I own nothing.
PART TWO: Chapter 3
Dear Diary,
I love pulling one over on interfering fools like Bitters, Gustavo, and anyone really if the occasion presents itself. One of my dreams is to take over as CEO in Arthur Griffin's place. I'm way smarter than that man. And having that kind of money and power? It's a big time rush just thinking about it (pun intended).
I've always acted mature for my age, and I knew how to turn a quick buck well before I hit puberty.
Kendall always says that I'm growing up too fast.
So, was it any wonder that by the time I hit sixteen I thought I was ready to take my relationship, with my older boyfriend whom I love, to the next level?
But I wasn't ready.
The fact that I made such a mess out of everything already should have been a clue that I really wasn't ready. But apparently 'teenage hormonal Katie' was a little bit less self aware than 'pre-teen focused on swindling people Katie'.
James finally told me today what he's been trying to say since the day he returned from Canada. He loves me and he wants me. He was so sincere, I knew there was no way I would ever doubt him again. And then I lost it. I cried my eyes out! I tried to stop. I was so horrified. I didn't cry that way. I'm supposed to be stronger than that. I'm Katie Knight. I'm brave, fierce, and even more resourceful than my big brother.
Yet, there I was, crying, because I had done something so horrible that I knew James would probably never forgive me. Even though we were broken up at the time, how can you forgive the person you love for sleeping with your best friend?
You couldn't.
So when James kissed me, I couldn't let him stop. I wanted, no, I needed, to be with him just once. I love him so much and I needed to be as close to him as I had been to Logan, if not closer.
Afterward, I was ashamed of my actions. I really shouldn't have slept with him before telling him the truth. I searched for the words. I knew I had to tell him something, but I was debating whether to tell him it was Logan, or just keep that from him. And I was trying to decide if I should tell him now or wait until we weren't lying side by side…
And then he said he wanted to tell Kendall. He wanted to be with me for real. Not only did he love me, but he was willing to make it public. He was finally brave enough to face Kendall.
All I could see was Logan's face.
James was finally giving me everything I ever wanted, and suddenly I didn't want it anymore.
Logan, James, Kendall, they were all so completely clueless.
Logan will be devastated if he has to watch me with James. I needed to give him time to get over me, find someone else, before I spring the truth about James on him. But even if I did, I still had to face the very real task of telling James the truth about Logan, and probably end up losing James in the process.
Then, there was Kendall.
In my mind's eye, I saw the next few months on tour. Secrets always have a way of coming out, and once one was revealed inevitably everything else would unravel.
Kendall would view both James' and Logan's actions as a betrayal. James had been keeping secrets for months, lying to everyone. Kendall wouldn't be able to trust him ever again. And it wouldn't matter that I was the one who started it, Kendall would be so angry with Logan. It has been so long since I've seen Kendall truly angry. These past four years have been the happiest of his life. He's found something he loves doing, and he gets to do it with his best friends.
I couldn't let my actions destroy three friendships.
With clarity, I knew that no matter how I felt, I had to stop, and I had to keep all my secrets locked away and pray no one ever found out. Even if it meant confusing James, I was willing to put my feelings on hold for them. I've loved all three of them in some way, shape, and form, my entire life. I didn't want to lose James, but even more, I didn't want them to lose each other.
What a time for me to decide to become the sacrificial lamb.
I told James not to tell Kendall. Of course, he took it badly. I watched him walk away from me, much the same as Logan did. He issued his own ultimatum this time. Tell him what I wanted and he'd let me know if he could live with it.
I know he will never be able to live with anything I say. So, I guess I just won't say anything…
Maybe it's for the best.
Katie
"Do you think the halibut is from the Pacific or Atlantic Ocean? You know they're being overfished in the Atlantic. I read that you need to avoid it if you want to help save them. If the general population doesn't start being more careful with sea life, our oceans are screwed. I mean, after that giant oil spill twenty years ago our Gulf Coast still has problems. Maybe I should just go with the salmon. Do you think its Alaskan? Because that's really the best choice. I mean, even that is taboo if its' from the Atlantic, so—"
"Alex! Breathe!" Sophie exclaimed, putting a hand up, nearly knocking over her water glass on the restaurant table.
"But—"
"Ready to order?" the chipper waitress asked, appearing out of nowhere.
"I'll have the turkey wrap," Sophie said quickly, turning so fast her long dark brown hair nearly fell out of its haphazard pile on the top of her head. "And she'll have the grilled chicken salad." She looked pointedly at Alex daring her to argue as she adjusted the hair pin, pushing it in more firmly.
Alex flushed but nodded, smiling at the waitress, "with honey mustard."
Sophie was relieved. Her niece had been running off at the mouth from the moment they stepped foot in the restaurant. Alex said she had to do something that morning in town, so Sophie agreed to meet her at their favorite lunch place. After a harrowing morning of trying to get Leo's head unstuck from the bars on the banister railing, she was ready to relax and spend the afternoon shopping and doing girly things—sans her two hellions…make that three if you counted her crazy, but lovable, husband.
"So, Logan Junior," she emphasized, knowing how Logan got when he started revealing his knowledge on certain topics. "Mind telling me what's with the fish lesson?"
"It's just very important to protect—"
"Yeah, sea life, I know," Sophie smiled to herself, remembering the concoction everyone had been forced to eat for dessert the night before.
Her boys knew all about Alex's love of sea animals and when Mikey saw a show on a cooking network he decided he was going to make a special cake in the shape of Alex's favorite animal, with a little 'help' from her, of course. She disliked working with cake—she wasn't a baker—but she was a sculptor, and there wasn't a material she couldn't manipulate. In fact, it was how she met her husband. He had been told that a truly amazing 'crib' needed to have various pieces of expensive art. So he commissioned her to create a very accurate likeness of a giant corndog. By the end of the project, he got his corndog and she got her cornball.
"But as much as your Dad goes on and on about brain waves and whatever else he happens to read about, he only does it because its part of his everyday conversation," Sophie said. "You, on the other hand, only go on and on when you don't want to talk about something."
Alex seemed to find her straw cover fascinating. She folded it in half, then again, and again, down to a little square.
"Talk, miss," Sophie insisted. "What's going on, honey?"
