Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin.

A/N: Hello! This is the first official chapter. Constructive criticism is always welcomed. Thank you for reading and I hope you guys enjoy this! Updates will probably be bi-weekly or maybe more, depending on how busy I am.

This chapter has been edited as of July 7, 2019.

Please don't read any chapters that haven't been marked as edited yet, unless you want to end up re-reading again later!

Act I

Chapter I: What It Means To Live

There were stationary guards present on the dock as soon as the ship anchored itself on the shore. All refugees followed the orders of the stationary guards and dragged their feet off the boat in an organized manner.

A deafening silence hung in the air; not a single soul was willing to speak or make the tiniest of sounds. The hostility that permeated the air only reinforced the discomfort that we were all feeling, but nobody dared to break the tension.

After all, what was there to talk about? The pain? The fear? The sorrow? The loss? The emptiness?

There was no room for conversation; no words could describe what we had just experienced.

The refugees were staring intently at the ground or blankly gazing at the road in front of them as they stumbled through the dock. Indeed, everyone was mulling over the events that just happened.

A glance around me was more than enough for me to realize the casualty count.

Hundreds lost friends, families, comrades, and other important lives to them. Too much blood was shed, and nothing could be done to return it to the way it was. The peaceful lives of the people who lived inside Wall Maria were utterly ruined, destroyed, and cherished into the bottom of every victim's heart.

But with those treasured memories locked inside, the horrifying memories lay hanging outside. As much as anyone wanted to forget about the events, they kept replaying inside their heads.

Not being able to save a loved one.

Losing a friend or family member.

Losing their sanity.

And most importantly…the fear that the next victims would be themselves.

The guards left us stranded at a refugee area, safe beyond the broken Wall Maria. But really, we weren't safe. The memories were bound to haunt us forever until our last breaths.

Perhaps that was even worse than being dead.

I sat down, leaning next to the wall with my head on top of my knee. I curled up, closing my eyes, feeling the familiar urge to escape from this cruel reality.

Where do I even begin combatting this unfair world?

"...Here's your share." A voice broke out. I snapped my eyes open and raised my head to search for the voice source. Armin was back with a piece of bread in his hands. I blinked and slowly took the bread.

"Thanks a lot," I muttered as I bit into the stale and flavorless bread. He smiled a little and nodded.

"What are we supposed to do here?" Eren scowled as he appeared behind Armin, hands on his hips as he glared at our surroundings. "Should we even be sitting still here?"

"Why are you in such a hurry?" Mikasa sighed as she fiddled with her muffler. "It's not like we have anywhere to go after this…"

From the corner of my eyes, I spotted a guard standing behind Armin. There was a look of disdain and annoyance in his eyes. He clicked his tongue once before heading over to join his comrades.

"What the hell was that…?" Eren furrowed his brows, obviously irritated by the man's obvious distaste.

"That's just the way it goes. There probably isn't enough food for everyone. This food is to last us for the entire day. There are just that many refugees and you know how people always look down on us outskirts," Armin frowned as he bit into his piece of bread.

I stared back at the man who was still shooting us occasional sneers. He was staring at us kids like trash, and his eyes were filled with jealousy and anger.

It was no surprise. This world was never forgiving. We all know that it's morally right to give food to the children and elders first, but really, not many could actually do that in reality. After all, everyone wants to survive.

"Che…why do we need to share our resources with these outsiders?" A stationary guard complained loud enough for Eren, Mikasa, Armin, and I to hear. "I mean…the titans broke through their wall anyway so why didn't the titans eat a few more of them?"

Eren walked towards the man with fury in his eyes. Even though Armin was trying to stop him, Eren ignored the poor boy and continued on his way. He stopped right in front of the man and glared up at the stationary guard, who has yet to notice Eren's presence.

Aiming at the guard's legs, Eren landed a kick, and the guard yelped in surprise.

"The heck are you doing, brat?" yelled the guard with a furious glare as he kicked Eren back. The guard beside the first one aimed a knee kick at Eren's back. Eren fell unceremoniously to the ground on his back with a thud.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," started Eren as he sat up with tears welling in his eyes. "You didn't see how the Titans ate people. You have no idea what we've experienced, yet you speak as if you know!"

