ZA: Now, this is a very special chapter of My Father Isshin. I've been looking forward to this for months. You did ask me early on why I would want a diagram of Ikkaku Madarame's lucky dance. This is my answer.

Ikkaku: I thought you were using lesser known characters for these spots. Why am I here?

ZA: Because you play a very important role in this chapter.

Ikkaku: Do I donate a kidney to a small child? Defeat Slytherin's monster? Flex my muscles for thousands of adoring fans?

ZA: Nnnno. Just do the disclaimer and then sign this release form stating that you will not seek vengeance in any way, shape, or form for what I am about to reveal.

Ikkaku: Uhhh…

ZA: Just DO IT!

Ikkaku: Okay, okay. Zsugami Alba does not own Harry Potter or Bleach yadda yadda yadda…where do I sign?

ZA: Next to the "X" at the bottom of page 3 – Oh, and initial next to the sticky tabs on pages 1 and 2.

"English"

"Japanese"

Parseltongue

'Thoughts'

Chapter 16: The Frolicking Phantom of Furano

The entire of group of friends and allies convened in the library the next day.

"All right. So there's a very high probability that the heir of Slytherin is in Slytherin House. Unfortunately, the only inside man we have in this operation is you, Draco. Crabbe and Goyle are pretty useless," Haru informed the group.

Draco looked thoughtful for a minute. "Hmm…well, I could manage to sneak two of you in, at most, if you were polyjuiced."

Hermione looked scandalized. "Polyjuiced? But isn't that illegal or something? We wouldn't just be breaking a school rule; we'd be breaking a…a life rule!"

Ron rolled his eyes at her. "Really, Hermione? A life rule? Where do you come up with these things?"

"Anyway," Draco continued, "it wouldn't be all that hard, except for the actual brewing part. I doubt Granger is up to the task. It is very advanced."

Haru recognized what Draco was trying to do, but chose not to interfere as Hermione bristled.

"Not up to the task? I assure you I am quite capable, Malfoy. One of you boys would most likely wind up blowing up the school. The real problem is how to get our hands on the recipe – and the ingredients."

"It's probably in the Restricted Section. We just need to find a professor to sign a permission slip for us. Who do we know who would sign it without asking troublesome questions?" Haru wondered aloud.

Ron snorted. "They'd have to be pretty thick to allow second years access to the most dangerous section of the library."

Just then, a familiar voice drifted over the bookshelves. "Oh, let me see…I'm in this book…and this book…and I would be in this book if the author had done any real research. Oh my! I've just gotten a hideous papercut! Ow! I think I heard something somewhere about lemon juice and papercuts. I'll just run to the kitchens. I like the smell of lemons."

The boys looked at each other and grinned.

Ichigo was a little excited to be sitting in on Haru's Defense Against the Dark Arts class. He was curious to see what wizarding school was like. The whole family had come to visit for the weekend in order to catch Haru's first quidditch game of the season. While his sisters and father were taking a tour of Hogwarts, led by Hagrid, Ichigo had decided to hang out with his brother.

Ichigo sat in the back of the classroom, ignoring all the puzzled looks the other students were throwing in his direction. Haru and his friends appeared to be vying with a group of girls for the right to sit in the very front row. Haru pointed across the room with an excited look, distracting the girls, and his group slid into place. The girls slunk back to the second row, visibly disappointed.

The bell rang, and in a swirl of lace and lilac Lockhart pranced in. Yes, pranced. Ichigo had never had occasion to use that word before. 'This should be interesting…'

"Now, class, today we will be covering the monsters that I defeated in my autobiography Magical Me," the pompous twit announced exhuberantly while showing off his blindingly white grin. "Open your books to page 314, please. Quickly now. The chapter begins right below that rather dashing portrait of yours truly." The girls in the second row practically swooned with delight.

"Now, who would like to volunteer to help me act out this daring adventure?"

After what looked like much jostling in the front row, Haru stood up and said in a monotone voice, "I volunteer as tribute. I suppose."

"Ah, Harry! Splendid, splendid! Step right up. Don't be shy. Here are your props." Lockhart handed Haru a quarter staff and a floppy, flesh-colored thing with a tiny mirror attached to it.

'What the heck?' Ichigo thought, as Haru donned what turned out to be a swim cap. 'He looks like he's bald. I need to record this for Karin!' Ichigo whipped out the Soul Pager Rukia had provided for him. It had a new video feature that was suddenly coming in handy.

"Now, Harry," Lockhart instructed his victim, "You may refer to the book as needed so that you get all the steps in order. We must put on a show for your classmates."

Haru skimmed a couple pages, his face slowly morphing from reluctant to horrified. Then Lockhart began narrating.

"I had received disturbing reports of an evil spirit – a phantom terrorizing the small, muggle town of Furano, Japan."

'Furano? A small town? Compared to what? Tokyo?' Ichigo was pretty sure this guy was off to a good start on a work of pure fiction. He zoomed in on Haru for a close-up of the swim cap.

"I had just arrived," Lockhart continued, "when a sinister form, cloaked in black, jumped into my path." He looked at Haru expectantly. Haru did a rather good impression of a menacing samurai, complete with battle cry.

"Ooh, very good, Harry!" Lockhart stage whispered and gave a double thumbs up. "Ahem. He then proceeded to engage in a strange ritual spell." Again, he looked at Haru expectantly.

Haru checked the book again, sighed, and then proceeded to do something very unlike himself.

Standing on tiptoes, he sang, "I'm lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lulu-lu"
Then he stuck his left leg out like a ballerina and wiggled foot and toes while continuing his strangely familiar song "Lu!"
Back to tiptoes "lu-lu-lu-lulu-lu-lu-lu-lu"
Ballerina wiggle again "Lu!"

'Where have I seen this before?' Ichigo wondered.

Haru crossed his legs at the shins, then rose up on the balls of his feet, moving up and down. "Lu-lu-lu-lulu-lu-LU"
Suddenly, he jumped up, slammed the quarter staff down on its end, and landed on the tip, holding on with one hand for just a moment. 'Impressive move.' Then he jumped back down to the ground, landing on both feet and holding the quarter staff horizontally in front of himself, arms straight, elbows locked. "LUCKY!" he shouted.

Lockhart aimed a weak lumos at the mirror on Haru's cap, causing it to emit a reflective sheen.

'Oh. My. Goodness,' Ichigo realized with glee. 'It's Ikkaku!' He tried his best to stifle his laughter, barely managing to hold the camera steady. Lockhart looked miffed at the disruption, but quickly regained his composure and continued.

"I calmly drew my wand, pointed it at the foul creature, and performed the proper banishing spell, "Spiritus Recedemus!" A pink light burst forth from Lockhart's wand and raced toward Haru, who quickly dove out of the way. "And the foul creature was gone."

Ichigo stopped recording and saved his precious video file for future enjoyment. 'I can't wait for my next visit to the Seireitei.'

Ikkaku: What was that?!

ZA: Well, that's all for this week. Tune in next week for Haru's eventful quidditch match.

Ikkaku: Wait! This is outrageous! You can't end here! You have to let me tell the truth about what really happened!

ZA: Sorry, but we're out of time. Things to do…places to go…people to blackma—I mean, see…

Ikkaku: But…