If anything was bothering Alex that she couldn't talk to her dads about, she tried to make sure the girl knew she could come to her. She knew she was the only real female influence in Alex's life.
Logan had never married and, as far as she knew, never ever brought anyone home to meet Alex. In fact, in all the time she'd known him, Sophie had never met one woman he dated—unless she and Carlos had managed to get him to couple with them and a friend of theirs when he was visiting. She'd asked Carlos about it once, but he just said the genius was picky. Carlos told her that Logan did date, but no one was ever good enough to introduce to Alex. And Logan didn't want Alex to get attached to anyone and get hurt when things didn't work out.
James, on the other hand, had no problem dating and letting the world know who the lucky woman was. He couldn't have a problem with it because he was constantly in the public eye. But, just like Logan, he didn't bring them home. He usually dated when he was away and working. She knew James loved being in the spotlight, that he thrived on it. She knew that it was a constant struggle for him to juggle his Minnesota family and his career. But she also knew that James loved Alex more than anyone, even himself. Though he was trying to be the best father he could be, he oftentimes made huge messes that everyone had to clean up. James had really messed up when he married that actress. Sophie hadn't thought much of Melanie, but she was willing to support James' choice—and she was hopeful that Alex would finally get the mother she needed. As usual, everything turned into a huge convoluted mess that resulted in the worst two years of Alex's life.
Sophie noticed Alex had started to change after that. At first she just put it off as normal because the pre-teen was becoming a teenager and everyone went through big changes once they reached that age. But something was off. Sophie had never been able to put her finger on it.
She wanted Alex to have more of a mother figure, someone who wasn't four hours away like she was, but since she didn't, it was up to Sophie to help whenever she could.
"I have to ask Uncle Carlos for a big favor," Alex said glumly. "But I don't know if he'll do it."
"You know he would do anything for you."
"I'm not too sure about this one…" Alex trailed off.
"Sounds pretty serious," Sophie said, wanting to ask Alex for the details, but not wanting to push her. It was easier to get Alex to open up if you waited her out.
The waitress arrived with their food then, interrupting their conversation.
Once she left, Sophie watched as Alex twirled a piece of lettuce back and forth. She stayed silent, enjoying a bite of her wrap, waiting for the girl to speak.
At last, she did.
"It's about…," Alex sighed and finally just came out with it, "Kendall Knight."
Sophie choked on her food. She coughed, trying to swallow without asphyxiating herself.
"Are you okay?" Alex said, growing worried, ready to jump and pound on her aunt's back if she needed.
Sophie wiped the coughing induced tears from her eyes and nodded her head, finally able to breathe.
"Yes," she took a sip of water. "You were saying?" her voice went up an octave at the end.
This was the first time while in Sophie's presence that Alex had ever really even acknowledged that Kendall existed. The boys had been bouncing off the walls after spending the day with him and Patsy, the alpaca Carlos had somehow managed to adopt. The animal had spit on Carlos at one point while they were trying to 'encourage' the animal to find its way through Carlos' 'fun house' maze. Her sons couldn't wait to tell Alex about it. The boys didn't have any idea that Alex and Kendall were related. They didn't see anything wrong in telling her the story, and Sophie and Carlos would never even try to sensor the boys. They drew the line at involving their kids in Kendall's ignorance. They would avoid bringing up Alex, and try to change the topic of discussion whenever Kendall was around. If the boys did happen to say anything, Kendall just laid a deaf ear toward their words. It had been that way for years.
Alex behaved much the same way. Last night, she never talked about it or showed any outward reaction, just changed the subject to rave about the brilliance of using red velvet for the inside of the shark, since it looked just like blood that way.
"I… tried out for this hockey camp at Weston and got in," Alex explained, hesitantly. That was basically what happened, she thought. It was the easiest way to explain. "It runs for most of the summer. Dad and Daddy don't know anything about it, and even if they did, they would say 'no' because the guy in charge of the entire program is him. He doesn't know who I am, of course," Alex scoffed.
Sophie couldn't help but notice the disgust in her voice when she said that.
"You don't seem to want to be there with him either," she said slowly, carefully weighing her words, not sure how to proceed.
"I don't," Alex said simply. "But… it's a good opportunity." Well, it was; she wasn't lying…just leaving out a lot of the details.
"So… you want Carlos to do… what exactly?"
Sophie knew that this might just be the one time her husband would deny the girl. She knew all about the circumstances surrounding Alex's birth. She knew that Kendall had absolutely nothing to do with her or her dads. Sophie, like Carlos, couldn't understand how Kendall could just ignore Alex. She had met the little beauty for the first time when she was three and couldn't help but fall for the child. Kendall was definitely missing out, not knowing Alex, but those were Kendall's terms set long ago. She also knew how sensitive Carlos was. He wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize his friendship with the hockey player. Alex was definitely barking up the wrong tree with this one…
"Tell them I'm staying here, in Pipestone, without them, for the summer?" Alex said, hopefully.
"You want Carlos to lie to your dads?" Sophie would have laughed if the situation wasn't so serious, and if Kendall's boys weren't already spending the entire summer at their house.
Carlos couldn't lie with a straight face. He couldn't even keep a secret. He always blurted the truth, saying what you most wanted him not to say. Like when he met her parents for the first time. Her family was Italian through and through. And while Sophie had very fortunately! been blessed without it, her mother had that lovely gene that meant she fought a constant struggle with upper lip hair. Carlos couldn't help telling her she should grow it out to one of those "cool cowboy handlebar 'staches". Mama hadn't been amused.
"Not lie," Alex stressed. "Just… omit. I will be staying near Uncle Carlos, so it's like I am here. They have dorms on campus."
Sophie coughed again, taking another sip of water.
"What are you thinking?" Alex asked.
"Ask him," Sophie said for lack of a better thing to say. "See what he says."
"But do you think he'll help?"
"We'll just have to see," Sophie murmured, giving a hopeful smile for the benefit of the teen.
She was going to have to take her straight home to talk to Carlos. They didn't have time to shop now. They had very limited time before Alex's ride arrived that evening.
So much for her relaxing afternoon.
Well, that's over, he thought. The lists were officially posted. Now he could do something more fun.
