Chapter 31AE

'New Younglings, Odd Names'

'The League of Inebriated Gentlemen'

'No Galaxy for Old Jedi'

'Jedi Maul Cop - Dusk til Dawn'

'Vader Knows Best'

Meanwhile, Isabel and Aunt Bunny arrive at the house after first dropping Kris off at the Jedi Temple.

Isabel sets her purse on the table.

"Where is everyone? Anakin? No droids."

"They probably went to the office, Sug."

"I thought we could have you and Ben over for dinner. Where is that man? It's been a while since we all got together."

"I know, Sug, but Obie and I are going out for drinks tonight. Let's get together some other time."

The doorbell rings.

"That's probably him right now. "

Isabel opens the door. Obi-Wan walks in and smiles.

"Good afternoon, Isabel."

"Good afternoon, General."

"Anakin has not called you yet, I see."

"No, he hasn't."

"Well, good news. He is with Leia at the hospital."

"What?"

"I'll drive you."

"I have a speeder. You and Bunny can go on your date."

"I will drive you, I insist."

Isabel grabs her handbag and follows Bunny and Obi-Wan out of the house.

"What has he been telling you?"

Obi-Wan responds in his typical diplomatic manner.

"I am sure you have a spotless driving record, Isabel."

Isabel knows that Anakin talks about her driving all the time. It is insulting. She has not received a ticket in all the years they have been married. What Galactic traffic cop is going to issue a ticket to the wife of the Dark Lord?

Obi-Wan opens the speeder for the ladies.

Shall we?"

Bunny folds her arms as she walks to the speeder.

"Sug, does this mean we're not going out tonight?"

Meanwhile, back at the hospital, not all is well. There is a commotion in the delivery room. A nurse tries to reason with the patient and her father.

"Mr. Skywalker, you've been through this several times. You should be used to this by now."

"I'm not doing it. Where's her husband?"

Leia chimes in as she lifts her head from the pillow.

"You know what? I don't need him. Get him out of here; he's useless!"

"What?"

"You weren't here for me years ago so there's no need for you to be here now!"

"Don't start bringing up ancient history, Missy!"

The hospital staff hurry out of the room and watch the fireworks through the glass door.

Across town, another fight has broken out in the control room at the spaceport.

General Han Solo exchanges gunfire with several storm troopers. A young naval officer enters and immediately runs for cover behind a console. He feels blaster shots whiz pass his right temple and places his hand over his cap.

"General Solo! General Solo, I have a message for you!" Blaster shots continue to ricochet around him.

"Not, now, I'm busy here!" Han Solo shoots several more rounds. The officer crawls to the corner of the console.

"But, General, I have an urgent message…please…"

"I said…not…now!"

"Your wife is at the hospital…I'm supposed to tell you leave immediately!" He cowers behind an open utility cabinet door under the console.

The blasts from the weapons exchange die down. Han lowers his firearm to his side. He turns and walks towards the cowering officer grabbing the frightened man by the collar.

"Why didn't you say so? Is everyone in this 'effing' place a moron?"

The office is not sure if Han wants an answer.

"Uhm…"

"Outta my way!"

Back at the hospital.

Anakin is unceremoniously tossed out of the delivery room when Isabel, Obi-Wan and Bunny arrive. Isabel sets her handbag on a chair and walks over to her husband who is leaning against a wall in the waiting area. He has his arms folded across his chest and looks more pitiful than angry. Two storm troopers stand at attention nearby. Isabel purses her lips then gently touches Anakin's face. She knows something has gone terribly wrong.

"What happened? You look as if someone stole your speeder."

"That Leia is so ungrateful. I was trying to help. She doesn't care who she hurts."

"You know, you're not the easiest person to live with, Anakin."

"Who said anything about living with me?"

"All I am saying is that you need to learn to get along with others."

"Oh, so you're against me too. Isabel?"

"No…I'm saying that you could stop thinking about yourself for once and listen to how other people are feeling." She glances at the stormtroopers."

"Why are they here?"

"That wasn't me. Leia summoned them here to remove me from the building. Do you 'effing' believe that? She's commandeered two of my guards! She has some voodoo spell over them. What's this galaxy coming to? Is nothing sacred?"