"W-What did you just say?!" screeched the guard in uncontrollable anger as he stepped closer towards Eren, but before he could have done anything, Armin stepped in between the guard and Eren with his arms spread out.

"Please forgive him! He's just a bit ticked off because of hunger. That's why he's acting like a brat…we're really sorry!" Armin apologized with a small bow.

The guard growled before glancing at the crowding refuges that were staring at him with slight anger in their eyes. "What? What the hell are you filths looking at?" The guard scoffed as he shot a scornful look at the onlookers. "You would've been dead without us. You kids should learn to be more grateful!" The guard mocked us all before he walked away with his friend.

"Yes sir!" yelled Armin in response before turning towards Eren, worried when Eren muttered the word 'dammit'.

Eren pounded his fist into the ground, seething with anger as warm tears flooded down his cheeks. "Fuck!" He swore through gritted teeth, glaring at his own hands fiercely.

"Calm down, Eren." Armin attempted to console his friend, though it was obvious that he was extremely shaken by the guard's scathing words. "It's all going to be okay."

I closed my eyes and sighed. Such empty words.

"Eren...wipe those pathetic tears off your face. Those self-centered bastards aren't worth crying for." Mikasa's calm and collected voice only got on Eren's nerves.

He abruptly whipped his head up and shot a look of disgust at Mikasa. "Doesn't it piss you off?! To hear them say shit like that when they don't even know anything! They couldn't even save us all!"

"You can't really blame them," I found myself uttering absentmindedly. My words immediately caught Eren's attention as he turned his furious glare towards me instead. I met his burning gaze with my own polished, darkened eyes. "To them, we're just normal human beings like everyone else. A few lives aren't going to change anything. In the end, everyone's just doing their best to survive."

"Are you serious?" Eren seemed to be appalled by my opinion, so much that he couldn't help but raise his voice. "So you're saying that it was fine for them to leave us to die?! Just because we couldn't be of any use?!"

"Of course not," I replied in a monotonic and tired voice. "They weren't in our positions, so they don't have any right to treat us like garbage."

"See? So you agree with me!" Eren scoffed with a roll of his eyes as he stood up on both feet. "They didn't have to say it like that."

"But you can't blame them for our weakness, can you?" My words made Eren immediately silent as he froze. "True, they couldn't save us. But who's to blame really? It was our weakness that led to this situation. We couldn't save our loved ones. We couldn't even save ourselves. We lacked the strength to do so, and now, we can only rely on them. It's their food, not ours. In that aspect, they have the right to complain a little, don't they?"

"...You have quite the twisted view of the world, don't you, Rose?" Mikasa stared at me with an indecipherable emotion whirling in her eyes.

I shrugged and shot them a pained, strained smile. "I hear that often. I've just seen the worst of this rotten world. I lost faith in humanity a long time ago. Justice is just a weapon. In the end, it can't save anyone. You have to save yourself."

"...I know that," Eren quietly muttered, turning our attention to him. He had a wistful look in his eyes as he bit his lips in anger, though it was mostly directed towards himself. "I was too weak to even save my own mother."

"Eren, that wasn't your fault—" Armin interjected, but Eren only violently shook his head.

"No, it was our fault. I wasn't strong enough to protect my family." Eren started to shed tears again as he quietly sobbed in frustration. "But even so, I'd rather die than feed off leeches like them. I'll be back inside Wall Maria and kill off all the Titans," muttered Eren as Armin's eyes widened in surprise.

"Eren…you're not serious, are you?" asked Armin, hoping that his friend would reply with a definite no.

"I've never been more serious!" yelled Eren in Armin's face as Armin jumped in shock and took a few steps backward. "I'm not like those people who only act tough when protected by the wall! I don't need this!" Eren howled as he threw his bread at Armin who tried to grab it but failed.

I knelt and caught the bread that bounced off Armin's hands before it fell to the ground and held it protectively with my hands.

"It's impossible! Nothing can defeat them! Our only choice is to live inside the walls. If you do anything rash, you'll die the same way my parents did," Armin protested as he raised his voice.

"So that's why you're sucking up to those people?! Do you have no shame?" Eren snapped back.

"That's all we can do right now!" Armin retorted as hot tears started to flow from his eyes as well.

"That's just an excuse! Then continue living like livestock, you weak piece of shit!"