Video games never got old, no matter how old you were, and especially with the latest technological advances of 2030, so he had no problem wasting some of his time submerged in the latest virtual game system which was why he'd installed a duplicate system to his one at home in his spacious office.
As he set up the game, he had to admit, this coaching thing was becoming more and more interesting by the day. He figured he'd be giving some pointers, maybe some inspirational speeches—because he was really good at those—and the rest of this job would be a boring cakewalk.
Instead, his office had been burglarized, his computer hacked—he still didn't know how the girl had managed that, he lost a bet, and he lost his first one-on-one game in years, something that even with his bum knee had rarely happened.
Maybe this coaching thing wasn't so bad after all.
"Uh, Coach Knight?"
"What's up?" Kendall said, stopping his movements and turning around. It was that boy again, standing uncertainly in his doorway. He hadn't seen him since he scampered after the girl when she went storming from the ice.
"Your friend change her mind?" He wouldn't be surprised if she backed out of their agreement. Most kids would be ecstatic after accomplishing what she had. But she acted like she was the one to lose.
"Wha—oh, no," Gage said, clearing his throat. "I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity, sir, and I hope that—"
Kendall held up a hand. "It's cool, kid."
"Yeah, but…" Gage trailed off, not sure how to ask. "I feel very honored to be here. I won't let you down."
"Stop with the schmoozing," he laughed, sitting back down at his desk. "You're already in. I'm sure you can't be all that bad or your friend wouldn't have fought so hard for you." Though, he hadn't seen the boy play yet. And by the way Coach Wilson had reacted to the news of receiving the 'dead weight,' Kendall was starting to think that the boy really might just be that bad.
"I was just wondering…"
Kendall raised an eyebrow, waiting.
"willyouhelpmewithmynerves?" Gage said quickly.
"Me?"
"Yeah," Gage nodded. "I mean, I know I probably should just talk to Coach Wilson but you're… you, know, you're Kendall Knight."
"I'm aware."
Gage swallowed, remembering the looks of disapproval he had received from Wilson all during Alex's match. He knew the guy didn't really want him there, so there was no way he was going to give him any extra help or attention when camp started in a couple weeks. He'd be lucky if he wasn't benched the entire summer. He wasn't going to let Alex handle this problem though. She'd already done enough.
"I know you're all important and stuff; and I've worked lots with Al-Allie," he corrected before he could say her real name. "But she doesn't take the game seriously. She never gets nervous on the ice because she doesn't care, so she can't help me. But you've played professionally. You know what it feels like to have to win, to actually care that the entire team is counting on you. How did you get around it?"
Kendall thought about it and decided that maybe he could help. But it wasn't going to be his professional career that he would be referring to. When he got back into the game in college, eventually working his way to his professional position on the Minnesota Wild, he hadn't cared either. Losing a game didn't seem to matter because he had already lost something more important. It had actually helped his game because he never held back, never backed down, and took chances where no one else would.
No, the only time in his life when he had ever been nervous was when he was in Pee Wee way back in the day and, as captain and being the one to lead the team, took personal responsibility when the team lost. There was also when he first started performing before thousands of people. But he had worked through all those nerves relatively quickly.
"Is it really that bad?"
"Yeah," Gage said, relaxing slightly when it appeared he was actually considering his request.
Kendall drummed his fingers on his desk, considering.
It wasn't like he had much to do anyway. Even when his family joined him, everyone would spend more time at Carlos' than with him on campus.
"Sure, not a problem," Kendall finally decided.
"Wow! Thanks!" Gage exclaimed. "You are so so so" he couldn't think of the best word to use.
"Amazing," Kendall said sarcastically, unintentionally mocking his long ago producer.
He hadn't heard from the man in almost fifteen years, not since he reneged on his contract. Gustavo had understood, and the fans had equally understood, when it came to cancelling the rest of the tour. The unexpected death of a family member made everyone suddenly very understanding, even if the details of the death were never released. It was when he announced he would no longer be a part of Big Time Rush and wanted nothing more to do with the musical industry in general that problems started to arise. Only when he agreed to record one last song, his vocals done separately from the other guys, that Gustavo agreed to absolve the contract without any legal action.
"Yeah, that," Gage nodded.
"Find me when the session starts," Kendall said. "We'll figure something out."
"Yes, sir!" Gage said, a little too enthusiastically.
Kendall waved at him and stood up to go back to setting up his game.
He smiled to himself when the kid left quickly, the telltale sound of an 'oomph' indicating that the gangly boy must have walked or kicked into something as he left the office.
That boy needed a confidence boost, stat!
"You do realize you are conforming to a perfectly boring stereotype, right?"
Logan rolled his eyes and drew his club back, swinging quickly, wincing when the ball didn't even come close to the hole. His trajectory was way off. "Good afternoon, James."
"You should make it like extreme golf!" James interjected. "Off the siding, down the path, shoot off the fountain, and into the pool! Nothing but putt!"
"No," Logan grunted.
"This isn't for another one of those handsome doctors' convention, is it?" James asked. "Because I thought you vowed to never go to another one after what happened last time."
Logan still had nightmares about it. Two hundred men, thinking they were God's gift to women because they were blessed with good looks. All acting like the biggest brain dead imbeciles, completely forgetting that they had numerous degrees between each other that said otherwise. Once it became obvious one of the lecturers, the most attractive female physician of the speakers, was largely interested in Logan, the other guys drove him insane with their childish pranks. Among other things, one overzealous handsome doctor who clearly spent too much of his youth watching reruns of MTV's Pranked, thought it would be hilarious to replace Logan's sun block with mayonnaise. Logan ended up squirting the rest of the offending bottle on all the pricks in the immediate vicinity, making them squeal like girls and run for cover. Logan left early, not really able to concentrate on enjoying himself since he had to be on constant alert. The ironic part was he hadn't been interested in the woman in the first place.
He only attended the conference hoping to network a little and get to know his colleagues. It was back when he was still a resident, but had already decided that he was going to specialize in neurobiology when his residency was over.