Isabel mocks him.

"Shocking. Come on, let's take a walk."

The couple are in the hospital commissary having Bimmisaari tea. After claiming that he is too depressed to eat, Anakin chows down a roast duck sub. Isabel watches with amazement as Anakin devours the huge sandwich.

"Better?"

Anakin nods as he uses the last piece of the baguette to sop up the remaining remnants of the mushroom onion and gravy and pops it into his mouth. He nods sadly.

"So-so."

"Anakin, it's not the end of the world."

"Sure feels like it." He munches on the side order of taro chips then dabs his mouth with a napkin.

"Come on, big guy. Let's get back upstairs."

They return to the waiting area on the maternity floor. Han emerges from the delivery room jubilant and ready to talk.

"It's twins folks!"

Anakin rolls his eyes.

"We already knew that." Isabel elbows him. "Ouch!"

Obi-Wan applauds with joy.

"It's a wonderful day to be a Jedi! I bought a magnum of champagne."

Anakin whispers to himself.

"Figures."

Han walks over to Anakin after sharing hugs and kisses from everyone.

"Can I see you for a sec?"

"Say what's on your mind already. I know you want to gloat."

"Just follow me."

Anakin sulks as he follows Han through the sliding glass doors. Han reaches in a bassinet and lifts a swaddled newborn in his arms. He turns to Anakin who looks defeated.

"So, you want to hold him or not?"

Anakin does not like Han's tone but steps forward ready to receive the bundle.

"You can't hold two, so why not?"

"Don't drop him."

"I know how to hold a baby. I have six kids, you know." He takes the baby and opens the blanket to inspect the youngling. "So, does this kid have a name?"

Han takes the other baby. The Dark Lord and nerfherder face-off.

"You're holding Jacen and this is Jaina."

Anakin holds back a laugh.

"What? You're 'effing' with me, right? Who made up those names?"

"Don't start."

Anakin rolls his eyes.

A few minutes pass before Anakin walks out to the waiting room with tiny Jacen. A silly smile creeps across his face as if he just illegally caught a trout from the Solleu River.

"Hey, look what I've got."

Everyone gathers around to get a glimpse of the baby. Obi-Wan chimes as he pats Anakin on the back.

"You make a stellar grandfather, Anakin."

Anakin says nothing for a moment. Isabel is afraid he will be offended after complaining for the past nine months about his new role as that horrible 'G' word. Finally he speaks.

"Of course I do!"

Han stands behind Anakin. He cradles little Jaina in his arms.

"Leia wants to see you."

"Oh, she does, eh?"

After reluctantly posing for a few holo-graphs, he hands the baby to Isabel. Anakin checks his reflection in the glass door adjacent to the delivery room. Satisfied that he looks great, Anakin continues inside to see Leia.

Anakin knocks before he sheepishly steps into the room, hoping that Leia has forgotten about his embarrassing behavior earlier. He snaps his fingers and gingerly makes his way to her bedside. It is an awkward moment.

"Hey, sweet pea…what's up?"

"Are you done acting like a fool?"

"That depends…are you still bantha-crazy?"

"I'm too tired to be mad. Are you happy, Daddy?"

"Of course I'm happy. I'm happy I'm not responsible for two more mouths to feed."

"I think Han and I will do just fine."

"Hmmm…"

Leia stares at him suspiciously.

"What?"

"So…have the epidural side-effects worn off yet? I mean…so you can give those kids decent names?"

"Those 'are' decent names!" Leia is visibly insulted.

"Aww, come on, are you joking me?" Anakin sees she is not amused and figures he had better change the subject.

"Anyhoo... You did a good job, sweet pea. The kids look better than I thought they would. I'm proud of you."

"Um…thanks…I think…"

Anakin leans over and gives his daughter warm fatherly hug. He feels a dark presence. Someone is watching them. It is Ruwee and Jobal Naberrie. They approach the left side of Leia's bed.

"Leia, dear! Congratulations! The babies are absolutely beautiful!"

Anakin whispers in her ear.

"Want me to get rid of them? Just say the word…One wave of my hand and it's a done deal."

"It's okay, Daddy."

"'Cause I'll be right outside…I'm here for you."