*THWACK*

A blur of black rushed past my face as I saw Eren's body drop to the ground. Eren blinked as he placed his hand onto his cheek that was reddening from the force of Mikasa's punch. In disbelief, Eren gaped as he sat there on the ground.

"If Armin's weak, then so are you and I. You said it yourself, didn't you? We couldn't even escape the Titans or leave the city by ourselves. Even the food we eat is from someone else. There's no chance of us weaklings taking down even one Titan right now. What's important is staying alive, just as your mother said," softly explained Mikasa as she walked towards Eren, glancing at me once before taking the bread from my hand. "We know you want to fight. We know we are capable of fighting. But not now, Eren. Right now, we need to survive."

Eren sat up and opened his mouth to give a rebuttal, but before he knew it, Mikasa shoved the stale bread into his mouth, jamming it down his throat.

"Eat. Eat it. I won't let you starve to death," said Mikasa as she pushed the bread further into his mouth before letting the bread go. Eren just munched and gulped the bread down as angry tears continued to flow out of his swollen eyes.

I only stared blankly at them from my seat next to a pillar.

A few days later, all of us refugees were all sent to cultivate the land and to secure food, but that didn't help the food shortage problem. In the following year, the Central Government launched a campaign to retake Wall Maria using the refugees.

There were three hundred fifty thousands of them; it was one-fifth of the total population. But in the end, only about a hundred survived and came back. With their sacrifices, the food shortage improved, albeit a little, for those who had survived.

Armin was shedding silent tears, while his hand held a straw hat from one of the refugees whom he had grown attached to.

That refugee had died. He offered his life for humanity and completed his duty.

"It's all the titan's fault. If only we could defeat them, we would regain our place in this world," started Eren as he sat down next to Armin, who was wiping his sad tears with the sleeves of his shirt.

"Again, with that talk?" I rolled my eyes. "That's all you've been blabbing about this entire time."

"But you agree with me, don't you? I heard you loud and clear on that boat. I know you want to fight too." Eren turned his head towards me and shot me a knowing look.

"Life has always been a battle for me. This is just the biggest one I've gone through yet," I replied with a shrug.

"...I don't understand." Armin shook his head, laughing dryly at our conversation. "Why? Why are you two choosing to fight? What can we do against those titans? They'll slaughter us all."

There was no brilliance in his eyes. He had already succumbed to his fate.

He didn't want to live.

"I told you before that you saved me, right?" I found myself speaking before I could stop myself.

Eren jolted up from his seat, unprepared for my sudden attention towards him. "Oh yeah, now that you mention it, you did say something like that. I have no idea what you mean, though."

I shifted myself into a comfortable position, crossing my legs as I looked at the three of them. "Do you guys want to hear a boring story?"

"Uh, why not? It's not like we have anything better to do." Eren raised an eyebrow and waved his hand casually in the air.

Mikasa didn't reply, but since she was watching me from the sidelines, I assumed that she was listening.

"...I don't have parents," I dropped the bombshell casually in a calm manner as if I was talking about the weather.

Armin choked on thin air, surprised at my sudden confession. Eren's eyes widened imperceptibly, lips tightening. Mikasa continued to stare at me, expressionless.

"Well, to be more exact, I don't know who they are." I crossed my arms, staring off into the distance. "When I came to, I was already lying there alone in the streets of Shiganshina."

There was an awkward moment of silence as I organized my thoughts inside my head. Armin and Eren just stared at each other, unsure of how to react.

"Maybe that's why I understood a little bit what that soldier was saying," I reminisced back to my younger days. "Because I was also striving to survive on the streets, stealing scraps from random strangers, wandering aimlessly to find a place to live."

"...I'm sorry," Armin suddenly apologized. "I didn't know—"

"Don't pity me," I immediately interjected, recognizing the emotions swirling in his eyes. "That's the last thing I ever need."

"Oh, uh, sorry!" Armin suddenly bowed, banging his head onto the ground. With a yelp, he lifted his head and groaned. There were tears prickling at the corner of his eyes as he assessed the damage with his hands.

Eren and Mikasa gave each other a look before they started laughing.

"Man, that was so uncool. Way to break the tension, Armin!" Eren started to guffaw loudly, clutching his stomach.

Mikasa only smiled from the sidelines, amused by Armin's actions.