They had moved to Minnesota permanently after he completed college and medical school. It had only taken him, genius that he was, four years. He upped his class load in college once he didn't have to spend so much of his time on the band. He finished his undergraduate degree in one more year, instead of the two years it would have taken most people. He wanted to go to Stanford University for med school, but since it was over three hundred miles from Los Angeles, he decided to just stay at U.C.L.A. since they did offer what he needed. Between James' schedule and Logan's classes, it was the only way they could continue in their respective careers and take care of Alex together. Money wasn't a problem, so they had a nanny and a housekeeper to alleviate some of the stress.
He worked his butt off to graduate from med school early. He had grown tired of Los Angeles without Kendall. He wanted his daughter to grow up in Minnesota like he had, not California. His goal was to move before Alex started school. James preferred the sunny state, but he gave in eventually. Logan became more of the homebody parent while James' career gained momentum and had to go away for months at a time to film a role. He reasoned that if James wasn't going to be at home unless he wasn't working, what was the problem with going to Minnesota instead of staying in Los Angeles? James couldn't argue with that, though whenever he took a year off—as some actors were apt to do so they didn't become stale and to build anticipation for their next projects, he grew restless way too fast. Which was why Alex had been all over the world, traveling more than most adults had, by the time she was ten.
"Around two hundred guys who act like you but actually have a brain?" Logan smirked. "Yeah, not gonna happen again."
"Hey!" James yelped. "Take that back," he insisted, giving a wide eye warning glare.
"Aren't we too old for this?" Logan asked.
"Take it back!" James said, grabbing the putter club from the golf set and brandishing it in Logan's direction as menacingly as possible.
"James," Logan said, holding up his driver to defend himself. "Go polish your Oscar or something."
"I will later," James parlayed. "After you take it back!"
"James, really," Logan blocked James' advance, pressing forward against the club, glaring into his friend's face.
Then he froze. Oh my God!
"Um, yeah, I take it back," Logan said, quickly averting his eyes from his friend's face and backing away.
James stopped, "What?"
"I take it back, let's, uh, try that extreme golf thing," Logan didn't want to give anything away if he could help it.
"What's wrong," James realized that Logan had been looking at him…or rather his hair when he stopped arguing. He dropped the club and grabbed his head. "What?"
Logan tried not to wince. "Nothing, I just take it back. Don't want to argue…"
James grabbed the ever present mirror from his back pocket. He stopped carrying head shots around when he became a household name, but the mirror was never far from his person.
"I don't see anything…" James looked at the slope of his hair, which had gone through many different styles, but still remained perfect over the years. "Not one hair out of place, were you just playing…" Then he gasped and nearly dropped the mirror.
"James!" Logan said, raising his arms and moving his hands slowly up and down in front of James, hoping the motion would indicate he should remain calm. "It's okay. Just breathe. We can fix it—"
James gulped, fighting back the panic, and used his mirror to find the offending hair again.
"I'll take care of it," Logan said, grabbing hold of James and reaching to pluck the hair before James could freak out even more.
"No!" James practically squawked. "Don't you know that once you remove one, two more grow in its place!"
"That's just what people say! It's not true," Logan tried again, but James jumped back.
"I'll call Greta," Logan said, naming the only stylist James saw whenever he was in town. "She'll take care of it before you can say 'what gray hair?'."
"AH!" James finally gave in to his freak out, grabbing his head in horror.
"Just go to your room before anyone else sees you," Logan said patiently, referring to their housekeeper, Mrs. Quincy, and the gardener who was trimming and whatnot since summer was upon them. "She'll be over and will fix it immediately."
James turned and ran, still clasping his head. Logan found the number on his mini wrist phone and dialed. He couldn't help but laugh once James was inside the house. No matter what they had all gone through in their lives, some things just never change.
Now, if only he could fix his aim enough so he didn't keep embarrassing himself in front of colleagues whenever he was forced to play a simple game of the most boring sport in the world.
"Kneel, Leonardo Garcia, of Pipestone, Minnesota," Carlos said in his best British accent.
Leo was the face of seriousness, as Mikey giggled in the background.
Carlos made a big show of placing the brand new black helmet onto his youngest' head, just so!
"And rise! Sir Leo, he who now-eth wear hockey helmet and shant 'ere get precious head stuck again!"
Leo nodded and stood up. Mikey teetered, trying not to dissolve into uncontrollable laughter.
"Try not to take it off," Carlos said, giving careful instructions. "There is nothing you can't do with your helmet on. Eat, sleep, pick your nose, swim, skate, run into walls, head butt rhinos, its' all perfectly acceptable behavior." Hopefully he hadn't given him any ideas…
"Just don't wet the bed again!" Mikey called out. "You're not man enough to wear the helmet if you can't hold your bladder!"
"I don't wet the bed!" the eight year old Leo said, looking at his brother in horror.
"Yuh huh!"
"Nu uh!"
"Aw, guys, no fighting," Carlos said, pouting. "Mikey, you know Leo hasn't done that in years."
"Then why is his bed wet right now?" the eleven year old indicated the bed that was across the room, and had a very noticeable wet spot in the middle of the sheets on the unmade bed.
"I didn't! I didn't!" Leo said, looking at the bed with a confused expression.
"Then what did!" Mikey exclaimed.
Leo gulped and looked at his father with wide eyes.
"Spill it," Carlos said, already knowing his son must have brought one of the animals to his room and said animal had left behind the mess.
"Betsy was lonely," Leo said morosely, wishing he had noticed the bed before his father.
Carlos bugged his eyes. "Betsy's a fish."
Mikey laughed so hard, he could barely breathe. "You can't sleep with a fish! It, it…" he stopped laughing. "Oh my gosh! You killed Betsy!"
"No, I didn't!" Leo pointed to his desk and the small empty fish bowl there. "I just put her in that."
"You are so weird," Mikey said, though he was relieved Betsy was okay.
"And in a lot of trouble," Carlos said, looking pointedly at his youngest. "You know your mom doesn't like pets in your room."
"But Betsy's clean! She lives in water! That's clean! And she didn't make a mess at all!" Leo insisted.
"Oh, really?" Carlos looked at the bed.
"I did that," Leo said. "It spilt when I wasn't looking!"
Carlos tried not to smile, but it was really hard.