"I'll be fine…Go before you piss me off again. Love you."

"Okay…love you back…"

Jobal and Ruwee greet Anakin before he leaves the room. Ruwee shakes Anakin's hand.

"Hello, Anakin. We are truly blessed today. Two beautiful bundles of joy!"

"Yep!"

"Congratulations all around! Grandparents, great-grandparents! It's a miracle!"

Anakin forces an exaggerated smile.

"I'm ecstatic! I'll be outside celebrating with that big-ass bottle of champagne Obi-Wan brought with him."

Jobal and Ruwee giggle nervously not sure what Anakin means but they are overjoyed to see Leia and the babies so they quickly dismiss his comments. Anakin leaves the room only to see two more of his least favorite in-laws, James and Sabrina Solo. They are both dressed as if they are going to a cocktail party. Sabrina is in a black cocktail dress and pearls. Professor Solo is in a black dinner jacket.

Anakin cannot wait to comment.

"What's all this?"

"Hello, Anakin. How does it feel to be a grandfather?"

"I was about to let it sink in and then I came out here."

"Junior was telling us that you drove Leia here and almost witnessed the birth."

"Yeah, I dodged a bullet on that one."

"Did you hear the names they gave those poor brats?"

"Don't remind me."

"Makes you want to drink."

Han overhears them.

"I heard that, Dad."

"Junior, let's discuss this."

"No, Dad. I'm going in to see Leia."

Sabrina Solo follows Han.

"I'll go with you, Darling. Isabel, Bunny, let's see the new mother!" Isabel and Bunny join her to visit Leia.

Luke and Mara arrive. As soon as they hear that the Naberrie's are with Leia, they head for the elevator. They do not want to answer questions about starting a family of their own. Anakin sees them as they try to make a run for it.

"Luke, get back here and go congratulate your sister."

"Dad, there are so many people in the room…we'll stop by tomorrow."

"There will be plenty of room. I'll be leaving in a minute."

Artoo and Threepio arrive on the floor. They enter one of the delivery rooms in error. There are screams. Several nurses chase out the two droids. The duo eventually finds their way to the waiting area. Anakin looks at them.

"Where have you two been?"

"The staff here is not helpful at all. We got lost… and I saw the most frightening thing. I'm going to have nightmares for the next several months! This gruesome-looking alien emerged from the patient's body…it was dreadful, master." Artoo corrects the protocol droid. Threepio hurls an insult at Artoo. "Well, if you didn't take that detour to talk to that AOD, we would have been here hours ago, you rusty barbecue grill!" Anakin has had enough of their bickering.

"Shut-up! Threepio, I have a job for you."

"Of course, Master. What is it that you need me do, sir?"

"You will be my designated driver tonight."

"Uhm…in your speeder, sir?"

"Yes."

You mean the one that was recently detailed?…the one you forbid your wife to drive?"

"Yes! Move it!" Anakin turns to Professor Solo and Obi-Wan Kenobi. "Gentlemen, are you ready?"

Luke walks over to his father.

"Can I go with you?"

"Hell no! I want to have a good time."

"I can be fun. Where are you going?"

Obi-Wan follows Anakin and Professor Solo down the corridor. He is still holding the magnum of champagne. There is a gleeful smile on his face as he winks at Luke.

"We're going for a little drink." Obi-Wan pats Luke gently on the shoulder.

Isabel, Bunny, and Sabrina emerge from the hospital room only to discover that their husbands are gone. Artoo finds himself in an awkward position trying to explain the disappearance of the three men.

Things eventually settle down and visiting hours are over. Han and Leia bid goodnight to the remaining family members. The only speeder left in the lot belongs to Obi-Wan and it is locked. Luckily, Sabrina Solo arrived in a Limousine. They are furious with their husbands and return home in the limousine.

The men hunker down in the Jedi Temple Courtyard drinking champagne from hospital specimen cups. They grumble about the happenings of the day.

"Do you, 'effing' believe the names they gave those kids?"

"Whatever happened to honoring the father? James Bond Henry Jones Solo…what do they name the kid?"

"Jaywalk or some such rubbish!"

"Obi-Wan is a perfectly good name."

