ZA: NO! Not in my face! Get out of my face!

Moaning Myrtle: What's the matter? Can't stand to be near a ghost?

ZA: I just don't want you trying to make your hand go through my face.

Myrtle: Nobody cares about me! You people have no regard for my feelings at all!

ZA: Of course I don't care about your petty little problems! Just do the disclaimer!

Myrtle: (blows raspberry) Fine. Zsugami Alba does not own Harry Potter or Bleach. Now if you don't mind, I'll be in my toilet. *splash*

ZA: I hate dealing with adolescent spirits. They're just so moody.

"English"

"Japanese"

'Thoughts'

Parseltoungue

Chapter 19: This can't be sanitary.

Ichigo was still snoring for real when Ron, Hermione, and Draco showed up the next morning.

"Haru, we just found the perfect place to-" Hermione was cut off by Haru's hurried shush. "Oh, is your brother sleeping?"

"Sounds like a herd of pigs to me," Draco muttered.

"You should've heard his fake snoring last night," said Haru. "It was even worse."

"Anyway, as I was saying," Hermione continued impatiently, "we found the perfect place to brew the polyjuice."

"If you can tolerate the natives," said Draco. Hermione glared at him, but Ron nodded his head in agreement.

"The natives? Where is this place?" Haru asked.

"The second floor girls' bathroom," said Ron. "And guess what? It's haunted."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "That's why it's the perfect place. No one ever goes in there because they can't stand Moaning Myrtle."

"Moaning Myrtle?" Haru was still confused.

Draco filled him in. "She's some girl who got herself offed a long time ago and is spending her eternity sulking in the U bend of toilet number three. Her name is spot on as she's rather touchy and easily offended. The least little thing sets her to wailing about how unfair the world is and how horribly people treat her. It gets old."

"Well then," said Haru, "we'll just have to bring earmuffs. We can get started after breakfast, I guess, but first I have to talk to my brother about something. Could you give us a few minutes?"

Haru's visitors left the infirmary. Haru turned to Ichigo and, in his best Isshin voice, yelled, "GOOOOOD MOOOOOORNING, ICHIGO!"

Ichigo woke with a start, limbs flailing, and fell off his chair. "What was that for?"

"Dad always says it's the best way to wake you up," Haru said innocently. "Now, answers. You don't have to tell me everything, but I expect you to shed some light on a few things."

Ichigo sighed. "All right, but you won't believe me."

"Try me," said Haru.

With a quick glance around the infirmary, Ichigo said, "Maybe we should have this conversation in Japanese so nobody overhears."

"Fine with me," Haru agreed.

"Some things happened while you were at school last year, and now I sort of have a part-time job. Without pay."

"Without pay? You mean like volunteer work?" Haru asked.

"Well, I'm the only one who can do it, and I was kind of forced into it at the beginning. But now I fight monsters."

"What kind of monsters are we talking about? Aliens? Robots? Gym teachers?"

"More like evil spirits," Ichigo explained. "They're called hollows, and they eat people...and wandering souls."

"Sounds fun. How exactly did you get roped into this?" Haru asked.

"Well, you know how our family can see spirits? No, wait. Let me start again. Rukia-"

"Your weird girlfriend?" Haru interrupted.

"She's not my girlfriend! She's like sixty, or something."

"What?"

"Okay, maybe I should start again," Ichigo sighed. "You see, Rukia is a...hollow hunter. She's actually the spirit of a deceased person, and she uses spirit energy to fight the hollows. I saw her fighting one near our house, and she got injured, and then she kinda stabbed me and gave me her powers so I could finish the job. But that kind of jump started my own innate powers and...now I'm fighting hollows, too."

"Huh. How come everybody can see her if she's a spirit?" Haru asked.

"Oh, she's wearing a gigai. It's a fake body."

"Weird."

"I know, right? So what's up with all this chamber of secrets stuff?"

Haru nodded. "I suppose it's only fair for me to fill you in on my adventures, too."

When Haru had finished telling Ichigo about the chamber and the basilisk and the attacks, the older brother looked worried. "And I thought I had problems. That's it. I'm going to be here every weekend until this thing is over. You need some help."

"What can you do?" Haru asked. "You don't know magic."

"Uh, did you forget my magic sword? I may not have a wand, but I can fight magic with my spirit powers."

"Just make sure you don't destroy the castle in the process," Haru stipulated.

"I didn't even know there was a bathroom here," Haru said, looking around with interest. It didn't appear to be all that different from the boys' bathroom. Of course, he wasn't sure what he expected - flowers by the sinks? Doilies on the backs of the toilets? - but he found himself a tad disappointed.

"Anyone else wondering about its close proximity to Mrs. Norris' unfortunate hanging?" Draco asked the group.

"Could just be a coincidence," said Ron with a shrug.

Hermione looked thoughtful. "If you believe in coincidences," she said. "Here, we'll set things up in the fourth stall."

Once they had completed the beginning steps in the brewing process, Hermione placed the potion under stasis. "Don't forget to order those ingredients from that Japanese supplier," she reminded Haru.

"I've got Ichigo working on that, actually."

"You told him about this?" Draco asked, incredulously.

"It's okay. He won't tell on us. He's got his own secrets to keep. He did wonder if our brewing location was sanitary enough, though."

"It's not as if we have a whole lot of options," Hermione pointed out.

"At any rate, Ichigo said he'd be paying me more weekend visits. I think he wants to keep an eye on me."

Draco looked skeptical. "What can he do? He's not a wizard."

Haru smirked. "You'd be surprised." He told them about Ichigo's destruction of the barrier at King's Cross. "Last night, Dobby was absolutely terrified of him and his powers."

"Dobby?! Did you say Dobby?" Draco shouted in surprise. "What's my father's house elf doing visiting you in the infirmary?"

ZA: And there you are. Ichigo finally, sort of, not completely told Haru. Yes, I do read your reviews, and I delivered in my own good time. Patience, my minions, and your wishes will be granted. If I like them. Tune in next Tuesday.