"Then I guess you better change the sheets yourself," came an unexpected voice from the doorway.
"Mommy!" Leo squealed. "Look, Mommy, look!" indicating his new head gear.
"It looks perfect," Sophie said. "And safe. Now go take the sheets off your bed. I'll get new ones."
"You're home early," Carlos said when Leo scampered off to do her bidding.
Sophie smiled softly, her expression not hiding her worry. "Alex wants to talk to you. She's in the den."
He wanted to pinch himself, he wasn't entirely sure he was awake at the moment.
He couldn't remember the last time Alex had mentioned Kendall to him. When she was a child, she always felt more comfortable asking him questions about her mother and her mother's family. Some kids had the ability to just sense certain things, and she was one of them. She figured out early on that Logan and James had difficulty with the topic—not that they didn't answer her questions. She just somehow knew it was a little hard for them and avoided going to them. She didn't like distressing her dads. They didn't mind Carlos answering the questions, so he had. But Alex had stopped asking questions years ago, her attitude toward Kendall changing to one of distaste seemingly overnight. Now that he really thought about it, he was pretty sure the last time she had mentioned Kendall was around the same time as her skiing accident when she was ten.
And now she wanted to spend an entire summer right under his nose? And she was okay with that?
Carlos wasn't.
"Carlita…" he murmured, using her seldom used first name. " … no."
"Please, Uncle Carlos?" she begged.
"No," he repeated. "I didn't know you wanted to get to know him. But—"
"I know all I need to know," she said, sparks flying in her eyes. "And I don't want to do this because of him!"
"It would be best if you didn't go," Carlos said. "If you want to tell your dads the truth and they agree to let you go, that's one thing. But I can't get in the middle. You should have told them the real reason you were coming here anyway."
"But…"
"Why this camp? Why not some other one?" Carlos asked. "I'm sure there's one closer to home. Just call them up, see if you can get a tryout there. With the way you play, they'd want you in a heartbeat."
"But this one is close to you guys," she insisted. "I can come and see you guys practically whenever."
Carlos shook his head.
"Why not?"
"Kendall's boys are staying here," he said, wincing inwardly.
He had told her very few details about her cousins. She had never met them, but she knew what they looked like. She saw her maternal grandmother maybe once a year; usually she came to Alex instead of the other way around. For the times that Alex went to her, Carlos was sure she would have noticed that Jennifer had pictures all over her house of her grandchildren. He was also pretty sure that she didn't have many, if any, of Alex up though. And if she did, those probably disappeared quickly whenever Kendall was at the house, which was fairly often. He knew how that was, he tried to steer Kendall clear of a certain room with pictures of Alex and her dads whenever he came to Carlos' house too.
After Katie died, Mrs. Knight had rallied behind the only child she had left, trying to not completely fall apart, but inadvertently managed to push Alex to the back burner. Mrs. Knight usually stayed in Kendall and Jo's guest house at their second home in St. Cloud whenever the family was staying in Minnesota for large periods of time. She normally lived in her own private home near Kendall's permanent residence in Los Angeles, spending as much time with her grandsons as possible, never missing a soccer game, hockey game, choir recital, school play, or any other activity the boys were involved in. She was their biggest supporter. Carlos wished she would have been more involved with Alex because it didn't seem fair to him, but in all honesty, he knew if she had been, she might have decided to fight for custody. And then where would Logan and James be?
Alex didn't respond. She wasn't sure how to. She knew that he had a family. She was used to Mikey and Leo telling her stories about their 'cousins' and 'uncle' even though she didn't want to hear about it.
But until today, she had never been uninvited from her 'come whenever you want' invite to her Uncle Carlos' house because of them.
"So?" Alex said, shrugging to push away her hurt. "I'll just stay on campus then. I don't need to come visit you. It's still a good opportunity to train under a professional, even if it is him."
"I have to stay out of this," Carlos said apologetically, his words final.
She wasn't going to persuade him. He could usually be swayed on most things, he was well aware of that. He preferred for people around him to be happy. It was sort of a big deal to him when he had to deny someone something—unless they wanted him to help them become famous. Then it was easy to refute. Alex's request was even easier to turn down. Well, almost.
"Okay," Alex quietly accepted, getting up and leaving the room quickly.
She wanted to argue with him, but she was starting to get upset and was trying to hide her feelings by being silent. She knew it was illogical, but she felt a little left out that all of her 'cousins' were spending a summer together while she wasn't even aware of their plans. But that was just the way things were. She had accepted it a long time ago but she never liked it.
She had a couple hours before Sebastian came for her. The old man was her chauffeur every time she went to Carlos'. He had started doing it a few years ago when Mrs. Machkalsky, God rest her soul, passed. Sebastian was right up there in the years too, but he was still spry and fit as a fiddle.
She should probably call Gage on the ride home and tell him to forget about Weston. Obviously things weren't coming together as easily as she had hoped.
"Can you see anything?"
Logan shook his head for the millionth time. "No! She matched the color perfectly. No one will even notice." His wrist phone beeped. He turned the face to him, and pressed the screen.
James groaned, still in shock. "I can't believe this!"
"Its' life; deal with it," Logan mumbled, reading the message.
"Can't you show any more concern?" James said, whining. "You're not the one going prematurely gray!"
"You're thirty-four," Logan said, distracted. "One gray hair happens. When entire patches are coming up that way, you'll probably be sixty. I'll show more concern then. But I draw the line at changing your diaper."
"Bite your tongue!" James exclaimed.
Logan turned toward his desk, slid into his seat and started scrolling through some files.
"What are you doing?" James asked, wondering why Logan had stopped paying attention to him.
"You remember that break-through I was telling you about, the one with—"
"Please don't," James interrupted. "You know I don't know anything about those things. Normal people's words please."
"I'm going to London," Logan said simply.
"Ugh, rain," James said shuddering at the condition the city always left his hair in.
"The work I'm doing is getting noticed and I have to go do some presentations and lectures and—"
"All the really interesting things that you normally do, I get it," James said.
He was used to Logan going off at the last minute. He was a brain surgeon and world renowned, usually taking the most unique cases he could find, going all over the world whenever the doctors in those places had given up on being able to help. Those cases were few and far between so Logan usually did a lot of research and stuck close to the less unique cases that arose at Edina General. He had an office on the campus there. His passion for helping people had never waned.