"No it's not, you drunken basterd!"

"We're all drunk!"

"Cheers to that! Hahahaha!"

"Could be worse…kid could have been named Indiana."

"Wha?"

"Listen, Skywalker, it's a different age. Kids aren't the traditionalists we were at their age. A name stood for something back then. Now they just make them up as they go…name mash-ups so ghastly you would think they're talking about a surgical procedure or an animal.

"Anything left in that bottle?"

Obi-Wan eyeballs the contents, tilting it up towards one of the lamps in the Jedi plaza. He places the opening of the bottle to his lips and drinks. He stops, holds the bottle up to the light again.

"Nope! All gone."

Professor Solo looks up at the night sky.

"So, is that droid of yours competent enough to drive us home?"

Anakin laughs.

"Hell no. The speeder is on autopilot. I just want him to think he's driving so he doesn't blab to my wife." Anakin stands up to stretch his legs when he sees someone in the distance. "Shh…someone is coming…"

Obi-Wan cradles the bottle as if it were a baby.

"Who is it?"

Anakin hears keys and sees a beam of light in the distance. A mischievous smile creeps across his face. He whispers to the others.

"It's a guard! Hey! Let's have some fun."

A uniformed guard walks onto the plaza and raises his flashlight. He can see three figures in the distance. He slows down.

"Hello? The plaza is closed…It opens tomorrow morning at 7 o'clock…so…if you'll be on your way…"

The guard's name is Eb Dawson. He is a tall fellow with sandy blond hair parted on the side, blue eyes, and a perpetual smile. The trousers of his guard uniform are a few inches too short, exposing his white socks.

Eb gets closer and moves his flashlight from one figure to the next. He suddenly recognizes one of the men.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi? Is that you on the bench?"

"Yep! Tis I. How are you, Eb?"

"Just fine, General Kenobi…I sure am glad to see you!"

"Tell me, young Eb, what brings you out this time of night?'

"Oh, the guys in security said the nightshift gives me a better chance for a promotion. They said the sky's the limit and if I work hard, I could wind up on the Jedi Council. They're a nice bunch of fellas. Everyone's been so helpful since I came up here to work."

"Eb holds the flashlight on Anakin. "Oh, Hey, Mr. Skywalker. Haven't seen you around these parts in a while."

"Do I know you?"

"I'm Eb Dawson…you hit me with your speeder by accident a few years ago on Tatooine. I was the podracer mechanic at Mos Espa. Remember me?"

"That depends. Did I hurt you?"

"Oh, no, sir. Your son Luke pushed me out of the way just in time...my tool kit got kinda banged up though."

"Oh, that's too bad."

"No harm done! That's how I got this spiffy job! That son of yours has connections. This is a long way from Mos Espa, although sometimes I miss being at the raceway."

Eb sees Professor Solo sitting on the bench. Solo is shielding his eyes from the glare of Eb's flashlight.

"Geez, who's that?"

An inebriated Professor Solo begins yelling profanities at the security guard.

"Will you stop shining that torch in my face you blasted idiot!"

Obi-Wan makes the introductions.

"Eb, this is our friend, the esteemed Professor Solo. Professor, this is Eb."

Eb offers his hand but Professor Solo nods instead. Eb tips his guard hat thinking it is protocol.

"Top of the evening to ya, Professor. Didn't mean to make you so esteemed."

Solo stands beside Obi-Wan and whispers to him.

"Is he for real? This is a guardian of peace and justice? The Jedi Oder is in worse shape than I thought."

"He's not a Jedi, just a good-natured park guard."

"No powers?"

"No powers."

"Then why are we answering to him for? Let's kick his ass!"

"No…Eb's alright. The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded."

"Folks on Tatooine used to call be professor 'cause I was always coming up with new ideas and stuff." Eb remembers that he has a job to do. "Sorry, gentlemen but the plaza and courtyard are closed. States here…" Eb take out a data card listing the rules and regulations for Jedi Temple Security staff. "Okay, here it is…code 10-70 'No visitors allowed in public space between dusk and dawn'…or is that a 10-54? Oh, 10-54 is Meer rat in roadway! I get those mixed up all the time. Life is a lot different here is the big city. Oh, so anyway, sir, professor, General Kenobi, the plaza is closed."

