was the snake saying?"

Rip…tear…kill…I smell blood… "stuff like that."

Everyone just looked more confused. "Perhaps an English translation would be more helpful?" Dumbledore suggested.

"Oh, sorry." Haru looked sheepish. "Um…it was saying, 'Rip…tear…kill…I smell blood...' and stuff like that."

Dumbledore looked pensive. "Well, then. It would seem that the Chamber of Secrets has indeed been opened. And I had hoped to have an uneventful year. Ah well."

Hermione could contain her curiosity no longer. "What is the Chamber of Secrets?" she asked.

Dumbledore proceeded to tell them a story about Salazar Slytherin being compelled to leave Hogwarts. "Legend has it that, before he departed, Slytherin built a secret chamber within the castle and placed a monster inside. Only his true heirs are supposed to be able to access the chamber."

"So," Haru spoke, "it was apparently the Heir of Slytherin in the Chamber with a snake?"

"A basilisk, if I'm not mistaken," Dumbledore clarified. "It would have the power to petrify someone if its deadly gaze were seen indirectly…say…in a reflection. There was a pool of water nearby. Now all that's left for us is to determine who unleashed the serpent on our Mr. Body."

ZA: So Dumbledore plays Clue. Who knew? Anyway…next chapter we shall be introduced to the Frolicking Phantom of Furano. You'll enjoy that.