"I have to leave before school lets out," Logan said. "You guys want to join me or—"
"Nope!" James said, grinning. "Alex said she wanted to go whitewater rafting at least once this summer. And she liked my Cayman Island idea."
"When did she say that?"
"About a month ago," James shrugged. "One of our video chats. I asked her. That's what she said."
"I'm not sure how long I'll be gone," Logan said. "I have to leave in two days."
"Well, you'll just have to join us whenever you get a break, or its' over, whichever happens first." This would actually be great. Logan usually let Alex do anything she wanted to try, even going right along with her because he would try most anything too. But the unpredictable made Logan fretful. Like vicious animals running lose, on the prowl. Like the shark cage. Logan had to leave for a couple days on that particular vacation, not knowing about Alex's dangerous swim until he returned.
James impishly wondered what they could get into on the Caymans before Logan got back.
"James," Logan said, not with a little aggravation in his voice.
James braced himself for a lecture on the dangers of sharks and open water and whatever else Logan had dreamed up to be anxious about as far as Alex was concerned.
"This is a bad time for Alex. You're going to have to chill out."
"I'm chill," he insisted, not expecting Logan's words. He shrugged. At least it wasn't another lecture. "I'm the chillest around."
"Let Alex spend time with Gage, and don't give her a hard time about it."
"Hey, now," James started, immediately shaking his head.
"Don't argue with me," Logan said, his voice losing all sarcasm or room for jest. "Just do what I say for once."
James wanted to argue. He had many reasons to argue. But he thought better of it. Logan rarely put his foot down when it came to James dealing with Alex. They had accepted that they both had to make decisions about her and that they wouldn't always agree. Each of them took turns giving in when they couldn't agree because it was the only way they were going to make their family work. Usually it was Logan giving in to James though, but occasionally Logan fought tooth and nail for what he wanted for Alex.
"I won't stop her," James grudgingly agreed. "At least we'll be leaving soon and won't have to see him the rest of the summer."
"Thank you," Logan said, ignoring the last bit.
"But I still don't like him!"
"Remember that thing you said you wanted more than anything in the world?" Sophie said in a whisper, looking around. She knew she was probably alone since she'd decided to make the phone call in one of the rooms they hardly ever used in their big house. She also knew she could never be too careful.
"An original Valentino?"
"No, the other thing."
"You mean—" came the reply.
"I think it's a good time to do it," she whispered. "She wants to go to Weston's summer camp."
"Logan and James are letting her go?" disbelief was heard in the voice on the phone.
"They don't know she tried out. She's trying to find a way to go without telling them or lying to them. Carlos won't get involved."
"Does she know—"
"—that Kendall's going to be there? Yes." Sophie had become amazingly adapt at finishing her friend's sentences. "So? What do you think?"
"I think we would have done it a long time ago except he would have hated us. And he still will hate us. It's a bad idea and—"
"but we never had the perfect time before. This time is perfect," Sophie insisted.
"What makes this any different?"
"Because she's going to him," Sophie sort of improvised, remembering Alex's tone when referring to Kendall earlier. She knew Alex wasn't technically going to him as a way of getting to know her uncle… but it would be best if her friend thought that.
"I don't know…"
"Okay," Sophie didn't want to push. "Just think about it. Things don't start for another two weeks, so we have a little bit of time."
Alex relaxed against the couch with a giant bowl of popcorn sitting next to her. Gage was lying on his back on the other end with his long legs dangling off the armrest, the top of his head pointing in her direction.
She kept trying to concentrate on the movie, but there were just too many things on her mind to really focus.
Things were really starting to suck.
After the four hour long, tedious drive back from Uncle Carlos', she came home to the news that Dad was leaving. She never said it out loud, but she hated when Dad was gone more than she hated when Daddy was. She was used to James being away. But Logan was there most mornings and most evenings. He was the one she counted on to always just be there. So whenever he had to leave, she wasn't too pleased.
Between that and the failure that had been the previous weekend, she was ready to just throw the towel in. She spoke to Gage on the ride home. He told her to hold out. Everything else had already worked somehow. Maybe this would too. He begged her not to withdrawal yet. She grudgingly agreed.
As if it would do any good, she snorted to herself.
She had gone through the next day at school without much enthusiasm. That evening she said goodbye to Dad. His flight was early the following morning; he would be leaving well before she had to wake up for school so he said his farewells that evening.
When James started talking about summer break, Alex nearly groaned when she remembered their conversation from a month ago. She really did want to go to those places. They sounded so much more fun than playing hockey all summer.
So why did she care about going to some stupid hockey camp, with her stupid ex-best friends, and her even stupider blood relation? Oh yeah, for some reason she cared about Gage's feelings too much. Weird.
And maybe she enjoyed being right under that jerk's nose without him even knowing about it. She wasn't usually mean, but she did like the idea of playing with his head.
Her Dad hadn't even been gone a day before things got a bit messy with James.
It all started when Alex invited Gage over, which was something Dad had encouraged.
They were planning to work the ice some, maybe watch a movie, or let him check out the totally future-futuristic game wing of the house designed completely with RCM/CBT/Globalnet Sanyoid products. Her dads said they had it built for her but they loved it just as much, if not more. Uncle Carlos almost did the same thing to his 'crib' but changed things up a lot when he started adding numerous animals to his home. Though he did have a lot of swirly slides.
She and Gage ended up playing laser tag. She was more familiar with the twists and turns and nooks and crannies in the designated laser tag area of her home and almost immediately took him out. He wasn't too happy when she kept on doing it.
Finally, he decided to blindfold her. She told him they both should be blindfolded, but he was having none of that.
She was forced to rely on her hearing, knowing where the best places to hide were and finding them by feel, until she could hear him approaching.
When she still managed to take him out—a squeak of a sneaker gave him away—he accused her of cheating, which escalated into a big argument, which led to them wrestling and laughing hysterically, which was how James found them. Gage had his arms around her waist from behind, hoisting her off the floor.
James told Gage that it was 'time to go' in that tone.