Anakin rolls his eyes.

"If it's a public space, it's legal."

"I-don't know about that, Mr. Skywalker. It specifically says here no visitors from dusk to dawn. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Solo whispers to Obi-Wan.

"So much for 'influence on the weak-minded.' Persistent little bugger."

Obi-Wan waves his hand across Eb's face.

"There is no one in the guard booth. You should go."

In trance-like voice, Eb speaks:

"I forgot. The guard booth is empty. I should go."

Eb turns to leave. Anakin and Solo are easily amused. Eb heads to the booth at the front gate. Suddenly he stops halfway down the path and turns around. He walks back to the three men. They stare at him, dumbfounded.

"You really have to leave. Come back at 7 o'clock tomorrow morning you must. Coffee you need."

Anakin is confused for a moment.

"What the 'efff…?"

Eb is still in a trance. Suddenly a small dark shadow appears a few meters behind Eb. Anakin grabs the flashlight from Eb's hand. The figure speeds up. Something is making a tapping sound against the stone walkway. Professor Solo pulls a blaster from inside his dinner jacket and is ready to fire.

"What in the blazes is it?"

A terse voice answers.

"Put that away, need it you do not!"

Anakin throws his arms in the air.

"Noo! Do you have to ruin everyone's fun? When do you sleep, you old buzzard?"

Master Yoda leans on his gimmer stick and glances up at Anakin.

"No matter it makes to you, Anakin Skywalker. Look at yourselves, fueled with alcohol you all are."

Obi-Wan smiles.

"Master Yoda, so good to see you. What brings you out this time of night, old friend?"

"First grandchildren born today and you celebrate by drinking?"

Anakin thinks this is a ridiculous question.

"Uhm…yah!"

Professor Solo bows.

"We, Master Yodel, are the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen…at your service."

Anakin corrects him.

"It's 'Yoda'. He gets ticked off when people mispronounce his name."

"What difference does it make? He doesn't even use proper syntax!"

Obi-Wan laughs hysterically and slaps his knee. He drops the empty champagne bottle.

"Oops!"

Professor Solo looks down in horror at the sparkling shards of glass on the dark ground. It is as if a holy grail had been lost in a deep crevasse.

"You drunken crazy Jedi! You broke our champagne!"

Obi-Wan laughs.

"No…just the bottle."

Anakin looks at the mess they have made.

"I'll clean it up. Don't wanna make Master Yoda mad." He giggles. "(Sigh)…sorry."

Anakin grabs a recycling bin and scoops up pieces of the broken bottle.

Yoda gives the men one last disapproving scowl then leads them to the exit gate. Eb tips his hat. He is still under Yoda's influence.

"Coffee you need. Sober up. Great responsibilities you have."

Professor Solo shoves Eb who stubbles a bit.

"Ahhh, shut up!"

Eb and Yoda are alone at the gate. Eb comes out of his trance and rubs his forehead.

"I feel mighty dizzy all of a sudden. I think I'm gonna be sick."

Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Professor Solo return to the speeder. Threepio wakes up from sleep mode.

"Oh! Goodness gracious me! What happened?"

Anakin waves his hand.

"Drive!"

They stop at Dex's Diner for coffee. The night shift crews from the surrounding factories have come in for their break. Anakin is slowly sobering up but he looks sad.

"Okay, I'm officially depressed. I can't be a grandfather!" He buries his face in his arms at the table. Obi-Wan pats him on the back.

"There…there. You're an old fool like us now."

"Speak for yourself!"

Dex walks over to their table. So, gentlemen, how's it going? Tied one on tonight, eh? Heard the good news. Congratulations are in order." He eyes Anakin who is having one of his childlike meltdowns. His head is still on the table. Dex turns his attention to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan hints to Dex not to bring up the birth of the twins then smiles at the diner manager.

"Growing pains."

"Been thirty years…you would have thought by now…"

"He'll be fine." Obi-Wan looks around. The diner is brighter and cleaner than he remembers. "Place looks great. What happened?"

"Oh…someone called the health department. Next thing you know, I had to close down for three weeks to remodel."