"S-Sorry," Armin sheepishly rubbed his forehead, laughing softly at his clumsy actions.

"Nah, don't be." I found myself soon smiling with them. Laughter was contagious, after all. "It's a depressing story, so it's fine if you don't want to listen."

"It's fine, no worries. Keep on going." Eren gave me a reassuring grin.

"You probably wanted someone to listen to your story," Mikasa suddenly spoke up, making me flinch at her spot-on analysis. "So it's okay to talk, Rose."

"There's not much more to my story," I continued. "But there was something that I realized after living so desperately for so long."

I paused before I dropped the second bombshell of that day. "That I was getting tired of living."

The three of them didn't comment. I was thankful that they were listening intently to my words without batting an eye or losing focus.

"I struggled to live my entire life so far, and I think there was a part of me that realized how my situation wasn't going to get any better — that all I could do was just try and live," I carried on, spilling out my innermost hidden feelings. "But then it hit me: what was the point of living? Why did I have to struggle to live for another day? What was the point of my struggling, when nothing will ever get better?"

"It was when I gave up on everything that the Colossal Titan broke through Wall Maria," I clenched my fists as I remembered back to the tragedy that occurred. "It's funny. I thought I had given up on living, but as soon as I saw those Titans roaming around, I couldn't bring myself to die. For the first time, I truly wanted to live. Quite the hypocrite, aren't I?" I dryly laughed at myself.

"...Isn't it fine?" Mikasa spoke up, turning my attention towards her. "It's never too late to start living. People change all the time."

"Well, that's basically why I wanted to thank you, Eren." I gave him a warm smile. "Because you reminded me that maybe, being alive was more than enough. Maybe we don't need to have a purpose in life. As long as we're breathing, things can change."

"Oh, uh, n-no problem," Eren's face slightly turned red in embarrassment as he laughed awkwardly.

"Now who's acting all awkward, hm?" Armin couldn't help but tease his friend.

"Oh, shut up," Eren scoffed and jabbed his shoulder into Armin's stomach. "Then I guess it's decided. You guys probably suspected this already, but I'm thinking of joining military training next year."

"We know already," Armin laughed softly and landed a reassuring hand on Eren's shoulder. Eren stiffened at the sudden contact, eyebrows furrowing at Armin in confusion. Armin took a deep breath, resolving himself. "We're all joining together, Eren."

Eren openly gaped at Armin, eyes quivering in pure shock. It was clear that he was not used to seeing a brave and confident Armin. Mikasa secretly stifled a laugh at Eren's dumbfounded look. "I'll be there to ensure your safety, Eren. We're going to all survive together," Mikasa declared as Eren's eyes bulged comically out of their sockets.

"W-What the hell, you guys? Just a few moments ago, you guys were all ganging up on me, telling me that I was crazy for fighting against the Titans!" Eren was flabbergasted at his friends' sudden change in attitude. "You guys don't have to follow along with my whims, you know?"

"What are you talking about, Eren?" Armin sighed, shaking his head in disapproval. "We've always been in the same boat, and we don't plan on leaving any time soon."

"Well, it's a leaky as hell boat, but who cares?" Mikasa shot a teasing remark, a wry smirk hanging on her lips.

Eren only rolled his eyes in response, scoffing out loud. "Wow, thanks for the amazing support. You guys are such great friends." Eren's words were dripping with sarcasm, but there was no harmful intention behind it.

"What about you, Rose?" Armin turned his head towards me, eyes somewhat hopeful. "Are you going to join us too?"

The three of them waited patiently for my answer. I leaned my head back against the wall and lifted my head up.

The sky was dappled by the serene, light and fluffy clouds that floated without a care in the world. In the distance, there were sounds of birds chirping, alerting us to daybreak. I found myself wondering if anyone noticed how beautiful the sky was today with its brilliant blue. I wondered if anyone noticed how peaceful things seemed to be above — how the golden rays enveloped us with warmth.

Perhaps it was time to stop wallowing in despair when there was such a beautiful day awaiting us.

For the first time in my life, I was given a choice. Living was no longer just a daily chore. It was a choice I could make.

And who'd be dumb enough to not take this chance?

"The answer's obvious," I broke into a full-fledged grin, turning to meet Eren, Mikasa, and Armin's expectant, yet knowing gaze. "Of course, I'm all in."

It's time to start living.