Alex waited until Gage left before saying anything to her father. They didn't get into any sort of screaming match. It was more like her expressing her annoyance and explaining that they were horsing around. She didn't see what was wrong with that. James tried to pretend he wanted to spend the evening with his daughter, that his reasons for wanting Gage to leave were perfectly legit.
She hadn't believed him.
That was Tuesday. It was now Friday evening.
Nothing had changed as far as 'Operation: Weston' was concerned. But Daddy allowed Gage to come over again. It was nice having Gage there considering he was the only person she dared invite to her home. Before him, she was stuck hanging out in town with the girls on her new hockey team and a few other friendly acquaintances she had met at her new school. She sometimes missed Maggie and Ashley, but not enough to forgive them. She would rather be alone than forgive them. But she'd really rather be with Gage than be alone.
She was hoping James would be too busy tonight with a script his agent sent him to bother them much.
"Pass it," Gage whispered, holding out his hand over his head, not even bothering to turn his head away from the movie to ask.
She grinned and threw a handful of popcorn at his face.
"Not funny," he said, dusting his face off and finding a single piece had fallen into his neck. He tossed it in his mouth then reached out for the bowl again.
"Say 'ah!' she said, smirking, poising her hand to fire another missile.
He gave in and opened his mouth wide.
She took careful aim and tossed the corn, cheering when she made it.
"Woo hoo!"
Gage happened to be taking a breath when the popcorn fell in his mouth, so he ended up coughing violently, struggling to sit up from his awkward position while continuing to hack.
Alex quickly moved the bowl out of the way, wondering why everyone seemed to be choking on their food around her that week, and crawled toward Gage, ready to help prop him up and pound on his back.
He managed to dislodge the corn before she even reached him. He flopped back on the couch again, nearly head butting her. He chewed, grinning up at her. He swallowed and involuntarily coughed again.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she looked down at his upside down face, her hair falling forward. She tucked one side behind her ear and shook her head to the other side to get the rest out of the way, giving up when it just fell again.
"Can't get rid of me that easily," he grinned up at her.
"I'm really sorry," she said feeling guilty.
"Hey, it's alright," his grin relaxed to a soft smile. He reached up and pushed the wayward strands up behind her other ear for her.
She stilled, not expecting the gentle touch. She was shocked to find herself a little breathless when his fingers lingered on the side of her face.
He held his breath, seeing the hesitant look on her face, mixed with one that he had never hoped to see. He didn't want to do anything to ruin the moment, so he didn't move or dare to even breathe.
When she leaned closer to him, he vaguely thought of the upside down Spider-Man kiss that had been spoofed many times since the movie first aired, but then all thoughts scattered when her lips were a hairsbreadth away from his. His entire body was frozen. It was like everything in him had shut down, focusing on nothing but her, and silently screaming for joy.
It felt like an eternity passed, her lips just hovering above his. Maybe he should take that step. Maybe he should raise his head just a little and claim the kiss he'd been wanting since he first realized how much he liked her. But Alex had initiated this exchange, and on some level he wanted her to be the one to do it. This had always been her show anyway. He just came along for the ride.
But she still didn't finish her downward descent. Maybe she was waiting for him to do it. He screwed up his courage and was about to toss all his reservations and kiss her when she pulled away.
His fingers' felt cold, losing their grip on the side of her warm face when she moved, shifting back to her end of the couch before he could even blink.
His hand dropped and he stared at the ceiling blankly. What just happened? Then he flinched and scrambled to a sitting position thinking her father must have come into the room or something.
But, no…James Diamond was nowhere to be found.
Gage looked at Alex who was reaching for the bowl she had tossed to the table before helping him with his choking fit. She didn't appear to be flustered or embarrassed. She seemed downright unmoved actually. She grabbed a handful of popcorn with her right hand and stuffed her mouth, then held the bowl out to him with her left.
He took it slowly, still gazing at her, not knowing what to say. She was acting nonchalant and he was perplexed as hell.
"Alex…" he began, not sure what words would spill out of his mouth.
"Look!" she said, speaking around her popcorn and pointing at the screen. "This is my favorite part!"
Gage gave in and looked at the huge screen in time to see a totally awesome car chase scene. He understood why it was one of her favorites. He could see her taking chances like that, driving like a complete and total maniac but never once crashing. She was the ultimate daredevil, able to accomplish anything, afraid of nothing.
So why did it feel like she was afraid to kiss him?
Alex breathed a huge sigh of relief when Gage finally left.
Awkward didn't even begin to cover the past hour. She figured the best way to avoid what nearly happened was to pretend it didn't happen.
She knew he was confused, but she couldn't worry about that. She was too overwhelmed by her own confusion.
This wasn't supposed to happen. She just wanted a nice, normal friend. She wasn't looking for a boyfriend. She wasn't ready for a boyfriend. She had told her dads until she was blue in the face that Gage was just a friend. So why had she nearly kissed him?
Until tonight, she hadn't even thought of him that way. And ever since that moment, she couldn't seem to stop thinking about him that way.
"You and Gage have a good time?" James asked softly from the den doorway.
He had been on his best behavior tonight after his little mishap on Tuesday. Logan had given him an earful, insisting he had to trust Alex. James didn't see how checking up on her meant he didn't trust her. It was like that saying about lockers. 'Locks keep honest people honest.' And the fact that he could pop into a room at any given time would definitely keep nothing from happening. That was his opinion anyway.
It had taken an astonishing amount of willpower to steer clear of the media room. He was quite proud of himself considering the rude trip down memory lane he got when he saw Gage and Alex on Tuesday. He couldn't help remembering his and Katie's first kiss. They had been chasing each other too, teasing and laughing, before it happened.
He was well aware of how quickly just friends could move on to something else.
Alex nodded her head in answer. She felt even more awkward around him than she'd been around Gage. She had a horrible thought that maybe he somehow knew what had happened. But that wasn't possible. He wouldn't be smiling. And Gage would have been kicked out an hour ago.
"I'm going to bed now," she said quickly, not wanting to be around him until she had a chance to process. She felt skittish, nervous, and guilty. She didn't want him to even guess that something had happened—or almost happened.
James nodded. "Night, sweetie."
"Night, Daddy," Alex said, going to him and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Don't stay up too late."