"I noticed you finally got an 'A' rating…impressive."

"Yeah, I'm as busy as ever, but now, I've got all the hoity-toity officers from the Military Headquarters stopping in for lunch. It's pushing out my regulars."

"Pity."

"This place used to have character. I was getting write-ups every week in the tabloids. I was on the top ten list of riskiest eateries to visit. The diner was featured in an issue of 'Extreme Adventures' holo-mag. Tourists from as far away as Utapau came just for the experience. Now I get moms, nannies and the younglings for weekday and weekend brunch."

"Tragic."

"Who would destroy my business like this? It had ambiance."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, we'll sneeze in the sugar dispenser."

"What sugar dispenser? The new health code says I have to offer the stuff in packets!"

Professor Solo reads the menu.

"How's the pie here?"

Dex looks at Solo, who is overdressed, even for the newly renovated diner.

"It's actually pretty good. Never realized fresh fruit could taste so good. Got a new supplier. Don't have everything listed on the menu though."

"What do you have?"

"Let's see…All-Almakian apple pie, Co-Co town chocolate cream pie, Zoochberry pie, Wasaka berry pie, and Dirty blackbottom lemon chiffon pie."

"The blackbottom is chocolate I presume?"

"No, just blackbottom."

"I'll have the apple pie."

"Coming right up, Professor. How about you, General Kenobi?"

"Hmmm…Wasaka berry sounds good...with whipped cream."

"Yes, sir."

Obi-Wan leans over to whisper in Dex's ear.

"Top it with some 'extract.'"

"Whyrren's Reserve or the house hooch?"

"Whyrren's if you have it." Obi-Wan winks.

"You got it." Dex looks at Anakin who still appears despondent. "Can I get you anything, Mr. Skywalker?"

"Nothing for me, thanks."

A waitress arrives at their table with the order. Anakin watches his friends eat their pie. He reaches over to the next table where four burly factory works are enjoying a meal. He grabs a stray fork and uses it to sample Obi-Wan's Wasaka berry pie. Obi-Wan watches as Anakin finishes the pie.

"Sure you don't want anything, Anakin?"

"No…I'm too depressed…well maybe a little something."

Obi-Wan summons the waitress. He orders another slice of Wasaka berry and Zoochberry à la mode and another round of coffee. Anakin pops a forkful of the pie in his mouth. He lets the plump berries settle on his tongue. The fresh sweet juices almost bring a smile to his face. The dessert does take the edge off a difficult day.

After sampling a few of the other pie selections, they decide it is time to leave. Anakin pays the tab and they return to the speeder. Threepio is in the driver's seat where they left him.

Anakin arrives home after dropping off Professor Solo and Obi-Wan. The house is quiet. He expects to get an earful from Isabel after abandoning her at the hospital. He goes upstairs and notices the door to Kris's room is ajar. He steps inside and sits across from him on the other bed.

"Why are you up so late?"

"I needed a glass of water." He yawns.

"Is your mother mad?"

"She was for awhile and then she said she could only handle one 12-year old in the house so I figured she meant me."

"I know I'm impossible sometimes."

"Come on, Dad, you're impossible all of the time…but I love you anyway."

"Thanks."

"Gee, I'm sure glad I'm not the youngest in the family anymore. Maybe all the unwanted attention I've been getting will go away. Hey…now that I'm an uncle, can I boss the twins around…when they're old enough to get into trouble I mean."

"No…you're still on the hot seat, pal." Anakin stands and stretches. "Sorry."

"Awww, man…"

"Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay."

"I love you." Anakin leans over and kisses his son on the forehead then switches off the lamp.

"I love you too, Dad."

Anakin goes downstairs and stands on the terrace. He is not ready to confront Isabel just yet. Two stars stand out in the night sky as the brightest.

"This is a good night after all." He reaches in his lapel pocket and looks at a holograph. With all the chaos going on in the hospital, he cannot remember when anyone was able to get the family together for this image. The Skywalkers, Naberries, the Solo Family, and Obi-Wan are together. It is truly a miracle! He makes a good-looking grandfather! He'll get a better frame tomorrow so he can put it on his desk at the office.

'Congratulations, Anakin.'

"Thanks, Qui-Gon."