"Me?" James said, "Psha! Beauty sleep is always key."
Alex forced a grin. Same ole Daddy.
"Argh!" Alex moaned, attempting to throw her covers off. The covers were completely tangled from her tossing and turning for the past two hours.
Her mind was racing, jumping from thoughts of Gage, Daddy, Uncle Carlos, even remembering certain moments with Maggie and Ashley… Then there was Kendall Knight.
Why did her life have to be so different from everyone else's? Why did she have to have a famous father? Why wasn't she allowed to know her cousins? Why couldn't she kiss Gage? Why couldn't she forgive her best friends? Why didn't she have a mother? Why didn't her uncle want her in his life?
He probably thought she killed her mother.
Why not? She thought that.
Alex cringed. She was usually good at not thinking about it. She had every reason to be happy. Her dads, her extended family, they all told her how much they loved her. She knew they were glad she existed. But she couldn't shake this feeling that everyone would have been better off if she was never born.
She rolled her eyes and groaned, wiping an errant tear away. Man, she was being melodramatic tonight. She needed to get over what she couldn't change and sleep!
And yet, sleep wouldn't come.
She cursed herself when she felt another tear gathering in her eye. She willed the tears away. She wished Dad was there. He always knew what to say, even when she didn't tell him what was going on in her head. This was why she hated whenever he left for business trips. She'd been sleeping fitfully all week, but tonight's insomnia was the worst.
She looked at the digital clock next to her bed and silently counted six hours ahead. It was currently one in the morning, so it was seven in the morning in London. Dad might be awake…but it was a Saturday. Maybe he wanted to sleep in, or…
She smacked her cheek when another tear slipped down. She grabbed her ear clip and attached it without thinking twice about it. "Call Dad," she said after flicking the tiny switch on the tiny clip.
The phone rang numerous times, and she crossed her fingers hoping he hadn't turned his cell off while he was sleeping.
"Mmph"
"Dad, you awake?"
"What's wrong?" Logan asked, trying to fully waken when he realized who was on the phone. "Is everyone okay?" His panic rising. Why else would Alex be calling? She knew the time zones and when would be best to call.
"Yes, yes, everyone's okay," she was quick to reassure.
Logan let out a breath of relief. He sat up in bed, reaching for the lamp on the nightstand, wincing when a snap of his fingers created an annoying glare. He decided to turn the light back off. Bright light was too much at this time of the morning on a Saturday.
"It's, like, one there, right?" Logan said. "What's on your mind?"
"I miss you," Alex said in a small voice, glad that her voice didn't sound tearful. In fact, as soon as she heard his voice the tears stopped.
"I miss you too," he said, feeling guilty for leaving her behind. Usually he wasn't gone for this long. Four days had already passed, two days being his usual travel plan. This time he would be gone for a couple weeks. He might even be gone for the month, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to tell her yet. Maybe he could convince James to seriously go for a European summer.
Alex was silent, not sure what she wanted to say. She was just glad to hear his voice and know that he was on the other end, even if she was just listening to him breathe.
"Alex?" Logan asked, waiting for something more. She wouldn't have called this late (or this early) if something wasn't bugging her.
"Papa?" she finally whispered. "Please?"
Logan smiled, his heart melting at the name she hadn't used in years. She only said it now when she was really sad or upset. He knew exactly what she was asking for. Years ago, when he first started his long nights of residency, he hadn't been able to be at home for dinnertime or bedtime. Alex had been so used to him being there, she would throw tantrums for her nanny—and even for James if the actor was home.
After weeks of Alex crying her self to sleep and leaving James and the nanny exhausted beyond belief, Logan finally figured out a way to get her to go to bed without him being home.
So, like clockwork, at seven thirty every evening, no matter what he was doing—even if he was in surgery—he (or an assistant) would call his daughter and put her on speaker.
"Paris, London, Tokyo, just one thing that I gotta do," he began the old song. It had become her personal lullaby.
Alex pulled the covers up, glad they didn't seem as tangled after she flipped them around, and settled back.
"Tuck you in every night on the phone, tuck you in every night."
Alex turned her head into her pillows, finally relaxing completely for the first time all night.
"And I can hardly take another good bye, baby, won't be long,"
She hoped he wouldn't be too much longer in London. What did it matter that he was in the process of developing some new technique to perform dangerous operations more safely? She needed him at home!
"You're the one that I'm waiting on,"
She knew that was illogical. She was proud of everything he had ever done, helping so many people, tons of strangers. She knew that he worked hard to make the life he always dreamed of, and to make her life as happy as he could.
"Tuck you in every night on the phone, Girl, I'll be thinking about you, worldwide, worldwide, worldwide,"
She focused on the lyrics and his voice, feeling all her troublesome thoughts go away.
As he continued through the rest of the song, she fell asleep, her mood and dreams lighter than they'd felt all week.
Alex cringed, jerking away from the high pitch noise, nearly falling out of bed to escape it, but it seemed to follow her.
She smacked her ear and yelped when the clip of her ear piece stabbed her palm.
Oh, that's right. She fell asleep with the ear piece in. And she had completely forgotten to turn it on the silent setting. Judging by the light coming in around her closed bedroom curtains, it was morning. She just wasn't sure how early.
She reached up and pressed the switch, mumbling out a grumpy "Hello."
"Hi, Alex, I want to help you with your problem," a strange female voice said.
Alex cleared her throat and rolled her eyes at the cheerfulness of the voice. "And what problem would that be? Who is this?"
"Weston."
"Who are you?" Alex asked, sitting up. "And what do you know about that?"
"Plenty, and I want to help," the voice said.
"So a strange voice on the phone tells me they want to help me and I'm just supposed to say 'sure, okay, sounds great, when do we meet?' Yeah, right!"
"Alex, I'm… I got your number from Sophie," the voice hesitated. "I'm your aunt. Your Aunt Jo."
"Who?" Alex was pretty sure she'd never heard of her.
"Jo Knight…I'm Kendall's wife."
To be continued…
Next: Part II – Chapter 4.
Video of Alex & Logan: Alex's Lullaby www . youtube watch ? v = KKKz-JZzsVs (remove the spaces)